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  • Category: Family & Life

    How to avoid shyness and gain confident.

    Are you facing the problem of shyness? Here are the methods which can help you to overcome this problem.

    During my class if a lecturer asks question I get nervous. Hence I can't converse and share the thoughts and answers I know. So it will be embarrassing to me. I want to know how to get rid of this problem and avoid shyness. Due to this problem, the person conversing with me feel negative and may not like me or the way I converse.
  • Answers

    19 Answers found.
  • This is a question which is asked in many question forums and ask agony aunt sections and is really a challenging aspect to handle.

    The shyness comes in us either due to heriditary reasons or due to circumstances in which we are brought up.

    Dealing with this demon is a challenging and difficult task but is possible with persistently trying and making efforts in this direction.

    Until unless, the attribute of shyness is removed from the person he will time and again fall in it's trap.

    There are many methods recommended in books and literature but nothing works if you do not have a strong will power to win over this.

    One has to practice talking coherently and loudly in front of a mirror to see where are the deficiencies and bottlenecks are there. Talking frequently with classmates is also a way to gain confidence. More social interactions are also a good way to open up. Even bargaining in the crowded shops generates confidence in us.

    Do not feel shy of doing mistakes. Even the great scientists and philosophers did blunders. So go ahead and talk loudly and frankly.

    Knowledge is power.

  • Things that you should stop doing from today to not to be shy around people.
    *Avoid bullies and teases
    *Do not tell there is no need to advertise your shyness
    *Keep it light
    *Change your tone.
    *Stop self-disruption
    *Avoid the Label
    *Know your strength
    *Choose relationships carefully
    *Avoid thinking alot

    If you want to go from shy to confident, you first need to put yourself out there in order to meet new people. Put yourself in social situations and practice speaking. Watch sandeep maheshwari videos and motivational videos for being confident. Believe in yourself if you wants to be confident. Always try to be happy. Control your life. Do not seat alone without any work for long time. Just be what you are thats it. Don't think i'm looking good or not. Just focus on those things which is important. Don't think about others. Do what you like. Do not do what others like to do.

  • There are many people having this type of problem. It is mainly due to not having confidence in yourself. The person who thinks always that his answer may be wrong or people may laugh at him if he is wrong may not be able to talk and suffer from this feeling. You can practice the following points to overcome this problem.
    1. You should be Confident in your actions. It comes through learning, practice, action and mastery. When you start learning a cycle riding initially you feel it difficult. But once you start learning and practising you will become more confident. Same is the case here also.
    2. You should start participating in small talks with various people and talking to strangers at bars, stores, sporting events and other places. Take some chances and put yourself out there to meet new people.
    3. Take on a difficult task at work or learn a new skill. Do something to get out of your comfort zone. By practising new activities, you will get out of your fear of the unknown and be learning to handle that anxiety more effectively.
    4. Start practising giving speeches or presentations and telling jokes or stories at every opportunity. Be more talkative and expressive in all areas of your life.
    5. Make yourself vulnerable. Being vulnerable requires a willingness to let others see the real you. Be proud of what you are. Being genuine and vulnerable is often the quality that others will appreciate the most about you.
    6. Make eye contact when talking to someone. Walk with your head held high. Project your voice clearly and effectively.
    7. Be present to all of your thoughts, feelings, sensations, and memories in any given moment. There is no part of your experience that you have to run from, escape, or avoid.

    By following the above points you will overcome your shyness and you will be successful.

    always confident

  • My suggestions -
    1. Start articulating your thoughts at home. Pick up any topic and think about it. What will you say if you were asked to speak on that topic? Write down your answer if needed but make the clear for yourself.
    2. Select a close friend and spend some time every day with him/her discussing some topic of mutual interest. This way you will at least feel safe and be able to share your thoughts openly.
    3. Start talking to the mirror. Just say what you feel aloud. Look into your eyes and talk.
    4. Read the newspaper loudly. Practice this every day. This way you will speak and get used to your style of speaking. The first reservations will be over before you step into the public.
    5. Motivate yourself all the time. Tell yourself to not be shy of the world. Remember each one has his own struggles. No one is perfect and it is absolutely alright to be insecure or uncomfortable sometimes.

