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  • Category: Marriage

    Problem regarding love marriage

    Have a query about inter caste love marriage? Wondering how to convince father for love marriage who is heart patient? here, on this ask Expert page you can go through the advice provided by experts.

    I am 25 years old and in love with a guy who is 26. He is working as excise inspector. And I am preparing for govt. job. So the problem is I am Upadhyay Brahmin and he is Tyagi Brahmin. We both want to marry. I have convinced my family. But his father is not convinced yet. His father is a heart patient. So the boy doesn't want to build pressure on him. What should we do? I need immediate reply.
  • Answers

    10 Answers found.
  • Though this being a delicate issue but with your pragmatic approach, the problem can be resolved in your favour. However, prior to proceeding for such negotiation,you have to ensure your self that this marriage being undertaken by you would give you immense pleasure in terms of family - life and with his constant association. With this renewed confidence, you can go ahead with the planning of the marriage.
    The most crucial point, at this juncture seems to have concurrence of your would be father - in - law who is a heart - patient. You should apprise of your fiancé of your willingness to meet your would be father - in - law personally. Mere one or two sittings would not help you in winning the confidence of your father - in - law but a regular sitting fortnightly for a couple month would help your father - in - law to assess your personality completely.
    You should be courteous enough and should be affectionate and caring in your personnel dealing with him. You may prepare some special dishes for him and the entire family of the spouse so that your would be father - in - law could know your positive attributes.
    Such tactfulness would have a favourable impact and your father - in - law may approve of your matrimonial - settlement.

  • As your parents are OK with the marriage your problem is half solved. The remaining half is making the father of your friend to accept the proposal. As he is a heart patient the issue is to be handled very carefully and tactfully. You have not mentioned the reason why you would be the father in law is not accepting. Is it because of different sets in Brahmin caste. One more issue to be known is your would be father in law is not interested in your marriage or he is not ready to get his son married at this juncture. Keeping all these facts in mind you should handle the situation.
    I personally feel that your family members should go and meet him once. Before going there you should have a chat with the boy and know the main reason for not accepting the proposal. Your parents should talk to him and try to make him understand that you are also a good family loving person and will be best suited for the boy. Then slowly by repeated visits, they should try to get the confidence of the boy's father. Then you can visit him and you should try to get his best impression of your acts and behaviour. Then he may accept the other proposal.

    always confident

  • Nowadays many cases of inter-caste and inter-religious marriages are seen. In your case, both of you are Brahmins but belong to different sub-caste. In the present era, this much difference should be acceptable to all. As you have said that the father of your boyfriend is a heart patient, so I would suggest that first of all both of you convince other persons of the boy's family. Thereafter request those persons to convince the father of the boy. It would be great if any person who has great influence on the boy's father's life, can convince him. In the meantime, you prepare for the Government job, and I feel that if you get a Government job, the opposition to your marriage would be over.

    "If you are killed in action, you go to Heaven. If you win, you rule this Earth (as beautiful as Heaven). That is why, O son of Kunti, take a firm resolve and fight!"-- Shrimad Bhagwad Gita

  • What I personally feel that there may not be much difference between Upadhyay Brahmin and Tyagi Brahmin sect. Your lover seems to be sulking and not opening up. In love marriages, the hostilities are bound to happen and those who faced them are the winners. By the way never consider the weakness of the elders at home which may aggravate by revealing the love marriage plans. In fact parents if convinced in proper way, get into agreeing mode and even give green signal. The boy must have the courage to face such situation and reveal the truth to father and then go for marriage with elders blessings.

    K Mohan @ Moga
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • In a love marriage, the responsibilities of post-marriage life are to be managed by the couple and they cannot complain to their parents for any problem as they will say that it is your own deed.

    If you are sure that your match is going to work in future then you must boldly take this proposition to the boy's patents and try to negotiate and maybe they finally agree. The boy should also be clear in his mind and should not show any confusion in his thoughts.

