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  • Category: Marriage

    What to do when things do not go as you thought about a girl in you are interested ?


    Are things not right between you and someone and is the relationship not moving forward? Wondering what to do and how to move ahead? Find advice from experts on this page decide further plan of action.

    Recently I joined new job where I saw a girl going in front of my office daily. From day 1 I liked her I used too look at her daily whenever she passed by in front of me. As days passed, she also used to see me but when I look at her she behaves like she is not looking and this made me started getting more interested in her.
    One day I visited a restaurant near my office. She was already there and she turned towards me and looked at me as she was reacting that she wants to say something . I am a very shy person and I tried to read her face and immediately looked other side but that made me believe that she is also interested in me. So next I was planning to talk to her, and finally after many days with courage while going in front of my office I stopped her and asked where she works and what's her name. She answered and when I said I used to see you daily when you go from here, she answered it's ok. I was unable to talk much because I was looking at her face only. She gave answers with slight smile on her face and went away.
    After that I thought that whenever she will pass by she will give smile and will talk and develop a friendship.
    But now the situation is: if I am standing in front of office, she changes the path and I tried to connect her on FB but she didn't accept my request. Now I feel very hurt and confused as to why at first she has given a look and reactions as she was interested that made to talk to her and introduce my self.
    Now I have sent her sorry message because I am feeling very bad and guilty that I stopped her and asked her name and she may be feeling bad about me.
    I want to come out of this confusing situation. What to do, whether talk to her once again or I should take a unaccepted friend request as a big No. Still I look at her daily and sometimes she too does but we never smile looking at each other.
  • Answers

    10 Answers found.

  • When she has shown some interest you have not taken any initiative. When you have seen her in a restaurant and when she wanted to take an initiative you have stepped back. I think that is a real blunder from your side. Again when you talked to her also she was smiling and hearing what you are talking about. She never asked you for any details about you. This itself I thought is an indication that she is not much interested in going ahead. To convey her feelings she indirectly conveyed the message by changing the route of her going and saying NO to your Facebook friend request. So the indication here is that she is never interested in going ahead.

    I think you should take it as a strong message to you giving you her mind very clearly. So it is better you forget about going ahead with her and make your mind and concentrate on another issue. There may be some other reasons for her not accepting your friendship request. She may be in love with some other person or she might have engaged or she might have got married. She may be having some other problems which are not known to you and she may not be interested at this point in time to get married.

    So please try to divert your thoughts from her and plan her life in the best possible way. There may be many alternatives.


    drrao
    always confident


  • Seeing the girl for the first time, you got attracted to her. Has it happened for the first time with you or you were also attracted to many girls earlier in your life and tried to woo them but could not succeed? This is an important aspect which you must ponder and examine yourself. It is a normal young male tendency to get attracted to the beautiful girls and then in some case finding the one suitable and to woo her for the life time. The love stories always start like that and many times end with a happy note. This is what we are thinking from the perspective of a male. Let us now divert our mind to what a girl would be thinking about a young boy when she finds that he is taking interest in her. I am afraid this is a bit different from the outlook of a male and here is the main difference that creates confusion in love affairs. A girl would like to see a boy not only as a handsome guy but he should be full of feelings and respect towards the girl. His appearance and gestures should look noble and descent. He should look more of a friend than simply a male. The girl, especially a girl with some brains would never fall for you on the first instance. She would test you for your patience and devotion. She would like to find out whether you are only wooing her or having affairs with so many girl friends and then you would choose the best out of the lot and discard others.

    How can you assure the girl that you are not the usual type of Romeos who are wandering here and there just following a beautiful girl. What you have done to convince her that you are the different one and would be with her till the last breath of her life. Just following her here and there would be considered as stalking which is illegal and punishable.

    So what is to be done and how to progress in such matters is really a big art known as art of wooing. As per the experts in this field it is believed that love is to be ignited in other mind and is not to be forced. To ignite the love in other person one has to sacrifice. You have to find out what type of friends she likes. What are her hobbies? What type of help she wants in her life. If you can help her or give company in that respect then probably she might consider you as a life partner. No girl would accept a follower on day one and become his life partner. Please refrain from stalking and be a cultured and sophisticated person. Girls would come to you automatically for one thing or other.

    Another interesting thing is that a girl should find some qualities or outstanding traits in you then only there are chances that they would take some interest in the relationship. For example if you participate in a debate or some other competition and win it and after that some girls congratulate you, then you can definitely talk with them and start having friendship and no wonder one day that could turn into a lifetime relationship with one of them. So, the beginning should be from a good thing they see in you.

