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  • Category: Indian Law

    Regarding torture and blackmailing by wife

    Suffering from torture and blackmail by spouse? Searching for advice on how to resolve live happily? Find guidance from experts to your queries on this Ask Expert page.

    I was married 2 years before. After some time my wife started harassing me to do what she wants and otherwise threatened that she will file dowry /harassment etc.
    I was totally under her control. But now life has become very tough. Even many times she tried to kill herself. I have one daughter also.
    But now it not possible for me to live like that. Even many times I also tried to kill myself, but I know that this is not my solution.
    Can you advise me about how soon I can get rid of this problem?
  • Answers

    5 Answers found.
  • My suggestion in this regard is better both of you go to the counsellor who will give counselling to her by identifying hew weakness. Why I am telling you to go both if you want her alone to go she will feel that you are unnecessarily making her go to a counsellor. You can meet him and explain him your case. If may talk individually also. Let him do that and with that, your problem will get solved.
    The second option is to go to a psychiatrist and explain the problem. This is definitely a psychological problem only. Hence he will definitely solve the problem. Before going there better somehow have a peaceful discussion with her and offer her some gift of value almost equivalent to the dowry amount you have taken at the time of marriage or offer to transfer money to her account, That will give some relief as it is the problem she is having in mind. Please don't make your daughter suffer in between.

    always confident

  • Marriage is a contract for mutual confidence, respect and faith. If the partners can not live together cordially then a separation becomes inevitable.

    Have you tried all the methods at your level. What I mean is as per your narration we find that your wife is responsible for all the quarrel. Have you also introspected yourself to find out whether you also resort to quarrel and revenge to her actions. If not then please immediately try for counselling of some psychological counsellor who can try to persuade you to carry on and improve relations. If this method does not yield results then the only course will be to go for divorce.

    Now the problem with divorce is that you will have to shell out a good amount for her every month and court may also decide that she keeps the daughter with your rights limited to only once a week meeting with your daughter.

    You have to consider these pros and cons before taking a decision.

    Knowledge is power.

  • I'm sorry to hear that your married life is not going well. Don't lose hope, most marriages go through troubled waters in the first 2-4 years, even risking a breakup, navigate with help to reach calm waters for a smooth sailing.

    Since both of you have a daughter, put her as the first priority, so both of you have to be around to see her grow. No parent or a father would want to see his daughter grow up as an orphan or a have a troubled family to grow with and repent for the rest of her life.

    So, I suggest first since both of you have made attempts to end your lives, please accept that there are major issues in the marriage that needs to be addressed to.

    Once you take the first step of accepting a problem, that means you have the courage to fix it, all you need is time and patience. See a good psychiatrist (for both of you) to help with your intentions to end life.
    Both of you agree that it needs efforts from both sides and set a timeframe not 1 or 2 months but at least a year.
    Then start your journey on the road to recovery, this is where family and close friends can become a pillar of strength, a shoulder to cry or lean on. If you find such people, don't hesitate to open up and ask for help.
    Find a suitable marriage counselor or a psychologist who can assess each of you and find out unresolved issues that need to attend.
    Keep focussing on your daughter as she is the bridge between both of you and your ray of hope to save yourselves and the marriage.
    Plan family dinners, visits to temples of your faith, short trips.
    Make a frank list of what each of you expects from the marriage and each other. I mean literally writing it down. It takes enormous courage to be able to write down for instance that- I'm not a good husband because of my anger issues, because of alcohol and the same from your spouse.
    Once you start the above, put aside all the bad memories and agree that you both are starting fresh bearing in mind that there are many ways to save a marriage but only one to end it.
    Continue the momentum especially sticking to the timelines, going for follow up visits, after 3 months assess and see the results. Make changes if necessary and review after 6 months.
    There are many books and information available on this subject. For instance, Wining your wife/husband back before it's too late. The divorce remedy etc. Read through them, often, it is at desperate times that man finds his inner strength and solutions to life's major problems.
    If at 6 months you are back happy please continue this for another year until your bonding becomes stronger.

