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‘Excuse me,’ is a bad word
Posted Date: 03 Feb 2008 Resource Type: Articles/Knowledge Sharing Category: General
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Posted By: Sushil Kumar Patial Member Level: Gold
Rating:  Points: 5
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As I was going through the past two months papers (for sale), I was struck by the anger in our world. But, I was truly horrified at the number of headlines like, “After Gurgaon, MP boy shot dead by senior.”
The story (stories) are well-known to bear any repetition here. But what seems shocking is that these were no schoolboy tantrums. They are very adult crimes carried out in cold blood with very adult weapons.
What seems to be the root cause of the numerous campus murders reported as front-page news. Pent up hate and anger stored for use in cold blood? Lack of self-control?
Or the indulgence and carelessness of parents? Like leaving loaded pistols lying unlocked. Permitting the use of fast, powerful cars in the unsafe hours of the night.
One thing that worries me is how was this anger or lack of self-control nurtured. The factors in today’s world are complex. The lurid press, which is carelessly left around.
The constant pressure of a commercial world. (eg. YZX Royale is special. To match the special person in you.) Parents, overwhelmed by malls and peer group pressures of their little girls and boys.
It has become parentally incorrect to use what used to be a fairly standard reply in our youth. “Daddy can I have 25 paise for an ice cream?” “NO!” or “Not now, papu.”
At dinner table request for things were preceded by “please” and succeeded by “thank you”, (If not, the dish wasn’t passed. And if the “thank you” wasn’t said, it was quickly removed.) Not nowadays.
The other evening, I was talking to a friend with constant interruptions from his six-year-old daughter. Each time, I waited in silence, but the sixth time I quietly suggested, “I’m talking to daddy now. If you need to talk to him can you say ‘excuse me’ before you interrupt.”
Daddy was outraged. “She is my daughter, so why should she have to say ‘excuse me’ to anybody, if she wants to talk to her daddy she just can.” Maybe he is right. But in silence, I was thinking of an incident many years ago.
My six-year-old friend “Chunchi” was having a tantrum of no ordinary dimension. Just a moment before the other visitors had been in raptures about him.
“Children are so cute, so innocent.” But there were three children and only one car, Chunchi’s and they all wanted it. Chunchi wouldn’t share. He threw a tantrum. The lady made ineffective pacifying sounds.
Chunchi’s father, a psychologist, intervened. “Don’t underestimate the potential fury of a child, in a fit of rage. He would kill if he had the physical strength. Right now, he’s not just screaming, he’s probably screaming murder.”
One thing is clear. Modern children feel (or are being thought to feel) that to be refused anything is a violation of their personal rights. Good behaviour and any form of self-restraint are a provocation to tantrums, uncontrolled fury and, “God forbid!” even daylight murder.
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