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  • Category: Opinion About

    A crush on a guy whom I want in my life forever


    Having a crush and want to connect with the person? Confused about how to proceed with connection and initiate the interaction? Scroll through this page where our ISC experts have suggested how to proceed.

    I have joined recently a new firm and was trying to adjust to the work environment and culture. Meanwhile there was a guy who literally drew my attention towards him. He is used always try to help me and the way he is used to see me, I knew he was falling for me and some how even I am unable to forget him. I left the firm within few days due to some issue but I want to connect to him. I had his number but we never exchanged it. I got it from the official group. I have deleted his number from phone but still I am unable to forget him. He never tired to reach me also. I have a colleague's number. I don't know if I should ask him for his number from him and even if I ask what reason can I give?

    Even if I approach him, I don't want to say I like or in kind of crush with him. I don't know what to do basically. Can you all suggest?
  • Answers

    10 Answers found.
  • Maybe because of his behaviour and attitude towards you, you are not able to forget him. Sometimes we get attracted towards a person but we ourselves don't know why is it so. Maybe its the case with you too. Yes, you can contact one of your colleagues to get his number. There is no harm in it. Once you may get his number you may get o know about his feeling towards you.

    Sanjeev

    " The two most important days in your life are the day when you are born and the day you find out why? "
    – Mark Twain

  • Before proceeding in this issue, first of all, get all his details, Discuss with your family members, if you feel their consent is also required. After contacting him and after getting his approval, if your family don't accept, you will be in two minds. If you feel that your family concurrence is not required or if you feel they will not have any objection, you can proceed.

    You may be having a colleague who is still working in that company and with whom you have much intimacy, you discuss with her about that person and get the details from her. You can compare your views about the guy and your colleagues' opinions and if they both match, then you can get his phone number through the other colleague or from this colleague. If you don't want to tell the facts to your colleague, just contact once or twice, Discuss generally other matters and about other guys also. In between during the discussion, you can get the details of this guy also casually. Then you can ask the numbers of two or three colleagues and he may be also one person in those three.

    Once you get his phone number you can try contacting him and discuss and try to understand each other. Once you are satisfied you can see how he is reacting and then you may tell your opinion of getting married to him.

    drrao
    always confident

  • Hi there!

    After reading your query, I think that maybe the guy likes you too or maybe it is in his nature to help everyone or maybe you were new to the office so he helped you. There could be innumerable reasons. Don't fall in the vicious circle of those reasons.

    It could be possible that he likes you too but he is not able to man up and tell you about his feelings. He may be going through the same confusions you have regarding him.

    Right now I personally think you are only attracted to him. Take time and know him. It's a matter of life. It may sound all dreamy and romantic but remember even dreams are difficult to achieve and romance often gets misunderstood.

    But since you say you want him in your life, that too for good, then don't hesitate. Summon your courage and ask your colleague for his number. Text him and talk to him. If possible, hang out with him as people often conceal a lot in texts but in person, we get to know a lot about them. Try to be a friend first. I am suggesting you become a friend first because a friend knows all the good and bad things about the person he/she is friends with. Even after knowing everything about him, you still like him and want to be with him then you must confess him. If he likes you, and you guys talk and meet, he too will get to know about you. If he continues to like you even after that, he may confess even before you do.

    But if he ignores you, or continues to talk like a colleague, not even a friend, then remember he doesn't feel the same for you. Some people like to help others and we may feel that they have a thing for us but in reality, they only intend to help us.

    In such a case, I would suggest you let him remain a crush and move on in life. You may find someone else, someone better than this guy. It may seem way too magical and you may not be able to remove him from his mind now, but trust me it happens with everyone. It is nothing exclusive.

    Yet if you think you should try a bit more to be with him, then proceed at your own risk. Because it also happens that when someone realises our love for them, they tend to love us even more than we love them. It may or may not happen in your case. Whatever the consequence is, remember you must never regret. Life is short. You tried to fulfil a dream of yours. Not everyone can man up to do that. You did that.

    All the best. May you find the one you want to be with for the rest of your life.

    Make love to life before it divorces you.

