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  • Category: Family & Life

    How to avoid shyness and gain confident.


    Are you facing the problem of shyness? Here are the methods which can help you to overcome this problem.

    During my class if a lecturer asks question I get nervous. Hence I can't converse and share the thoughts and answers I know. So it will be embarrassing to me. I want to know how to get rid of this problem and avoid shyness. Due to this problem, the person conversing with me feel negative and may not like me or the way I converse.
  • Answers

    24 Answers found.
  • This is a question which is asked in many question forums and ask agony aunt sections and is really a challenging aspect to handle.

    The shyness comes in us either due to heriditary reasons or due to circumstances in which we are brought up.

    Dealing with this demon is a challenging and difficult task but is possible with persistently trying and making efforts in this direction.

    Until unless, the attribute of shyness is removed from the person he will time and again fall in it's trap.

    There are many methods recommended in books and literature but nothing works if you do not have a strong will power to win over this.

    One has to practice talking coherently and loudly in front of a mirror to see where are the deficiencies and bottlenecks are there. Talking frequently with classmates is also a way to gain confidence. More social interactions are also a good way to open up. Even bargaining in the crowded shops generates confidence in us.

    Do not feel shy of doing mistakes. Even the great scientists and philosophers did blunders. So go ahead and talk loudly and frankly.

    Knowledge is power.

  • Things that you should stop doing from today to not to be shy around people.
    *Avoid bullies and teases
    *Do not tell there is no need to advertise your shyness
    *Keep it light
    *Change your tone.
    *Stop self-disruption
    *Avoid the Label
    *Know your strength
    *Choose relationships carefully
    *Avoid thinking alot

    If you want to go from shy to confident, you first need to put yourself out there in order to meet new people. Put yourself in social situations and practice speaking. Watch sandeep maheshwari videos and motivational videos for being confident. Believe in yourself if you wants to be confident. Always try to be happy. Control your life. Do not seat alone without any work for long time. Just be what you are thats it. Don't think i'm looking good or not. Just focus on those things which is important. Don't think about others. Do what you like. Do not do what others like to do.

  • There are many people having this type of problem. It is mainly due to not having confidence in yourself. The person who thinks always that his answer may be wrong or people may laugh at him if he is wrong may not be able to talk and suffer from this feeling. You can practice the following points to overcome this problem.
    1. You should be Confident in your actions. It comes through learning, practice, action and mastery. When you start learning a cycle riding initially you feel it difficult. But once you start learning and practising you will become more confident. Same is the case here also.
    2. You should start participating in small talks with various people and talking to strangers at bars, stores, sporting events and other places. Take some chances and put yourself out there to meet new people.
    3. Take on a difficult task at work or learn a new skill. Do something to get out of your comfort zone. By practising new activities, you will get out of your fear of the unknown and be learning to handle that anxiety more effectively.
    4. Start practising giving speeches or presentations and telling jokes or stories at every opportunity. Be more talkative and expressive in all areas of your life.
    5. Make yourself vulnerable. Being vulnerable requires a willingness to let others see the real you. Be proud of what you are. Being genuine and vulnerable is often the quality that others will appreciate the most about you.
    6. Make eye contact when talking to someone. Walk with your head held high. Project your voice clearly and effectively.
    7. Be present to all of your thoughts, feelings, sensations, and memories in any given moment. There is no part of your experience that you have to run from, escape, or avoid.

    By following the above points you will overcome your shyness and you will be successful.

    drrao
    always confident

  • My suggestions -
    1. Start articulating your thoughts at home. Pick up any topic and think about it. What will you say if you were asked to speak on that topic? Write down your answer if needed but make the clear for yourself.
    2. Select a close friend and spend some time every day with him/her discussing some topic of mutual interest. This way you will at least feel safe and be able to share your thoughts openly.
    3. Start talking to the mirror. Just say what you feel aloud. Look into your eyes and talk.
    4. Read the newspaper loudly. Practice this every day. This way you will speak and get used to your style of speaking. The first reservations will be over before you step into the public.
    5. Motivate yourself all the time. Tell yourself to not be shy of the world. Remember each one has his own struggles. No one is perfect and it is absolutely alright to be insecure or uncomfortable sometimes.

