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  • Category: Marriage

    Can OBC Caste boy marry SC caste christian girl?


    Do you have a query regarding inter case marriage? Want to know if someone from OBC can tie a knot with SC? Here, on this page our ISC experts shall respond to your queries.

    My best friend's age is 33 years belongs to OBC caste which his family is more spiritual and good name in society. He is also well educated and doing job in the industry. His is attached to his relatives and they are also well educated. He got married over 5 years ago.But unfortunately because of some disturbances and that girl's and her parents misunderstandings/ miscommunications they got separated.
    He then tried to bond a relation with that girl but at last they got divorced 2 years back. At that time he did not believe in any girl. That's why he was not in a thought of remarriage. Recently his colleague girl belongs to SC community , is a christian and she is also doing job in same office. She loved him by his nature & character and proposed for marriage. He also knew that she is a good girl and interested to marry. She has also accepted to follow his Hindu culture and will behave like a Hindu. But as per his family's nature they are very traditional and not even accepting this type of inter caste marriage. Also his family is thinking that till now this type of lower caste marriages were not done in our families.Then how can we make a marriage with that girl,if we done this,how our relatives and society treated us.Then what should he will do for his life?
  • Answers

    7 Answers found.
  • Any boy can marry any girl if they like each other. Sharing life is a life long process and the two parties involved should have a good understanding of each other and they should learn to forgive and forget. Sometimes out of pressure one may do some mistakes and the second party should be able to understand and see that the bond will continue. In our Hindu tradition marriage is having a lot of value. Divorcing is the last resort one should go for.

    In your friend's case, there are two issues. 1. The family is an orthodox family and gives more importance to caste, religion, and habits. 2. He divorced one lady because of misunderstandings between them.

    Now he is showing interest in another girl belonging to another caste and religion. Definitely, elderly people never accept that type of marriage. They will never give their acceptance to such a relationship. Even your friend marries that girl, he can't stay with her and his parents. He has to come out and stay separately with the wife. This is the point your friend has to make a decision. Traveling on two boats at a time is very difficult. In a hurry, he should not make a decision. Unnecessarily, the girl has to suffer.
    First of all, let your friend think and make a decision that he can manage by living separately with his wife. He should also have a soft corner towards the girl and initially bear with her and teach her his habits, customs, and ways. Then she will be able to manage the issues properly. Do all depend on your friend and how much patience he is having? Please ask your friend to sit and make thinking and they let him have a chat with the girl and then only he should make a decision.

    drrao
    always confident

  • If two people are in real love, cast and creed are no barriers. It is the parents and relatives who might appear as barrier but it can be mitigated with certain skills and ways. Before that we have to come to the main question which is whether your friend aged 33 and that SC/christian girl in the common workplace are in real love or it is the infatuation of the human minds which attracts two opposite sex people to each other. Why I am asking this is as per your narration this friend of your had a wife earlier whom he had divorced due to some compelling reasons. I assume that all the faults were probably from her side so that he finally left her. In this situation whether your friend is giving some months maintenance to the first wife or not. This is a point which is to be known so that this new girl could understand the financial position of your friend in a correct perspective. Another crucial thing to understand at this juncture is due to the differences between the families of earlier wife and your friend there were some misunderstanding and differences that lead to that separation. What is the guarantee that those differences albeit in a different form would not be generated now. Is the christian girl aware of all these historical things or not.

    So what I can suggest at this juncture is that your friend and the new girl should sit together and confide in each other all these things which had happened in the past and then only take a conscious decision in the matter. My only worry is history should not repeat now. Further, one of the most important points in this matter is that the boy and girl should be ready to bear the wrath of the parents to all the levels including debarring them from their property etc. They should be brave enough to accept all these unforeseen events in case they tie knots without the permission of the parents either that side or this side. If they are brave enough there is nothing to worry and they can start their life without any support from their respective parents and then have their own life. In such cases the parents later on get consoled and accept their children as it is.

    Taking brave decision requires courage and conviction. The girl should not just say that she would abide the boy once he marries her. If the boy's parents harass her where she would go? In that case her own parents would humiliate her further. Marriage is not a one day affair. It is a contract for a lifetime. It requires give and take, sacrifice, mutual respect and love and affection. It is not only the need of physical body. So, these pros and cons are to be understood by the girl and your friend clearly before they take a decision of such a magnitude. A hasty decision would only create rift and separation as already had happened earlier.

    Knowledge is power.

  • The situation in the question is faced by many. However, for any problem, there is a solution.
    The parents fear and hesitation is natural. Everyone tries to belong and be accepted by relatives, friends, and society around. The fear of 'if not accepted ' is always there.
    However, in the present case, the conviction and self-confidence of your friend are what is mattered mainly.
    If he truly loves the woman(and she also loves him unconditionally) and he believes that they can be a mutually loving couple and can lead a happy married life then he should take all positive efforts to marry that woman.