  • There is nothing wrong in your feelings for the guy as in young age this is a natural thing that can happen at some place with someone at some opportune time and the history of love and romance is full of such stories worldwide. Loving someone is the greatest of all the attributes in our life and it is the pleasant gift of nature to us. It is a source of lifelong happiness. There can not be anything better than living lovingly and cordially with each other. Let us now come to the practical side of this attachment. Who is that person and what are his credentials? It is of utmost importance because if the love culminates in a lifelong commitment then you will have to live with him and then knowing something about him which is not tolerable to you at that time will only bring misery and pain in your life. So, knowing about the background of the person is a mandatory thing. This includes knowing about the family background, parents, any earlier marriage or broken relationship etc. So, I will suggest that you should not go in this matter hurriedly and do your home work before you entangle with him at an emotional and sentiment level. Meanwhile acquaintance with him is to be enhanced by small formal messages, having a tea together may be fortnightly and occasional outing but never lose your control on your emotions. If you do so you might find yourself a loser at the end of the day.

    Second important thing is that you have to be sure that the person has also got subtle and loving feelings towards you and it is not his infatuation towards beauty and opposite sex. This is a vital consideration as the person might have same feeling for a number of girls which have so far come in his life. This is a difficult thing to find out but there is a way to ascertain it and that is courting with him for sometime. More you have pre-marriage courting relations with him more you will know about him and then it will be easy to take a prudent decision in this regard.

    The last thing is the imagination of life after marriage. After the marriage you will have to live with the parents of the boy or may be separately from his parents so financial resources for owning a house or having a rented house are to be thought well before the marriage. Financial constraints can ruin a relationship in no time.

    Once all the above considerations are achieved then one of the person has to propose to other and if he or she accepts it then you can definitely go for a long time relationship.

    Knowledge is power.

  • At this young age like yours, you may notice some peculiar moments and despite your best efforts, you may not forget the same. It may be your curiosity, attachment, attraction, infatuation whatever you call it, such sensation/ sensations will disturb you so long as the entire affair is not fully known to you.
    You can move in this wonderful journey alone or still better, sit down with your parents and expose your inner emotion regarding your willingness to make intimacy with that guy. Proceeding with their concurrence would ease your journey of further development with the guy.
    Nothing can be forecast from the initial meetings though it may proceed favourably at the initial stage, the intention of the guy may still remain unclear. Hence it would require further appointment with the guy and the duration of meeting with the guy should be for the longer duration so as to get the entire details of his personality. In that way, you would be able to identify his true temperament and attitude. You should be able to differentiate between the true love and sympathetic attitude of a man - always lending his helping hands to others in case of requirement to other party. So you have to come out from the present impasse with intensifying your personnel contacts.
    There is no harm in taking such initiative from your end after the concurrence of your family member. Be his best friend with your sincere approach so that nothing remains mysterious for you. If his manner of talking, patience, consistency of behaviour, helping attitude and his financial capability is known to you, there is no harm in strengthening the relationship culminating in a happy marriage.

  • From the post, it is clear that the author has been making one-sided love and also yeans to meet him and have relations for the future. But the guy seems to have restricted himself to the work and office and no more overtures of love life. If he would also realize the way the author wants, then there could have been proper reciprocation and that is absent in this case. Now the author has to decide the future course of action that purely depends on liking and continue with relations provided the guy also have an interest. It is better to talk openly once after having a meeting at the agreed place.

    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • Please do no jump into any conclusions nor buildig castles in the air. Be realistic and practical. I feel pobabl you have lack of exposure to the world and the firstjob was probabaly the first major exposure for you. Hence I suggest adding some protecive caution to your own interest.

    1. " I have a colleague's number. ": You call the colleague and enquire on general lines aout their well being. Before ending just ask that coleague to convey your thanks to the 'guy' for all that hehad done to you when you were inthe office. If the coleague gives you the number then you can talk to him as a sort of general enqury and thanks. Do not go more than that at this juncture.

    2. If your coeague did not give you the guy's number, then call that colleague a fewdays afte and directly ask for his number . And proceed to talk to him. Ifyour colleague smlls something she/he will give you some details or avoid giving the number.

    3. You may convey or send greetings ona festival pr suitable occasion inthe coming.

    4. On further occasions in your talkto the guy try to get more details about him. That will give you an idea which way to proceed.