    Remember we are all good in our own ways. All the best !

  • Your shyness may be due to your initial bringing - up where guardians enforce strict disciplines which ultimately causes a change in one's personality and shyness,too, is the result of over enforcement of the strict discipline. However, to come out from the present impasse, you need to have strong will power and determination to reverse the present complex. You would be required to change the existing phase gradually by doing the following things-
    1) In case, you have any superiority - complex thinking always that people may not approve of your thoughts and ideas. Don't feel guilty with your honest representation of your feelings.
    2) You need to put forth your ideas in writing point by point so that you may not forget the emotions entire points while deliberating in public.
    3) Confidence can be enhanced by seeing your image while conversing by means of a mirror placed on your front. This would give you an idea how you look when you are indulged in a public - meeting.
    4) Be honest to your feelings without having any emotions dampening your spirit.
    5) Regular reading of News- paper would enhance your skill of the presentation of the facts. You will be familiar with the usage of new words, syntax and phrases to be used in course of conversation.

  • Shyness is an inherent trait but with continuous efforts and training one can get rid of it.

    It is more of a psychological disorder and a behavioural problem.

    This problem is to be tackled in a slow and gradual pace as it can not be corrected overnight.

    The best course of action is to consult a psychologist who will give the correct remedial action and guidance in the matter.

    Strong will power is also a pre-requisite for getting rid of this mental frame.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • You have to be more proactive and express like you talk with parents. Just be polite and whatever you know speak clearly. Another way is to start discussions on various things of study and general knowledge with friends that way you will be more vocal and decision maker. Most important students get shy because of their attire, how they look , staring of other students so basically you need to think that it's only last chance to speak up irrespective who is watching and listening. All the best.

    Avi
    Life Is Beautiful

  • It is not the matter affecting you only but in many students as well passed-outs have the nervousness. This is because of lack of close contacts. In your class itself you select some food persons, wantonly talk to them and make as friends. As and when you find time speak with them freely about any topic and later jump to the subjects also.
    Sometimes you can speak yourself by assuming you are having somebody before you or even before a long mirror. Above all you should develop yourself the confidence as you are not inferior to any one around you. But your confidence should be with a level and you should keep yourself not to be overconfident.

  • Shyness (or Nervousness or Inhibition) should not be your concern, it's just a reaction. The main problem is that you are too concerned with other's opinions and responses.

    Trust me, no matter how hard you try, you can never govern other's responses. Nature of response or reaction is directly associated with understanding or empathy. You will always come across people with different mindsets or characters; & therefore bound to get different responses or reactions from them (depending on their maturity).

    If you remain focused on their responses, you will always feel discomfort while interacting with them. Further, if you try to avoid this shyness, it might subside for the time being, but will never be annihilated.

    We are born healthy but problems arise when our mind gets distorted with wrong understanding. Only right understanding of the situation is needed, problems resolves on its own. Because in reality, problem doesn't exist.

    "If you want to make real progress, you must give up all ideas of personal attainment".

  • To get over this problem, go to any empty space within the campus where no one can ever see you. It could a classroom, during non-working hours. Practice to speak extempore in any language that you know. Your mother tongue in particular. More so, in the early morning, since the classmates would turn up much later. Or even in a school nearby.

    Once you start doing this, you will gather the confidence to speak in public. Simultaneously, get to jell not only with people of your own gender, but opposite sex too. Once you do this, you will slowly come out of your shell. It is vital that you also stand in front of a mirror and talk aloud to yourself, when no one is there. Once you do this, you will automatically become a bit more confident.

    Confidence in such matters will sort of happen over a period of three months, if you seriously try. Talk to the teachers in person, and allow them to address your problem. If your teacher encourages say, saying for example, "please go ahead", you will automatically gain the kind of confidence needed to take the on the environment around you.

