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  • Category: Marriage

    How to convince parents for inter religion marriage


    Wondering how to convince parents for an inter-religion marriage? Looking out for advice and tips to do so? Find advice from our ISC experts for your worries and concerns and decide how to convince your parents.

    I am a Brahmin girl in love with a Muslim guy. I am doing a doctoral degree. He is a doctor. We both are in love for 9 years. Now we are planning for getting into married life. His family accepted our love wholeheartedly but my parents are against for this. He is ready to accept me as I am. From his side, they are not forcing me to convert. They are okay with what I am. I talked to my parents many times and tried to convince them but they are very stubborn in their opinion. I tried my best to talk to them about himself and family. But they are considering only his religion, not the character and other aspects. They are telling that they need only a brahmin guy. They are telling that if you are ready to marry him then forget us and do whatever you want. Except for this issue, my parents are very friendly to me. They are god's gift to me. But in this issue, they hurt a lot but still, they did not hurt me with any words at any time. They are very affectionate to me and I am their world. But at the same time, I want to live with my love life. He loves me a lot. He is a very genuine and nice person. For many years we are waiting for my parents' permission. But they are not thinking about my happiness. I can't forget him and marry another person. I want to live with him with my parents' support. I can't hurt my parents' feelings also because they are very affectionate and I am an only child for them. I am in a big confusion between my parents and my guy.

    What can I do to convince my parents?
  • #153304
    TThis response is marked as DELETED by the admin.

    Marriage is a life time decision and such matters are to be decided with utmost diligence. We must see that after the marriage our relations with our parents as well as with the girls parents should remain cordial and friendly otherwise if they disown us we may be always in a state of agony throughout our life. Losing family relations on marriage account is not a healthy sign in life.

    Now coming to the bone of contention between you and your parents. Your parents might be against this relationship due to probably the religion. To some extent they are right because they can not accept a girl from other religion in their house. From your narration the parents of the girl are not suffering from such religious mind lock.

    Now you have to take a bold move from your side because if you like the girl and she also loves you then both of you should leave your respective religion and have a life of your own. The girl may be ready to adopt your religion and live in your house but your parents will not allow that. What is your stand? Are you ready to adopt the girl's religion and live in her house or have a separate existence elsewhere? This should be made clear before the marriage because if the girl insists on her religion and you insist on yours then your future life will be in jeopardy and the religion of your offsprings will be a question mark. Please also note that if a girl can not leave her religion for you, she does not love you and same is true for you also.

    The practical things are also to be resolved before taking a crucial decision like marriage in the life.

    If you really love each other then both of you should disown your individual religion and tell your respective parents that we are moving out and will have our own life. They may also debar you from their property. So take these things in consideration and then take a calculated decision. Do not act blindly because you are in love.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #153309
    This is very common problem these days. Still we people don't accept intercaste / religion marriages. As this guy is Muslim so its difficult for your parents to accept him easily. We hindu people don't like their religion so we never can think of marrying a Muslim guy being a Hindu girl. Also there are complications after marriage too, in the worst case you will have to accept their religion which will be difficult for you to do so. And if everything remains good you may be allowed to follow your religion after marriage. These are all things you should understand before marriage. Marriage is a life time affair and you will have to live with them so these all things have to be think.

    If after thinking you still want to marry this guy then go ahead as you both are adults and no one can stop you. And its a fact your parents will get angry for your step but will accept you both after few years so don't worry for this.

    I have a friend who married inter religion, a Muslim girl. She is allowed to do namaz but her mother in law doesn't like her doing this and that's the only reason they have arguments and quarrels at home and this is obvious we don't accept people of other religion so easily. Anyways if you really think you can't live without him then go ahead and marry him.

    Sanjeev

    " It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not" ... Andre Gide

  • #153310
    It is a very critical situation. You don't want to leave your parents and at the same time you want to marry a guy who is not acceptable. If your parents are very stubborn, convincing them is difficult and at the same time forgetting your love is also difficult. I suggest the following.
    1. Sit calmly for sometime and think whether you can have a peaceful life with the boy belonging to other religion. What are the conditions in his house and can you adjust yourself with the conditions and people there. Don't be in a hurry. Think twice. Then if you feel you will not have any problems you can go ahead.
    2. Talk to the boy whom you want to marry. Ask him whether it will be OK to him if you come out of your family and marry him. At the same time ask him whether their parents will like your coming to their house without the blessings of your family and parents. If it is OK to them you can go ahead.
    3. Compare the life styles of both the families. What are the differences you will see before and after marriage and get convinced that you can adjust 100% in the new house.
    4. You can have a word with the boy about his views regarding chances of any difference of opinions between you and his mother. In such case which way the boy will go. You ascertain whether he will be impartial and see the facts or completely go one side.
    5. Once you are convinced with all the above points, think about your living in any case of any disputes with your boy friend. You ascertain your education levels and chances of getting a job in case if there is any necessity.
    6. Finally explain your parents and tell them that you have decided to marry that boy and tell them it is upto them to accept or not to accept.
    7. Then you can marry the boy and try to spend good time. Time will solve the problem and your parents will accept your marriage if not immediately after sometime.

    drrao
    always confident

  • #153313
    Thank you all for your advice.

