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  • How to get rid of killing anger?

    Wondering how to handle swinging moods like tension, crying, anger? Searching for tips and advice to resolve this issue? Here, on this Ask page check out the various advice and guidance provided by experts for your query.

    I am 20 years old girl. I have tendency to react to each and everything very much sensitively. I get tensed and cry very easily for silly issues. And also overthinking is ruling me. Nowadays I get angry and blast out even for silly issues. So how to control myself?
  • Answers

    17 Answers found.
  • Your thoughts about the various issues and the way your mind works on these issues are responsible for your moods and emotions. Sadness, loneliness, disappointment will give scope for negative feelings which will generate anger. So one should come out of these negative thoughts to become normal and to avoid anger.
    There are many ways to avoid getting angry easily.
    1. When you are thinking about some issues which will make you angry. Such times take a good fiction book and start reading the book by sitting alone and once you start reading and get into the story you will forget the reason of your upset and your anger will reduce.
    2. Be relaxed and do some moderate exercises to make you normal.
    3. Try to hear good music.
    4. If any small kids are there in the house play with them for some time and that will make you forget the reason for anger.
    5. Don't start thinking with self-pity. Try to understand the other person's point of view. Think deeply about the positive aspect of other points.
    6. If you are an artist try to practice that art. For example, if you are good at singing start singing and enjoy your singing.
    7. Try to use some stress release toys like stress release ball.
    8. Switch on the TV and start viewing some funny programmes which will make you forget the reasons for your anger and you will become normal.
    9. Behave like a child and play with a child.
    10. If it is very high you can think of contacting a good psychiatrist in your area and he will help you in coming out of this anger.

    always confident

  • Anger is a normal human attribute and most of the people become angry at some time in their lives. There is nothing abnormal about it. The problem comes when we are not able to contain it or control it. Different people have different degrees of anger and it manifests differently. You can not get rid of the anger. It will always emerge in conducive environment. The art of controlling anger lies in diverting the mind to some positive and constructive activity and avoid the situations and circumstances where there are more chances for it to generate.

    Developing hobbies and keeping oneself occupied is the time tested way to dealing with the anger and one can focus on this splendid technique to contain it. Psychologists believe that one of the main causes of anger generation is the difference between the thinking and actions of a person. It brings irritation and anxiety which on any external stimulus converts to anger. Many times we become angry on others not because of their faults but due to our own shortcomings. This type of anger will do us more harm and our personality will deteriorate under its spell.

    A change of place and change in support system also sometimes miraculously works in subsiding anger. Son of one of my friends used to quarrel and fight in the house so much that the parents took him to the psychiatrist also but not much improvement was found. He used to get angry with small things and everyone was puzzled and distressed with his behaviour. After his class 12 he was sent to a hostel in some far away engineering college and within a year he was a totally changed boy. His parents were surprised to see his behaviour. He learned everything in that new hostel environment where no one helped him and he had to be on his own and he changed from an angry boy to a normal boy.

    So there are various ways to tackle with this anger bout but the most of the important thing is the determination and will power of the individual to get rid of it. No external remedy will help you if you do not want to get rid of this evil which is ruining your life like a slow poison. Adopt hobbies, occupy yourself, change your surroundings and people and things like that and I am sure with the concentration of your mind and inner strength you will get rid of this evil as soon a possible.

    Knowledge is power.

  • You are just 20. No one expects a maturity and compose in you like a sixty year old person. You are now in the transformation stage. Physical energy is high. Expectation from you is more than what it was a few years ago. But you are not fully equipped to cope up to that. That is why the confusion and resentment and the anger.

    Anger, especially blurting out or blowing fuse is a sign of helplessness or deep confusion inside you. Many people of you age have that, but in varying degrees. But as you are conscious of it and want to curtail the short temper, it is welcome and you can achieve it if you try sincerely.

    1. Do not become over self conscious. People are not much worried about you. The have their own matters.

    2. Do not take things as too personal. Even if someone blames you, finds fault with you, tries to correct you, gives you some task to finish and point out your shortcomings, don't take it too personal. All of us are made what we are, by society. We grow, develop, improve only when someone tells us our faults, mistakes, deficiencies etc. So welcome or at least listen patiently thanking them to have given you opportunity to correct yourself at the earliest.

    3. Do not react to anything instantaneously. Life is not 'fast finger forward first' event. When you press the anger button fast, actually it signals that you are pressing your panic button. The other side immediately sees your weakness and exploit it. Do not succumb to that. How? Before reacting take a little time to think all sides of the matter. Then reply or respond with civil and polite words.

    4.Do not expect to win always. Accept defeat with grace. Take it with sportsman spirit. Do not throw tantrums.