    It is just a bit of habit formation. It is a little hard work that you need to put in. Follow the small baby steps. You can easily succeed. During your free time, offer to take up a class for standard eight children of a neighboring school, free of charge. There will be several takers for these kinds of services. This can also help you to become more confident.

    All the very best.

  • We call it as inferiority complex. To remove this flaw in us first of all move with others unwillingly. That means even though others matter is not important to us, try to mingle with such matters to express your opinions or suggestions. It gradually leads you to open your mind with others. As a result, your shyness will be removed.

    Next thing is practice to talk with you by looking into the mirror with your image. That will cause you to talk more and more with others on stages also in meetings. Like this you can remove your shyness.

    I believe in a positive attitude. I like those who criticize me.

  • A.You are not alone, there are many of us who are shy, reserved and struggle to hold a conversation face to face and in a group.
    There is nothing wrong, it's the way people are. We just need to find ways to overcome it. I'm glad that you have posted this, seeking to advise is the first positive step when 'you feel negative.'
    You cannot do this overnight, first try to speak well, meaningfully and learn how to start a conversation, develop and hold a conservation alive or a debate life.

    B. Please watch the news channels who debate on a particular topic. At times what they speak makes little sense, but see how they confidently hold themselves, argue, raise counterpoints etc. Watch the breaking news, there would very little substance but the person will have a brave face and speak non-stop making up words and sentences.
    Watch good interviews of ministers, experts etc. Many local channels have 'in the hot seat' live interviews wherein difficult questions are asked point-blank to an authority/comissioner etc. Here focus on the body langauge, speech delivery etc of the person asking the question and the person answering it.

    C. Share your problems with your cousin, close friend, sister or brother at home who can be the other person in your discussions on current issues, the politics, education etc. Here this family member or close friend is vital to help to have to confidence to develop a positive attitude, body language and to look at the person while speaking without being shy.

    D. Then make new friends, interact with smaller groups in the college (at the library, campus, cafeteria, drama or debate groups etc). The wider you participate in events related to academic and student life, the better you get to shed your inhibitions and shyness. Learn to speak to the college administrative staff, the accountants, the lab assistants, the records supervisor, the coaches etc. This is help to build your courage to speak to the teaching faculty, dean etc.

    E. Next, try to hold a meaningful conversation with friends or fellow collegemates of the opposite sex. There are many youngsters who find it difficult to talk to a boy or girl initially and often found at loss for words. This is just lack of expsoure during early years, you can overcome this easily.

    F.Read simple books on self confidence.
    The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz
    The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking by Dale Carnegie
    Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
    The Leader In You by Dale Carnegie (this is good for any fresher graduate who has to face the new complex world and its difficulties)
    Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins
    How to Develop Self-Confidence And Influence People by Dale Carnegie
    Daring Greatly by Brené Brown

    G. In short, you can do it over a period of time, if you are proactive, set apart few hours every day for this real-life practice. You will get better with a combination of listening, analyzing, speaking consciously always with the aim to improve and be better.

  • Let's first try to analyze why you feel shy.
    It is because you think, if you speak anything wrong, people may laugh at you. If that's the case, then, even staying silent or being shy, you are inviting for yourself the same trouble. In addition to this, lecturers or teachers have more power to influence your life than others. If you've already felt that silence or shyness is damaging your image in front of their eyes, it will affect your professional career, and hence your entire well being. On the contrary, you will only have to answer the questions asked in class for the time being. For this, studying in advance or having god grip in the subject can help you. Once you give the answers correct, and your response in the class doesn't lead to anything negative, automatically it will start building up your confidence gradually. This will in due course help in overcoming the shyness, and you can be at your ease at any given situation.

  • There are many people who lack confidence and they do various things to achieve it. Some even take classes for it and spend tons of cash in coaching centers over self development courses.

    But is it helpful? No.

    The easiest and best way to be confident that I have found is to be who you are. And this is how things have worked since beginning. There weren't any coaching centers, there weren't any courses, but there were people who were confident. So you have to tell yourself that you are better than many. Not everyone brings confidence with them from their mother's womb. Then how do they do it? The answer is that they don't bother to be shy and scared. They just overcome it by doing it. Do things that make you scared. You have to push yourself quite a bit in your head.

