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  • Category: Indian Law

    If a husband is getting harassed by wife

    Are you being harassed by spouse? Looking out for guidance, and advice regarding further course of action? On this Ask Expert page get marital advice and decide what to do ahead.

    I have completed 4 years of married life and have a 3 year old kid. Me and my wife both are working in a private sector and my child is taken care by my in-laws.
    Nowadays I came to know my wife have relation with some one else and also she is not taking care of me and my family.
    When I ask her any question she replies that: 'it is her personal life' and she goes to her parents shelter.
    I also talked to her parents about the same and they replied: 'do what ever you want' but they did not say anything to their daughter.
    What should I do in this situation?
  • Answers

    6 Answers found.
  • Its a complicated situation for you and your family. It seems that your wife and your in laws are not bothered about you and your relation. You should think about your and your child's life. Firstly try to talk with your wife and understand what she wants. Then think about what you want. I would suggest to take divorce from her if she doesn't want to understand you. There is no need to have a life partner who doesn't care about us. But as you told you have a 3 year old kid you should consider him in your decision. Think about him more than you think about yourself. If you think you can take care of your child with help of your family do that but ask your wife also.
    Try that your wife broke her another relation if she does so then it's better otherwise you should take divorce.

  • Is this just a suspicion or gossip that you have been given. First try and see that there is truth in this issue of extra-marital affair. There are many private investigators, detectives, post matrimonial detectives who deal with proving or getting evidence of the same. This is very important before you come out in the open to accuse your spouse of having an affair. Under the Hindu Marriage Act, section 13(1)(i) adultery is one of the reasons to applying for divorce. Please answer truthfully to yourself, have you had or are you having a similar affair about which your wife would be or can be aware of?

    Once you are convinced beyond doubt about this issue, then think it out keeping in mind the child, what does your family feel about this whole issue. Your options would be to have a discussion with your wife and in the interest of the child, go for counselling and get your marriage back on track. The other option is, if there is no way this relationship is going to end, then to apply for divorce on the grounds of extra-martial affair.

    You can approach a good lawyer who specializes in marital cases to guide you further. Before you apply for a divorce, please give the below points some consideration.

    1.The child born to you both, who would take care of it, the education, the expenses etc.
    2. Money to be given to your wife and child for supporting themselves.
    3.The joint properties and investments made by you both after marriage.
    4. Any chance of a case being filed by your wife/her family for your property at a later date.
    5. Any joint loans, EMI or annual payments to be made, how to go about it after separation.

  • My comments are as under:-

    (a) Adultery is a punishable offense. So, it is not about ''personal life''.
    (b) If you are absolutely sure about her adultery, you should immediately contact a good and trustworthy divorce lawyer. If you are only suspecting, try to gather evidence, if necessary, by appointing a detective agency.
    (c) Follow the advice of the lawyer. But maintain a diary keeping the details of her adulterous attitude, her attitude towards the child, your family members and also towards you.
    (d) Inform a common friend about her behaviour and adultery.
    (e) If your in-laws are directly supporting your wife, don't try to convince them anymore.
    (f) Try to save your marriage with the help of an experienced marriage counselor for the sake of your child, but get prepared with documentary evidence for the lengthy divorce proceedings.
    (g) Don't be afraid of frivolous and false complaint against you. This is a very common tactic adopted by erring female partners to gain sympathy, especially after Domestic Violence (DV) Act came into force. But don't manhandle her physically.
    (h) Don't lose hope. Life is very long and this is only a temporary setback.

