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  • Category: Marriage

    In love with a muslim man. Don't know what to do.


    Have you fallen in love with an intercaste married man? Want to know further course of action? No worries, our experts shall provide you with enough advice which can guide you for a sustainable future.

    I'm a hindu brahmin girl and a microbiologist by profession. I am in love with a muslim man who is married and has a little baby. We've just met and I really like him. My family also knows him and likes him as a person very much. He is well settled and I am highly confused of about the situation I am in. I'm feel guilty whenever I talk to him as his baby comes in. Tell me what to do. By the way I'm 26 and he's 31. Please tell. I wish to have a future with him.
  • Answers

    12 Answers found.
  • Marrying a Muslim is not a problem if both of you can adjust to each other. Friendship is different and living together is different. The habits may be different. Food habits may also differ, Everywhere there will be a difference. So both should compromise and understand the feelings of the other person. Think about that.
    The person is having a baby. What about her mother? You have not mentioned that. If she is also living with him, it will become further complicated. If she is not there, you have to take care of the baby also. Are you ready for that? It is not good to ignore her in this entire bargain.
    What is the reaction from your family? What happens to your relations with them, if you marry that boy, your relations may strain and they may not come to your rescue. You may have to fight alone? You should think this aspect also.
    All the points should be considered before you make a decision on that.
    By marrying him, you may have to face many problems and all should be tackled with strong will power.
    Better think about all the aspects. Marriage is for a better tomorrow but not for complications. If you marry that boy and ignore the baby, it is a very bad aspect and that baby has to suffer.
    So I think it is better to keep the relation only as friendship only.

    drrao
    always confident

  • The most sincere suggestion to you is 'please stop your infatuation intention and wish to marry an already married man with a living wife". You may continue as a good colleague and friend. That is the quality of mature adults.
    By nourishing a wish and intention to marry an already married man, you are doing harm to two families. The end result can be tragic and traumatic. Please desist from that.
    Let him have a good family life with his present wife. You seek a good alliance or find a suitable bachelor and if you decide or fall in love with such a person, marry him. Your family likes him as your colleague and person - not as someone whom they will marry their daughter to.
    Say good riddance to yourself. From tomorrow onwards look at home without guilt, just as you look and behave with any other colleague. Even though you are 26, I am afraid; you have still no matured as a responsible adult in this regard. If possible get a transfer and move away from this office or work place so that "out of sight is out of mind' helps you.

  • Though you need a right match with whom you can live peacefully after the marriage but still I would not recommend your marriage with that Muslim boy for the reasons indicated below -
    1) You are terming the present relationship as a bondage of your love with the boy but in fact it is a sheer infatuation and it may not last for long once there is a breach of your relationship, it may affect you badly psychologically so much so that you will have up the assistance of a clinical psychologist to resolve the issues.
    2) Muslim law permits the second marriage despite you being a lady of Hindu origin. You have to change your name and your marriage will be finalised by a Maulvi so that you can enjoy the marriage relationship and to that extent, it is acceptable but think of the torture that might generate due to such a trio relationship. Relationship of your spouse may get diluted with the first wife and that would be the origin of her dissatisfaction. This will affect the upbringing of the little baby, the only child due to their companionship.
    3) You will have to face a lot of trauma due to the internal frictions of the family members.
    4) To what extent, do you think that you will get your undivided love of your spouse after marriage?
    5) If at all, you are determined to go ahead of such a relationship, take the help of private detective who on your behalf will procure all relevant details of his family, his temperament, his assets including his liabilities and such revealation would help you in taking your final decision relating to your finalisation of the marriage.

  • It is said that - 'Every thing is correct in love and war'. Still, there are some considerations that one has to ponder over before taking any decision in entering these territories. First and foremost is differentiation between love and infatuation. Why I am emphasising on it is that during this age, one sometimes gets infatuated by the good behaviour of the opposite sex and falls for it without any control on oneself. I do not know about the man you are talking about but you have to enter within yourself and check for this aspect.

    Another thing is that though in love matters, one can take any decision but in this case the man is already married and has a baby also. He would have to care for them and being a person from Muslim religion he can keep more number of wives also and you will have to reside in that situation or take a separate house where he would visit sometimes when he gets free from his other responsibilities. Has he assured you that he would be divorcing his first wife and deserting the baby before he marries you? Or he says that all will live happily together. This is a point which is crucial as everyone wants a free and private space for oneself and you would not like to reside in a house so crowded. What I mean is that you cannot live just on the basis of love only.

