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  • Category: Marriage

    How to convince the girl's parents for inter caste marriage

    Have a query about inter caste marriage? Want to know methods of convincing fiance's parents for inter caste marriage? Here, on this page go through the responses and advice from experts.

    I am in love with a girl belonging to a different caste from mine. I have convinced my parents and they have given their consent.

    However, my girlfriend's parents and relatives are very adamant. They say that they will lose respect from the society and their relatives if we get married.

    How do I convince her parents and get their consent?

    I am from India and parental consent is very important over here.

    She do not want to marry against her parents' wishes.
  • Answers

    9 Answers found.
  • Inter caste marriages are happening today very frequently and it is not a grave concern today as it used to be a few decades ago.

    Anyway there are few aspects which are to be understood in this matter before you can choose a particular option to go ahead with.

    The most important point is the degree of love between you. Do you love each other so much that you do not care for any hindrance or obstacle in between. If it is so then going ahead boldly will be the best option.

    As per your narration there are some bottlenecks in this plan. So what I suggest is have a frank dialogue with the girl that she should not bother for her parents and should boldly come with you. Now the girl in turn may also ask you to leave your parents likewise and live somewhere separately and when the wounds are healed you can think to unite the families.

    Another option is have a meeting between your family and the girl's family to discuss the various complication and their possible solutions through mutual consent. Sometimes the give and take approach works.

    If nothing works in favour of this marriage then just forget the girl and be only her good friend and search your soul mate elsewhere.

    Knowledge is power.

  • First aspect you should think is how serious the girl is . Have detailed discussion with her. Basing on her answer you have to go ahead. You better approach the girl's parents and discuss with them in detail and let their. Daughter also speak to them openly telling that she really wants to marry and if the parents are not accepting the proposal she is not going to marry anybody else and she will be unmarried forever. She has to tell this very strongly. Then they will accept. If not you both have to get married without their consent. After sometime they will come around and accept your marriage.

    always confident

  • Two people falling in love, belonging to different castes or faiths commonly have these issues when it comes to the point of consent of families for marriage.

    It is not easy for parents and close family especially from the girl's side to agree easily. It's human nature to think about the adverse effects and struggles faced by such marriages and the people in it.

    It is NOT easy to raise a girl child, cautiously watching over her so that she has her freedom and yet she doesn't discredit the family. Here the girl's parents and relatives might feel let down as their daughter is planning for an inter-caste marriage and it slipped their attention.

    Added to that is the worry and apprehension about being rejected by the family circles. This is more if there is a younger brother or sister of your girlfriend who is yet to get married.

    First, both of you have a serious discussion about life after marriage and the realities of job, place to live and finance at hand, resources for having and raising children, etc. Then assess the commitment of both of you to go through the marriage after fending off many hurdles. If both of you can make it together, then have a discussion with parents on both sides and try to reason out their fears.

    Show that you are committed to the wedding and keep their daughter happy. This may need few discussions, wherein you layout the plans both of you have for a career, source of money/salary to run the family.

    Agree on a timeout, give a month's break for all of this to sink in. The re-start the discussions. Then give a time limit for the girl's parents and relatives about marriage with their consent or if needed without their consent. If both of you are committed and firm, they would understand your commitment and the patience you have shown and would agree.

    If they still don't agree, then take decision for the marriage and as time goes by, things fall into place. Please remember that the struggles of life with test the limits of love that you both have and there should not be any doubts about the trust and bonding between you two. Best of luck.

  • As per the details provided by you it is apparent that the girl and her family are not very cooperative towards this match. Even the girl is imposing conditions which means that severity of love is more from your side.
    Anyway one solution is to talk with the parents of the girl and try to resolve their apprehensions and doubts regarding the social impact of this marriage on them.
    Until unless they are convinced it will be difficult to logically conclude this relationship.
    Another possibility is that you can motivate the girl to take a bold step and either she sould convince her parents or leave them for her love.
    Marriage is a contract for sacrifice and mutual faith with each other. If you two have love of that order then only you can take a firm stand and go on with this relationship successfully.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • These are all common things happening. But by and by everything goes well and ends well. So in you case also things will turn out to be okay.

