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  • Category: Family & Life

    How to deal with backstabbers?


    Finding it difficult to deal with people who are backstabbers? Learn some useful ways to deal with them.

    Backstabbers will be there everywhere. They will be there in your relatives, your friends, your colleagues or co-workers, etc. These people will act very smartly. They look very friendly to you and it will be very difficult to identify their original character. You will come to know about their intentions only after you got betrayed. How to identify a backstabber personality? How to deal with backstabbers at work or amongst relatives or friends?
  • #151805
    The first and foremost thing you should follow is not to believe blindly. Be friendly with all bet don't get familiarised with anybody. Till you have sufficient evidence of the integrity of the other person don't share with him any information. If he asks for money also it is better not to give more than what you can afford to lose. When you are giving some money for the first time you think it is a donation only.
    There are some people who try to make you believe them, they will give some information which is not very important and once you start thinking him as your wellwisher he will try to get more and more advantage. You should be very reserved with such people and should not go beyond the routine. They may try to talk to you about your boss to provoke you and by any chance, if you say one or two bad things about the boss, they will go to him and convey your words. Some people will record our words also on their cell phone when you are talking to them. So you should restrain in talking bad about your boss.

    drrao
    always confident

  • #151808
    Identifying backstabbers is not an easy job. They will appear to be helping and friendly till their real motives are revealed.

    There are people who do it for some vested interest. They will do it to degrade the reputation of a particular person in society. Even some colleagues will be like that who will be backbiting about the laborious fellows and the boss will be sometimes totally mislead in assessing a subordinate. These backstabbers are the most dangerous and harmful people and one must be very cautious of them.

    One precaution is do not mix with the people quickly. Find out his background. Is he contributing where he is engaged or just passing his time in mischievous activities. What is his family background? Why is he helping you when you have not asked for it? These are some observations required before permitting him to be friendly.

    Sometimes getting information from others regarding the behaviour of such people is very helpful in finding out the real worth about them. They may invite you to their houses and offer tea etc to become intimate and then show their true colour. These people are generally street smart type and will do anything to get their mean goals achieved.

    One general thing which can be considered is if a person is backbiting to you about some other person then believe me, he will also be backbiting about you with others.

    So constant alertness and keeping our eyes and ears open is a pre-requisite to identify and isolate such people from the lot.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #151811
    Spiritually it has been told that if our mind is clubbed or associated with bad or evil elements we have to face the same from others. To avoid this to the most important in human is treating other human as human and on no account we have to envy others or finding fault on others. If we act soft to others automatically back stabbers run from us.

  • #151813
    It would be difficult to get rid of backstabbers so long as you are alive. They too are the the part of the societies and you cannot recognise their true faces since they pose to be friendly in their dealings. However, if you follow certain norms, you can handle with such persons effectively. You may apply the following tips -
    1) You should be cautious while dealing with the people. Watch the personality closely and refrain from sharing any personnel information to such fellows till you are fully familiar with their temperament.
    2) You should meet a stranger with a smiling - face but talks should be limited to current events or should talk in relation to historical places especially when we are on the train - journey.
    3) Backstabbers are found in both the sexes and without making full scrutiny, one should not share personnel information. One should be a good listener but it does not mean one should be talkative expressing everything within your heart.
    4) You must be aware of human - psycology. If a man is speaking ill of somebody else in your presence, he would not have hesitation in speaking ills in your case as well.
    5) Too much expectation from a stranger is not a practical solution.
    6) Make friendship with the people with the thorough investigation.

  • #151816
    Backstabbers are part and parcel of life on earth. It is very painful because it is something more than the regular cheating or deception by known/unknown people. This is because the betrayal is done by those whom one trusted not to do that. One might as well get used to this and prepare accordingly to minimize damage as much as possible, though it is not an easy thing to do. Most don't like to talk about this as this does expose their vulnerabilities to someone else.

    Some basic ingredients that make a trusted person to become a backstabber are unbridled ego/pride/greed, wanting to look good in sight of others, selfishness/self-pity, public humiliation of that person in front of peers and/or his own family members, vengeful, being trapped in blackmail/drugs/crime, etc.

    Going through history we can find plenty of examples, starting even from Cain and Abel (of Adam and Eve), down the list of various rulers in history. Jesus had one, and even knew about it a bit in advance but still carried on. Closer home we have Indira Gandhi and Rajiv Gandhi. Even closer and personal are from amongst our own friends and relatives.

    Most of the time we can't avoid as various situations and bondings and relationships come into play to prevent taking clear steps. We do have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more and talk less. Personally, for me my best option is reading God's word, and be in tune to listen to the inner voice to be aware, prepare and be safe. He can and does warn you enough in advance. Of course, I realized this after getting rammed, so now it is a valuable experience.

