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  • Category: Indian Law

    Wife harrassment and children study getting distrubed

    Having a problem with wife harassing the family? Worried about how to resolve the issue? Here, you can read the guidance given by experts regarding feasible solutions to resolve this issue.

    I got married almost 12 years ago and I am blessed with two sons who are around 11 and 10 yrs respectively.
    After one week of my marriage my wife started doubting me, by listening to their relatives. Till now she has continued doubting me. But I always used to explain her, that I don't have any extra matrital affairs. But she never understood me. Even she doubts me with her sister also. Even she doubts me with the servant with age of my mother.
    As I am into marketing and heading a state, I need to travel for atleast 10 days a month. The days when I am out of station, children will not go to school, as she usually gets late and she doesn't send children to school. If not the time I am out of station either she goes to her mother's home or her parents come and stays at my home.
    She is least bothered about my parents and my sister.
    As she has some psychological problem, I have shown her to psychiatrist and psychologist too. The outcome of treatment is she has obsessive competition disorder. But she never believe in one Dr and always says the tablets are not working and she used to stop taking the medicines.

    I have beared all these because of my children and their future. Now the time has come to take some action on her.
    I have recording of her abuse language on me and my parents and also recording of her threatening to kill me. Recordings of her plan to kill me and how to get my parents property.
    I don't have any fixed assets on my name. I have lent more than 6 Lacs to her father and brother. Even I spend so much of money for her sister and brother marriages also.
    Even when her father was hospitalised I spent huge money.
    Recently I have sent a lawyer notice asking her to come and be with me at my village and she is denying and calling my relatives and treating that she will commit suicide at my village if we force her to come. I want to keep my children in a boarding school. Because of our quarrel they are not able to concentrate on their studies. I am thinking of their future. How to go about this?
  • Answers

    4 Answers found.
  • As per your narration this appears to be a psychological problem and requires a detailed counselling session.

    It seems that your wife is not comfortable mentally in your house and feels better only in her parents company. This is a very serious thing because she has not accepted your parents house as her own. She is totally in a non cooperative frame of mind and is not going to listen anything from your side.

    Under this situation you have very limited options to go for. The best one is you consult your lawyer and ask him to file a divorce petition citing the bad behaviour, uncooperative attitude and mental instability as the reasons for said divorce.

    Please remember if divorce is granted by the court seeing the mental instability of your wife they may allow you to keep the two sons with you but at the same time you may have to shell out monthly maintenance charges to her on a regular basis.

    Please discuss with your lawyer all the points very transparently so that he can advise you the exact legal course to be taken.

    Knowledge is power.

  • what I suggest is put your two children in the residential school and let her stay with their parents. You continue with your parents. Don't ask her to come to your place. Sometimes if you want , just see her and come back. Even if don't want to go also it is Ok. Just stay away. Please take care of your children. If she wants financial assistance or if she gives any notice, then you reply. Don't initiate legal action from your side. If she goes legally also. you can reply legally saying that she can come and stay with you any time and at the same she should promise that she will not harass you. If you are able to keep this pressure on her for some time definitely she will come around. Again and Again if you approach her, she is feeling that you are dependent on her. Show and prove that she is wrong. Definitely she will come round.

    always confident

  • If the narrated things are absolute facts, then my empathy and sympathies with you.
    However there is no situation or issue that does not have a solution. In your case ,though it is now tied in multiple knots, there can be some very real solutions. But you have to work as per priority and patience and understanding.

    Your first priority as of now is your children.

    Taking them to a peaceful atmosphere along with your parents, in a very congenial ambience . discuss the whole matter. Try to put the children in school hostel, if available. If not try and get a good residential school where they can be safe and peaceful and study well. Don't make the children panic. Do't inject hatred towards their mother. Tell them that she is their mother and she behaves because she is having some illness. Convince them that you are trying ways to find a positive solution. Say that you do not want the children get affected by the problems. Keep hope in them that things will be alright in due course.

    It is really wonder that even after you wife 'started doubting" you from the very first week and that you have stayed all these years and blessed with two children. That means the problem could have been solved way ago if there was a real will and proper right effort in early times itself. Anyway let us not cry over spilled milk now.

    Once the children are taken care of, you can start efforts either to set right the things by involving well wishers and discussing and coming to a rapprochement or proceeding legally for divorce. Please be very careful and cautious in your words and deeds because the laws are now extra favourable to women in such circumstances. Always involve unbiased impartial well wishers who can give proper advise and help. Get the true factual medical certificate on your wife's mental and physical health; try for sincerely curing her problems. In case she or her family refuse and does not co-operate then that can be a valid ground for seeking separation.

    However please bear in mind that if bad signals are going to the children then that may have adverse effect on their lives.

    I will suggest you to try all the possible ways to bring the life back to normal even though that may cost you your time and even self prestige for time being. Once things go to the litigation level, many things may go beyond our control and we may have to be victims of the rivalry mentality to 'win somehow' and intention to score points and to make own side stronger.

    Hope your bad times will change soon.

  • You seem least worried about the nature and behaviour of your wife than you are worried about the future of your children. Your first priority seemed to set the life of your children first before you settle your life. The idea of sending your children to boarding school is need of the hour for you because if they will stay at home in those conditions then you can not expect much from them in the near future. Your household problem can risk their future and you may ruin the future of your children. Child psychology is very narrow they tend to adopt bad words and bad habit quickly than adopting good habits. So, you better send them to some good boarding school as soon as possible.
    As you have mentioned that you have recording of your wife abusing you and your parents and also have a recording of her planning to kill and take away your property. She also threatens you and your relatives to commit suicide. My advice in this case will be that you must go to police station and lodge a complaint against your wife. I don't know what kind of issue she has but you can put yourself and your parents in trouble if you will not initiate an action right now. You know there are many rules and regulations to protect the interests of woman and the same rules can be misused to exploit you in every possible way. Suppose if she did something wrong with herself or even with you or children, you would not be able to do anything because law is there to safeguard her.
    If she want to live with her parents then leave her at her parent's house and you go on with your own parents and if she does not agree then first lodge a complaint against her in your near police station. After that you can go for any further step according to situation.

    With regards

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