    If not imagine that you are going to a divorce and the court will ask you both to give it a try for another 6 months. This you both can do without the family court telling you. Give this a thought and involve your wife, only if nothing helps, assess the consequences of a separation between you both and your daughter and take a decision to continue as a couple or part as friends with daughter as your common point of love.
    Please banish the thoughts of ending your lives, there are far more great things to do in life.

  • Do not despair. Do not lose confidence and faith. Do not think of negative actions..For any problem there will be one or more solutions and also one or more causes too.

    You would have got married without doing the detailed background check and enquiry. It can then be a case of acting in haste and repenting in leisure. Such gap and difference occurring within a relatively short time of two years and that also after being blessed with a child- seem that the there can be some other strong reason. They are not available in the thread and we do not want to make wild guess also.

    Now you can try the following sequence:
    1. Promise yourself not to get provoked and not to retort on any provocation. Keep cool by practice. This will avoid aggravation.

    2. Both of you take leave and go for an outing. Enjoy each other' proximity and affection and the tender love and s bliss with your child. Do not bring any of your differences during that time. Spend whole time in being happy and entertained.
    3. After coming home reinforce your mutual affection by expressing it and taking vow not to disturb it and promising frank and sincere discussion to solve any problem coming up.
    4. For any matter,discuss and take decision after respecting and understanding each others views. Focus your priority on your child's well being and upbringing. Be ready for compromise and sacrifice of ego with family interest in priority. Try to satisfy her wishes whatever is possible. Explain and convince why you cant comply certain other wishes.
    5.Spend quality time together as much as possible. It can be even a short evening walk, going to the nearby garden, temple,a movie etc.

    Mostly by the above, relationship will improve and the difference will disappear and you will discover new and refreshed love and affection. If not,or if things become worse, then,

    6. Confide with your common well wishers and elders of both sides, who were involved with the marriage from start. Let them mediate. Be willing to accept compromise for the sake of future of your child.
    7.Meet marriage counsellors or psychiatrists in confidence both of you together. Keep things very discreet and do not spread to avoid gossips.
    8. Try applying the solutions and suggestions by the counsellors.
    9. To imagine the worse, if the blackmail continues, keep some people apprised of the things so that they may stand by you when needed.Get proof of consulting counsellor/psychologist and the your sincere efforts on that regard.
    10. Proceed to protect yourself legally by filing suitable petitions. Proceed for divorce.(I pray God forbid the worse scenario happening)

    If you are a believer, pray to God sincerely to give you peace , happiness and wellbeing.

    For a clap, two hands are necessary. For a dispute also two are needed. The fault may be lying in both of you. Try to find out that and remove them. Everything will be okay. All will end well.

    Best Wishes.

  • 1. You require to do introspection. If after introspection, you find that you would not be able live with her, then you have to proceed systematically.
    2. First meet a marriage counsellor. Try to convince your wife to meet jointly. If she doesn't want to accompany you, meet the counsellor alone and talk to him/her frankly. Try to follow his/her advice. More importantly, keep record of your meeting with the counsellor. It will help you later.
    3. Discuss the issue with very trusted friend and relative. Take their guidance/advice.
    4. Search a very good divorce lawyer. Discuss the matter with the lawyer.
    5. Keep a diary of day-to-day happenings. Keep the diary in a safe place out of reach of your wife.
    6. Try to protect your daughter daily fighting between you and your wife as best as possible.
    7. Don't be violent. If your wife becomes violent, call your neighbours/relatives and state them what was happening for the sake of asking them to be witnesses in divorce case in future.
    8. Don't be afraid. Various courts at various levels have noted that Domestic Violence Act is being misused by many wives. So, now a ruling has been passed that husband or his family-members won't be arrested solely on the basis of wife's complaint.

    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

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