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  • Category: Marriage

    How to convince girl's parents for love marriage


    Finding it difficult to convince parents for love marriage? worried about how to proceed to get the love of the life? On this page, Experts shall provide you with guidance to prepare a plan of action.

    Me and My girlfriend both are working in IT company. We both were friends and it turned into love. When I proposed to her, she took her mom's permission and she said yes for me,. I was the happiest person in the world. Slowly her elder sister, younger sister and her brother got to know the matter. They didn't oppose it much.
    Some days later my girlfriend asked my caste and I told them. I am from Karnataka and currently I am working in Hyderabad(Two state love story).
    In Hyderabad for my caste there is some other name, which is lower than my girlfriend caste.
    Two years went fine, now she is 26 year old, it is time for marriage. I spoke with my parents they told me to wait for at least 6 months because my elder brother is not married and we are searching for an alliance. I conveyed the same thing to them.

    Problem is: now her father won't accept my caste. My girlfriend tried a lot to convince him, but he can't. Now the whole family is opposing and, no one is supporting. My girlfriend's father has beaten my girlfriend. He also hit himself to the wall, he beat to his wife too. Basically my girlfriend's dad is having too much caste feeling. They are thinking about prestige and status.
    Its been 3 months and same story repeats every day. The main problem is that she stays in the home. Parents are torturing like anything, scolding, give some failure love examples, brain washing her every day. She is fluctuating. sometime my side, while some time the family side.

    I tried to speak with her mom, sister and brother but they are not at all getting convinced.

    My girlfriend is fed up with this and she has decided to go with family side. But we love each other and we can't imagine our future without me/she.

    My girlfriend is not ready for registered marriage.

    Reasons why her family is opposing me:
    1)Caste (Mine is lower caste both the caste are BC)
    2)Money: I don t have money, I don't have home in Hyderabad, I have home in native, I have family in native.
    3) Mine salary is less than her salary.(I am earning 35k+, she is earning 45k)
    4)language problem, culture problem, she can't understand my mother language , But I know her mother language. Both are working in IT, I do stay life long in Hyderabad.
    5) They are asking if jobs goes what is the future plan. (My plan is 10 years IT,then some business).
    6)My girlfriend want family support, If she marries me they won't support me its like ours is separate life .

    Please give some suggestions. I can't alive without her. I can't imagine my life without her. She loves a lot.

    How to convince them?
  • Answers

    12 Answers found.
  • Some people are very orthodox and they never understand and can't digest intercaste marriages. So it will become very difficult to convince such people. The father is very rigid I think. He is hurting himself physically. The objections raised by the family are correct from their side. So no logic works with such orthodox people.
    The girl should be convinced by you and you both decide to get married and stay separately. Then only they may feel her absence and slowly they will accept your marriage. How strong is your girlfriend? Is she ready to come out with you to get married? So both have a thorough discussion and decide once for all whether to go ahead or not. You tell her convincing her parents is difficult at this stage and they will get convinced if both of you marries irrespective of their acceptance or not.
    If she is not ready for that better wait for some time and tell her finally that you are going to marry somebody else. Still, if she is insisting that their parents should accept, better you forget and go for an alternative girl.

    drrao
    always confident

  • Your problem is common to all who decide for love marriage. I will suggest but can't say whether it will help you. First, let us talk about the future plans which are required or necessary
    1) Have a strong career plan to lead a good life for your family in future it's better if it is secured.
    2) It's better you have some financial savings in your account.
    3) Suppose in future if your planning for business then it's better you have some finance for it as secure.
    Now after your secured with your future then its better you go to your parents and convey them everything about your relationship and even request them to speak to her parents. It's quite possible that they may not encourage your parents as other guest but don't keep all that in mind just proceed with calm nature. Let your parents talk to her father regarding your future and other plans. Even assure them that they are always with you for support even after marriage its better if you're accompanied with any good astrologer who can even give hopes for your future but be sure that the astrologer must speak the truth not just random statements for the sake of money.
    Suppose by all this if your girlfriend father doesn't agree then you try to convince them about your relationship and assure him that you will definitely take care of her in future.

    If this doesn't work out then ask your girlfriend whether she is ready to come with you leaving her family and assure her that you will take care of her and will lead a good life. If she is ready then contact a legal advisor for your registered marriage and proceed further legally so that your relationship should not have a problem in future.
    If your girlfriend is not ready to leave her family then its better you proceed with your future because force full relation will not last for long. If she is liking you truly then she will not think about other luxury sources other than your job because if you have a job that's fine to start a family because other assets will be done gradually even in arranged marriage.
    But by your query, I think that your girlfriend's father is not thinking by his senses because beating or harassing his wife or children is legally punished if they file a complaint.
    Lastly, I wish to tell you that you can try in both the ways that is talking to her parents or if she is willing to get registered marriage and you both only lead a life. If none of the matter works out then it's better you drop out about this relation and proceed further with your future. I know it's difficult to do but nothing is impossible in this world. For that, there are many live examples. I wish you ALL THE BEST.

