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  • How to convince my parents even though for the same caste

    Planning for a love marriage? Looking for advice and tips for convincing parents for this love marriage? Check out this Ask Expert page and get answers to resolve your issue and proceed with love marriage.

    I am currently studying last sem BE. I got a job also by campus placement. I am in love with a person from 4 years who belongs to same caste and he had a job in MNC company Honda and good salary. He has studied diploma. In their home their parents will agree for this marriage but it is going to be tension in our house.
    My parents may not agree for this because 10 years back my lover's family was in poor condition but now they are at good position in society. Another reason is my education is BE and his education is diploma.
    My parents are heavy minded, and always want to connect with the rich.
    Kindly suggest me how to convince my parents .
  • Answers

    6 Answers found.
  • You have already finished almost your BE and got a job also. The boy is also working in a good company. Both of you are in love. You both belong to the same caste. By seeing this, I feel your parents should accept your proposal. The points you have mentioned for their objection are really not to be considered. They were pure but they are well off now. If your father and mothers bring a rich boy and make you marry. After marriage, if he loses his money what your parents will do? So ten years back being poor should not be a reason for denying the marriage.
    Either graduation or diploma, the boy is already in a good job. He can finish his graduation if he is interested. The difference in education qualification should not be a concern for marriage. Is there any rule that the boy should have a higher degree than the girl?
    You try to explain to your parents sincerely and tell them these two points are not at all valid. Try to convince them. If still, they say no to your proposal, discuss with the boy and if their parents have no objection, go ahead and marry him. But before marriage, you tell your parents that you will marry him only and no other boy is acceptable to you. For some time your parents may not be with you but slowly they will also understand and they will be normal with you.

    always confident

  • Many people in their lives have this sort of confused situation where on the one side the sentiments of the parents are there while on the other side the love of the would be partner is there. As per your narration the parents of the boy are not going to have any objection and to some extent it is a good thing as you are supposed to be with them after the marriage or will be in their continuous contact even if both of you decide to live separately from them. Now comes the aspect of your parents agreeing to this proposal.

    What I will suggest is as a grown up person you are supposed to take your own decisions but you should not repent on it later. So, first you talk to your boy friend about the possibility of your deserting your parents for his love and in that connection does he take your life time responsibility or not. The point is you have to find out whether he truly loves you or it is the infatuation of the young minds. Once that is cleared you must talk to him as well his parents regarding the arrangement after the marriage. Whether they have no issues if you leave your parents and join them. These things should be known beforehand because once you desert your parents your doors to go back to them are closed. You will be on your own if something unwanted happens after the marriage in your case.

    Meanwhile, you have to convince your parents also about this relationship and the support you are getting from the other side. You have to be bold enough to tell that incase they do not agree to this relationship, you will be leaving this house for your love. This is the point where the question arises to yourself that whether your love is also as true as his love. If yes go to him.

    As far as the occupation is considered there is nothing like higher post or lower post. That is immaterial. Both of you are working in your own capacities. This is the love which is binding you with each other and not the position or money.

    Knowledge is power.

  • Where is the confusion because everything seems to be in place with only the exception is the suspicion and the doubt which has gone above of the positive sides? Both are educated with good jobs and also in the meantime belonging to the well-off families sounds good with little or no differences which can be managed through mutual co-operation on both ends. In addition, the time keeps on changing & remains unpredictable & who knows about time has for us in the future.

    In addition to the moderate actions and opinions wherein the efforts are initiated in order to settle with some common understanding being the case that both the parties have its equal shares we got few other actions wherein the partners are restraint to go ahead with what they feel is the only right thing if is there any but than if the outcomes are not as expected than the implications would be different in the sense that there wouldn't be any come back after that.

    It's good to move ahead only with the mutual consent so that & in case mishaps takes place then either of the parties would have enough assistance for the others and the life wouldn't be felt like a hell. I would like you to wait for some more time so as to prepare a ground for more understanding within & let both the parties be settled in the ways that they intended to. This will also provide you with good enough time for your carriers & who knows that the moments may get transformed according to you or if there are any differences then this will also be experienced by either of the parties.