    Marriage is a lifelong commitment so it's negotiation should be tackled in the soft and subtle manner.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • You both are brahmins so I don't think there would have such issue in your marriage. There might have some other reason of denying it or may be your lover is not convincing his parents properly.
    I would suggest you to discuss about this issue with your parents and do whatever your parents says as because parents will always advise you for your better life. You can also discuss with your lover and it would be better if you all I mean your parents and your lover would discuss together. This would definitely bring you a solution.
    This is really a sensitive situation where you should always think twice while taking any decision. His father is a heart patient so you should not forget this at all. I think you should discuss with your lover about what exactly his dad wants from you.
    You should be clear about whether his dad wants a working women or a house wife for his son. Do accordingly, or if possible discuss with his mother to find out the solution.
    Wish you all the very best for this. I hope everything will be alright and you both may start living with together as a wife-husband by keeping both the parents happier and healthier.

  • You both are Brahmins so I do not find any difficulties in the marriage. Only his father is not convinced. Your family is ready for your marriage. The boy should try to convince his father if his father does not convince try to search a person in his family who can convince his father. We can see that there is some person in the family who can convince any member of the family. The boy should think a person who is very near to his father and can convince him. His mother, his sister, his brother, his uncle, aunty, or any friend of his father. The boy should talk to that person to convince his father. If possible the boy can take help of his grandparents.

    Honesty is the best policy.

  • The first thing is to be sure of your mutual affection, love and sincerity. First ensure that. Ensure that the man is really sincere to marry you. Ask him straight this question in presence of your parents. Then decide whether he is really serious. If he is not serious, just forget him and say 'Good riddance'.
    But f he is really sincere, thjen take a decison that you both will get married, but before that try to get acceptance fromhis parents also.

    Discreetly gauge who are all from his side are ready to accept the marriage. Get close to them and impress them with your affection and proper behaviour. Voluntarily help them in their needs, be in touch and communication with them. Convince them that in spite of the small differences due to the sub category difference, you will be following the husband's family customs and traditions after marriage. Ask them for their help to get the marriage done and ask them to gradually convince his father also.

    As far as I feel there is no serious problem at all in your case. Let your parents also impress upon the boy's side that they are also fully willing and agreeing for your following the boy's family side traditions and customs.

    You keep positive faith and confidence. Do not act in haste. You need not give pressure to the boy's father. But allow him to think logically and practically. Convince him that you both will not do anything to bring ill repute to either family.
    Slow and steady wins the race. You too will.

    Best Wishes.

  • Firstly do not rush through things. Both of you evaluate your commitment and the love you have for each other. He's an excise inspector, you are preparing for a government job. You are almost there and if the bond between you two is sincere and unshakable, you will have a good life together.

    The boy's father is a heart patient, no son or daughter would like to upset or bring a set of worries to such a father. Please take some time out, have a frank and sincere discussion that is realistic and not overtaken by emotion. What is the strength between you two, can either of you wait for 3 months and give your love a chance to succeed. Do you have the will power to stay apart and try to make it work. Is the love between you two heart felt or based on a steady job or circumstances of family wealth or being acquintances.

    Usually, it would be the other way around, the girl's parents would be difficult to be convinced. You have managed to convince your family, now he has to and this will happen with time. You need to find out what is the core issue that the boy's father is objecting about, you not having a job or a internal hiearchy in the sub-caste that would make him feel that he is losing face.

    See whether the boy has a sister or a sister in law. You can try and make efforts to get to know the women in the family while you are preparing for the exams. Once you give them a picture of confidence and maturity that you both are willing to wait, they will slowly start accepting you. This would also enable the boy's father to hear about the intentions of you both.

    After some time, when the time is right you can broach the subject along with elders from both families so that the boy's father agrees for it. Now, your fiancee should be assertive and show his father that you both are sincere and would be a good couple without being a burden on anyone and his parents would be looked after well by you both.

    If all goes well fine, if not, the boy and yourself need to take a decision and get together, with time the families would bond. If you have little time for your exams, finish the exams, get a Government job and see if this changes the attitude of the boy's father.

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