  • #153319
    This is really a difficult situation as you have to choose between your family and your love. In such situations one has to be bold and honest otherwise there is no use on crying over spoiled milk.

    As you are a girl and as per our traditions you are supposed to live with the boy in his family, are you ready for it. What is the guarantee that the family of boy will not trouble you after the marriage due to religious differences. Have you talked to the boy regarding this aspect. Is he ready to desert his parents for you?

    You are only bothered for the apathy of your parents. You are not considering the parents of the boy who are at present showing you all favor but their is a different culture and society where you will have to cope up.

    So take a decision after considering all these aspects and be transparent in your judgement. If you are sure that the boy can do anything for you including deserting his parents for you then only think to go ahead with decision.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • #153322
    Convincing parents on this issue is on the one side but you should get convinced yourself first on this. You should think the future of both yourself, that girl and future children. Though it is argued and supported widely in public and by people, the practical difficulties are there and only less people come to rescue in the situation you are facing problem. Next food pattern, dressing pattern, daily routine practice etc., will differ from religion to religion and though it is seems to be easy and convincing at this stage, the same become a hindrance to both of you later. Both of you should discuss from that point of view. Then you come to convince your parents. That is also, when you both convincing well no need to convince parents of both sides.

  • #153323
    I have read the question again and again. The question presents your perspective only. What about your parents' view?

    (a) You have stated: "They are telling that if you are ready to marry him then forget us and do whatever you want. "---------------What more do you want? After all, they have not resorted to violence. They have not held you captive. You are an adult. You can decide on your own.

    (b) I think you want your parents, to accept your love. But, it may not happen, for whatever reasons. But they are not stopping you to take your own decision. Why are you hesitating?

    (c) Are you hesitating because you yourself are in doubt about the fate of your marriage? Do you want your parents' support so that you can fall back on them if there is a problem after your marriage? Your parents are not allowing this.

    As you are not physically prevented to take your own decision, you can decide and act on your own. Act on your own and the result will be yours only. Don't bring your parents in the picture; they are not willing to share your fate (good or bad) after your marriage.

    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #153432
    Harini,
    Marriage is not alliance of two family but two people behaviors. When Men are bachelor they don't used to do home duties and not even girls nowadays much. Still after marriage man expect their wife to do everything of home and forget her parents as well. Now I don't want to give you gyan. Just plan to think about these questions and if you have answers directly go for court marriage and formal nikah because somewhere down the line these things will come in your life you choose this alliance.
    1. Are you willing not to see parents who grown up you 25-30 years after marriage?
    2. If there is at all fight happens between you and husband for some reason , are you ready to hear bad things about your family and faith? Most women have to hear lot of things from in laws , husband's sisters , relatives.
    3. Are you ready to accept faith of husband if he ask you to do after marriage? What faith you wanted for your children?
    4. Muslims are allowed polygamy and if situation arise what you would do if it happens with you?
    If at all you are ready with will power to face all these then go for it. Even in Hindus there are lot of woman face problems not all happy but no one forgets their upbringing faith of parents. Question , if love is blind then think if your ready to accept your faith and go for it. Why always woman have to sacrifice if she is so independent.

    Avi
    Life Is Beautiful

  • #153465
    Harini,
    I have gone through your content and it appears a critical situation for you in selecting the right choice - your fiancé or your parents. There are a few practical considerations which need immediate attention to resolve this complex situation.
    1) Be ready to the new environment where you have to secure trust of the relatives of your parents apart from your would be husband. Only your affectionate temperament will help you to win over the situation.
    2) Watch closely the temperament of your lover and ensure that he is not a fickle- minded man and you can rely him safely in the hours of distress. He must be a man of sacrificing nature to take care of you whenever it would be required.
    3) Stability of Income - It is an important part for the upkeep of the family and especially when you will be blessed with the kids as a result of this alliance. The kids are to brought up in a congenial atmosphere where your expense will multiply as a part of their education in a well established schools apart from the expenses of their future needs in relation to education, health and so on.
    4) A close liaison with your would be spouse would be essential to assess his internal personality.
    In case, you are satisfied with the parameters as discussed above, you can go ahead for the marriage and parting with your parents may hurt you temporarily but later, the situation will turn in your favour. You undertake the court - marriage and later the ceromoney should be attended by the known persons of the town.


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