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  • Category: Marriage

    Family issue in love marriage

    Having a query about age cutoff for love marriage? Looking out for reliable advice online? On this ask Expert page you will get ample advice to decide how to proceed with love marriage and ensure that parents accept the spouse.

    I am now 20+ and my girl friend is 19+. Can we marry by this year?
    After we marry if any police case happens, then will they separate us?
    In the girl's house they don't accept our love and in my house after I marry her I can convince them. Before it's impossible to convince our parents. And in the girls house they came to know about our love matter, and they are trying to marry her to someone.
  • Answers

    6 Answers found.
  • In India, once your age is above 18 you have become a major. That part is OK. But a boy can get married once he completes 21 years and a girl can marry once she completes 18 years. As per your question you are in your 21st year. So to become eligible to marry you should wait to complete the 21st year.
    But I suggest you convince your parents telling them about the love between you and the girl as you are confident that you can convince them. Then go with them to the girl's parents and discuss with them and try to convince them also. Here the girl's cooperation is also required. She should tell her parents that she wanted to marry you and but not anyone else. Once she declares that and when you go with your parents they will think positively and agree with the proposal. I suggest you follow this course so that everybody will be with you for the marriage and you will not have any problems afterwards.

    always confident

  • As per the Prohibition of Child Marriage Act, 2006, a boy can't marry before 21 and a girl before 18.

    So, you have to wait for sometime and meanwhile do your home work thoroughly. Do not be afraid of what you are doing once you attain the legal age. Only thing is after the marriage you have to live together and nobody will be appreciating or helping you if there is a misunderstanding between you two after the love marriage. There is nothing wrong in love but one should be prudent enough to see the pros and cons of the situation arising out of this wedlock.

    Marriage is a big decision in ones life and it should be taken after a considerable thought process. Suppose after the marriage parents of both the sides abandon you then can you sustain the journey of life yourself. What are your financial sources to manage a family?Where you will stay? Will you leave the society and go to some other place where no one knows you and you can live peacefully. These are the things which require deep thinking and then only a conscious decision will be there which will make your future journey comfortable.

    You have to do a lot of efforts in compromising with your respective parents and somehow convince them that what you are going to do is not the infatuation of young minds but a mature call. Until unless they are convinced they will not cooperate with you. If you are dependent on them in any respect then you have no alternative except compromising with them to some extent.

    You have sufficient time and do not do haste in the matter and take a calculated decision.

    Knowledge is power.

  • A. In your case at present, if you get married, the girl's family can force the police or the law by itself can be a source of trouble. So, you have to wait at least till you complete 21 years.

    B. Without knowing your background, financial support and education it would be difficult to be precise.

    C. Respecting the bond of love between you both, I request you to sit and think realistically. Yes, it's a nice feeling to be loved and this is the age. But be brutally honest and answer the questions below

    It is just infatuation or attraction or a platonic relationship taking a different turn?
    Is the bond between you both strong enough to withstand the harsh realities of life?
    What would be your options to support financially you both (once you reach the legal age)? Many boys and girls struggle to get a decent job even at 25-28 years of age.
    What are the education and career plans for both of you?
    Have you made a rough estimate of the cost of living and home expenses per month? Even employed middle-class couple struggles to make ends meet. What about rent, food, functions, travel, emergencies, social expenses and future expenses when the first child is born?

    D. This is just a brief list, considering both your ages, you need to have support for education and then a job in hand. This would vital to starting your family life once you get married without the consent of the girl's parents.

    E. So, have a few days of real discussion and let the heart not overrule the mind. Being positive that you both have a good bond of love and mature enough to wait for a couple of years, come to a sensible agreement that you both will focus on your education and be in touch regularly without visiting the girl's house, going out etc. I say this because, if your love is serious from both sides, this will convey the message that you two are mature enough to understand the needs of life and love.

    F. After two years, once you complete your degree and get a job then meet the girl's parents and have the marriage proposal discussed once more. It would be better. After 2-3 years, you will be in a better position and mature enough to make a good choice.

    G.If you both feel that yes, you don't think that you can face the harsh realities or do not want to see each other suffer, then part as friends.

    H. Give the situation some thought and time and then decide.

  • Prior to finalisation of your marriage - contract, you need to think over the following contentious issues in a calm and cool mind and then you should go ahead for the marriage - proposal. These points are listed below -
    1) Think of your own age since you are still running 19 - thereby falling short of two years for the negotiation of any marriage - contract needed for permanent companionship but your fiancé is fulfilling the same criteria. If you go ahead for the marriage right now, you may be rewarded punishment for the violation of act.
    2) You need to look into the financial - stability so that the different expenses are met successfully after your marriage. Even you to look after your kids when you are blessed with them. At least one of you must have a secured job.
    3) You have not indicated the qualification of yourself and your fiancé. Quality of education will be helpful in nurturing the talent of your kids.
    4) Both of you should have intense passion for each other and sacrifice in the event of emergency should be overriding priority.
    5) Patience has to be maintained at all costs and instead of being sentimental in any issue, both of you should be analytical minded prior to arrival at final conclusion.
    6) After all, marriage is the ceremony attended by all your well - wishers including the parents of both the parties. So it is not too late to strengthen the relationship of your father and mother in law. Act promptly in that direction.

  • I believe you would have understood the legal angle from the above posts in detail. My sincere request to you would be to deliberate on your decision before taking this life-changing step.
    Marriage is a serious matter and love alone is not a sufficient condition for the decision. I will explain why.
    First of all, the definition of love at your age is more of a fairy tale which real life is definitely not. So fundamentally what you may be expecting are dreams not reality.
    Secondly and most importantly, the support of the family ie parents is extremely crucial for the marriage. Blessings is one thing but you will need their guidance and maturity to handle issues which will arise. Be it setting up of home, taking up a job or for that matter cooking. How much does a 19-year-old know about running the house?
    Thirdly, don't you both want to pursue further studies and become something in life? How will you both manage studies, work and home without help from parents? Who will finance?

    These are fundamental things that come to my mind. I still feel both of you are too young to take on the world on your own. Please give a few years to yourselves. Nobody can force anyone to marry these days. Be adamant and tell your parents that you are serious about the relationship. Show your dedication in a positive way and things should work out.
    All the best!

  • As far as the legalities are concerned, I believe you are fairly clear by now. However, there are too many other critical & practical points involved in this.

    If you are able to convince your family post marriage; that will really be great. Conversely, if things doesn't turn out as per your plan, life might become too tough & rough for both of you.

    Career, family, happiness, trust, love, all play a significant role in one's life. And trust me, they are all related to each other. One has to maintain a balance.

    Families are important; you both would need your family members' lifetime. Convince them. You know what the right course of action is, stick to that. Be a man of principles. That would help you in long run.

    "If you want to make real progress, you must give up all ideas of personal attainment".

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