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  • Category: Marriage

    Is it wrong for a Sikh boy and a Hindu girl to marry?


    Worried that your parents do not approve of your marriage to a Sikh boy? Quickly get some useful advice and suggestions on how to deal with it amicably.

    I and my boyfriend are struggling to convince my parents of our marriage as my parents say he is Sikh and they don't have trust in his family. He is 30 years old, working in a decent company and is planning for his own business. He lives with his parents and an elder brother who is divorced. He has two married sisters. We know each other since school days and he proposed to me in 2016. I am 31 and an only child. My parents have had some bad experience with this community and they gave me examples of such experiences, of cases of love marriage who went in for intercaste marriages and ended in divorce. My cousins are married but they don't want to get involved in this matter. My parents say if you still want to marry him, we will both leave this home and this stress will gradually kill us. They cry day and night and my dad's health is not good. My parents says you have to choose us or him. The boy still stands by me and wants to marry me. Please explain what I should do as I want both, my parents and my boyfriend whom I wish to marry. and live a happy life.
  • Answers

    8 Answers found.
  • As per me after reading your issue, I want to tell you that we should listen to proper advice from elder people or people close to us. Especially when deciding marriage partner and whom we should marry, but as everyone knows, the selection of choice is ultimately our own. It should be in that way. You are going to live with him for the entire life, not your parents.

    If you want to obey your parents, then you will lose a good guy who knows you for years, it is not easy to get such a guy. Better you have to convince your parents and definitely they will allow you if you also show them that you are adamant in this issue. Please keep in mind that marriage is always between two-person not with four persons.

    It is not a good excuse that your parents have a bad experience with his community. Maybe that incident happened a long time before. And every individual or family is different. They should not expect the same treatment from your lover's side or from his family side. Maybe you can involve your lover, to talk with your parents to convince them in this regard. If required you can involve his parents also to give an assurance that they will not do any harm to you or your parents. Hope this will be a good move to convince them.

    Regards,

    Winners are too busy to be sad,too positive to be doubtful,too optimistic to be fearful and too determined to be defeated.

  • Marriage is a life long commitment and a good marriage is based on the mutual faith and sacrifice. One has to choose ones life partner based on that fundamental premise. Sometimes the parent due to certain reasons may not agree for the boy or the girl selected by their children and that is a problem which many children are facing today when they select a life partner for themselves and then go to the parents for approval. You are not the only one facing this situation.

    This is the crucial decision that one has to take in ones life and before deciding this, one has to assess and confirm certain things before proceeding ahead. From your query it appears that the boy's family has no objection for it. It is a good news. Now you have to talk to your boy friend for certain practical aspects and one is whether after the marriage you both will be staying with his parents or separately. This is an important point because if you are staying with them and with time some misunderstanding is generated, where you will go as your parents have already said that their relations will cease with you as soon as you take the decision of marrying with that particular boy. You have to find out that at that instance what will be the take of your boy friend. Whether he will favour you or his parents. What I mean to say is that whether he is really concerned for you and can leave his parents for you or it is the infatuation of the young age that he is promising you everything. There have been many cases where after the marriage the boy had changed and the life of the girl was spoiled. Remember you are a girl. You are leaving your house and joining them. You have all right to ask or ponder about your future.

    Today your parents are angry with you for this match and telling that they will disconnect with you. It is human nature only and the real thing is that we can never disconnect from our children except in some rare cases. Today they are telling this but later when everything turns good and happy-happy, they will not only forgive you but take your help also. Believe me I have seen this happening in many families. Same case had happened in my close relative's family and now a days the girl is coming to parents house and they are also going to her house and enjoying togetherness. You can not take people on their face value even if they are your parents.

    You are the only daughter of your parents and tomorrow if the responsibility of your ageing parents fall on your shoulders - whether your boy friend will allow you to keep them with you or not? - is a question you have to find the answer right now. Be practical and there is no point in daydreaming.

    Only after assessment of above factors a prudent decision can be taken. Do not feel fear of anything, after all it is your life and you have to take a decision for your well being in the future.

    Knowledge is power.

  • Definitely you are passing through the critical phase and are under severe stress due to the prevailing circumstances. Hence I would request to be practical and analyse the prevailing situation and must come out with a realistic solution. I am enlisting some suggestions and if you like, you may implement the same.
    1) You may convince your parents that there is wide variance of temperament from man to man and his bitter experience of the Sikh - community appears to be irrational rather arrange a meeting with the boy so that your father would be able to assess the complete temperament of the boy. The session may consist of several times so that your gather would come to know his family - background, his likings or dislikings, his passion and other family issues. Such interaction would eliminate a lot of doubts hovering over your father's mind.
    2) You should also ensure that his Bussiness is stable in nature and is not affected as a result of seasonal fluctuations. Financial security is an important parameter for the maintenance of a family. This will be all the more important after the delivery of a child. You would be required a lot of resources to bring up your kids including schooling and health expenses in the event of health - ailment.
    3) Ensure that he is not a fickle minded man and his degree of reliability is of highest order. He can sacrifice in critical moments and he would protect family peace despite some differences on any issue.
    4) Take your parents into confidence and it calls for lot of patience from your side. Everything will be settled in your favour if you are diplomatic. Never be impulsive in your dealings.

