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  • Category: Parenting

    How to change the attitude of a stubborn child?


    Worried that your child is extremely stubborn and just won't listen to you? Get parental guidance on how to deal with stubborn children and make a change for the better in their attitude.

    Some children don't want to listen to what others say for their own welfare. They don't listen even to their parents. Being stubborn makes a child defy any kind of change, although the change is for their own good or to protect them from any harm or misfortune. The result is one cannot connect with a stubborn child. My query is how to bring about change in the attitude of a stubborn child?
  • Answers

    8 Answers found.
  • It is said that a child is the image of its parents and represents the traits in a family acquired hereditary or during upbringing. It seems logical to think so as the child born in a family would learn from the people available there only. Handling a stubborn child is a very difficult and tedious job as parents would not have efficient patience and skills to handle that. Still, there are some ways that it can be tackled and many people have got good results with those time tested techniques. Let us consider those methods to be adopted in such a scenario.

    The first and foremost thing in a household is that child should not take the things as granted. If he gets food and chocolate at a call anytime then it is going to make him indisciplined. Let him feel hungry and cry for some time. He should be given food only as per the schedule. Once he learns to wait for food and other items he would be very serious and disciplined as hunger makes a person alert and attentive to the bargaining mechanism. He should be taught that if he does not obey his award in terms of food or playing would be delayed or even denied. He will simply shudder on that thought. Parents have to be very tough on this account. Parent need not to be cruel. Once he obeys give him sufficient food but not before he compromises. Let him beg for food and other facilities which he was otherwise getting so easily. While punishing him in this way just forget that he is your child. Just consider him like a orphaned child brought from some orphanage for feeding. Remember, everything is correct in love and war. What you are doing with him is for his own benefit. If you do not tighten him he would be a nuisance for the whole life and trouble you much when you become old.

    Next important thing is show him a behaviour that he can mimic or copy. Do not show him your weaker personality or deformed personality. Show him that you can also remain without food for a long time. Do not show him your weaknesses. He will exploit and blackmail you. Soft and tender minds are not as simple as they appear. So handle them properly. Another important point in this matter is that engage him in some activities, mental as well as physical. If you go to a park or garden take him with you and let him play and enjoy there. Occupying the minds of these tiny tots is very crucial for diverting their mind from the evil territories.

    Other thing is that father and mother both should tackle him in the same way. If father becomes tough and mother calls him and offers ice-cream then he would know the weakness of the mother and exploit her each time. We have to be the role model for the child and then only he would learn good traits from us. It requires a lot of homework and patience to change the attitude and mannerism of a stubborn child and even a good psychologists fail in doing that. It requires a continuous monitoring of the child and is based on giving him reward and punishment and get him realised that things would only be good and in his favour when he learns good behaviour. It can be done and it is not impossible and only thing is we have to keep ourselves at that level to tackle him in a diligent way.

    Knowledge is power.

  • From the beginning how you bring up your child is very important. A child is stubborn. Probably the environment he was brought up gave him that trait. The family members' behavior will have a lot of impact on the child. If the elder brother in the house is stubborn, the younger child will also learn the same from his brother.
    Parents should take care while bringing their children up. They should be able to stop them from the initial days when they are doing unwanted things. We should teach them what is good and what is bad and we should tell them the stories of people who cared for their elders, heard the words of their parents and tell them that by living like those people they will also become good and will get good name and fame.
    For any person to change his attitude is difficult. We have to work a lot. We can use the four, Sama, dana, bedha and dandana ways to change him. Try to make him understand by making him understand and advise them. If they are not listening we have to go for Dana. That means we can offer him some incentives. Then the next method is to tell the child that we will not talk to him and we will not be his friends if he is not listening. Finally, we have to give him some punishment and he will definitely change.

    drrao
    always confident

  • Right from birth, the Stubbornness can happen to some child. Every parent will have gone through these situations once in their lifetime. The way their parents handle their child on these situations will have a major setback for their behaviour. The Young and teenage phase is difficult situations for a parent to handle. Some kids will be creative and highly intelligent and some of them will tend to question everything and they may get trouble in it. Some kids will tend to get your attention and they need to get acknowledged for it. Many of the kids will be extremely independent and they will have a commitment to taking up every task and will not rest until they find a conclusion for it. Most of them will have frequent character displays and can possess leadership traits and can become bossy on it.
    Dealing with a stubborn child, it is important to understand why and what is happening with such behaviour. It is one thing the child needs is the determination and through this only a child's behaviour can be rectified. We can handle stubborn kids through distraction, for example when we are driving a car and suddenly your child will be attracted your car seats and suddenly you can distract your child by giving them some play in the car.

    "Earning knowledge is by sharing it with ISC and we will rectify our mistakes."

  • Stubbornness within the kids may develop due to various circumstances such as no paying adequate attention to them because of the busy assignment of the couple, different yard sticks of the couples within the same set of situations, strained relationship of the couples leading to frequent hot discussions between the two etc.
    To develop positive attributes among them is the best way to take care of stubbornness of the kids. You may try the following tips so that this habit can be relinquished.
    1) Pay adequate attention to your child - The kids remain quite comfortable within the company of their parents. During such timing, you may ask varied questions relating to behaviours of his school teachers and his friend circles. During such timings, you may apprise him of the roles of great heroes and heroines of Maharashtra and Ramayana etc so that such preachings would change his temperament helping him to be a sensible citizen at the later part of his life.
    2) Encourage him to be analytical- It is quite possible that the kid has just returned from the school and feeling hungry. He is asking for food to be served immediately. You make him understand that the gas has exhausted and even there is no power connection. Make him understand the situation and offer him a packet of biscuit during such an hour of crisis. In that way, he would learn the importance of the situation.
    3) Both the couples should maintain similar set of behaviour while you are dealing with your child - It may so happen that his Mathematics teachers has complained regarding his repeated poor performance in the said subject. While analysing the test - sheet, you marked his deficiency and you wanted to discipline him. In the mean time, his mother is ready to oblige the child with a piece of ice cream of his liking. Such set of behaviour may aggravate the attitude of stubbornness within the child.
    4) Encourage your child to ask varied questions relating to subjects or any other questions bothering him - Normally the kids are inquisitive in nature but this spirit dies out if his apprehensions are not resolved in time. Immediate response from your end will help him to understand the various facets of life.
    5) Make him understand the priority of the situation - This is important especially when your friend has turned up in your residence along with his wife and his three year old child and your son who has just turned six year old would not lend his toys to the younger baby. You need to make your son understand the existing situation asking him to share his toys to the baby because of his tender age and after all the baby is his guest.