  • I have discussed with her regarding register marriage , she is not ready for that she also thinking about prestige , status, what society will think, how my parents will face the society if I get register marriage. When I ask what is your plan : simple answer I am not ready to take risk in my life, I will go with my parents choice but she is not accepting any other matches,some time she will ask if I come out from home what is your plan. 3 or 4 days she will strict parents choice , again she will text or call to me, same thing repeating from since 3 months. They are abusing my family, they are abusing me also, I thought of going to their home to talk regarding our problem but they are saying if he comes to our home we will clean the home with thirtham, we won't allow him ( as friend I visited to her home, they had my home food also when they don't know caste, Mine is Bhandari caste in Hindhu only.), we won't allow his family to my home..

    she is not stable, she is fluctuating every time . She is thinking about future , without family support very less chance of success in love marriage.
    3 questions they are asking me I don't have answer for that:
    1) Caste ( they are telling boy should have upper caste).
    2) Money( they are saying if not caste, at least he has to have money). I am IT employee.
    3)Family( we won't support if u marrie him, same way his family support also won't get because my family is in village ) there will be a 100% support may be not now, some days later.

  • Marriage is not a child's play. It is a commitment for the whole life. The foundation of marriage is based on the mutual trust, faith and sacrifice.

    As per your narration, the girl's family is not accepting you and girl is also not firm in her mind and can not take an extreme step for you.

    Love is a very demanding relationship and if one of the partner does not raise himself to the expectation level of other then the relationship has not destined for a good future and will be doomed instead.

    Your case is unfortunately falls in latter case and I will suggest you that if the girl can not leave her family for you then forget this episode as a bad dream and start your life afresh.

    Knowledge is power.

  • My Friends,

    As from all your words and the reply you gave to experts, it looks like she is not strong enough to oppose her family, that is quite normal for a girl who is getting such treatment from family.

    These kinds of cases are too difficult to handle, but not impossible.
    There was only one solution to this problem that you two get married and as you stated you two are employed so you would be able to survive. But we should also consider the point that the girl is not in your favor, if she is putting the society and prestige prior to love, I am sorry to say my friend but you should move on, and I am saying this from my personal experience. First thing you should try, start ignoring her, if her love is strong enough for you she will break all barriers and come to you, but if she is just saying she love you a lot but has to see the society, trust me it's your time to move on. You deserve a better girl.

    There is always a girl out there who is ready to do anything for you all you need is just to wait for her to knock your door.

    Mark my words Take her out of your heart, lock your heart and throw the keys to the sea, who ever girl deserves you, will find the keys and will open your heart for her, till then grow yourself, get some savings, grow your skills, be strong. Do some meditation, it really helps a lot

    These lines look filmy but trust me my friend this is the only way out and I am the living proof of this.

    You have to convince your self that this is the end to this love story and you have to write a new one, wait for the right girl.

    I know what you will say now, I can't live without her, why?
    She lived with her family for 26 years and you are willing she leaves them for you, but you might be with her for like 4 or 5 years(You have not mentioned age of your relation), so do you think you can love her more than her parents do?

    If yes, then put yourself in her father's boot. Assume you are a father and your daughter wants to marry a boy(consider the conditions they have mentioned) will you allow this marriage.
    (*Remember- First put yourself in her father's boot, then ask the same question to your soul, you will get a perfect answer)
    All these things, I can't live without her are temporary my friend, the nature build our brain in such a way that the pain of loss tear away with time, else we would be crying even after 10 or 20 years(feeling the same pain) when we loose some one really close.

    Don't be a child, be a man, and move on. This is the destiny.

  • This is the tricky situation being faced by many youths who fall in love and stands at the cross roads of their life searching way and means to come out of the catch 22 situation. What I suggest that if both boy and girl are really willing to marry each other and the question of consent from the girl parents is must and required, firstly explore the possibility of sending a close emissary to the girl parents and have the guts to discuss the issue true and frank. And the person who goes as the emissary must have all the details of the boy and the girl and their closeness so far. As far as possible a ray of hope must be generated from the girls parents as to the guarantee and sureness from the boy side that he shall look after the girl very well after marriage. And if the parents fail to convince, it is better to have meetings between like minded people from both sides and arrive at a conclusion either this side or that side.