  • Many boys and girls are facing such problems in India. There are some people who ignore their parents and take the decision as they like. But people like you who want to satisfy the parents also having this problem.

    1. There is nothing wrong with a Hindu girl to marry a Sikh boy or vice versa. The main requirement is understanding between the two people. If they understand each other will be we will have a good time.

    2. Old Parents are also important and one should take care of them and ignoring them is not correct. At the same time, parents also should understand the minds of their children and support them. The parents should know that the life of the children should not get affected because of their ways and means.

    3. Parents may not live long and the children have to live long after them so parents should never come in the way of children with their unnecessary thoughts and views. But some parents will never understand this.

    4. Please make the last trial. Bring the boy and their parents to your house and make them talk to your parents. Let them give an assurance that they will never spoil the future of you. Let them explain that they have no problem to accept you. Once then leave tell them that you have decided to marry them. You also give them the assurance that you will take care of them and never leave them alone. You can also tell them that the boy will also hear them.

    5. If they accept. it is OK. You can go ahead. There will not be any hurdles. You can have a happy life with both husband and parents.

    6. Even after that, if your parents stick to their words. you can just tell them that you are going ahead. Generally. initially, they will try to maintain some distance. But as time passes they will understand and they will come round.

    drrao
    always confident

  • Boys and girls of any caste/religion can marry other caste/religion. The acceptance of parents of either side shall also be not necessary. But the real thing between them is fullest understanding.
    The drawbacks they can meet in due course are:
    1.language -which is a major thing as one cannot express their ill feelings to other in needy hours. Communicating through a common language or by learning other's language will not give hand in time. Overcomeing this is very difficult.
    2.Custom:This normally does not accepted or tolerated/adhered by another as the other do not know the importance. To over come this both can give up both custom.
    3. Food: In India food is major thing invariably in all castes/religions. Accepting the other ones is possible in initial stage. But if one wants to eat his/her own type of food (we cannot say everything will get in hotels or outside), he / she fell very badly or sacrifice totally. If the one vegetarian and other non-vegetarian the rate of accepting or scarifying is very high.
    Above all three they have to live separately by staying away from both side parents, though it seems to be okey initially.

  • To be open, you mentioned the age of both the party and it seems that you both are mature enough to understand the best for you. You have been working and well versed with the situation, society and cultural differences of both the religion and you need to be prepared to go forward with the decision you both have taken for a better future.

    As per Sikhism, Arranged marriages are the norm and are forbidden to marry from outside their faith as their Gurus considered marriage an equal partnership. Marrying other faiths is acceptable, rituals will be conducted in Sikh temple or gurudwara only if they accept the Sikh faith and change their name. You need to sit with your would-be and take firm steps after thorough understanding the rituals, conditions and life after marriage.

    As you are the only daughter and your parents have bitter experience with the said community, it is expected that they would take time to get convinced but you need to make the correct approach and try to solve the problem before taking the drastic steps. It is easy to say that time heals and as time passes, they will be able to understand forgive and accept you but you need to consider the health condition of your parents. As mentioned by you that your daddy is not keeping well, your decision should not be a reason to never get a chance to ask for forgiveness.

    Some fo the solutions to try are as follows:
    a) Try to speak openly about your relationship with your parents.
    b) Try to make your would be to talk with your parents as his stand and protection would help them to come to terms.
    c) If the boy's parents are willing, do ask them to have a word with your parents as this will help them to feel comfortable and secured. As they had a bitter experience, family assurance may help to heal or patch up.
    d) Always keep on taking a small step and try to convince your mother, as your mother may be able to convince your daddy better.
    e) Ask your would-be to have an alternative visit to your home and make them feel comfortable with him. This will ease the gap and misconception about that community.
    f) Always keep a positive approach and try to convince before taking any further steps.

    Varghese
    Limit your "alway's" and your "never's." - Amy Poehler??

  • These are very important decisions in our lives. Being a girl it will be your responsibility to take a correct decision because in our society no one blames the boy if he backs out of the relationship. Choosing one between your parents and your love is also a difficult exercise.

    One thing which I can suggest at this juncture is to confirm the sincerity of your boy friend as the decision making will be more and less dependent on that aspect. If you are sure that he is the right guy and will take care of you in all the future circumstances then you can take the risk of losing your parents. After all it is your life and if you are sure of the consequences you need not to fear anyone at this stage. Other thing is that suppose you bow to your parents at the present time and later they marry you to a boy of their choice and you find that the guy is not of your liking and the life becomes difficult and stressful then that situation is to be avoided right now. So find out more about your boy friend and his family and then only go for any decision in the matter.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.


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