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  • Category: Marriage

    Need guidance for intercaste marriage


    Are you interested in an intercaste marriage? Want to get advice regarding how to convince parents for accept the relationship? On this page, check out responses from our ISC experts and decide your plan ahead.

    I am 26 year old Kannada girl and am in love with a Telugu boy who's caste in different from mine but his family is born and bought up in Karnataka.
    He's well settled guy and well dignified family also, but my parents are not agreeing for my marriage only because of intercaste and we are fighting from past 1 year but now also my parents haven't changed a bit.His parents were OK when he told about relationship at the begging but after my parents spoke to them they are also not OK now but they will definitely agree if my parents say yes.

    I am not finding any ways to convince them as they are too much into caste, society and all. Can you guide me to resolve my life's biggest problem?
  • Answers

    9 Answers found.
  • Intercaste marriages are common now a day. Not only intercaste, in fact, but people belonging to two different religions and two different nations are also getting married. They are living a happy life. However, there are people who feel that marriage taking place between two different castes and religions is not right.

    The problem here lies with your parents. Since you have told that parents of the boy that you want to get married are also okay with the whole thing. Thus, you need to convince your parents. Resistance is due to deep-rooted beliefs that have regarding the concept of marriage. To solve a problem, first, you need to understand their point of view. Once you understand their beliefs try to convince them and change their belief system.

    If parents don't agree, you still can get married without their permission. Maybe they will feel bad for some time but eventually, forgive and accept the relationship. This is quite a big step but if you are truly in love and feel that the two of you are meant for each other, you can take the step. However, if you are not sure, it is not worth fighting with your parents for the same.

    Don't irritate them or quarrel with them. Keep your point when they are calm. Your aim should be to talk to them and not irritate them. Try to explain to them the good qualities in your love partner that made you fall for him and why he will be the most suitable one for you. You can always give examples of intercaste or love marriages that took place in your family or surroundings. Explain how happy or successful married lives they are living.

    In these cases, you always need support. Seek the support of your close friends or elderly relatives and prove your point to your parents. Introduce your parents to the boy you are in love with and ask them to decide after they meet him. Maybe their perception will change.

  • In many broad minded modern families, parents are not minding these things and agreeing for these marriages but in the conservative families it is still a problem.

    There are many reasons behind their stubbornness and some of the major ones are their concern for the society and their fear that due to cultural differences with the other cast and creed the future relationship may not be a comfortable one.

    In your case the similar thing is happening. Everyone reaches this young age when differences with parents start on one matter or other. Whether it is career making or following the religion and rituals or moving in the society or many such other matters where the differences crop up. In some cases solutions emerge and compromises are made but the issue of marriage match making is a life long decision and no one will agree for that arbitrarily.

    One of the most important thing in this relationship is that how much bold and courageous the boy is because much depends on this factor. You will have go to the bottom of his heart and find out the love and concern he has for you. If it is only the infatuation of the young mind then I am afraid you have to say good bye to this relationship.

    Another factor is how much brave and bold you are. Can you live with the boy after deserting your parents? You have to choose one of them. If the parents of the boy debar him from the property and disown him then will he still love you with the same intensity? These are the questions which require answers before taking a calculated decision in these matters.

    The last thing is if both the parents oppose this, can you two people survive on your own. What are your job prospects? You want to marry before settling in a career or before that. In extreme case who will be helping you financially.

    Do not be swept away by your sentiments and blind love. Think the pros and cons of this relationship and if you feel that in spite of the opposition of parents you can make it without asking their help then go for it with courage and boldness.

    Once you are settled in your life with your efforts, both the parents one day amid tears will accept both of you. This is happening in society around us time again again and will be true in your case.

    Do not look for help from others and take your bold decisions but remember never go to the parents for financial help. They will mock you as you had not obeyed them. Only when you are successful in life and are in a position to help your parents then go to them and offer help and ask them to forget the past. They will immediately compromise and embrace you.

    Knowledge is power.

  • Now a days inter cast marriages are very common. In your case as parents are not agreeing it is going to be a big problem.

    I feel you can talk to your parents in a request mode and if they do not agree then you can give them an indication that in that case you may leave them and go with the boy. See what they react on this.

    On the other side are you sure that the boy is as much devoted to you as you are to him. This is a very crucial thing and you should not fall in the trap of the love as many girls in our country are facing in their tender age. Love needs understanding and sacrifice for each other.

    After considering these vitalities, take a diligent and prudent decision and there should be no room for repenting in future. There are many cases where the gils sacrificed their life and the boys simply deceived them. It is happening around us in the real world and one must be very alert and cautious on this matter.