    To push yourself you can tell yourself in your mind that, "let's try it, forget about outcomes" or "do or die" or if you can't think of anything just tell your mind "shut up" and go for the things that scare you.

    Let's understand it more with an example. Suppose you are scared to speak among bunch of people, then what you should do is to just speak. Your voice may tremble, your hands might shake, your heart may race, may be you won't be able to convey what you want to. But if once you'll go for it, trust my words next time it will be easier.
    And won't be long when you'll look back and realize how far you have come.

  • Lots of students get nervous while teachers ask anything,it's very common things in school life. Getting nervous due to any reason may be a lack of knowledge, lack of self-confidence, etc. If you don't have the subject knowledge whatever you have asked then you have to handle it in a cool manner never get nervous. It is not possible for everyone to know all the things in this world.

    If you are shy to speak in front of public.Then you have to practice giving a lecture in front of the mirror,it will help you a lot to come out from this situation. Many people shares their story when they were shy to talk in front of the public or have fear to face the mass of public, but they gathered enough courage to speak.

    Every human being has some inner power to say the truth. Believe in yourself and your words and try to speak confidently. While talking don't think how people will react, otherwise, you cannot express yourself properly.

    If you have a problem speaking in other languages that is a different issue but don't express properly in your own language is a problem. So try to express in your own words with courage.

  • I have read the comments. Each and every individual is having its own perspective towards shyness and confidence gain. Personally I have experienced it. Going not so beyond, talking about my experiences in class 11 and 12th, most of the time I knew answers but can't raise up my hand due to fear and starving confidence level. When someone else answers the questions and resulted correct, I felt so bad that just due to unwanted fear, I didn't gave the answer even I knew it. Many times even full confident guys gave wrong answers but teacher praised them for being active in the class. Guys I think it's only us who can change ourselves. The real power to get away from shyness and decreased confidence level lies within us.
    I will not say that today I am a full confident young adult, but believe me I am improving day by day just because of my strong will power to attain that peak.
    For our unwanted shyness there can be lots of reasons:
    Dressing sense: Believe me this can be a major reason for your lost confidence level. Always dress comfortable and as per the surrounding environment. Just imagine you are wearing normal day to go clothes on a office party, you will absolutely attain no confidence because in that particular situation you will think yourself far away from other workers. May be the way people look to yourself on that party make you feel more odd and shy.
    Be optimistic: Friends in today's era you have to be optimistic if you want to be successful. I am not saying this just by reading some good stuff. The reason behind my suggestion is this that I have personally tried it on myself. Excited! You can also try it on yourself.
    Spend your one day having a positive approach on every matter. Try to approach calmly to everyone to whom you come in contact. Talk positive. Remove negative thoughts. At the end of the day you will absolutely feel refreshed. So, this is very clear that optimistic nature is the good option to overcome most of your life issues
    Hope so, this helps

  • The simple way to get rid of shyness and gain confidence:

    1. Speak and read in front of mirror
    2. Act confidently and try new things, even if make you anxious
    3. Be mindful and practice show confident body language.

  • Good question is asked by respected member. First of all your primary knowledge may be reason for this. If you have enough knowledge about the content then you must try to answer. When you are responding the teacher's question you shouldn't care that it will be hundred percentage right or not. Though you should remember that your answer must be related with the question. When your teacher starts new lesson you should prepare the basics of that chapter one day before the lecture. You should try always. There was a time when I wasn't able my thoughts about anything having complete knowledge about that. When I went to college my teacher asked a definition to whole class and I answered right. That was the end of my shyness. My teacher said you have good vocabulary. After that incident (August 2018) I have won more than 15 prizes in various speech and debate competitions (college,inter-college,district level). I think my experience will help you surely. Best wishes for bright future.