    Remember we are all good in our own ways. All the best !

  • Your shyness may be due to your initial bringing - up where guardians enforce strict disciplines which ultimately causes a change in one's personality and shyness,too, is the result of over enforcement of the strict discipline. However, to come out from the present impasse, you need to have strong will power and determination to reverse the present complex. You would be required to change the existing phase gradually by doing the following things-
    1) In case, you have any superiority - complex thinking always that people may not approve of your thoughts and ideas. Don't feel guilty with your honest representation of your feelings.
    2) You need to put forth your ideas in writing point by point so that you may not forget the emotions entire points while deliberating in public.
    3) Confidence can be enhanced by seeing your image while conversing by means of a mirror placed on your front. This would give you an idea how you look when you are indulged in a public - meeting.
    4) Be honest to your feelings without having any emotions dampening your spirit.
    5) Regular reading of News- paper would enhance your skill of the presentation of the facts. You will be familiar with the usage of new words, syntax and phrases to be used in course of conversation.

  • Shyness is an inherent trait but with continuous efforts and training one can get rid of it.

    It is more of a psychological disorder and a behavioural problem.

    This problem is to be tackled in a slow and gradual pace as it can not be corrected overnight.

    The best course of action is to consult a psychologist who will give the correct remedial action and guidance in the matter.

    Strong will power is also a pre-requisite for getting rid of this mental frame.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • You have to be more proactive and express like you talk with parents. Just be polite and whatever you know speak clearly. Another way is to start discussions on various things of study and general knowledge with friends that way you will be more vocal and decision maker. Most important students get shy because of their attire, how they look , staring of other students so basically you need to think that it's only last chance to speak up irrespective who is watching and listening. All the best.

    Life Is Beautiful

  • It is not the matter affecting you only but in many students as well passed-outs have the nervousness. This is because of lack of close contacts. In your class itself you select some food persons, wantonly talk to them and make as friends. As and when you find time speak with them freely about any topic and later jump to the subjects also.
    Sometimes you can speak yourself by assuming you are having somebody before you or even before a long mirror. Above all you should develop yourself the confidence as you are not inferior to any one around you. But your confidence should be with a level and you should keep yourself not to be overconfident.

  • Shyness (or Nervousness or Inhibition) should not be your concern, it's just a reaction. The main problem is that you are too concerned with other's opinions and responses.

    Trust me, no matter how hard you try, you can never govern other's responses. Nature of response or reaction is directly associated with understanding or empathy. You will always come across people with different mindsets or characters; & therefore bound to get different responses or reactions from them (depending on their maturity).

    If you remain focused on their responses, you will always feel discomfort while interacting with them. Further, if you try to avoid this shyness, it might subside for the time being, but will never be annihilated.

    We are born healthy but problems arise when our mind gets distorted with wrong understanding. Only right understanding of the situation is needed, problems resolves on its own. Because in reality, problem doesn't exist.

    "If you want to make real progress, you must give up all ideas of personal attainment".

  • To get over this problem, go to any empty space within the campus where no one can ever see you. It could a classroom, during non-working hours. Practice to speak extempore in any language that you know. Your mother tongue in particular. More so, in the early morning, since the classmates would turn up much later. Or even in a school nearby.

    Once you start doing this, you will gather the confidence to speak in public. Simultaneously, get to jell not only with people of your own gender, but opposite sex too. Once you do this, you will slowly come out of your shell. It is vital that you also stand in front of a mirror and talk aloud to yourself, when no one is there. Once you do this, you will automatically become a bit more confident.

    Confidence in such matters will sort of happen over a period of three months, if you seriously try. Talk to the teachers in person, and allow them to address your problem. If your teacher encourages say, saying for example, "please go ahead", you will automatically gain the kind of confidence needed to take the on the environment around you.

    It is just a bit of habit formation. It is a little hard work that you need to put in. Follow the small baby steps. You can easily succeed. During your free time, offer to take up a class for standard eight children of a neighboring school, free of charge. There will be several takers for these kinds of services. This can also help you to become more confident.

    All the very best.