    If everything about the boy is ok then take a courageous decision and marry him without any consent but be ready to face the wrath of the parents either his parents or your or both the parents.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • If the boy is ready to marry you even though your parents are not accepting and if he can convince their parents again and he can get OK from them, You can go ahead and marry the guy whom you like. But before doing so you please have a detailed talk with your parents. You tell them you care them a lot and you want to be with them in all their difficulties. You also explain to them why you are insisting so much to marry that particular boy. You please explain them very clearly that he is very good by, both of you are having similar thoughts and both can go together. Request them their cooperation. Even after that if they are not accepting, you tell them that you are going ahead and marry that boy. Again before marriage, you should have a discussion with the parents of the boy and should take their consent. Also, discuss with the boy about the attitude of your parents.
    Once you marry this boy and go with him, your parents will also start thinking about you and slowly their mood will change and they will accept your wedding. Time will solve all the problems. Only thing is your parents will not attend your marriage and you may have to live away from them for some time. If you are ready, go ahead.

    drrao
    always confident

  • I do understand the problem with which you are currently facing and if despite your repeated request to approve the relationship, it has not been materialised so far. The reason for the same is that Intercaste- marriage in a Hindu - family is regarded as the worst marriage and the same may end up with separation of ties later on. This deep rooted apprehension does not allow them to go in for such an alliance.
    However, you couple is likely to be affected with such an indifferent response, you need to take a firm stand so that this marriage takes place. You may think of the following factors before you knot this relationship.
    1) Ensure that your fiancé should have a balanced mind - frame and should have a practical - approach in resolving the issues. His integrity is unquestionable and you can safely rely upon him even in the hours of crisis.
    2) He should have sufficient income to pull up the family expenses including the expenses of children with regard to their education, health and other expenditures which might crop up with the progress of time.
    3) In all the circumstances, he remaines faithful to you such as in the development of family - crisis or any unpredictable turbulence.
    In case, he fulfils the criterias as mentioned above, you can approach a lawyer for the finalisation of your marriage. He will help you in procuring the marriage - certificate being signed by the First - class Magistrate of your locality.
    Initially your parents may not approve of this marriage but they may change their outlook with the pleasant behaviour of the boy.

  • It's a very common issue but it has reduced these days as people now understands that there is no harm in doing intercaste marriages. In your case when your parents are not agreeing for the marriage then you should try to convince them. I know you might have tried to do this but might not have succeeded. In such a case, you may show an example of successful intercaste marriage, also you can ask any close relative who talks to them on your behalf and then too they don't agree then it's better to take your own decision. If the boy really likes you and wants to marry you then you can do the court marriage. But that is the decision after which you won't be able to go back to your home again after marriage so better to have a discussion with whom you think is better to do then take this decision.

    Sanjeev

    " It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not" ... Andre Gide

  • If you do have many relatives on the other side who would support you if you were to forget your parents and marry the boy, you can possibly be assured that your parents will come to you after 2 or 3 years, more so, after you get a child.

    More often than not, as it is shown in many Telugu and Tamil movies, the parents get to love the new born and forget the past. And if your husband is able to convince them that he does take care of you so well, and that they do not need to fear for anything, things might work out in your favour.

    Please do take all facts and then take a considered decision. Moreover, you can also try to take the help of any friend of your father, whose advise will not be rejected by your father. Such counseling can also help your father to see reason.

    All the very best.

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    Inter caste, inter religion, Inter-language marriages are though common in nowadays, it is to be think twice before marriage as the adjustments, communication etc., are becoming huge obstacles in running day to day life practically. It is found easy to think while loving but the practical difficulties will creep only after the marriage. If you both agree mutually for overcoming the obstacles and very strong in not breaking the wedlock later you can proceed even without any concurrence from your both parents. I have seen many problems in the wedded life of inter language persons.

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    The choice is actually yours. You are an adult now, and government has worked in favor for you, allowing you to marry anyone you want, and if you have crossed 18 years.
    I know it is difficult to take such a big step like marriage against your parent's wishes.
    But at times life does throw us a difficult ball to play with.
    If you too are adamant about the participation of your parents in your marriage, then the best way out is announcing you will not marry at all, if you are denied this relationship.
    Nobody can force you to marry someone against your wishes, and that is not a justified act.
    If your fiancee is also ready to support of you, both of you can take a step ahead and decide not to get married unless the parents agree.
    Otherwise you can simply get married in the marriage registration office with a few friends who are willing to sign as witnesses. This is a suggestion only if you are ready to get married to each other without the participation of both side parents.


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