    Coming to another issue which is more of social value but can shatter your faith and belief is that are you going to change your religion from Hindu to Muslim or they are going to convert themselves to Hindu for respecting the intensity of your love? Have you decided on that? What is the arrangement you are planning?

    He might love you much but what are the answers to these questions? If the answers are suitable to you and you are satisfied and happy and your parents have no issue then please go and marry and settle with him for good. But, remember that no one would entertain you if you complain after some time that now that fellow is bringing in third wife in the same way as he brought the second one. Only difference at that time would be that you will be the number two.

    Other important point is what are your aspirations for your career. Are you going to do some job or would remain as wife number two in his house for ever, treating his wife number one as a sister and the baby as your own baby.

    Please consider all these points which have an impact on your future life and then take a conscious decision.

    Knowledge is power.

  • According to law, you are allowed to marry him. It all depends on you and him to change this friendship into a married couple. You like him and probably he likes you too. You are mentally prepared to accept his baby too. Fine.

    Theoretically, both of you can apply to concerned authority but practically, it's the way of thorns. First, you have to convince your family. It's not easy for them to allow you. So you will have to leave your family. But this society will never accept your marriage to a Muslim man. Both of you will have to face fatal challenges in the name of Love Jihad. I don't know if your marriage becomes the breaking news of Prime Time on Main Stream Media too.

  • From the query that you have asked and presented, it just gives one side of the story that is only your part which states that you are a Hindu Brahmin girl, 26 years of age, working as a microbiologist by profession, in love with a married Muslim man who already has a child, your family knows him and like him very much as a person. Now when I come to the second part of the coin, what is his stand-in this love story or is it only one side story?

    On One part you feel guilty of falling in love with him as he already has a child and you don't want to fall in the middle but at the other end you want to marry him and live your entire life with him. You are well aware of the fact and law that you are free to marry anyone of your wish if both are ready and have crossed the age that is mentioned in the Indian law(21 for boys and 18 for girls) which is applicable in your case but what about other things that will come in your way. Some of the questions that you need to have a clear answer are:
    a) Does the man you are in love with, love you and want to marry you?
    b) Is the man and his wife ready to divorce so that your marriage becomes legal?
    c) What about his child, who will take care or are you ready for it?
    d) Is his and your family ready to accept your decision about your marriage?
    e) Are you ready to face the challenges that you will have to face from society after the news unlocks?
    f) What are your (his & yours) thought of your future steps like conversion, religion, etc?

    When you have a clear view for these questions, you can approach your families and proceed to the next step or level, it is better to take a step back and keep your relationship as a good friend and enjoy his companionship as a friend.

    You can even go through the below link to get some clarity on your thoughts.
    1. Hindu-Muslim marriage not valid: Supreme Court
    Link: https://www.deccanchronicle.com/nation/current-affairs/230119/hindu-muslim-marriage-not-valid-supreme-court.html

    2. Marrying a Hindu girl
    Link: https://en.islamway.net/article/13499/marrying-a-hindu-girl

    3. Supreme Court asks the man to prove bona fide after conversion
    Link: https://www.thehindu.com/news/national/be-a-great-lover-loyal-husband-supreme-court-tells-muslim-man-who-wed-a-hindu-woman/article29392881.ece

    “The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." — Morrie Schwartz

  • Marriage is a big decision and if you take it under no pressure then it will be good for you in the future. Keeping this in mind, that both of you are from different religions, and for them good future of your relationship, both you have to understand and accept each other's feelings and culture. Apart from this consent of family members is also necessary.

    It is legally recognized for a Hindu to marry a Muslim, thus you can perform this marriage. Apart from the Hindu Marriage Act and Muslim Personal Law, marriage can also be done under the Special Marriage Act.
    Under the Hindu Marriage Act, where two adult Hindus can marry, Muslims who practice Islam under the Personal Law do nikahs. Under the Special Marriage Act, people of any religion can be bound in marriage and for this, they do not need to change their religion. Both of them maintain their own religion after marriage. Regardless of the marriage, after marriage, the wife gets all the legal rights.
    The Special Marriage Act - 1954 specifically provides for marriage and divorce. Under this act, marriage can take place between two persons of any religion or sect. Being a secular act, it plays an important role in freeing people from the traditional requirements of marriage. Under this act, the person marrying has the right to marry outside the orders of his religion and community.
    There is no religious ritual under this marriage, but registration of marriage is mandatory in it, so that in the future and their children do not have any kind of problem. People who get married under this act, even if they get married later according to their religious rules, this act still applies to them.

