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  • I want divorce but my wife intentionally is not ready to give me divorce

    Facing marital issues and have even thought of committing suicide at one point? Searching for advice to proceed with divorce even if the spouse is not willing to divorce? Check out this Ask Expert page for advice and suggestions and decide how to proceed for filing a divorce.

    I have been tortured by my wife from 3 years. i am disturbed and want to suicide commit at one point. She says that I will never give you divorce intentionally.
    Can you suggest how to get divorce? She will harass me on silent basis. She is a teacher and I am working in marketing company. As compared to me her payment is 3 times more.
  • Answers

    11 Answers found.
  • If both of you are accepting, getting divorce is easy. But if one party is not willing to give divorce, you have to prove in the court that you are suffering a lot due to her behaviour.

    Her income may be more than your income. It will never be considered as a point for divorce. As you are not happy with your wife, you have to go to a good lawyer and explain him the entire case and then you have to proceed. Your advocate has to give a lawyer notice to her and ask for her explanation. Based on the reply he will decide how to proceed.

    But my personal opinion is that you both should sit and discuss and try to adjust with each other. Then you will have a better life. It is always better to get adjusted and accommodate each other. That is the essence of married life. If you divorce her now and get married again, you don't know how the new comer is. A known devil is better than an unknown ghost. You consider this point also and then decide.

    always confident

  • In case of any marital issue it is always better to discuss with spouse and try to resolve the issue. But if you have already tried to resolve the issue in the past 3 years of suffering then it is always better to part your ways.

    But certainly in any circumstances, attempt to suicide is not a wise way. You should proceed with the divorce process. After filing a divorce notice you and your wife would have to attend sessions with marriage counselors. In many cases the discrepancy between husband and wife is resolved with suggestions from these counsellors associated with the family court.

    If even the counselling sessions do not succeed in saving the relationship, then the actual process of divorce starts in the family court. The process of divorce will be better handled with a professional lawyer. The duration of the case may vary depending upon alimony requirements, proofs of claims from both sides, children's custody and maintenance claims, claims on property, etc. Finally, at the time of divorce grant, it is essential to have at least 1 year separation. Hence, even after giving divorce notice, minimum 1 year you should be ready to face the case hearings.

    Last but not the least, I will suggest you to concentrate on your personal well being and spiritual development. Suicide is never a correct way to handle pressure and stress in life. You should try to find out ways to handle your stress because during the divorce case and in life after divorce you need to keep yourself strong and stress free. You should attempt to learn meditation and some self retrospection techniques.

    Life is God's Gift !! Appreciate Life !! Thank you Universe !!

  • This is really an unfortunate case, but with your consistent persual, the case of torturing of wife can be softened or eliminated. Be prepared to have a frank dialogues in this regard. Raise the issues disturbing you because of her indifferent attitude or her rude comments time to time. The table would turn to your favour with your positive approach and consistent persual to amend her behaviour.
    Shed your negativity and never behave in an unreasonable way like bursting out immediately with her because of her utterance of pinching words. In that way, you will be aggravating the problem.
    If with your honest approach, no positive result is forthcoming, you may approach a reputed lawyer in your area and discuss with him the entire issue and follow his instruction. He may serve a legal notice asking her explanations for her unreasonable behaviour. However, the process itself is clumsy including family court session where the counceller would listen to grievances of both the parties. This session would run for sometime and in some cases, a favourable result is noticeable with the effort of the counceller.
    If the result is not favourable, you will have to wait for a year prior to getting the final divorce before the court of judge.
    You will have to think twice before you initiate any action in this regard. Who knows what will be the outcome of your second marriage if the behaviour of the other party is not known to you. You may take the help of your sister, mother, sister - in - law, mother - in - law etc in patching the present soured relationship.

  • Married life is based on the pillars of love, mutual respect, sacrifice and coexistence. There is no place here for conflict and agony but if such things exist for a long time it is better to separate. You have given your side of the story and we have not heard from your wife about her point of view in this case so we have to believe that there is truth in what you have narrated and accordingly the remedial measures are to be suggested.