    5. If you have to differ, differ with proper decent words. Do not attack personally ; do not be abusive.

    6. Remeber, anger begets more anger. Use a smile. when you feel angry. See the magic.

    7. If you are a person in the habit of taking lot of spice, chillies etc then reduce that.
    8. Mix and interact with more and more people- elder in age, more mature and experienced.
    9. Take up a regular physical exercise like running, jogging, games etc.
    10. Mingle and play with little children. Watch the team spirit and sportsmanship fro them.

    11. Spend some time in calm prayers or meditation or sit in silence for some time everyday.

    12. Do not overwork.Give yourself proper rest and entertainment also.

    After all this, your anger is gone!

  • Anger is the outburst of unsatisfied and unhappy minds and is a common trait in the young people though some adults are also deeply affected by this behavior pattern. It is difficult to get rid of this but there are ways to reduce it.

    1. Diverting the mind to some other activity and ignoring the present situation is one of the main method to contain the anger.

    2. Empty mind is devil's workshop. It is very true and an unoccupied place is the best location for anger to manifest its potential. So one must indulge in hobbies or work.

    3. Pondering over the situation calmly and prudently analysing the after effects of anger sometimes helps to avoid it. But it requires a sound mind.

    4. Keeping oneself in the other's place and finding out how one should have talked or behaved also helps in understanding the worthlessness of the anger.

    5. Moving away from the place of anger is also a method which has helped people to contain their anger.

    6. The person who is getting angry must understand that it is harming his own health as tremendous stress is associated with it. So frequent anger bouts are detrimental to health. As it is said that health is wealth we should not do any such thing which is affecting our health.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • Anger is the manifestation of your dissatisfaction and even you cannot analyse the root cause of it. You will have to change your way of thinking so that the present issue would be no more troubling you any more in your ensuing future. I am discussing the points one by one and you may analyse the points and do the needful accordingly.
    1) The mood of the people are always changing. It means if your near and dear ones especially the parents have given you certain instruction, it could be due to your betterment if you could follow such instructions seriously. Any aggressive reply on your part could hurt their sentiments apart from development of a heated discussion. It would be an act of immaturity to sower the existing relationship. A smiling response would be enough to satisfy them.
    2) The way how you behave with others is not the indicator of the healthy relationship. Better talk with your friends and ask them how they could sort out issues in the best possible ways if they had been facing the similar situation.
    3) It could be better if you read the life - history of some great men and women. That could transform your life for the better phase.
    4) Always remember being stressed always would invite a serious health problem in your future such as Heart - problem, High BP, Insomnia, Diabetes etc. Hence better to change the temperament.
    5) Think of yourself how you can achieve a successful career in a particular area. This could be any career ranging from charted accountant to a medical profession. In that way, you could shed your negative emotion.
    6) Engage in some physical exercise or do some yoga.
    7) Listening Music in liesure time would revitalise your energy.
    8) You must know how to analyse a situation so that a best recourse can be taken at a later stage.

  • As I go through the post, Some of the solutions or suggestions that I would like to provide is :

    a) You may be having a problem from the family, You find it difficult to agree with your family members or the other way, you are not able to convince them and this in turn turns into anger. Try to take it as a positive note and understand why are they telling you this.

    b) Try to mingle with people say, elders, youngsters and even children. You will be able to learn many things from each class.

    c) Try to keep yourself busy in one or the other activities that you like and try to find ways to learn more from such activities.

    d) Try to learn new things. It can be art, cookery, stiching, softwares, hardwares or new technology of your interest, this will help in in future.

    e) Learn to listen and take it as a positive note. Every pinpoint and every good deed will teach you something. Try to learn from your flaws.

    f) Learn to accept yourself as you are. Try not to compare yourself with others. Remember that only you can play your role.

    g) Learn to be positive and let go what you cannot change. This will give you a better perspective and ways to to control anger.

    h) Try to accept your family and friends. Try to take time for them and speak to them. This will help you relax and calm down.

    i) Share your thought, frustrations or anything(Good or bad) with your parents or siblings. They will certainly help you find a better solution.

    “The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." — Morrie Schwartz

  • Many times the anger arises due to either misunderstanding or not hearing properly or hearing others with misconceptions.
    To overcome anger the following steps to be followed.
    1.Hearing others properly
    2.Analysing the reason from other's side
    3.Expecting the action or forecasting
    4. Try to control yourself through meditation
    5.if you think others making you to anger,start counting mentally one to twenty.
    6.Try to realize the other's side
    7.Move far from that place.