    We can always try to be wise and hope the backstabber did it because of mitigating circumstances and not out of malice. No matter what we can rise above the defeat and hurt and become wiser and stronger. That situation can also show who are real friends from the previously unknown status. We should also make sure we don't become paranoid and suspicious of everyone, because that is no good and make us into creatures of apathy.

    What is worse than having a backstabber is becoming a backstabber ourselves, and that also can happen if we have those characteristics described above. That can hurt a lot of people who trust you and me.

  • #151825
    One should be very careful of this category of people called backstabbers. They are more dangerous than our enemies.

    We must observe people for their behaviour and any activity which appears more sweeter than it should have been. Unnecessary courtesy and good behaviour may be totally deceptive as a bad face may be hiding behind.

    We should not mix with new people immediately and even with the known people maintain our talks and relations to a limit. Do not confide your personal things with others. You do not know when it becomes a matter of gosship in the town.

    Every step in life requires a prethinking and we must weigh our tongue before we speak. There are backstabbers everywhere in the society and until unless we are alert they will harm us in one way or other.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #151831
    Here are few tips.
    1. Backstabbing happens when you are ignorant about situation. Always check your stories before taking decision on it.
    2. Most important do not gossip or involve in gossips.
    3. Build healthy relationships with everyone around you.
    4. Learn to spot the alarms of backstabbing and stay alert.
    5. Keep a proofs in terms of writing or video of what goes on and happened.
    6. Stay calm and instead of getting out of control after backstabbing take bold decision for further.

    Relationship building takes years but to break only minute. So be careful about words and actions.

    Avi
    Life Is Beautiful

  • #151841
    To give an oversimplified answer as to "How to deal with backstabbers" is to say that you should have an eye at your back. Easier said than done.
    It is just like the online threats . They are present anywhere, anytime. You will be lucky if you are not affected. For that you should put in place certain precautions and good habits and protocols.

    Usually backstabbers will be like the proverbial
    'Visha kumbham,payomukham"- like a pot with poison inside and milk at the mouth of the pot.
    Mostly such persons will be moving with you ,behaving very pleasantly with you and maybe coming forward to help you voluntarily also. It may need some vigilant and alert attitude to guess about a backstabber. There will be a certain artificiality in them. Some extra unrealistic pro-activeness,smile, flattery, extra appreciation etc. They will be reminding you more about how certain others pose danger to you. They will be prodding you repeatedly about some others and seek or extract your opinion on certain controversial matters or persons. They will be feeding you with 'new' and gossip voluntarily.

    All these should make you alert and cautious. You should put a firewall around you and do not fall victim to their traps. Never believe and accept their promises. Even if you do,have a'B' plan. Cultivate friendships of some unbiased people around you. Never gossip or talk bad about any other person. Ensure that your behaviour is open,transparent and you keep confidential things as confidential only. Do not divulge your plans in any important matter to anyone other than the most trusted well wishers.

    Such things can give some protection to you or at least reduce the damage in case of back stabbing.

  • #151889
    To deal with backstabbers accept the Fact that they backstabbed you. It kind help to confront them somehow. These two things will make you peace and satisfaction. I really hate those type of people. No one can stop them to do this silly things. They do whatever they like to do. These type of peoples will mention good things about you in your presence but tell others that you are hopeless waste of space.

    *Assess your relationship with them or with that particular person.
    *After you know that he/she backstabbed me then Set things right mean talk to those people who he/she had talked to. Share your side of story.
    *No matter how much you feel like strangling that person, pull yourself together. Take a deep breath and live to fight another day.
    *Let those people who believed the rumors about you eat their words. Just keep your conscience clear. At the end of the day, you can be proud that you have kept your values and stayed true to yourself.

    Spot them before damaging your integrity and reputation in front of others. They are everywhere, in your friend circles, at your work place and in your familes also.

  • #151897
    My answers are as under. But at the very outset, I admit that these are very easy to preach than practise.

    1. First, you have to identify the backstabbers for sure. It is little bit difficult, but backstabbers always talk ill about his/her colleagues in presence of seniors. So, at the time of discussion among themselves, the backstabbers can be identified.
    2. Thereafter, the colleagues must confront the backstabbers with evidence or witnesses. As for example, let the backstabber is talking ill about X before his/her boss in presence of Y. Y must remember this. When he talks ill about Y in presence of X, X should also remember. If any third party listens to the conversations of the backstabber with the boss, he also must be roped in. After collecting witnesses, the backstabber must be confronted by all, It takes time and unity.
    3. If possible, electronic evidence (like a tape recorder) must be utilized to confront him.
    4. If these are not possible, the employees should meet the boss together and tell him/her about the real nature of the backstabber. If the boss is intelligent to understand the policy of the backstabber, he will acknowledge the joint complaint from other employees.

    However, these are very long-term policy. If the backstabber is identified, everyone should remain careful not to tell anything inappropriate in his/her presence.

    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #151901
    I think the description of a backstabber needs to be clarified.