    People have different nature and characteristics and also a pattern of habits. It may so happen that after marriage there might not be compatibility between the couple and that is sometimes the starting point of the confrontation. Married life is a shared responsibility which is not being imposed on you by others and it is your own choice that you two are living together. As both of you are earning members so there is no question of financial dependence on each other and both of you can have your life in your own ways. The main problem which arises between a couple is the unnecessary ego which makes you feel superior than other. But in the marital bliss there is no place for ego and superiority. It is a relationship where only mutual sacrifice for each other counts. One should not feel in sharing the household work or other things with ones wife especially when she is also a working woman. Alternatively you can manage it with the servants as both of you earn and can afford it.

    Another important thing is that the real test of love and affection between the couple is known only when the initial excitement of marriage fades away and people come to know the ground realities of raising a family and accommodating which each other. This is the stage where it is natural to have feelings of escaping from the present but that is only a mirage and is not a prudent thing to do.

    You have to analyse the situation thoroughly and have to find out whether you are leaving the scene just because of the bad and tormenting behaviour of your wife or because of your not able to tackle with the situation and escaping from it. This is a very paramount introspection and if the reason is alike then you might have to review your whole strategy of living and convert the present situation to a cordial and coexisting environment. Remember if you are quitting because of your mindset and weaknesses then later in your life you will have same fate may be with another partner who comes across your life. You have to recall what were the promises you made to your wife earlier and whether you are standing to those tall talks now or not. That may be a reason of her irritation towards you. Some women are very possessive and dominating and can not tolerate that someone shares their love with their husband. Take this as a positive attribute because if it is so then there is dedication and devotion from her side in this relationship which you might had not observed. If you want to improve relationship with her then you have to leave your male ego aside and start afresh. Just try it and you will see surprising changes in her behaviour.

    If things do not improve even after taking of these initiatives and measures from your side then there is no recourse except going for a separation and you can approach a family court or court for its resolution on the grounds of sustained torturing, cruelty and dominance from her side and by engaging a good family cases expert lawyer you can definitely get relief from the court. In that case remember that court has certain principles in these types of cases and division of property between the two and the question of who will keep the children are some aspects which are taken up by the court in a practical way and you must find these explanations from your lawyer before going for the suit. Other aspects are also to be seen as who will continue to remain in the present house (if owned by you) and who will leave it for a new place. So, separating is the last resort and you have to consider all the pros and cons of this before taking this crucial decision in your life.

    Knowledge is power.

  • While I can understand your uneasiness for the constant torture being meted out by your wife for three years, there seems to be some difference of opinion between you and your wife on issues and matter. What I firmly believe that a wife cannot go against the husband just like that. Your behaviour matters and some of which might have irked her and you are feeling fuming inside for her variant behaviour. Divorce is not the solution for this as you can be more bothered even after divorce for other reasons. So try to find out the reason and ways to settle an amicable agreement for living in peace as of now.

    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • Even judges are not ready to spontaneously give divorce to the couples approaching. The thorough interrogations made by them as to avoid divorce as many couples hastily approach them for divorce and later they feel bad on divorce. You have to think more than many times and discuss with your wife and in-laws as well with your side people.

  • I have seen many queries like this made by the affected women but this one is unique in the sense that it is being asked by a tortured husband. Anyway, such problems are to be seen in totality and one should not make haste in taking a decision.

    Have you considered some basic things related to life of a married couple? Are you making your contribution in taking care of the house, taking care of the children and other matters as per your share or you are throwing everything on your wife. This is an important aspect and requires introspection. On the contrary do you feel that she is asking you to do all the jobs in the household and behaving like a landlord and treating you like a servant. If it is so and is also true then you have a full right to talk to her seriously on these matters and frankly try to resolve the issues. Things can be sorted out by positive and constructive dialogues. Do not have any complex and talk to her directly and pointedly. Tell her that these are the boundaries condition and beyond that you can not operate and if forced to live in the present situation, you will quit. There is nothing to be afraid of.