    "If you are killed in action, you go to Heaven. If you win, you rule this Earth (as beautiful as Heaven). That is why, O son of Kunti, take a firm resolve and fight!"-- Shrimad Bhagwad Gita

  • You are two but you both have one in common that is your child. Keep this point also as a top point whenever you think about this issue.
    First of all, sit for some time and think are you true to yourself? Are you doing everything correctly or doing something which is giving your wife a tough time.
    Once you are sure that you are 100% correct from your side then think about the behaviour of your wife. If you feel that there is something which is to be rectified from your side, get it rectified and then wait for sometime and see if there is a change in her behaviour. If the attitude is the same then think further.
    Please ensure that what you are thinking about her extramarital affair is correct or not? If it is proved 100% that there is something fishy, I suggest you to have a discussion with your wife and her parents and tell them that this is proved beyond doubt that she is doing these wrong acts and I don't want to be with her and then consult a good lawyer who is specialised in this line and arrange for serving the lawyer notice to her.
    But please keep the future of your child in mind and keep the child away from all these information and try to take care of the child.

    always confident

  • There is an old film song in Tamil starting,'Manaivi amaivathellaam iraivan kodutha varam". That means "getting a good wife is a real boon bestowed by God.". Probably the wife also may be thinking in a similar line about getting a good husband also.

    The problems in a marital relationship start when the partners feel a gap between their dream and expectations with the real life they have together.

    We have all conditioned our minds and nourished certain dreams and expectations about our life partner. These dreams and expectations depend on the upbringing we had, the observations and inference we make, the movies we see and books we peruse etc. Many times those with whom we interact , who are married may not disclose the actual daily life situations they experience, but may give us polished and decorated versions. So most of the people keep unrealistic dreams about married life.

    Married life(using the hackneyed statement) is the merging of body and mind o two different individuals born and brought up in diverse or different ways. So to 'merge' or 'adjust with understanding' is a gradual process. It needs proper understanding and accommodating the other with open mind and all sincerity. Ego has to go first. If not the married life will turn sour and slowly may become enemies ready to attack at each other.
    You are blessed with a child. It is both your responsibility to look after the child well. As both of you are working you both lack the time and the responsibility is held with the in laws. Naturally your wife is in her home ground.

    I feel that you and your wife need some quality time together with your child only between you. Try to have some short trip, outing at weekends etc. You may plan some pilgrimage cum pleasure trip with your in-laws also. The pilgrimage part for them, and the pleasure part for you two(of course with your child)

    Show sincere interest in your wife's health, appearance and her emotions. Stand by her-sincerely. She may doubt your sincerity and may think you are acting for some reason. But sure, there is a basic mutual affection between you.

    Do not fall victim of someone's gossip. It may be your imagination also. Please know that she also has the same freedom to doubt about you too. Generally a working woman with a small child has to distribute her time on many things-to the child, to her job, to the husband and to the common home. In that she may not be able to show extra attention to you. Try to lessen her burden thinking of some sincere ways, even discussing with her with an open mind.

    A very calm mind and patient approach only can solve problems. Do not rely on others gossips and your doubts. Give her the true affection she and your child need. Slowly things will become okay.

    You try to stay separately from your in-laws. But then have a clear idea how you will take care of everything. Discuss thoroughly about these with your wife also. If need, get a good professional counselling. Do not try to provoke your wife byy uttering some negative things or doing in negative way.

    Divorce can be easily suggested by others. But even that has its own cost and permanent marks. Hence it should not be thought of at all now.

    Some misunderstanding, maladjustments , miscommunication or gap has occurred between you. A free and frank discussion between you and wife in a sincere open approach can solve the issue.
    Best Wishes.

  • Marriage is a relation of faith and mutual understanding. There is no place for adultery or deceit in it.

    As per your narration, you are suspecting the activities of your wife and doubt that she might be having an affair elsewhere.

    If your doubt is true then the matter is to be investigated may be with the help of a private detective agency. You can not start any proceedings against her until the truth is known.

    Please remember you have to be very cautious on this matter as there are cases when such suspicions proved false and the relationship deteriorated further and the spouse charged the partner for unnecessarily doubting his or her integrity.

    In your case, the kid is a matter of utmost importance as he is the only common interest between you. You have to take his fate also in consideration before you go for any extreme action in this regard.

    You can try to sort out the matter by one to one dialogues even in the presence of in-laws. If this does not help then you may have to seek legal opinion for separation and other follow up formalities. Who will keep the child is also a burning question and court may take a view on that.

    If your wife is not bothered for your approaching court then it is also an indication that she has no affinity with you and she has almost decided to live without you.

    Under such circumstances it is better to go for separation under family court guidance.

    Knowledge is power.

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