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  • Is marriage avoidable due to following circumstances given by me in description?

    Do you have a query regarding whether to marry or not in case of a child in a nuclear family? Looking out for marital advice here? Our ISC epxerts shall provide you suggestions and advice so that you can plan your future.

    I'm 18 and only son of my parents and my parents are 50+as of now. Both have some health problems which may worsen as age goes. As I am their only son I feel I should take care of them in their old age. As per new tradition nuclear families are evolving and that way if my parents may face emergency and I wouldn't be there so who would look after them? Also according to section 498A false accusations are increasing to make money. Indian constitution doesn't consider men as domestic abuse victim so with all these things should I avoid marriage?
  • Answers

    7 Answers found.
  • No, I would not advise you to take such a decision of postponing your marriage since marriage with a suitable partner would strengthen your mental confidence apart from getting two additional hands and one active mind for resolving the different that might crop up in future. If you look out for an alliance matching your interest, the tasks to be undertaken in your future would be quite helpful to you including the proper maintenance of your parents. The following points are to be considered prior to finalisation of your marriage -
    1) You can display an advertisement in a leading newspaper regarding your matrimonial alliance indicating your details of your qualifications, age, your attitudes and passion, your nature of job, your emoluments and above all your responsibilities towards your parents. Other than this, you may include your choice whether she should be a homemaker or a working woman and other qualities which you would like to see in your partner.
    2) Once you get a response of the alliance, it would better on your part to meet the parents of the girl so as to have the complete assessment of the family including their culture. Apprise of your responsibilities towards your parents to your in-laws. Your honest approach towards your responsibilities will be taken in positive way if they want to go ahead with the relationship otherwise the relationship would terminate.
    3) Don't be disappointed even if there is no more proceeding of the alliance. You can look ahead for another alliance where your expectations are fulfilled.
    4) Never be in a hurry to get married immediately rather you should differ it for sometime to know the temperament and attitude of the girl. In a couple of sessions, clear her doubts and your expectations so that she understands you better. In such sessions you would come to know many qualities of the girl including her patience, sensibility and the manner of courtesy. In that way, your relationship would further strengthen.
    5) The concluding session of such a meeting would be to arrange a get together of your parents with the girl and she how your would be partner is responsive to the situation. If everything thing goes on smoothly, settle the date for marriage so that both of you can discharge your responsibilities towards your parents apart from your wish fulfilment of a happy relationship.

  • First of all, I appreciate your love and affection towards your parents. These days such people who care for their old parents are very less. I feel your parents very lucky.
    But for taking care of them you need not decide not to marry. Even after marriage you can stay with your parents and take care of them. My father and mother are 88 and 83 years old. I am above 60. My two sons are 34 and 31 years old. My two sons are married. We all stay together and we are taking care of my father and mother. There are no issues. My sons will be with me all the time when there is a need.
    You should inform the bride about your intentions of taking care of your parents during their old age and you should tell her that they will be with you always. If she is not happy with that she may not accept the proposal. Don't worry. You will get another match. Never hide the facts and be clear to the girl before you both decide on going ahead. Getting apart initially is better than leaving each other after marriage.
    Some people are ready to accept such proposals. The girl may also propose that you should take care of her parents also and you should accept that.
    Before finalising the issue talk to the girl in details. Tell her about all your intentions and take her opinion also on those matters. If there is an agreement, then you can meet her parents and discuss with them and then you arrange a meeting between her parents and your parents. You and the girl can also participate in the meeting. Then all the people involved in the issue will be clear about the matter. Then you can go ahead without much agitation.
    Let the negative thoughts not come to your brain. Once you are married after seeing their family background and by clearly telling them all the issues, chances for problems will be less. Understanding and adjustment are the keys to the success of the marriage. So try to understand each other and adjust to each other. Definitely, you will not have any problem and I wish you all the best.

    always confident

  • In our country, thousands of marriages happening every day. If all people would think that way then It would be very difficult to run a family or society. Avoid negative thinking. All girl are not the same. First of all, you should have faith in any relation then you would get a better result. It is very pleasant to hear that you are very conscious regarding your parent's taking care and old age. These days, very few children are just like you. As mentioned above circumstances, it would not be a prudent decision to avoid marriage. Since you are a single child of your parents so you must get married to increase your helping hand. You should seek a better bride either through matrimony or a distant relative. Before marriage, you should meet her and try to know her thinking about your family. You should discuss family responsibility so that there would not create any issue in this matter. One important thing, the only expectation is not good in every relationship. Every relationship should be handled with love and care. If you would give love and care then definitely she would care your family with love and affection. Everything takes time in adjusting new environment. From the first day, you tell her to follow all guidelines of your family then It would be difficult for anyone. With positive thinking, best wishes for a better future.

  • "Present fears are less than horrible imaginations."
    It seems your imaginations are much more horrible that I can imagine also.

