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  • Category: Family & Life

    Why my father behaves differently these days? What should I do?


    Having some issues in relationship and parent's behaviour at home? Looking out for relationship and legal advice? Resolve your worries by going through the advice and suggestions provided by ISC experts on this page.

    This is story of mine and my elder brother. Our mother died when I was of 4 years and my brother was of 6 years. My father could not understood what to do at that time as we were too small then. He asked every relative but no one came to live with us and to take our responsibility. My father's sister who was a widow came to live with us and took care of us but after 8-9 months she said she won't be able to stay more with us. In that situation my father had to marry a girl and that was then we came to know what a step mother is. She never cared for us. She never adopted us. We used to go to school and she never ever asked us for lunch box. But we never complained. With the time she had two sons, our step brothers and with this we were treated badly. But we never complained. She never liked us.

    Even she used to buy things for our step brothers but never cared to buy same things for us. By the time we used to understand this is an obvious behaviour which a step mother does. We complained all this to our father but he didn't take it so seriously. So we came to realise it that no one will listen for us. We left it for God. We grew up we studied hard and settled well. Whereas our step brothers did not study and could not settled. Still my father is taking care of them and their families.

    We all are still living in the same building. Recently we sold half of the property which was on the name of my late mother and shifted to another building. As we planned to renovate half of the property to give it on rent. But after renovation it was given on the rent without our consent and now my father says he won't share the rented money with me and my elder brother. We are helpless as we can't do anything.

    Can anyone suggest can we do anything legally so that this property may be sold and we may get our share of money as I know he won't share the rent. I am not against him and have discussed in the past that will have 5 shares of the rent he agreed at that time but now he denied.

    Please advise what can be done?
  • #153133
    Your father is having property in his name as well as his first wife's (Your mother) name. After the death of your mother he married to a girl and there are children out of that.

    One thing you must understand is that now your step mother and her children are also having right in the property.

    As your father is alive you can not insist to sell the properties at this juncture. It is only after his demise that such thing can be exercised in accordance with his will or the distribution as per the existing laws of natural justice.

    In the present situation what can be done is to talk to your father in a patient way about his willingness to share the property or benefits accrued from the property with you. If he has any love and affection towards the children from earlier marriage, he will definitely consider.

    It is very common that when the father goes for second marriage the new lady generally does not care for the earlier children and treats them differently from her own offsprings. The father also comes under her spell and does not care for these things.

    So you can take some expert legal opinion also in the matter but it is upto the will of your father to share the property with you or not.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #153135
    It is a common issue that stepmothers will never care for their stepchildren. So you have done a good thing by adjusting yourself to the environment. It is good that you work hard and settled well in life. You should be thankful to your father for giving the required financial help for getting educated.
    The present property which is on your mother's name will be the property of you two brothers after the demise of your father. As long as your father is alive, you three will be having rights on the same. One can't sell that without the consent of the other three. So you need not worry much about the property. No one can sell it. Now if your father is denying a part in the rent to you, it is not legally binding. But he is your father. Now you are well off and the rent money is not a requirement for you. So as a good gesture you can allow your father to spend that money. After his demise, both of you can sell it and take the money. This is my advice.
    If you feel you can't leave that money, I advise you to contact a good lawyer in your area and you have to arrange for a lawyer notice to your father for giving the property on rent without your consent. The lawyer will guide you with the whole process. But before proceeding legally please do have a chat with your father and ask him to be reasonable and ask him to share 2/3rds of the rent to you. The property on his name can be 5 shares. But the property on your mother's name can't be 5 shares. You insist on this. If he is not amicable, you can hint him also that you have no other option than going legally. If he is sensible enough he will definitely hear you. Otherwise, you can go ahead.

    drrao
    always confident

  • #153137
    With the long association with your step - mother, you maintained your decent behaviour despite her rudeness and this speaks of your generousity and reflects your maturity in dealings.
    It is not surprising that your father is in the clutches of your step - mother and probably, he has lost the rationale thinking of sharing his property with the son's of ex- wife.
    You are aware of his attitude and hence any negotiation in this regard may not produce a favourable result. The best part, in this case case, would be to maintain tranquility in your dealings with both of your parents so that the issue does not take a bad turn.
    You must look out for a renowned lawyer in your area having a good rapport in winning cases. You need to follow his advice and your lawyer may send a legal notice to your father in respect of letting the property to a tenant without bringing to your notice.
    However, prior to proceeding to such a legal issue, you need to have a detailed talk with your father and apprise him of your stand that you are likely to engage a lawyer to settle the issue.