  • Firstly, you have not specified the age and gender of the child to give better examples.

    Take care of the child by not prompting on his or her mistakes. Give more love and affection and whenever the situation arises explain and express the feelings in a way you want to lead.
    Children have to be given time by parents daily. If they lack the belongingness and stay alone more than the expected number of days, they become adamant.

    Explain the benefits, the harm and the protection through short stories or films (their favourite heros)This will make a drastic difference. Play with children irrespective of age accordingly which will create a friendly relationship so that they can speak out the thoughts hidden within themselves.

    Lead the leader

  • According to me the stubbornness in children are coming in them mainly because of parents. Many parents do not sit with the children, guide them, telling moral stories and giving ideas and inducting them to do good things to divert or form their tiny minds. Children do not know the cause and effect on a thing and they are asking initially on temptation by seeing its color etc., Parents should tell them in the beginning itself about the danger or ineffectiveness through moral or created stories. I read in one book. A boy in a city was very mischievous and enjoying the sufferings of other boys on his mischief. Their parents was worrying much on his such activity and puzzling to control it. One day his uncle (father's elder brother) came to his house. He took the boy to nearby shop as he was intending to offer something to him. The bought some chocolates and ate all while returning to the house. Uncle silently noticed his actions. The boy put the chocolate wrappers into his trouser packet. On reaching home he took some small stones from the ground and put them into the wrappers and scattered on the street. After a gap of period a friend of him came on that side saw them and picked in his hand and without noticing he opened a wrapper and put the stone into his mouth. When he start bite in hurry he got his tooth broken and his mouth full of blood. This boy clapping and felt happy. Though the uncle seen this he kept unnoticed. Next day morning he told the parents to take him to his nearby village for one day. They agreed and this boy also went to the village and enjoy his leave. Evening he saw a boy in the neighbor house and asked about him to the uncle. Uncle without pointing him directly or indirectly replied that boy was very mischievous and handle him carefully. Next day morning this boy came out of his uncle's house and found a folded paper as small bundle on the roadside, took in curiosity by forgetting his own mischievousness. A small bee inside bite his finger severely. This boy cried with pain. Uncle came there as if he noticed this then only, asked him the happened and took him to the doctor immediately. The doctor gave him injection with some tablets. There the neighbor boy came to the clinic as he was the son of the doctor and told that he only took the bee in the paper and asked sorry to the three. This boy returned home and since his finger got severe pain he could not eat by his own. Aunty feed him with her hand. Uncle slowly told the boy to think how the boy would suffer when bit the stone as chocolate. This boy realized his mistake and assured them that he would give up his entire mischievousness. Uncle thanks the doctor and his son for their help in this correcting activity.
    Similar to this parents should act with the child and in many houses parents are allowing their children to mingle with the other elders in the house by thinking that they would spoil them by over-patting.

  • Treating the stubborn children is a difficult task but if the parents have patience and willingness to do it then it can be done but continuous efforts would be required. We have to understand why a child is adamant in his behaviour and presses us for certain favours to him. For that it is necessary to understand the child psychology. The mind of child is very tender and if you bang him he might go in a state of shock creating other complications. One of the most commonly advised thing in this matter is that the child should be engaged in creative and constructive activity and once he gets the taste of creating crafts and other small accomplishment he starts to have a fancy for those things and yearns to learn more and more. At the same time the parents should praise him in the society or in front of the family friends that he has made this thing and see how the thing looks so nice and words like that. Once the child sees that people are appreciating him he becomes conscious of that and thinks to go for more creative works to get attention from the family members and family friend. In Psychology we call it channelising the energies in right direction. Once the child's mind is diverted to these constructive areas it is natural that the stubbornness would decrease gradually.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • Stubborn has positive and negative effects.

    Positive effects-
    1. Focus
    If we make sure to stick to something in order to complete the task at hand in the present moment is also testing the level of focus.
    This indicates determination.
    Example-
    Exams are knocking at the door and the student is frequently distracted by unnecessary things. During that time, it's necessary to stick to the syllabus and beat the deadlines.

    2. Endurance
    Panic strikes during unwanted times. During that time, it's necessary to be stubborn in order to be calm. Tolerating strange things is sometimes good. It's tests the level of patience.
    Example-
    Claustrophobic person stuck in lift. During that time, it's necessary to remain calm and avoid panicking. Panic will worsen the situation. Endurance will help to a extent.

    Negative effects-
    1. Desiring undesirable things at the wrong time.
    Example-
    Children start crying when they don't get what they want. Suppose, a child needs chocolates to eat even though he/she is not even hungry and the parents are busy working out something urgent.

    2. Procrastination
    Always making excuses to avoid doing productive things.
    Example-
    Students keep procrastinating studies untill the exams knocks at the door. They keep making excuses to watch television or play games on mobile phones.

    If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.


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