  • We call it as inferiority complex. To remove this flaw in us first of all move with others unwillingly. That means even though others matter is not important to us, try to mingle with such matters to express your opinions or suggestions. It gradually leads you to open your mind with others. As a result, your shyness will be removed.

    Next thing is practice to talk with you by looking into the mirror with your image. That will cause you to talk more and more with others on stages also in meetings. Like this you can remove your shyness.

    I believe in a positive attitude. I like those who criticize me.

  • A.You are not alone, there are many of us who are shy, reserved and struggle to hold a conversation face to face and in a group.
    There is nothing wrong, it's the way people are. We just need to find ways to overcome it. I'm glad that you have posted this, seeking to advise is the first positive step when 'you feel negative.'
    You cannot do this overnight, first try to speak well, meaningfully and learn how to start a conversation, develop and hold a conservation alive or a debate life.

    B. Please watch the news channels who debate on a particular topic. At times what they speak makes little sense, but see how they confidently hold themselves, argue, raise counterpoints etc. Watch the breaking news, there would very little substance but the person will have a brave face and speak non-stop making up words and sentences.
    Watch good interviews of ministers, experts etc. Many local channels have 'in the hot seat' live interviews wherein difficult questions are asked point-blank to an authority/comissioner etc. Here focus on the body langauge, speech delivery etc of the person asking the question and the person answering it.

    C. Share your problems with your cousin, close friend, sister or brother at home who can be the other person in your discussions on current issues, the politics, education etc. Here this family member or close friend is vital to help to have to confidence to develop a positive attitude, body language and to look at the person while speaking without being shy.

    D. Then make new friends, interact with smaller groups in the college (at the library, campus, cafeteria, drama or debate groups etc). The wider you participate in events related to academic and student life, the better you get to shed your inhibitions and shyness. Learn to speak to the college administrative staff, the accountants, the lab assistants, the records supervisor, the coaches etc. This is help to build your courage to speak to the teaching faculty, dean etc.

    E. Next, try to hold a meaningful conversation with friends or fellow collegemates of the opposite sex. There are many youngsters who find it difficult to talk to a boy or girl initially and often found at loss for words. This is just lack of expsoure during early years, you can overcome this easily.

    F.Read simple books on self confidence.
    The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz
    The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking by Dale Carnegie
    Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
    The Leader In You by Dale Carnegie (this is good for any fresher graduate who has to face the new complex world and its difficulties)
    Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins
    How to Develop Self-Confidence And Influence People by Dale Carnegie
    Daring Greatly by Brené Brown

    G. In short, you can do it over a period of time, if you are proactive, set apart few hours every day for this real-life practice. You will get better with a combination of listening, analyzing, speaking consciously always with the aim to improve and be better.

  • Let's first try to analyze why you feel shy.
    It is because you think, if you speak anything wrong, people may laugh at you. If that's the case, then, even staying silent or being shy, you are inviting for yourself the same trouble. In addition to this, lecturers or teachers have more power to influence your life than others. If you've already felt that silence or shyness is damaging your image in front of their eyes, it will affect your professional career, and hence your entire well being. On the contrary, you will only have to answer the questions asked in class for the time being. For this, studying in advance or having god grip in the subject can help you. Once you give the answers correct, and your response in the class doesn't lead to anything negative, automatically it will start building up your confidence gradually. This will in due course help in overcoming the shyness, and you can be at your ease at any given situation.

  • There are many people who lack confidence and they do various things to achieve it. Some even take classes for it and spend tons of cash in coaching centers over self development courses.

    But is it helpful? No.

    The easiest and best way to be confident that I have found is to be who you are. And this is how things have worked since beginning. There weren't any coaching centers, there weren't any courses, but there were people who were confident. So you have to tell yourself that you are better than many. Not everyone brings confidence with them from their mother's womb. Then how do they do it? The answer is that they don't bother to be shy and scared. They just overcome it by doing it. Do things that make you scared. You have to push yourself quite a bit in your head.

    To push yourself you can tell yourself in your mind that, "let's try it, forget about outcomes" or "do or die" or if you can't think of anything just tell your mind "shut up" and go for the things that scare you.