  • Shyness is more behavioural problem than psychological. To some extent, it is measuring scale of individual's personality. It is not possible to be corrected overnight. It is often seen that while speaking people get nervous due to lack of knowledge. There are many ways by which we can overcome over shyness and gain confident. 1. If any topic is given to speak then try to
    speak without hesitation whatever you know. 2. Be optimistic and always try new things. 3. Believe in yourself. 4. Do what you do like and never think what others think about you it is not your business. 5. Speaking practice in front of mirror. 6. If you start any job then make practice more and more because practice makes a man perfect. Perfection comes only by practice. I think perfect person may not have any kind of shyness.

  • Shyness is an integral part of human beings. Whether male or female one should actually possess the sense of shyness and it should also come out automatically whenever needed.
    So, avoiding shyness is a totally useless thing to be done.
    However the question imposed on gaining confidence is a very important question and should be posed timely to get rid of the underrated you.
    First of all I would like to clear why usually confidence level comes down.
    Confidence level of a person is broken when he/she starts looking at him/herself with some other's opinion may be a friend or just an envy person. Sometimes it happens that friends start pulling your leg and discouraging you for your looks or academics or anything. At the starting you Won't take it much seriously but later or sooner you will develop an inferior feeling about yourself which will bring your confidence to a steep downward ride. Always remember nobody can love or praise you more than you. Also, if you want others to love you, first love yourself. When you will start looking at you with love, no matter what others are saying and to what extent that won't affect you anymore.
    Following things should be done to raise your confidence:-
    1) Love Yourself: As described above loving oneself is what exactly is required to gain confidence. Most of the people aren't able to face others because somewhere somehow they have an inferior feeling that the other person is better than him. This affects like a poisonous arm in the body itself venoming other parts of the body. Give respect to the other person but don't consider yourself lower to him.
    2) Face Yourself- Before facing others first face yourself everyday. Stand in front of mirror looking at you and talk to yourself praising your beauty, your hair, your health. Talk about what you love in you. This will infuse confidence in you.
    3) Don't avoid Comments/ naggers/ bullies- Yes, you read it right. Usually you will find people saying "Avoid comments." Don't do this. This will create a weaker section in your mind that you can't face them.
    Listen to all the comments standing right in front of the person staring eye in eye with a smile on your face. This will make you brave, and will weaker the confidence of the person who is commenting upon you.
    A later note of thanks saying," Thank you for noticing my personality this much" or " wow! I am glad you spend so much of time thinking about me." Will elaborately raise your confidence to the next level. A mere smile also can do more to this.
    4) Start participating- Start participating in discussions, friends' conversation and activities or events in your locality or school or college. This way you will learn to face audience.
    All these things if done properly can raise your confidence to a level that the interviewer can't beat you in questions anymore.

    Let's enlighten paths with the ray of knowledge.
    Monika Kushwaha

  • I know you are shy when the lecturer asks you a question in front of students and the lecturer himself or herself. You are afraid of what other students will say or what the lecturer will say, but let them say anything. Don't be afraid too much as if they will murder you or eat you. Your fear causes nervousness and nothing else. You are shy because they fear keeps on haunting your mind what lecturers will say. Your fear seems to block you from facing challenges.

    So just remove your fear from your mind. Let me one question which may motivate you. In life, what is the end? Definitely death. So do you fear that? Definitely yes? So if anyone insults you or beat you or scold you or harass you or even torture you or embarrass you face many problems in life, does it mean that your life has ended? Not, but mind it in which class you are in or whether you have passed 9th or 10th standard or will go to 9th or 10th standard, in 9th or 10th standard, there is one law in Physics or physical science called Newton's 3rd law of motion which states 'to every action there is always equal and opposite reaction'. So whether you are scolded or getting beaten or getting threatened or insulted or harassed, you react. So does your reaction lasts throughout your life? Never. Your reaction is short-lived and then everything will become normal. So there is no point in getting afraid. If you face action due to your mistakes and even if you face reaction due to this, then try to rectify those mistakes and never do the same mistake again and again, so that you may face action because of your mistakes. Always believe in God and for all your mistakes, God will forgive you and give chance to rectify those mistakes, unless you have done terrible mistakes in the worst case which involves harming others or murdering others or violation of rules by the government or crime which will result facing legal consequences by the government say police and I ask you one question have you done or involved in such terrible mistakes for which you will face legal consequences. In that case, God may not easily forgive you. I hope as per your question you are young and innocent and most probably or 99 percent chance that you haven't involved in any such mistakes. Even you are too immature to do such mistakes but mind it never do such mistakes in your life for which you may have the chance to face legal action by the government. If you haven't done any mistakes for which you don't have any possibility of facing legal action by the government but you faced some action like getting beaten, getting scolded, getting insulted, getting backbitten, or even lost your job if you are adult or getting a disease, in that case, you will get short term reaction and God will forgive you and allow you to rectify your mistake only if you realize your mistakes. So there is no point in getting afraid if your mistakes are rectified after you realize your mistakes and if you don't do the same mistake again and again.