    He has to convince his parents that his earlier marriage failed even though that was within the 'accepted' parameters. He should tell with a conviction that what matters is his life and happiness and he is sure that he will have this on marrying this woman. The girl's sid also should be convinced.

    He should ensure that there are a few well-wishers and get their help also to convince the parents. He should tell the parents that that is his life and he will decide on it.
    If the parents still do not get convinced hen both should go for a civil registered marriage with the support of well-wishing friends and relatives.

    The real worth is in living happily with mutual love and support after marriage.

  • Your friend has suffered a setback because of failure of marriage of the first marriage. Even he had to take the initiative of separation through the divorce. Here the two main points regarding the failure of marriage of the first wife has not been discussed elaborately. The first point being the nature of misunderstanding cropping up between the first wife and your friend and the second one relates to maintenance allowance . In course of delivery of judgment whether the judge has awarded any respectable amount of maintenance for her sustenance or not.
    Going through the statement as you have indicated that there was some sort of misunderstanding and the same could not be sorted out. The matter appears to be fishy and the exact cause of separation from the first wife could not be established.
    There is no guarantee that the same thing may not be repeated in the next time.
    In order to have a permanent bonding in the married life, three psrameters are essential - selfless love, trust and the maturity - level. In terms of maturity, I mean that niether of the two should be fickle minded often varying their stance and decisions.
    Moreover, the boy should not be influenced by the comments of both their parental and in law side.
    They should sit together and discuss the all the relevant points affecting their future relationship. May be in due course, she may suffer humiliation at the hands of your parents and with the progress of time, it becomes unbearable to her. In that situation, she may not get any support from her parents as well in terms of financial and psycological help. You need to take her into confidence that you would stand like a rock in the case of adversity.
    The other part is the psycological mental frame of your partner including her reliability, which should be of high order apart from her patience. These two qualities would help her in bringing about her kids providing them a better support.

  • Dear all Experts,
    Thanks for spending valuable time regarding this query. In those suggestions,some of the queries raised by some experts that will he has to give monthly maintenance to his first wife.as he said,he had given permanent alimony in front judge during his Mutual consent divorce.So no need to give maintenance in future.Coming to his family, they are worrying about how the society and relatives will treat us if we take that caste girl and about mingle.they are also worried about can any suitable match will found for our divorced son as his age is also going on.
    According to his new proposal,he already said to this new girl about to follow his family culture and regarding his religion also.she also has accepted to follow all.
    As per your valuable suggestions,once again he will discuss all those with that girl.
    Sir...i have a small query,
    Now a days we are seeing lot of divorces...
    At present our society and present requirements ,can any girl and family will come and accepted to marry the divorced guys....?..please tell...

  • For your first question members have suggested a few opinions. As you have mentioned the monthly maintenance does not exist and the girl is ready to follow the custom related to your friend's family. It is better to convince the parents and a hope that they will lead a happy life without divorce as in the first case. They will be understanding between them and that they would take care of the parents.
    Secondly the girl or family accepting the divorce guys depends more on the character and the truth behind the divorce. A few key points may be:
    1. They also look at the maintenance of the first wife if it has to paid regularly or at once. 2. The family also checks that the first wife does or does not have a child and that the new girl is not disturbed the old wife or their family.
    3. The income of the divorced boy and his age as others check before the marriage.
    If the family is satisfied, they may come forward else there are less possibilities.
    These suggestions may be true in all the cases, it is just a few assumptions. Take your own decisions before finalising as it is releated to your life.

    Lead the leader

  • For first query as the person got divorce from his first marriage, he is free and can marry other girl without any legal problems and no question arises of paying anything to his divorced wife. Coming to the matter of marrying his colleague who belongs to SC community but converted into Christian religion whom we call Dalit Christian, he is free to move forward but heard that the family have fear of society and relatives etc. Well as the world got advanced very much and people reaching space in terms of technology still few rigid elders stick with such old customs and classes among people. . If the person is okay with that girl then he can proceed and his family should support him. Both society and relatives creates temporary hurdles and can be removed soon. No society and relative helped while broke of first marriage then how come the person and family follow relatives words this time. As the girl is Hindu in past if she agrees to home come then it will be bonus for the person.

    The second these days divorces are happening regularly among many Hindu families. Society too changed a lot and many divorced people too getting married again and living happily. Yes both girls, families and society are accepting the divorced guys so as the divorced girls too. The thinking of people getting matured day by day the only think one should consider is to choose a person with better understanding .

    There are some things that money just cannot buy, like manners, morals and intelligence.


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