  • When you create boundaries and limits for anything, and if it happened beyond your expected limit, ultimately it triggers your emotions rapidly. So, I suggest you to analyze the situation or circumstance of the happening before reacting. Well, even if you react in a calm way, you might also struggle internally by over thinking it. So, to overcome this I suggest you to weigh the pros and cons of result of your reaction, you may find it easy to handle the situations.
    To control your anger, I suggest you to take others' words in a positive manner. It is a fast technique and helps in not reacting into anger.
    Apart from that, as you're 20 years old, I strongly recommend to not use social media regularly. Because, unknowingly you might be a dependant of social media or socially anxious which might cause your mood swings.
    Try to develop your hobbies.
    Do something which makes you satisfy.
    Try different ways to reach your goals.
    Listen to music which makes you peaceful.
    Take a walk.
    Embrace the outer world such as nature, kids playing, beaches, live music, etc.
    Try to be fit physically and mentally.

  • Count at least 20 before respond
    Manage the negative thought and bring positive thoughts in front of you.
    Some time, miscommunication contributes the bad situations so listen to everything effectively.
    Go to a separate place to keep yourself calm.
    Pray to God and God can give you a gift of forgive and forget the people who have angered you.

  • Respected member let's discuss about your problem.
    First of all we must know about the possible reasons which are responsible for this situation -
    1)According to psychology every human has some innate tendencies (about fourteen) ,we can't give up them
    2)your circumstances may be responsible for this problem which might disturb your emotional development
    3)According to Stanley Hall "Adolescence is the period of conflict and storm". If you are feeling this type situation since last some years then it may due to this stage of life
    4)Do you have a continiously tensed about carrier or anything else?
    Now we must talk about the solutions. Being a 19 years old adolescent I also feel this type situation in my daily routine. But I have discovered a beneficial solution for it. I have adopted my own designed 'Mission silent' theory for it. According to great motivational speakers we should follow 80-20 percentage ratio in our communications or we should listen during 80 percentage time and speak only 20 percentage time. According to my concept I always speak only when my words are important than my silence that's why I am able to control myself.
    When I follow this theory then these are common outcomes-
    1) I study continuously since hours without disturbances
    2) I plan properly about my daily life
    3) I think always positive
    This was my experiment you may apply this.
    Best wishes for bright future and upgraded communication skills.

  • As time changes, lifestyle changes, and therefore human mind changes. In the present 21st-century lifestyle, humans face many problems which cannot be explainable sometimes. Because of this anger, frustration rises and therefore it becomes hard to keep all these at a bay. So in this situation, I can only suggest you calm your mind, find out what makes you angry. If angriness is because of you who faced a problem that you are not aware of then you should learn from the problem and be cautious next time. If the angriness is because of somebody, then please forgive that person. If that person does mistake again, then please ignore him or her. You may ignore him for that problem which makes you annoyed or you may ignore depending upon your priorities. If someone does a problem that needs to be solved by himself or herself, then please put hope on that person for solving his problems. Keeping anger for a long time or blaming others continuously will bring no gain other than harming yourself. Different person has different problems and anger comes either with one person himself or herself or due to someone else. So better focus on your priorities and focus on solving problems and wipe out the angriness from your mind.

  • First of all, you said that I am getting angry for silly issues. That means issues are not the reasons for your anger. Next, your age is just the completion of adolescence age. In the period of adolescence, there are so many emotional, physical changes have been appeared in the body of male or female. Therefore, emotional quotient(EQ) is less comparing with others. It may be the reason for your anger. In addition, if anyone discourages you, you may react very angrily from the point of view of inferiority. Generally, aged persons undergo a superiority complex as it causes anger to them. But for you, it is quite opposite.

    If the message in the above para is correctly related to you, then it is needed to do some yogic exercises such as meditation, pranayama, etc like this. Next, you have to practice mindfulness activities. Mindfulness means thinking about the present situation only, not about the past or future. In the beginning, it is difficult. To adopt such quality, you have to write a journal on you taking beautiful notes. Journal means whatever daily events(positive or negative) write down at the end of the day. After doing this so many days, your mind gets software of peaceful(free from angry) and self-confidence.

    I believe in a positive attitude. I like those who criticize me.

  • Anger is an emotion which mostly occurs when something is not done by others as per our accordance when we feel that someone or sometimes situation are not working as per our accordance then anyone can get an update and if we do not have control in our mind then it will be convert in anger.

    Here are some tips which may help you to control your anger -

    Daily Meditation -
    Every morning your first step should meditate it will help you to control your all emotional even help you to improve concentration.

