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  • Category: Indian Law

    Consern with parents in Love Marriage

    A problem in convincing your parents for your love marriage? Have look at this page to know the suggestions given by our experts.

    Me and my girl friend want to marry. But her parents are forcing her to marry her relative and engagement is also fixed. We are ready to go out and marry but she is worrying that if we come out and marry, her parents will do something within themselves.
    Her parents are not accepting our love.Please advise me further what I should do in this issue.
    Also, please assist me how to proceed legally to marry my girlfriend without getting any further issue from her parent's side.
  • Answers

    9 Answers found.
  • There is nothing wrong in having love with your girlfriend and then marrying her. As per your narration problem is being created by her family who is at all not in favour of this love relationship.

    Now the first and foremost thing in this context is the legal angle. In our country as per prohibition of child marriage act, a girl cannot marry before 18 years while a boy cannot marry before attaining 21 years of age. You must see this aspect in your case before taking any action in this direction.

    Now coming to the opposition by her family in your relationship. You must find out the root cause of this attitude from their side which can probably help you to mitigate the situation. Is it caste related or difference in financial status or they have already given their consent somewhere before the girl told them about your relationship. Once you find the cause it will be possible for you to plead your case with confidence.

    You have also to find out the apprehensions in the girl's mind also and how much courageous she is to take some
    extreme action in this matter. Is she ready to leave her family for you? Is she not bothered for the consequences? These are the questions she should be prepared to answer in clear terms. After ascertaining these factors you can also approach her parents and have straight dialogues with them.

    Please remember any relationship based on apprehensions and fear cannot sustain for long. So take a decision based on logic and practicalities rather than sentiments.

    Knowledge is power.

  • If you both are majors (Boy 21 years and girl 18 years) you can directly approach nearest police station for protection. They will guide you and make sure that they do not side with the parents. Or else you can go to nearest Arya Samaj and can get married with legal registration. But my question is, are you a job holder? Can you support yourself if you run away and get married? Plan for the finances carefully as the responsibility increases by multifold after marriage.

    Since the engagement is already fixed, you are out of chances to negotiate with her parents. If your girlfriend is strong enough, get married as soon as possible. Present days emotional blackmail by parents have become more common to prevent children from selecting life partner of their own. You both just need to talk calmly about her parents' mindset and what drastic decisions they will take if you both go against their will. Remember that those blackmails are not to be taken lightly. As she knows better than anyone about her parents, you both can come to a conclusion about their mindset.

    Also note that your girl must be as strong as you and if you have decided to run away and marry, make sure that she does not sway from the plan. Also, take help from your friends and anyone who supports your love. You haven't mentioned about your parent's stance regarding this issue. Are they supporting you or are they against this. If they are supporting you, it is better to take their help also or if it is the other way, you are on your own without the support of parents from both sides. You need to plan very carefully if latter is the situation. Apart from these, you can do the following necessary precautions:

    1) Lodge a complaint with state commission of women that she is in love with you and want to marry you but her parents are blackmailing her for suicide or something drastic.

    2) She can also file a police complaint against the same, as suicide is illegal by law.

    3) Finally, go to Arya Samaj and produce the necessary documents such as age proof, birth proof etc along with witnesses and get married.

    Give assurance to your girlfriend that nothing will happen and to be strong. Initially, parents might be blunt but once they come to know that you both are happy and well settled financially, they will definitely welcome you back into the family.

    Thank You
    Dr. V. Shashikanth

  • The main issue here is the mindset of the girl.
    If both of you are majors (Boy 21 years and girl 18 years) you are free to marry. Legally there will not be any problem. No one can stop and say anything against the act. If somebody tries to create a problem you can even take the protection of the law protectors.
    But it is always better if the marriage is with the consent of both the families. But in your case, the daughter's parents are not accepting the proposal. First, you try to have a dialogue with the girl and know her opinion and try to find out the reason for their unwillingness. If there is any point which can be conceded try to do that. Otherwise, ask the girl to be bold enough and both of you go and get married. Slowly they will understand you both and start behaving normally.

    always confident

  • Being major you have right to choose your life partner on your own. But still many families believe that only arrange marriage or person of their choice will lead a happy life for their son or mainly daughter. If they don't like her choice or don't want their daughter to have a life partner of her own choice, they will try ways to force her. Many parents start emotionally blackmailing and convince her. As they know that she can't leave her parents they start blackmailing with a number of ways.
    I feel that parents should understand that she has right to chose her life partner.
    Firstly try to understand why they are not accepting you. Then talk to your girlfriend politely as she is forced by her parents so she may be under stress. Talk to her finance if he is a kind-hearted person he will break the engagement. Don't take the stress, think before you switch to any decision. A wrong decision will damage the life of you and your girl.

  • 1. You can marry your girlfriend by going for registration. You have to give notice to the marriage registrar one month in advance and go to the registrar's office with witness and documents to prove that both of you are major. This marriage is cost-effective also.