    Swati Sharma

    Keep your Face to the SunShine

  • Many girls nowadays find themselves in such confused situation where decision making becomes difficult. Now you say that you like the person much and want to make a future with him. He might be a very gentle and caring person but if it is so he must be caring for his first wife and baby. The nature of the person would remain same and you can't change it. So he being a good person, he might not leave his first wife and baby for you. Even otherwise in Muslim community, keeping more number of wives is allowed so he would have no problem in keeping you in the same house. If it is acceptable to you then it is alright and you can go ahead in the relationship. But one thing which you have to remember is that you will have to live in his house as it is as they would not be changing anything for you and you have to accept the situation as it is. If from his first wife he gets more children then they are also to be accommodated by all of you. So, what I would advise is talk to him all these things in details and then only decide the relationship with him. You can't love a person blindly without considering all the aspects and future complications in the matter.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • Fall in love is different and spent life with a person is different. Legally, a Hindu girl is eligible to marry a Muslim boy. According to law, your marriage would be allowed. But before marriage, once you must consider all circumstances. You belong to the Hindu community and your spouses belong to the Muslim community. So, how will adjust with each other? Who will sacrifice their own religion? Whether will you celebrate id or holi? Moreover, he is already married and having a baby. If a person has already one wife and knowing this, you want to be his second wife then go ahead. Are you ready to live with the first wife in the same house? You can share everything with her. You may take care of his baby if needed. After marriage, if you demand privacy or anything else at that time nobody will listen to you.
    As far as Muslim boy is concerned, more number of wives is allowed in this community. He would not be problem from this marriage. But, you have to think this relationship would be good for the future or not. Besides, you should consult from family member also. Only then, you should take the final decision.

  • 1. Before talking about legality in this issue, it is important to know whether he loves you or not. From your query, it is clear that you like him and want to marry him but what about him? To become friends is a different thing and to marry each other is completely another scene.

    2. Secondly, although the marriage between a Hindu girl and a Muslim boy is allowed, it is really difficult to adjust to a family following different religions and cultures. Girls anyways find it difficult to adjust to in-laws family after marriage (even in the same religion) your difficulties will be at another level of adjustment.

    3. Another important point is, the man is already married and having a baby. So, do you think that it will be fair to his current wife and baby? If the man really loves you even when he is already married, do you think that he is trustworthy? I am not saying that to love after marriage is all bad, still, you need to think about it.

    4. You mentioned that your family knows him and like him as a person, do they know about your intentions of marrying him? I guess, they will not allow you to marry a Muslim and already married man. To convince them, you need to have strong points to support your wish as no parents would like her daughter to marry a married man, who is neither a divorcee nor a widower.

    5. Lastly, I would suggest you meet his wife personally. This will let you know more about his family and lifestyle.

    I personally advise you to leave this wish aside and focus more on your work. This is just an infatuation and nothing else and to push this forward, you will be having bad relations with your own family and even his family. You are well educated and settled, so will get many good proposals for marriage and you deserve a happy life ahead.

    Padmini

    Living & Learning- simultaneous processes!

  • You have mentioned your side here but have not told anything about that Muslim man? Does he also like you? There is a difference between like and love. But in both these cases, I would suggest you forget that man and start your life with a partner who also loves and likes you.

    As you have mentioned that he is well settled and also has a baby so it is not a good thing to break down a well-settled relationship at any cost. We cannot be happy by hurting somebody else.

    Honesty is the best policy.

  • Well

    Dont do it.

    Love is beautiful feeling, but marriage is not just love.
    Its about co-operation, adjustments, care and priorities.

    You havent mentioned if the guy is divorced or of you are having affair. No one can tell you what to do. Think with your own mind. What kind of man he is? Is he the right guy? Is he mature for his age? If he has a wife he cannot commit to, there is no way he is gonna give you what you deserve.

    Muslim and Hindu is second problem. First is that he is married and you are bachelor, i would never suggest you to go after him if he isn't the best man left in world. You should try to understand why his first marriage didn't work. ALSO , take advice of a smart friend, who knows you and that guy and who also has the understanding of people. May be someone better can guide you than a stranger.

    Either case you wont be accepted anywhere. As we know muslim community is very sensitive about its culture and things they don't like. Also since you're brahmin, your family wont support you once you're married and that will be bad if you're a emotional women.


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