    There are thousands who worry that they are not married. Just visit any matrimonial site or matrimonial columns in newspapers and magazines. Will there be so much if married and family life is so bad?

    You are only Eighteen years old now. Marriage can wait. Your parents are in their fifties only. They can have many more decades of normal healthy life.
    So what you should do now is:
    If you are a student, study well, complete the course you are now doing. Take up suitable higher education after successfully completing the present course. Do this by consulting and discussing with your parents and taking their guidance.
    Take up a good employment , do well in that job or any other job in your career. Be confident in having a job and earning independently. Be with your parents as far as possible. Involve in family matters discussing with them and contributing your part.Take due carte of them to keep good health. If they can manage themselves leave it to them and be ready and give help when really needed or asked.
    Communicate with them about your job, colleagues, career plans etc. Start saving affordable amounts from salary after spending for essentials.

    As parents they will think and discuss about your marriage at the right and proper time.

    Read good stories about well knit families and do not seethe umpteen 'saas-bahu' serials. Visit and keep contacts and friendship with families living happily.

    And, for the time being do not worry about marriage-at least for five or six years. Have confidence in you and your parents and the good world. Things will automatically fall into right slots. For the rest have faith in God.

  • You should definitely get married someday and you should not have such thoughts about marriage. Marriage is an important relationship that will play a role not only for you but also for your parents. Every parent wants their son or daughter to start a family of their own by starting a marriage relationship and the comfort the parents get from seeing their children happy is important.

    I can understand your dilemma because you are very much concerned about your parents, I am glad that at present when most of the youth think only about their interest you are so concerned about your parents even at such a young age. . This shows that you will never let your parent suffer any kind of pain, and you should also be convinced that your parents never be upset while you are with them.

    At this moment, you should focus on your career, study well and get a good job, choose such profiles in the job so that you can keep your parents with you wherever you are because you do not live much time away from them as you are concerned about your parents. After a good job, good salary, think about marriage at a certain age and be positive regards this.

    Marriage is not just a relationship between a boy and a girl, but a connection between two families. By the time your marriage age would be there, you will become more mature and understand that marriage means not being separated from parental responsibility but sharing your responsibilities with a new relationship. The relationship of marriage succeeds on the basis of the equal role of both.

    A girl you will be married to, you should make her aware of all your thoughts, your concern about your parents. A sensible girl would never do anything wrong with the guardians of another. When you play the role of a good son as well as a good husband and a good son-in-law, your wife will also respect your expectations.

    No one wants to ruin their family in vain, when you keep positivity towards this relationship yourself, then this relationship will automatically succeed. Think that today where there are only three people in your family, after your marriage, there will be six members in your family and all of you will live with each other with love.

  • It is really praiseworthy that you have such respect and feelings for your parents. This is remarkable and I really appreciate it much. Now coming to the query you have raised, I would say that you have to take a balanced decision and not one based on sentiments alone. When we say balanced decision we mean that you have to take care of your future as well as your parents and you cannot escape from all of them. Taking an easier path might not help in the matter as you will be in a strange position later in your life when it will be too late to opt for some change in your life. One has to plan in life taking aspect of all the factors and make accommodations and adjustments accordingly.

    Not marrying is not a perfect solution for this problem and having apprehensions about the life partner not supporting you in taking care of your parents is also not valid. Decisions are not made based on the fear and apprehensions but taking risks and appropriate measures and forward steps in our lives. I would sincerely advise you to go for your marriage in appropriate and right time when you get a life partner of your choice and liking and make her clear about your responsibilities and future plans as regards to your parents so that she does not have any thing in the nature of misunderstanding later on after marriage. If you take the wife in your confidence and give her all the concerns she will eventual take the responsibility of your parents. It is true that many families are going for nuclear mode nowadays but at the same time many are living in joint mode also. We have our cultural ties still with us and we feel proud of them. Why there should be any apprehension in the matter.

    It is said that if a person has confidence on himself then others will follow him. So with a firm mind you can go ahead raising a family yourself and at the same time helping and taking care of your parents. Let me make it more clear by citing an example and that situation many of the families are facing today. Suppose your would be wife has no brothers and her parents become old and she wants them to keep with you, would you refuse and start fighting with your wife. I think answer is no. So, why she would not accommodate with your parents today.

    Last thing I want to say is that with mutual faith, sacrifice, and mutual respect the love between the couple is of divine nature and in that situation no responsibility seems to be difficult because cooperation and team work is the key to the solution of every problem.

    Knowledge is power.

  • As of now, you are not even legally eligible to marry in India as a boy, but in the future not able to have a joint family is not a good reason at all to avoid marriage, If one day you find a suitable person who really loves you and understands your situation will not force you to leave your parents, and even if her priorities are different it in-laws are not the sole responsibility of daughter-in-law a son can also become a care giver. I think you should try to find a good life partner who gets you and understands you situation and you can make her understand your situation instead of assuming that the other person already wants something else.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

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