    2. If your parents support your proposed matrimony, you can also go for social marriage at your parents'residence.

    3. The marriage ultimately depends upon the willingness of both the partners. Your girlfriend will have to take a decision. Vacillation or indecision won't be helpful to solve your problem. Furthermore, you would lose valuable time.

    Come on, have a fight. Don't shoot and scoot.

  • If you both are in love and are willing to marry first let your parents talk to her parents as casual meeting . Let them know the reason for them rejecting. If suppose its a minor cause for rejecting like caste or income issue's then you can convince them politely. Otherwise if you both are not minor then you can meet a lawyer and find the legal procedure for making your relations legally strong, this can happen only when your girl friend is willing to do. As you mentioned in the query she is worried whether her parents will do something to them selves.
    But I would suggest you to first meet her parents with your parents or elder's at home who is ready to take up your decision as positive and assure her parents that she will be safe and happy with you.
    According to me in love marriage all these problems are common for every couple. So its always better to be clear from your side when your assuring girl's parents for marriage.

  • Your situation leave you less time to settle the issue because, you say the engagement is fixed.

    Please ensure that you both are above the valid age for marriage and can prove it if need be, for the bride 18 years, for the bridegroom 21 years and both should be consenting without force( Hindu marriage act and Prohibition of Child Marriage Act).

    Once you have done this, then think about the options and needs. Thinking of running away to get married is one thing but actually doing it successfully is a different ball game. If you have to get married on your own, then you need to look at the options of a registered marriage, have the documents for the same and witnesses to legalize your marriage.

    Then you need to think of a place to live, a job or means to earn a livelihood, run a family and plans for additional expenses when there is a new arrival in the family. You need to have a plan in mind for all these and a back-up option. You need to face the wrath of the girl's family (verbal or physical abuse) or even a police complaint.

    So, before you proceed, the girl and you should have a detailed and frank discussion. Be honest and brutally frank when it comes to having the commitment, plan for finances, accommodation and mandatory home expenses (often young lovers forget to grasp the financial needs and the stress of this adversely affects their love towards each other).

    Once she is committed and you are willing to go ahead, then give on chance to both families, with a group of common friends and elders give have a discussion with them and try to find out the apprehension, is it cast,money, job security etc. Try to expalin and clarify their doubts. Then be firm and both of you can give a deadline and explain your choice to get married with their blessings, if not your willingness to be married otherwise.

    You would be a better judge of the mood and the nature of the girl and her family, with this you can have a rough idea how the family are going to react to you. Accordingly have help form friends and dont' hesitate to seek legal help if you or both of you face violence from the girl's family.

    If at all you go ahead with marriage without parent's consent, then have a mentor, friends and well-wishers from both sides to support you for the first few months or a year until the families forget the anger and animosity towards you and start accepting you both.

  • This is the age-old problem of not approving the bridegroom by the bride's family.

    The only thing on which your relationship can strengthen is how much bold and dedicated is the girl in this matter. If she is truly in love with you, she should be ready to be with you whether her parents agree or not.

    Meanwhile, you can keep yourself in her shoes by imagining what would you do if your parents disapproved it. This will help you in understanding her plight.

    Anyway if you love each other and are above the legally admissible age for marriage, go and get married in a court and then meet your parents for blessings.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • We living in the Indian - society believe in the normal tradition where the marriage is solemnised within our community and any violation of the normal custom would earn disrespect to the entire family. Parents are not likely to accept qualification, employment - status or any special quality associated with the bride/ bride - groom. They believe that such matrimonial negotiations would lead to disrepute of the family and hence is the stiff - resistance from their side.
    Now coming to practicality of the legal aspects, I would like to know the age factor of both of you and in case both of you are within the age - bracket where there should not be any issue in negotiation in the marriage through the court. As per prevailing law the acceptable age for the marriage for the bride and bride - groom is 18 and 21 respectively.
    The other important consideration in this issue is the mental - outlook of your partner and yourself. If both of you have the same degree of passion, mutual trust and have the ability to shoulder responsibility effectively of your kids after marriage go ahead with the matrimony. Single most attribute for the lasting companionship is the mutual sacrifice of both of you in case of adversity which may crop up at any time and how successfully you come out of the problem with the sacrifice done to each other.
    The other important area is the financial - Independence which will allow you couple to discharge your responsibility effectively including the education and the health - expenditure of your would be kids. If you couple are fit in this parameter, you would enjoy a perfect harmonial relationship after the settlement of the marriage.
    If you fulfill all such criteria mentioned above, it would be important to discuss this issue with the parents of your fiancé and assure them of the lasting relationship of such marriage. You may quote some examples of the different intercaste - marriage which are seen as as successful marriage in the society. In that way, you will create confidence within the parents of your fiancé.
    Lastly, you may go to the court for the marriage - registration with the consultation of lawyer.
    Both of you should be brave and the present predicament would resolve soon with the firm steps being taken by you.

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