  • #153141
    After the death of the the first wife when a person goes for second marriage then the fate of the children from first marriage is in doldrums.

    It is very rare that the new wife would adopt the children and treat them as her own. In most of the cases she will not care for them.

    So your situation is like that only and how can you claim for the part property of your father or your mother as your father is already holding the things with him and is not willing to share with you.

    There is only one situation in which you can make the claim is that you find out whether the property is inherited by your father or earned by himself. If it is earned by himself you do not stand a chance to claim it but if it is ancestral you can go for a legal recourse.

    Try to negotiate the things cordially and if not successful then only go for legal opinion.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #153143
    You did mistake by renovating property by your own money. First thing first get property on your name, legally your father and you should get equal shares on it. So if it is not resolving mutually then knock on courts door.
    Before that most important safety of you and your brother and if you are married then family of yours. Try to sell place your are staying and settle down somewhere else. If you stay in same locality there will be daily fights between your step mother, his sons and between you.
    Get a stay order on renting property until matter settles. You have all that matters is not your family and future. Money can be earned but not present and future so be wise.

    Avi
    Life Is Beautiful

  • #153149
    Avi, firstly we had not renovated this property by our own money. This was done by the money which we got after selling half of the property.

    Also its not possible to get this property on our name as all the relevant documents are with my father and he is not even going to show us the same.

    We have bought a combined new property where the construction is going on and we will have our separate floor on this new property. I think then we won't have the daily fights as we all live separately. Regarding my parents they are thinking to go to a rented home separately as they say they don't like anyone of us it I know my father is bluffing though he will stay separately but definitely will distribute this rent money to my step brothers.

    We are helpless and don't know what to do. We seriously don't want to go to court as it will cost money moreover it doesn't sound good to go to court for our internal matters as relatives and neighbors will mockery of us.

    Sanjeev

    " It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not" ... Andre Gide

  • #153161

    "We seriously don't want to go to court as it will cost money moreover it doesn't sound good to go to court for our internal matters ......"
    I take this portion in your follow up response as the anchor statement of the situation, a realistic and conscientious expression of your innate affection towards your father and family.
    I appreciate you for that. It is placing you at a high pedestal in social, moral and family values. It is prudent too.
    Now let me analyse the matter from your statements and give my suggestion.
    1. Your father has the moral and legal duty and responsibility to take care of his wife and children (your step brothers).
    2. Relatively, you are well settled and can manage yourself financially(I hope)
    3. Your father has arranged and agreed to give you a separate floor or full house for your residence.He is also thinking to move to a rented house.
    4. You think that he will not share the rent proceeds from the (old) renovated building with you.
    5. You feel that you cannot get the property in your name as the papers are not with you.
    In the light of above details I have to suggest as below:
    1. If the property is in your mother's name alone, then you can have a legal claim on the property along with your father's right of one-third on it. But in that case you both should have signed documents to enable selling of the half portion. In case so, that means you have consented for the sale. If your signature is not taken, then either the property is not in your mother's name or (at the worst) your father would have made some wrong transaction.
    2. To find the real position, contact the buyer, get the copies of all documents from him, visit the sub registrar office and /or village office and confirm on whose name the original property as well as the balance property is lying.
    3. If it is established that the property was&is in your mother's name, immediately contact a lawyer and get an injunction o the balance property against alienation without your consent. If the property is absolutely your father's own earned assets, then just talk to him and convince to give you rightful fare share.
    4. Before all that, sit with your father exclusively, discuss all matters threadbare calmly and in a mutual affectionate and trusted way and come to a positive decision.
    5. Involve some well wisher who are sympathetic to you and make a well drafted agreement of settlement.
    6. If the balance property and the one under construction are more or less of same comparable value, make the settlement that you get the new property, and your parents and stepbrothers move to some separate residence arrangement. In that situation forgo the rental income as it is needed for their maintenance
    7. Take any action which will be legally, morally and socially acceptable and fair to both sides.

    Best Wishes


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