    Drink water -
    Yes it will work faster, when you feel angry to go and take 1 glass of water it will make you calm and control your blood pressure

    Control breathe and start the countdown -
    It may look strange but believe me and try this therapy while you feel anger just don't say anything takes a deep breath to inhale a large amount of oxygen then start countdown so on count it up to 15 and see the result.

    Walk or Talk with your loved ones -
    We all have some special persons in our life when you feeling frustrated or irritated got and talk with them ..if they are not close to you then make a call to them. If you don't want to talk to anyone then got to somewhere outside for a walk but during this epidemic ear I would suggest walking on your terrace

    Think about other's points of view -
    Wait for a while and think that as per the situation of others what should be correct way to handle it, analyze the person, and then decide who may actually wrong.

    Read Spiritual Books -
    I do not know you may be interested in reading or not but yes if you read spiritual books that will surely gonna help you to control your anger.

    These are some tips given above please try these and I assure you you will find a great result in a positive manner.

  • To kill anger one must develop pateince and preservence. To develop this you can do the following -

    Meditation - Develop a good meditation style. Practice vipassna meditation. Pranayma is also a good technique to develop meditative and calm mind.

    Drink water - Drinking more water helps you stay hydrated even when you're in tension hence alleviating stress levels.

    Stop overthinking - This is the most important thing. Stop overthinking the best will always happen at the right time in the right place.

  • The only way to stop getting angry is to first find out the root of your anger. Self questioning is the way. Few of the questions that could be asked are:

    1. Is this anger coming out of a event that you faced?
    2. Is the root cause of anger is any one specific person?
    3. Have you always been angry?
    4. If not what happened that changed you?
    5. Are you over weight or underweight that's stressing you?
    6. Is that lack of sleep?
    7. Is that unhealthy food?
    8. Is that because its been a while you have taken a walk in fresh air?
    9. Is this because I am not getting good grades
    10. Is this because someone has changed as a person?

    One can easily find unsolved issues of life and work upon them to fix such issues. For example if someone is having issues because he is getting divorced and he thinks he is being falsely accused, he can go and talk to his wife and present his thoughts in most simple way and vent out his feelings.

    The angry person should also analyse his anger. It may be coming out because of medical reason. For example a person with OCD will always throw a fit when you put things where they aren't supposed to be.

    The other ways to analyse and reflect is to sit and think that "why did I got angry or why did I said that..." Also filling the head with positive thoughts against those actions... like "no matter what I wont do this from now on, because this is not what a grown up man should do"

    Taking help of elders or medical consultations from psychiatrist should be considered too if things dont get changed soon.

  • Anger is a state of mind. Generally, It happens only when the thing doesn't go properly. It varies from person to person. Some people get to calm down very soon whereas some people take much time getting cool. As mentioned above that you are just 20 years old and gets angry about a silly issue. Naturally, this age group of people becomes highly sensitive as it is a transformation stage from teenage to adult.
    Here, I am giving some valuable suggestion which would help you control over anger are as follows:-
    1. Try to keep busy yourself as much as possible. Busy people having less chance of getting angry. So, It is rightly said that an empty mind is the devil's house.
    2. If you have free time then try to listen to your favourite music as It is the best way to relax your mind.
    3. Do yoga and meditation regularly. Both keep our mind and body healthy. Especially, meditation is mind tonic.
    4. If you have a problem then try to share it with your parents, close friends and relatives. Always spend some time with friends for a joyful mind.
    5. Develop a hobby. Do the same thing whatever you like to do such as cooking, stitching, singing, crafting etc.
    6. Take sound sleep for 6-7 hours It refreshes our mind.
    7. Read good books as per your interest. Reading habit not only relaxes our mind but engage us.
    8. Don't overreact to a small issue. Always remember one thing, nothing is permanent in this world. Everything is changing with time.

  • Anger arises when your desires are not fulfilled. For example, you wanted some expensive thing very badly and had saved money to buy it. However, a situation arises when somebody in the family is hospitalized or some other emergency happens and you had to part with the money which you had saved for buying something. For some time after having spent the money, you will not feel angry. After after a few days you will become extremely irritable and angry most of the time. Further, when one of your close friends or relatives hurts your sentiment, you become angry and lose your temper when the person who had hurt you starts a conversation with you.
    Excessive anger leads to some serious consequences and it should be nipped in the bud itself. The best way to control anger is to stop reacting to a situation immediately. Give yourself at least a minute to respond and think wisely. Ignoring certain people who you do not want to face is another way of keeping yourself cool and relaxed.
    Vedas say that anger, greed, and desires are the worst enemies of a person and if you are able to control these three elements in life, you would become a positive, helpful and peace-loving person. In addition to that, you can also set up a good example for others.

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