    If nothing works then you can go to court for her offending and torturous behaviour towards you and write in your application that you can not withstand the offending behaviour and want divorce from her. You have to also mention in your case that there should be division of the property among you as she is also an earning member and getting a good salary.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • You haven't mentioned whether have you ever have gone through with the court proceedings or not? If yes, then what is the outcome and if not then why so hesitant if the matter has worsened? In addition to the above, do you have any child or any dependent or financial obligations because in context to legal outcomes these are important for any legal proceedings.

    In due considerations wherein if you feel that no options are left then you can go ahead with the legal proceedings and in due courses the other party can be informed of this in a formal way and the documentation part can be done later on.

    Considering the most usual ways, the woman is found to have more weightage then in comparison to their counterpart on both the social and the legal grounds and therefore you need to have some fact checks on papers as well as hard proofs that what you have intended to is the only option. You can choose to have the private detectives so a to gather more evidences to proof your stand. But then you too must be ready for the consequences as the other party will also do the needful so as to keep themselves out of unnecessary hurdles.

    Or if you feel that nothing will work now then simply do one time sacrifice without going or proving anything in against to with the other party. The best way would be to remain silent with stick to your truthfulness which one day will pay back to you. This would be more satisfactory instead of initiating a fight with them. You need not to apologize or need not to say sorry but instead move positively on the later part of your life.

    But I would still want you to have opinions from the legal experts because you need to file for divorce under valid grounds for your divorce petition to be successful. The mutual consent is the best option because this makes divorce less stressful by saving time, effort and money. By avoiding long litigations, the couples can move on with their lives just after six months of filing for divorce.

    The consequences could have the negative impact on the offspring or newly born child while the Financial aspects can be settled mutually that are acceptable to both. In the court, the partners just have to reaffirm the agreement.

  • In this case, no one can judge the real issue as you mentioned your part here. But cases like divorce, we need to hear from both parties. So better both of you can consult a counsellor first and understand what is the real issues between both of you. As you mentioned, your wife torturing you foremost 3 years. But in general no one can do such thins especially to the husband without a specific reason. If the counsellor can find out that reason from your wife, maybe you can get a better result here.

    As per Indian law, if the wife doesn't allow, it is very difficult to get a divorce . One simple thing under the law that you can try is to live separate for at least one year from your wife. As per Sec 13B of Hindu Marriage Act 1955, you can seek a divorce from the court by doing so. But it is again difficult to get only with such an act. You have to prove that both of you dont have interest to stay together.


    Winners are too busy to be sad,too positive to be doubtful,too optimistic to be fearful and too determined to be defeated.

  • Have you started the formal legal rocedures for divorce? If not, you have to start that b taking professional help from a qualified and experienced good lawyer.

    You need to create records and proofs and be very careful in dealing the matter. First involve well wishers from bth side and try to come to a mutually agreed solution. Let the well wishers and relatives understand your real pretty bad situation. You may need their support later also.
    Then you may have to stay separately so that you are free of daily mental harassment.

    Once the divorce petiton is amde and accepted by the legal authority, you may have to follow the formal procedures prescribed under that.

    But as far as possible try to come to a mutually agreed settlement with wel wishers' and relatives help.

  • Have you started the formal legal procedures for divorce? If not, you have to start that b taking professional help from a qualified and experienced good lawyer.

    You need to create records and proofs and be very careful in dealing with the matter. First, involve well-wishers from both sides and try to come to a mutually agreed solution. Let the good wishers and relatives understand your real pretty bad situation. You may need their support later also.
    Then you may have to stay separately so that you are free of daily mental harassment.

    Once the divorce petition is made and accepted by the legal authority, you may have to follow the formal procedures prescribed under that.

    But as far as possible try to come to a mutually agreed settlement with well-wishers' and relatives' help.

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