    5. But I feel that it was your perecption and lack of exposure and experience that gave you the 'crush'-rather an infatuation.

    6. If he was also serious and really helpful, he could have helped you in continuing with the job. So it was just that he was doingthe normal help any colleague would give. Hence I suggest you need not see more meanings in this.

    7. The world is quite large. It ha many opportuities. You may also grow and grow bigger. At that time you should not regret by concudinghastily on first impressions and crushes. You may find someone far better and suitable and compatibe to you. That is why I suggested that yu be slow, cautious, with atience and alertness and vision.

  • I think the feelings, you have, are the only attraction. It is very common in young age, especially, when you are in a new environment. Sentiments are at highest peak in this age. The brain also does not work. Many and many times a person can take wrong steps by drifting in emotions.

    You newly joined the office and a person was attracted towards you. It maybe true or may be your thinking only. May be he likes you and really attracted towards you. It is also possible he wanted to help you only as you were new there. But you both neither told your feelings to each other nor exchanged your contact numbers.

    It is also true that he has not tried to contact you. It is quite possible that he may not have any feeling for you and he may have forgotten you. As you left office to some issues there and you are still thinking about him and want to talk to him, I think, there is nothing wrong in this. You can ask your colleague for his contact number and talk to him and know about his feeling for you. If he does not have any feeling of love, still, you both can become good friends. But before approaching him you should talk with any of your family members (sister, mother, aunt etc.) or any friend, so that you don't get hurt thereafter.

    It is up to you. If you want to contact him, and go with him, you can make a try. After making calls and a few meetings with him, you will be able to know about him and it will be easy to decide whether he can be with you or not.

  • If you know his name then search on social networking sites like facebook. Request for friendship and start talking with him. More closely you and he , both understand each other there will be chances of alliance. Otherwise it might be just infatuation. So it's good to know first and then take step.

    Avi
    Life Is Beautiful

  • Please do note that a crush is a crush. You have spent very little time interacting with him. You do not know much about his background. From whatever little data you have mentioned, it can be easily said that he is not the usual kind of guy who would flirt with someone and then quietly forget them after a while.

    That said, you should look at the following steps that you need to compulsorily take.

    1. Get across to him and have a sort of catharsis with him. Open out completely. Look for the eagerless in his eyes and for the kind of eagerness with which he would listen to you. Look for the vital body language and do not allow your mind to wander left , right and center. You should make every single effort to read him and his mind.

    2. Next, discuss with him two things. One, his philosophy towards life. Second, his career ambitions and so on. Check if he will agree to support you in your career ambitions as well. Ask full details of his family background. Even if there is one bad apple among his siblings, you must be very careful. For, that guy would be the cause of all worry on a later date. More so, if he or she has some behavioural problem that exhibits itself in terms of hatred or jealousy or whatever.

    3. You need to go to step 2, only if the response in step 1 is very good and positive. Even after step 1, you can also check with those who are still employed in the same organization but known to you quite well. Check if he had attempted to know something about you. Check if he had exhibited any empathy and had made any move that would enable you to think that he is a positive character. Remember, a crush is just the start of any relationship. The most successful lovearriages are those where the understanding between two persons took as many as six or even eight years for them to decide to take the plunge. Nothing happens in a jiffy. It never should.

    4. Even after you are sure about his honesty and integrity and you would rest assured that he would indeed care for you forever, it is essential that you have a far deeper understanding of every single future plan as to where he would like to settle down, his savings, his plan to acquire additional skill-sets and the like. This is even more important in today 's conditions where the slowdown can cause any trouble to those who do not know how to survive. Acquiring new sets of multiple skill-sets is absolutely essential today. It is no more a choice.

    5. Look at all these facts and then try to figure out what you will be in for. Never be in a hurry. Even if the relationship is 24 months old, it does not matter. Just be thick friends and stop at that. Please do not go to the next level of physical intimacy before marriage. This could be terrible for any girl like you.

    6. If you are doubly assured of all that has been mentioned above, you can take a plunge and decide to get married after getting the consent of parents on either side.

    All the very best in your quest in firming up this relationship at this point of your life.


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