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  • Category: Pediatrics

    Query about child not wanting to go to school

    Worried about a child refusing to go to school? Looking out for detailed reasons to get the child back to studies? On this Ask Expert page, you can check out the advice provided by experts for all your queries.

    A child studying fourth standard suddenly refused to go to school for more than ten days. She is above average in study also. On enquiry we found no problem with school.
    What must be the reason and suggestions required as to how to solve this.
    Otherwise she is perfectly alright healthwise as well talking wise.
  • Answers

    7 Answers found.
  • It is not an unusual behaviour that the child is showing. It is very common that they depict such resistance for going to school. There could be many reasons and school teachers and staff will not be able to make out as they can not give such detailed attention to each and every child.

    First and foremost thing is generally there is a calm, quite and cosy atmosphere in the house and children are at their will to do whatever they want. On the contrary in schools they are asked to o certain things at certain time and sone discipline is being inducted in them. This is not liked by the children in general.

    This basically manifests in their behaviour and they start disliking the school.

    There are many other reasons like getting beaten or thrashed by other child or being humiliated or offended in the school.

    What could be tried as a solution to this problem is that you have to start the school like conditions in the house that he has to study for this much time and then only he will get some reward and like that. Once the life in house becomes equally tough as in the school ask the child whether he wants to go to school where in between so many games, fun and plays are there. He will immediately agree.

    Please do not pamper him in the home anymore. He must understand that there is no other way except going to school. Sometimes we have to deal these things firmly.

    A few years back, one of my friend got his son admitted in an engineering college at a far off place and that boy having an age of 19 years did not stay there and came back after a few days saying that Mummy is not there and how can he survive there without her. After a lot of pursuation and efforts his father went with him to his college and stayed in their guest house for some time and somehow convinced the boy that he has to manage at his own. I later came to know that he was a highly pampered child.

    So, we have to train our children in house itself so that such unexpected and embarrassing situations do not arise.

    Knowledge is power.

  • I suggest the following course of actions
    1. What is the reason she is telling for not going to school? If she is complaining about any health problem, show her to a doctor. Let the doctor check her and give the opinion.
    2. Talk to the child what problem she is having. During the course of discussion with the child make sure that going to school is essential.
    3. Don't give them lengthy lectures about the advantages of going to school. Sometimes these lengthy lectures will give a negative effect.
    4. Look for clues to understand what is causing your child to avoid school.
    5. Both parents should go and meet the teachers and concerned employees in the school.. This will give a message to the school that you're working on the problem.
    6. You should not assume that the teacher has done something wrong. It's very important to get confirmed if there are any real fears, such as bullying and those problems are to be addressed and corrected.
    7. If your child stays at home and if she is not ill, have her read, study, sit upright at a desk and see that the school atmosphere will be created there. Let her feel that she is in school only. Don't on the TV. Don't allow the child to play around and waste time. See that her sleep time will be normal only. Let her not sleep during the school hours even though she is in house.
    8. If someone can accompany her to school until the situation is resolved, it will be very much helpful.
    Although your child is not interested in attending school, please remain calm. Be supportive but be firm.

    always confident

  • Some children develop fear of going to school due to many reasons and we have to find out the exact reason so that remedial measures could be taken.

    The parents can visit the school continuously for a few days and talk to the teachers and staff and get some idea of the exact problem.

    Generally due to fighting between the children or scolding by the staff or teachers such fears can be there in the child making him refuse to go to school.

    My cousin's son had this problem and after interacting with the teachers we found that the child did not like the job of drummer in the children's orchestra and was gradually forced to do so. Once he was removed from that assignment he became all right.

    So these problems are to be dealt in psychological manner.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • The following may be the reasons for the reluctance of a girl of 4th standard for not going to school:-

    (a) She was rebuked by the teacher very recently.
    (b) She is being bullied by a senior student in school.
    (c) She is hurt by the behaviour of one of her friends. or by a group of friends.
    (d) She may be hurt by the undesirable behaviour by any known person-maybe the bus driver, a male teacher, non-teaching staff, etc. whom she meets in school or at the time of going to school/returning from school.

    It is the duty of the parents or other family members to talk to her very patiently and find out the real reason. After finding out the real reason, appropriate action must be initiated. But patience, sympathy and intelligent questioning are needed.

    "If you are killed in action, you go to Heaven. If you win, you rule this Earth (as beautiful as Heaven). That is why, O son of Kunti, take a firm resolve and fight!"-- Shrimad Bhagwad Gita

  • Though the atmosphere where your daughter is studying may be quite cosy and comfortable but there is something which is disturbing her mind - may be the behaviour of a particular teacher or set of teachers. It is always better to have a frank deliberation with your daughter to assess the exact cause making her disinterested in going to school. Create the confidence of your child so as to get clear picture of the existing environment of school.
    Not necessarily, the teachers are culprits, may be there are some colleagues or some school - staff other than teachers which is making her annoyed.
    You have to go to school along with your wife to sort out the problem. You need to meet the Principal and the class teacher separately and seek advice from them what best can be done to alleviate her fear.
    Your talk must be precise and to the point and make her understand that the environment of the school may not match with that of home and she should be able to distinguish the environment of both the locations.
    You couple should always maintain a nice flow of communication and encourage her to report any unusual development in the school such as scolding, thrashing or rude behaviour exhibited by the staff to either of you. She can utter the same to her mother because of her close proximity.

  • It happens with several kids in childhood and one of the main reason being the difference of environment in school and at home. One has no restrictions at home usually but in school, there are lots of restrictions like a child has to sit for whole 4-5 hours attentively. He is she was to listen to the teacher and has to answer the questions if she asks from what she has taught and will definitely scold the child if he or she doesn't respond properly.

    Secondly, sometimes they refuse to go to school when they haven't done their homework completely.

    Apart from this if the child is scared if someone in the school or on a bus or in a private van then there is a possibility that a child will refuse to go to school.

    Now it's your responsibility to find out the possible season of refusing your child to go to school and handle it. Also it's better not to pamper or hit your kid for any reason you find out.


    " The two most important days in your life are the day when you are born and the day you find out why? "
    – Mark Twain

  • There must be something had happened recently. Only Mother can speak to can find out what is she up to.
    Otherwise there are good child counselors who can determine problem. Meantime put her in day care to mingle with other kids.
    A visit from teacher and her friends to your home will improve her confidence going back to school

    Life Is Beautiful

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