    I would not stretch it long but just want to illustrate one example that what I meant by using the word 'sacrifice' above. One of my relative's daughter was having a love relationship with a boy who was her class fellow in engineering course. It went for a few years but the girl was sent to some foreign country for some higher course and returned after 4 years after completing the course. This boy who got a job here by that time waited for the girl all through those 4 years and when she reached back, he went to meet and greet her with a bouquet. Soon after they got married. What I mean to say is that the waiting for the girl made the girl to realise the purity in the love of the boy towards her. That is what I say the sacrifice the boy made. He was an engineer in a big company well settled in his job and any girl could have chosen him during this 4 years gap but he waited for his beloved only.


    Knowledge is power.

  • Thank you Dr N.V.Srinivasrao sir
    I appreciate your answer and whatever you said is right and I also believes that she might have other reasons not to accept my FB request but the problem is why she still look at me while going infront of my office sometimes she turns back and see ... This thing making me confused and I want things to sort out clearly.
    I have texted her on FB saying 'i am sorry' because I don't want her to feel insecure because of me.
    But whenever she still look at me that thing is not allowing me to easily forget her

  • Thank you Mr Umesh for your answer I appreciate the efforts. From your perspective you are absolutely right
    Girls can't be friendly with a stranger. I have already texted her saying 'i am sorry' on fb because I don't want her to feel that I just randomly attracted to her and tried to spoke to her I did that because of her reactions which I took it as an interest but things didn't went according to what I thought but still she sees me occasionally. Another thing is we are working in a same premises where we get chance to see each other daily atleast 6 times ... It's Getty difficult for me whenever she pass by my heart beat increases and when she didn't look at me I feel sad. I just don't want it to end simply I want her to talk if she has bf then I will leave happily but this silence hurts more.
    And she is the first girl to whom i spoke like this randomly


  • As far as I think the starting response of the girl was quite encouraging and she was waiting your proposal. Her smiling posture when you met her restaurant was indicative of her interest to have a further alliance with you. It is not that she changed her recourse all of sudden. She waited patiently for your favourable initiative but due to your lacklustre response, she changed her stance.
    It appears that the girl is intelligent and analytical in approach. The inordinate delay made on your part changed her attitude towards you and she found that that there is no point in going ahead for furthering the relationship with a cold man like you.
    Any initiative to normalise the relationship with the girl would not take place because of her preconceived impression indicating that you are not fit for her match. The same was reciprocated in her face - book.
    Any way, express your sorrows for your delayed response and wish her a happy culmination of marriage with a boy of her liking.
    Now instead of occupying your mind with some bizarre thoughts and making you inactive otherwise, start your journey a fresh shedding your negative thoughts. You need to recognise the nerves of the girl with whom you want to make relationship for the permanent alliance.

  • #159184
    I think you have done a good thing by asking an apology through FB. It is a good gesture and she would appreciate it much. You have said that she is the first girl with whom you have attempted this type of communication. I appreciate your integrity but how would you make her to find out this great thing about you. Your task to woo her is still as difficult as it was earlier.

    Still, there are some ways that you can achieve your love and one of them is to wait for an opportune moment to show it. Do you have any group of colleagues in your office and that complex where you are working? If yes they might be going for some outings or picnics time to time. Just see if you can also go with them and incidentally if that girl is also there then you can present yourself in a graceful way. Remember you should not give indications that you are mad after her rather with your nice behaviour and reputation in the group (which you have to anyway earn) she should follow you. Please try to make your reputation in the group and that only will make your fame to reach her and then slowly you can hope to get a favourable response from her.

    Meanwhile through your colleagues or her colleagues you have to get information regarding her family and other whereabouts regarding her. What if she is already engaged to her existing boyfriend? So, before getting a heart break from this one-sided relationship you have to be sure about those things before continuing your serious wooing efforts.

    Knowledge is power.

  • It is a normal thing to get attracted to a girl and we all have heard about "Love at first sight". These are common when in school and college but during the working, takes the second phase. As you have explained that you liked her from the day first you saw her and it is normal to be attracted to a beautiful girl. The spark ignited in you when you received a positive note through a smile from the girl.

    As explained by other members, we men have the guts and courage and take a step forward whereas girls take time to come forward. You both were comfortable which is well expressed by look and smile while seeing each other. This was an intimation that was used by the girl to give you a signal to approach her in a friendly manner.

    The second chance you received in the restaurant when she actually showed an attempt or a hint that she wanted you to reach her and have a word but that too was scrapped by you, not intentionally but due to your shy nature. This might have given her a hint that you are just stalking at her or looking for a time pass which was not the case.

    You even tried sending her a friendship request through Facebook but is still not accepted which may be the outcome of the two failed attempts and may require space and time to calm down the failed incident and start new. Girls normally take time to approve but maybe watching your reaction and approach and try to be pleasing always.

    Do not be turned down if you want her in your life which can be assured only after you interact with her and get to know more about her but for the time being try to be normal. Be yourself as girls like men as they are and not overact. Try to be friendly and wait for a positive note from her. As time goes, she may again give you a chance if she too is interested in you and then you can make the best use of that opportunity.