    In your case you can be happy that your parents have agreed. So the need is to convince the girl's parents.It is natural that the girl would not like to marry by antagonising and saddening her parents. So now it is both your patience and perseverance to be put to test. Though it may be a long process and may appear to be meeting blocks, I feel that you both can sincerely convince her parents that after marriage also you both will live in such a way that you bring honour to the family and not dishonour. First of all ask yourself how you both are convinced and steady and strong in your mutual love. If you both are sincere and true, then you can definitely convince her parents.

    If they remain unnecessarily adamant tell them firmly, politely and convincingly that you both want to marry with their blessings and co-operation,but make them understand that you both will marry under civil marriage law and/or with help of other well wishers even without their permission if it comes to that.

  • In fact, we are emotionally attached to our community and even if we get a matching partner from other communities, we are hesitant to accept the same. This is the underlying psycology behind following the same rules by the parents. In your case also, the same Psycoligical fearness of the girl's parent exists and hence the delay.
    You have to take the lead in convincing both - the girl and her parents and assure that them there would not be negative effect in case they agree to your proposal. You may highlight the fact that you are capable enough to maintain the family smoothly and there would not be any financial constraints even if you are blessed with kids. The other compelling factors are honesty, sacrifice and reliability and you possess each component to make the ensuing marriage successful. It is not that you can alleviate the doubts of the girl's parents instantenously rather allow them to take decision in normal course which may range from a couple of weeks to some months. In the mean while, you need to maintain your patience. Cast- factor does not play much role in maintenance of peace in the marriage despite the believe of the parents of false satisfaction in engaging the marriage with a boy of their own community. Hope you would win ultimately with your perseverance and patience.

  • There are various social aspects required to be considered in this case. First, you have to be successful in your career so that you can manage after the wedding without any support from others. Secondly, your successful career can make the opposition of the parents of the would-be bride much less. Thjirdly, the girl (would-be bride) must be mentally strong enough to withstand the opposition and other social pressure to marry you. Lastly you have to be determined enough to face all opposition and marry your chosen one.

    All these aspects are very easy to state but not so easy to follow, especially for a very long period after marriage. Both of you must discuss the matter and various eventualities before taking any decision. I hope you will succeed.

    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • Everyone falls in love and some only reach the coast of success by getting married. There would be so many hurdles in between and over-coming them is really a Herculean task. When caste and religion are still barriers, it would be more difficult to the pair to make their love fruitful. As love is a bond between two souls, marriage is a bond between two families.

    It's the responsibility of both the boy and girl to create an atmosphere between the two parents that the choice of the child is not in bad taste. It may take more time to convince your parents but you have to prove that the relationship between the two families would not affect the morale and the basic principles they believe in except the caste/religion factor. Both of you are the stakeholders in this process and your proposal would surely be rejected in the first instance, may be because they want to test your commitment, seriousness in your love and to verify the credentials of the other party. You should not display your displeasure, rather your patience and how you deal with the parties do mater. Explain them how it works, the merits you observed in your soul mate and how the demerits in the family can be neglected. These would be the common suggestions one can make but differ in application on the prevailing situation when you come across. However, these days parents are of understanding nature and don't hesitate to talk to the other family , if they are satisfied of your choice. So, just do a try.


  • Never start the discussion of your relationship with your parents if you have doubts about yourself. If you go to discuss your possible intercaste marriage with girl's parents and come back convinced of its futility, the next day you'll meet your girlfriend and regret your reaction. And then this cycle will continue until you lose confidence completely in your own ability to take decisions. It's crucial for you, your parents and your significant other that you have absolute clarity about what you want.

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