    To the very of its fact that life is very much delicate at this moment wherein we are always moved away from the rational part of our lives & to the lives which is more fictional unable to understand the different shades wherein our priorities & happiness doesn't take much time to get replaced with something else.

    We need to be more practical in the first hand.

  • This is not an easy task, it's a most critical & delicate condition in the world. One thing you need to keep in mind is your parents are most important than your boyfriend at the last & final situation.

    These things may help you

    1. First, find the closest cousin or friend who supports you in a critical condition. (Well known to your parents & they trust and respect their voice).
    2. Collect some of the pieces of information where the intercaste or arrange marriages failures & seriously affected.
    3. First, make your near and dear cousins meet your boyfriend and discuss all the things & make them happy and finally, they should feel like you both are made for each other.
    4. Cousins & finds support is very necessary. If your boyfriend has any connections with a good photographer or any other services required at your relatives home. Then this a good chance you may utilize.
    5. For example, if any birthday party is happening in your family. You may select that photographer & make the best & get an impression for your elders of the family.
    6. If you find a good time then you may try to start a conversation with your parents about your boyfriend.
    7. Don't expect they will accept at your first attempt. You need to convenience or explain to them why you loved him.
    8. Don't pressurize them. This is a very crucial condition for parents.

    Next tip for you
    1. If parents bring a groom or if any matrimony site people suggest, you just ignore by saying a good reason and involve your cousins or close friends support you by saying some negative statements.
    2. Tell your friends or cousins to bring groom details of your boyfriends and tell them now the property is not an important thing only person mentality & family background is important.
    3. Your friends or cousins should act as a Matrimonial mediator and send the groom details to your parents and tell them about him.
    4. Even your cousins need to support that groom and tell woow he suits best to you and divert your parent's mind.
    5. This surely works out that when an external person bringing the groom details to your parents.

  • First of all, you have to decide yourself how far such a permanent companionship would satisfy you in the long run both from monetary and mental angle. Though the qualification earned by your partner is not at par of yours, but this alone should not be the point worrying you. So far both of you will be earning for the maintenance of the family and both of you would share the same responsibility in upbringing of your kids effectively. Hence this is not the major issue.
    You need to examine his behaviour closely so that you are not deserted at any stage due to sudden change of his temperament. His consistency and reliability should be the prime point of the consideration.
    Next step would be to diffuse the tension of your parents with a convincing dialogue so that they could shed their negative emotions and assure them that qualification of your partner and his economic status of the past is not going to affect you in any way. May be with your persistent effort, you can change their attitude.
    Even if you could not succeed in such a venture, your partner is to join his hand in the hours of crisis.

  • Take is slow. Since you both are of same caste there is no tension. Only thing is convincing parents that you can do slowly. Prepare biodata of your fiancee which include his financial asset and income. Basically all parents wanted their kid to be happy in future and should ever not to required to come home back crying. Hope you understand my point here. Before talking with parents try to mediate uncle or someone known to your family for his proposal since it is same caste they won't be having issues. Most important first you decide what you want. Many people make mistake judging people and specially woman who marry sometimes blindly and later gets frustrated because in laws or husband make them house maid and do not allow to do job.
    1. Make sure do not leave your placement job at any circumstance. If you leave it for marriage it will be biggest mistake. It immediately makes you dependent on someone.
    2. Marriage is not only love. Love don't feed you so understand front family needs and expectation from you. E.g. doing daily chores , cleaning , cooking etc. Are you ready for this ? if not then be clear to this to your fiancee upfront.
    3. Still you are only 21 so take time to mature more and learn outside world. There are more things do in life than getting married. Most important is don't get fool in love. Understand your parents also. They are not your enemy upbringing you till engineering. So be calm and take decisions wisely. Most women and sometimes men also stay emotional after pre marriage live in or physical intimacy. They should understand that it's mutual and no one has to get emotional for this.

    Life Is Beautiful

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