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  • Sharing Past relationship details

    Wondering whether one should share past relationships with spouse? Looking out for solid advice about what to do and thus avoid breakup? no worries, on this Ask Expert page find advice for your query.

    Should every one share every detail about their past relationships to their spouse? He knows about my past relationships but I haven't told the intimate details about them. He is very short tempered. He doesn't understand me. So I am not able to share it with him. But I feel guilty. But if I share now we would have to breakup. What can I do? Is this okay? Or will he get to know about it without me saying to him.
  • Answers

    6 Answers found.
  • If you feel guilty you might have told him about the relationship before marriage and then only you might have taken a decision. But now you are already married and living with your partner. You say he is a short temper and if you say he may leave you also. This is an issue which one has to think practically and make a decision. What are your present status of other relations and I think they are not there. Be sincere in the future and continue a good relation with your partner. You need not now tell him the past. Unnecessarily it will create a rift between both of you and your married life will suffer. Past is past and we can't change it. So ignore. If you are not telling your partner, who else will have a chance to tell him. The other person with whom you are in intimate relationships may reveal it to your partner. That depends on the mentality of that other person and you should know about him well. So you should know the chances for that. Otherwise, it is better not to share that information and if he asks you also you should strongly deny that.

    always confident

  • Human relations and relationships are based on delicate threads of emotions and sentiments. It is always better to maintain them in the subtle ways. Everyone does mistakes in his or her life at some point of time and it creates not only a feeling of guilt but also the reminiscent of that relationship haunts and torments us for the lifetime. If you want to share or disclose these mistakes or blunders in your life with your husband then the best time is before marriage so that he accepts you as you are and not in the presented form. Anyway that time has gone and there is no possibility of repenting about it now.

    Let us see the things from a practical perspective now. How does a man feels when his wife discloses the past relationship to him. Generally he will be very angry and make it a pretext for separation or continuous fights and always quote it to degrade the wife. The irony of our society is that if a man does such things before the marriage then it is acceptable and quoted as show of his masculine power. Society takes it casually while same thing done by the wife becomes unforgettable. So one should keep this in mind and should not disclose things at such a later period. It will have adverse effect on the children also if they are of that age to understand these things.

    In cases where husband is understanding the things and knows the conditions under which his wife was exploited by some person in past, such risks of disclosing the incident can be done but such husbands are rare and as narrated by you in your case this possibility is not there.

    So I suggest you to forget your tormenting past and live in present and plan for the betterment of your family by devoting to your husband in the best possible ways. With good behaviour and cooperative attitude one can earn the goodwill of the husband as well as other family members and in case of him learning these things from other sources he will not be so aggressive as listening it directly from you. Remember, you can always explain the things in your favour if he comes to know these things from other sources.

    So do not get perturbed, keep a calm composure and do your duties in the normal ways and have the love and affection of your husband for the rest of your life.

    Knowledge is power.

  • What I feel that if the present relation is going and peaceful, why to disturb the tranquillity of life. You may be feeling guilty for the past, but revealing the same to the present relation may spoil the future. People will not be same when they hear such past relations. When the present life is going and keeping calm is the better way to lead life. Otherwise, commotion and confusion will take your toll and more information would be sought about past relations and thus you will be seen as the headache about the situation and sometimes feel like running out of life. Better to live in cool mind.

    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • In my opinion, no need to feel guilty as it was your past and no need to tell anybody or your husband. At that time you were not married to your husband so you need not to tell anything. As you life is going cool and everything is fine. Disclosure of past may ruined your present as well as future. And you will not be able to win his trust again.
    Your husband might be very progressive and forward thinking but still a very few chances are there that he will accept your past and forgive you. So be cool, no need to tell anything and don't feel guilty.

  • If you really want to share past relationships with spouse, do it when you have a while for your marriage and when it's agreed from both the families. So you'll be able to know if your spouse have understanding nature or not. If he have habit of blaming, taunting or bringing your past up for no reason you'll get to know it before marriage.

    Also no one in this world needs to explain what kind of relationship he/she had with their ex-bf/gf. A brief note is completely fine and the other can understand it. Explain or not it's up to you.

    In case you're married and you have lied. You have already made a mistake in first place. But how do you know that your spouse has never lied to you.

    It would be good now that you wait and if he needs explanation then you can confess. And if you think you understand your spouse really well than you should decide accordingly, you can confess today too. But remember that can make it worse if he is not a man with brain. Also it can make your relationship more strong

  • If you are married then past is past and you should not feel guilty about your past, everyone has a past. I think you should not share your past with your husband as you said he is short tempered he would not understand immediately but he would react very badly and will understand once he is cool, but i don't think he will trust. And he may keep taunting. Better not to share.
    If you are only engaged then it would be better to share with him. if married then avoid it.

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