    Always be alert and avoid proposing on the first visit but try to make good friends and then according to the situation and understanding, you can present your feeling to her. This will help her to understand you better and be comfortable to make the final decision. "All the best" for your approach and do not lose hope. There can be a bad output but be prepared to accept the denial,l if its a 'No' and move in life. You might have heard the famous dialogue of Aamir Khan from the movie "Ishq", Bus, train aur Ladki ke Peche nahi baghna chaiya, kyunki Ek janeke baad, dusri aati hai which means, never run behind Bus, train and Girls as after one goes, another comes.

    “The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." — Morrie Schwartz

  • Your situation reminds me about the seventies and eighties, when boys and girls do not mix much. Both used to be shy and hesitant. Only very few and rare brave and focused among them used to fall in love and become lovers. But the case is not now. Boys and girls mix free and open in educational institutions they study, in the offices they work, in the buses and trains etc they travel. Most boys and girls can become friends as classmates, colleagues and co-travellers without any other dimension to it.
    It is by seeing frequently that people become familiar. Then they move on to smile and short greetings. That familiarity then takes them to have more interactions. This happened in your case too. But what I feel is that you could not or you did not know how to sustain the initiative and continue the conversations and friendship. Probably you did not make her feel comfortable. You wanted things to happen in your favour too fast.
    But I feel she is behaving properly as per her intuitions, training and bringing up.
    I feel that you are actually infatuated with her. That is because of probably lack of exposure and mixing up with girls. Don't be in haste. Even though there was no need to send a sorry note it is alright that you have done it.
    Now just remove the disappointment and high imagination from your mind.
    Be just normal. In case you see her face to face any day, smile sincerely and move on. Do not wait to talk unless she responds positively. Just believe that the world has any number of girls and one not interested to you is not a big problem. If she does not like you or not respond to you, take it as such and allow her to have her own way. Do not disturb her. Mix and interact with your colleagues and others as a normal person. You can do that. That is all.

  • You have already mentioned that you are a shy person. Handling a person of the opposite sex requires maturity, tact and a lot of patience.

    From whatever data has been provided by you, it is abundantly clear that this is a mere transitory kind of friendship. You have failed in opening up a big channel of communication with that girl. Unless you know that she had any feelings for you, it was improper for you to have even thought of any relationship with that girl.

    Be that as it may, please be informed about the following facts about women in general:-

    a) Unlike men, women do not have any special feelings for men at any point in time. Particularly, the kind of girl you have mentioned. She would have her own worries. It could also mean that she wanted to just be a friend and nothing more.

    b) Due to social conditioning, women do not believe any man so quickly. They take their own cool time in deciding what they should do with any man. In the present case, she must have thought that you are a big introvert. Hence, she would have also been reluctant to talk to you.

    c) Women are bound by so many social norms. If a girl had an affair prior to her marriage, it could mean a lot if she gets married to another person. Questions about her love affair may haunt her after marriage too. This does not even apply to men. If a man had even two affairs before marriage, in many cases, it is fine as long as he totally forgets his past.

    d) If there are some negative points about any man, that gets pushed under the carpet. But women are a different lot altogether. They need to be shy. They need to blush when their husbands talk a little kindly to them. And they need to be sort of grateful for the material objects that the men get for them. These are unfortunately society 's expectations, even today.

    e)Yes, it is true that the modern woman is empowered. And it is also true that they are more brave than the older generation of women. Yet, this is restricted to professionally qualified and we'll placed women and not everyone.

    f) Given the above facts, the best that you can do is to have a big move on in your career and go ahead. You do not need to give importance to the girl. First, prove that you are successful in your career. You are most likely to meet with someone who will really appreciate you for what you are. And it is likely that you will even find a life partner. But all this takes time. You need to move on now.

    Forget the girl and just do your work.

  • This is a very common situation encountered by a boy who is following a girl. Please note that no girl would accept your friendship gestures just like that. However advanced and modern that girl would be do not hope any such gesture from her side. If you think so or assume so you are doing a grave mistake and you would lose the girl for good. Human relationships are based on tender sentiments and gentlemanly gestures. Any spec of offence or aggression would make the girl repel easily from the scene and then she would avoid all those places where you are present. If you like a person then there are some subtle ways of expressing it with soft and sophisticated behaviour and that is the first and foremost thing required in love relationships.

    What I would recommend is completely stop all the aggressive steps from your side and wait for the opportune moment when you get to interact with the girl in some social meet or among the colleagues or some group of people. Never dare to talk or ask her when she is alone. In our culture that type of gesture is considered ill mannered. If you want to get success in your one sided affair then patience is the key to success and it is not one or two days that I am talking of but it the patience to be kept for a long and long period. Try to control your emotions with your logic and use a rational mind to analyse the situation.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.


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