    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • By your second query I think the girl is not in firm mind. In such case she thinks more about finance and other external luxury which is right now not possible for you. But I would suggest you to ask her finally about the plans of her getting married. If she still give plus or minus answers as your above query, then its better you come out of this relation because I feel she is not so serious with your relation.
    So there is no point in running back of train which has already left the station. You can try to catch that train in next station if your confident or else take ticket to the next train on your way. I hope you got my point. Life is long my friend move further with your plans and set your life in your own and have relations who give value and respect to your plans. Right now you may feel it difficult but nothing is impossible. When a child learns to walk it falls down but still tries to walk without giving up and finally walks the way. The same applies to you in your relation. If both of you are having same mindset then there are many ways but since the girl is in delima with her decisions then its better you come out it because this will never solve even after marriage. There will be always clashes and all the time you can't keep solving it leaving your bright future. Finally if the girl agree's go for register marriage by consulting a lawyer or else walk your way with your future.

  • This happens to all the youth's who goes blindly for love marriages. The girl itself is not strong, as she cannot leave her family. You need to have a friend who needs to talk with the family of the girl. The person should be either a mature one who can make them convince that your girl will be safe in the hands of Boy. You need to have some financial savings to get convince such people. The caste issue problems are increasing day by day and you must inform your girlfriend that you are going to marry a girl and must understand her position. If she is not willing to come with you, it is better to forget her and marry another girl which suits you more.

    "Earning knowledge is by sharing it with ISC and we will rectify our mistakes."

  • Her uncle tried to convince her parents, In the beginning they were not ready to listen his advice , He tried to convince 4 or 5 times , now parents are opposing him , Parents are telling to him like if it is your daughter you wont speak like this. Now he also started convince my Girlfriend. My girlfriend attempted suicide also , by god grace nothing happened, then also their parents not agree, My girlfriend beaten by her father, Her father was telling they will send some rowdies to my room, she is scared now, She is unable to forget me and also she is unable to take strong decision. parents are giving mental torture to her, I am unable to do anything from my end, I am feeling guilty myself I am helpless.

  • Hi Friends,

    Please give some valuable solution for this problem.
    As I explained my story here already, As they told Caste and money are two big problem for my love, I studied hard for one month I have attended the 4 interview and I got new job with good package in one of reputed company. Now issue starts again I never seen such a rude family only they want money,status and cast, they are not rich as my family also, they are torturing like anything to my GF, but she want family for her kids and for future problems. I spoke with her grandmother but no use, here family is now totally opposing me they have given two choice :
    1) If you want family you have to get marrie which we selected.
    2) If you want sada (Its me), leave immediately home marrie him.
    she don't have dare to select option two , she is telling whatever wrote in my fate, that will happen, If our love is true god will help. I am leaving options to my parents everything there wish.

    I have suggested 3 options:
    1) we both will talk to the guy one who your parents selection
    2) Say strictly to NO to parents.
    3) Reg marriage.

    But she is not ready for taking any of the option which I suggested, She is telling now whatever their in my fate that will happen. I am observing her behavior before and Now, she changed a lot, before she used to give values for my thought and happiness, Now she is thinking Money, Money and future (If she marrie me , First question is for my kids I can't give my family,I want family ) Now she is looking reason to break up, in every conversion she is insulting me and whatever character she likes in me before she hates same character now . Its enough this is the time to end up everything. I just wanna normal. Help me guys.

    Seriously I am going mad, Only option left for me is forgetting her, But its pains a lot , every day I am crying its been 4 days, for me it is hell.

  • I went through all the posts and came to a conclusion that you and the girl both are very inconsistent in your thought process. Either one has to be practical or be emotional. Marriage is not a child's play, it is a very important and serious matter in which if you take a little liberty and act carelessly then life remains at stake.

    Your last post indicates that at present you are doubting the girl because of her attitude towards you. This is the high time when you have to gather yourself, get going and meet her to have an open discussion. You need to understand her state of mind too. Loving a person is entirely different from confronting with her own family and put every relationship at risk.

    Be matured and give her space to take the best decision which turns out to be favorable for everyone. Break-ups are common but when it takes place on the basis of mutual understanding then remains neither any hard feeling for each other nor any qualms. This is the most sensible way of dealing with a complicated situation. Future life becomes peaceful which, I feel, should be the ultimate goal of one and all.

    shampasaid

  • Its very common problem with the youth these days. If her father is not getting convinced then you can't do that. As is clear from your post he is an orthodox person and believe in caste system which can't be changed now. The best thing is to convince your girl friend for court marriage. There are more chances that she will be convinced if she really loves you.

    Rest of the things like your salary is lesser than your girl friend, not having your own home in the city etc etc are temporary issues which may get changed in future.

    So don't worry about these things.

    My suggestion is to try hard to convince her so that you may elope and lead a happy marriage life. Its very likely that her parents will accept you both after marriage if it happens. So don't give up the hope.

    If she doesn't get convinced after your efforts then its better to forget her and live life happily separately . I know its not possible but thats the only option left with you if it happens.

    Sanjeev

    " It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not" ... Andre Gide


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