    So, after explaining so much, I hoped your fear has been reduced somewhat but there is one catch, why? I have explained ways of reducing your fear when you have done a mistake, but what will happen if you are innocent and you are misjudged, or you are in fear of something which you are not sure even if you have not done any mistake. In this case, you either try to avoid doing something for which you know you are feared when you feel that anything can happen to you if you do this, or stop overthinking too much when you are not sure what will happen if you do this. For example, now it is the time of coronavirus pandemic and you have a fear in your mind that if you go out of the home, you have the chances that coronavirus will infect you. Do you know in what cases, you have a fear that you will get infected? If you go outside unnecessarily without wearing protective masks or you are close to outside people, then you have the chances of getting coronavirus and better avoid going out of the home unless necessary and if you have to go out of the home then always wear masks, gloves or even face shield and avoid staying close to outside people, then you have hardly any risk of getting infected. So don't get afraid of getting infected. If you follow the rules and wear protective items and still you have the fear of getting infected and the reason for which you don't know then stop overthinking unnecessarily that anything will happen to you and be cool and there will be no fear within you.

    So I have explained ways to reduce your fear completely and for your question, my answer is to remove your fear and your shyness will be gone. Coming to your question, by applying the way which I have explained to reduce fear, I can tell that you have a fear in your mind because of your excessive overthinking that means you think too much what will students say whether your answer which you claim correctly is wrong by the teacher and what action will teacher give when your answer is claimed to wring by the teacher. The only way I can suggest you is to stop overthinking. If your lecturer or teacher satisfies with your answer, then there is no point of getting afraid. If your answer is not claimed correctly by the teacher and if you face action because of this, then as I have explained, face action, get a reaction, realize your mistake, rectify your mistake. In this case, God will give you a chance to rectify mistakes again. If you don't do the same mistake again, they will never face action because of your mistakes. Mind it, no one is perfect and every make mistake, some learn from a mistake and some don't learn from the mistake. So in this case whatever mistake you make other than terrible mistakes which I have mentioned above, then God will allow you to rectify your mistake after you realize it. So no fear.

    My final suggestion, remove fear, nervousness will stop, shyness will stop, confidence will come.

  • Shyness comes from the thought process that "what if I am wrong?" "Maybe I am not presentable!" etc and this thought process increases with the span of time rather it cements and the shell become so strong that one cannot break it.

    It is right to say that everyone in this world is shy about something or the other. All want to overcome this disability but eventually, it remains there. Shyness is some time out of respect also but mostly it is due to fear!

    If you want to remove your shyness then you should start to start thinking about others with negativity i.e. think that they are not aware about what you are aware and this is the reason which will help them to understand that they are lesser-known. It is only you who can bring in a change in their lives, they themselves are not able to solve their problems.

    Have superiority complex over the others not the inferiority complex. There is a very thin line between the superiority complex and stubbornness, Be smart not stubborn! Keep your thought level higher than your pals. Try to read as much as you can about the heroes who have struggled in life to achieve status. These stories will boost your morale and this will further help you to gain confidence within you!

    Regards,
    Nadeem Naqvi


    World without God is Zero without One!


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