    He/she is a well-known person to us, upon whom we place a good amount of confidence. It is someone quite close. It is someone close enough who could hug you and stab your back at the same time. A regular acquaintance doesn't get the chance to get close and win the confidence enough to be trusted. That is why it hurts a lot and for long time when someone we counted on to be safe with betrays that trust. We'd be in shock and disbelief that this happened.

    There are those types who cheat and do bad things to you without becoming a trusted person, but these are not backstabbers but ordinary stabbers about whom you'd never say something like "I trusted you so much" or something like that.

  • #152114
    A. A topic wherein personal experience can be very useful, we live in a world that is highly competitive and almost everyone in the office or the workplace want to get that extra credit, that juicy promotion, that extra bonus points with the boss or the team leader.

    B.Half the job would be done if only we can find out about these people before they can cause a major disturbance in our professional career.

    1.With regards to back stabbers, often our gut feeling or inner instinct proves to be correct. For instance a colleague or a so called friend who looks fine, but their is something worrying about his or her plans or behaviour and you can't put your finger exactly on what's wrong.

    2.It could be a person who seems to have two different set of thougths and interactions with you and within the team. A person who seems to be over sweet and over patronising. A colleague who sides without with false sympathy and is always subtly trying to gather information about your plans and ideas.
    At work, when you are alway beaten to the finish line, be it appreciations from the boss, work completed on time, apprasials becoming difficult, sudden change in the attitude of the team leader or the higher authorities etc.

    3.It could be even people who seem to be around you when you hold something important in your hands or you hold something very useful to them and the same people ignore you on other days.

    4.Each office would have the office sneak, the favourite of the boss who without any integerity leaks personal and private information about colleagues to the boss. Similar each team will have people who are used to ride on the coat tails of other colleagues. These people allow others to do all the hardwork and at the crucial time step and take credit and dues for the entire work/porject.


    C.The best approach is to always trust people with a pinch of salt. Be alert and on the look-out for subtle changes and pointed questions or conversations aimed to gather your future/secret plans.Don't speak out loud about your intentions and plans. Hold a few cards close to your chest. With people who are colleagues, maintain a information barrier and don't give away all our emotions and inner thoughts.When things don't go the plan at the office, when you are pulled up unneccesarily, when you find yourself at the receving end or often have extra work think carefully and recall the conduct/intentions of the so called good workmates.
    If there in an internal higher vacancy, overseas job project visit and important meetings coming up, please always assume that there would be a handful of people who would do anything to secure the chance for themselves, so be watchful and prepare well and use your discretion about sharing everything you know about the subject or event.

    D. Friends and co-employees are also humans who have the basic human instincts and desire to be successful, so of them move the next level of using unsuspecting fellow colleauges as their own stepping stones for their own careers. This applies to relatives too. FOr instance, if there is good property being sold, a good alliance coming your family's way, always be alert that there would be some cousins etc wanting the same.

    E.Have a direct approach with your superiors or the boss, especially, when things are changing at a rapid pace and you find that you are ignore, have a polite but direct frank approach, many good leaders in any organisation like this and bear this in mind.

  • #152116
    Remember this. You are born into this world with no skill. You pick up some skills only after you are an adult and after some skill.

    The backstabbing is a part of our routine life. It is very simple. You do either A or B. Not both. The A strategy means you also start back stabbing. You also start playing politics. Even within families this adds to huge confusion. It only adds to your being mentally and even physically lost. It is just that some other guy or several guys are more smarter than you in backstabbing. More skilled.

    So, strategy B is simple. Make it clear to anyone that you are not in this game. I have explained some points in my forthcoming article on managing office politics. Let me repeat this for you. Kindly understand, the more skilled you are, the more confident you are, the chances of some guy even trying to back stab you is not that easy.

    They will be found licking their own wounds, even if they try. Go to any organization where merit alone matters. Like Infosys Technologies, WIPRO, Asian Paints, ITC and the like. You will only find business minded people. Hard core managers. I do not know your background. If you can, enter into such organizations. No back stabbing. If any one tries this, he or she is gone. For sure.

    Once done, rest assured, ten hours per day is gone. The rest of the time is hardly enough for you to breath. It is nothing at all. You can easily manage. Sent blunt and not so blunt messages that you are not in their game. They will slowly realize and withdraw. You do not have any other choice.

    Back stabbing in all its glory is there in every TV serial. I guess it is there is Hindi serials too. However, life is a lot more complicated than all this. So, get going and do only one thing. Get the B strategy right.

  • #152569
    A Backstabber or a hypocrite is someone who is assumed trustworthy but who figuratively attacks you when your back is turned.

    He or She is someone who is jealous of you and still wants to hang around for some profit motive or to harm you or to bring losses to your current endeavor by misguiding you.

    Their Personality traits - They are normally too sweet to be true; will never criticize you (because criticism might improve you); will not have their own ideas or judgments; will always keep an eye on you (which will be quite evident).

    "If you want to make real progress, you must give up all ideas of personal attainment".


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