    Let's understand it more with an example. Suppose you are scared to speak among bunch of people, then what you should do is to just speak. Your voice may tremble, your hands might shake, your heart may race, may be you won't be able to convey what you want to. But if once you'll go for it, trust my words next time it will be easier.
    And won't be long when you'll look back and realize how far you have come.

  • Lots of students get nervous while teachers ask anything,it's very common things in school life. Getting nervous due to any reason may be a lack of knowledge, lack of self-confidence, etc. If you don't have the subject knowledge whatever you have asked then you have to handle it in a cool manner never get nervous. It is not possible for everyone to know all the things in this world.

    If you are shy to speak in front of public.Then you have to practice giving a lecture in front of the mirror,it will help you a lot to come out from this situation. Many people shares their story when they were shy to talk in front of the public or have fear to face the mass of public, but they gathered enough courage to speak.

    Every human being has some inner power to say the truth. Believe in yourself and your words and try to speak confidently. While talking don't think how people will react, otherwise, you cannot express yourself properly.

    If you have a problem speaking in other languages that is a different issue but don't express properly in your own language is a problem. So try to express in your own words with courage.

  • I have read the comments. Each and every individual is having its own perspective towards shyness and confidence gain. Personally I have experienced it. Going not so beyond, talking about my experiences in class 11 and 12th, most of the time I knew answers but can't raise up my hand due to fear and starving confidence level. When someone else answers the questions and resulted correct, I felt so bad that just due to unwanted fear, I didn't gave the answer even I knew it. Many times even full confident guys gave wrong answers but teacher praised them for being active in the class. Guys I think it's only us who can change ourselves. The real power to get away from shyness and decreased confidence level lies within us.
    I will not say that today I am a full confident young adult, but believe me I am improving day by day just because of my strong will power to attain that peak.
    For our unwanted shyness there can be lots of reasons:
    Dressing sense: Believe me this can be a major reason for your lost confidence level. Always dress comfortable and as per the surrounding environment. Just imagine you are wearing normal day to go clothes on a office party, you will absolutely attain no confidence because in that particular situation you will think yourself far away from other workers. May be the way people look to yourself on that party make you feel more odd and shy.
    Be optimistic: Friends in today's era you have to be optimistic if you want to be successful. I am not saying this just by reading some good stuff. The reason behind my suggestion is this that I have personally tried it on myself. Excited! You can also try it on yourself.
    Spend your one day having a positive approach on every matter. Try to approach calmly to everyone to whom you come in contact. Talk positive. Remove negative thoughts. At the end of the day you will absolutely feel refreshed. So, this is very clear that optimistic nature is the good option to overcome most of your life issues
    Hope so, this helps

  • The simple way to get rid of shyness and gain confidence:

    1. Speak and read in front of mirror
    2. Act confidently and try new things, even if make you anxious
    3. Be mindful and practice show confident body language.

  • Good question is asked by respected member. First of all your primary knowledge may be reason for this. If you have enough knowledge about the content then you must try to answer. When you are responding the teacher's question you shouldn't care that it will be hundred percentage right or not. Though you should remember that your answer must be related with the question. When your teacher starts new lesson you should prepare the basics of that chapter one day before the lecture. You should try always. There was a time when I wasn't able my thoughts about anything having complete knowledge about that. When I went to college my teacher asked a definition to whole class and I answered right. That was the end of my shyness. My teacher said you have good vocabulary. After that incident (August 2018) I have won more than 15 prizes in various speech and debate competitions (college,inter-college,district level). I think my experience will help you surely. Best wishes for bright future.

  • Shyness is more behavioural problem than psychological. To some extent, it is measuring scale of individual's personality. It is not possible to be corrected overnight. It is often seen that while speaking people get nervous due to lack of knowledge. There are many ways by which we can overcome over shyness and gain confident. 1. If any topic is given to speak then try to
    speak without hesitation whatever you know. 2. Be optimistic and always try new things. 3. Believe in yourself. 4. Do what you do like and never think what others think about you it is not your business. 5. Speaking practice in front of mirror. 6. If you start any job then make practice more and more because practice makes a man perfect. Perfection comes only by practice. I think perfect person may not have any kind of shyness.

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