You must Sign In to post a response.
  • Wife not returning from mother's home

    Are you suffering from a marital problem? Want to know further plan of action is spouse does not return home several times? Find advice from our experts on this page and prepare a plan to get your spouse back.

    Can any provide me a simple draft letter asking her to come back? As she has put false allegation on my friend and the mediator has informed us that she is under mental stress. So she is not comingback. We need to sit personally and try. She also informed mediators that she is not harrased by any member of family. Everytime she leaves to native and make false allegation and stays there for a month or so. This time also she left due to mother's illness and her mother expired on the next day after she reached there.But now she is not returning saying, everything gone with my mother. It has been over 2.5 month and no contact is made by any member from there side.
    My friend's family member contacted but she & her brother are not receiving call. And mediator is asking to come and sit for a round of talks. But due lockdown & Strict quarantine rules its difficult. And also my friend family members are also on medicine. He is the support to his family member in this pandemic. What to do next this is the second time in 3 years of his marriage? Last year due to lockdown she was unable to go.
  • Answers

    9 Answers found.
  • In this lockdown situation if they are not lifting your call then only solution is to chat through WhatsApp or Email type of channels. Hopefully they respond to that. Let us see your problem from a broader perspective. You have presented the details from your side and we do not know the things as felt by your wife in this matter. Her narration is unknown to us. Still we can try to do justice to the issue by following the fundamentals of managing and sustaining a cordial relationship in a married life. The interesting thing about the married life is that it requires cooperation, sacrifice, and mutual faith from both the sides and it cannot go ahead single handedly.

    Have you ever pondered about the possible reasons behind the strange behaviour of your wife? Please try to search for that in an unbiased manner. She might had certain expectations from you and your family as you and your family also must had expected from her. If she has done some good to you and your family in the past then she might also desire to have reciprocative behaviour from you. Keeping all those things in your mind you have to ask her to return but also indicate her that what changes will be there from your side now and what are those things, which she cannot tolerate or live with in your house, will not be there.

    Please think about this problem from her point of view also. When a girl leaves the house of her father then she has some expectations in the new place and of course she has responsibilities to share with also. How she will be coping with the new environment is also a founding stone for the future married life. But if she does not get a good response and supportive strengths to her deeds she might get discouraged and start withdrawing from the situation and finally that unfortunate situation will crop up.

    Coming to the another dimension of the problem, please ask yourself whether you love her and sincerely want her back. If the answer to this question is yes then you have to do commensurate efforts for that and have to show your sincerity and genuineness to her in plain and affirmative words. It is not possible to exactly dictate the language of a personal letter but please take these things in account while drafting the letter and avoid false promises and wows as that would complicate the matter further.

    The last point is that if you have a feeling that this case is beyond repair and that your wife even after coming back is not going to be cordial with you and will always be revengeful to you based on some past blunders by you or any of your family member then it would be better to break this relationship rather then unnecessarily trying it to be renovated. There is no point in living together as a married couple, if the life is disturbed and full of fights and confrontation on a daily basis.

    Knowledge is power.

  • This is unfortunate. Why she is not coming from there is not known. You say that she is under mental stress. What is the reason? Your friend is the person who can better stand the reasons for her mental stress. You are telling that her mother passed away. Then who else will be there in her parent's house?
    Did your friend meet her after the death of her mother. Any other member went and meet her. I fee you should go and talk to her so that she will get some relied. If someone from family goes and discuss with her in detail, the matter will become clear.
    There may be some reason for her behaviour also. So to give you a correct suggestion is very difficult. Why can't you take the initiative as a friend and talk to her and her family members. While talking you should concentrate on her views on her husband and his family.
    A person who knows your family as well as the girl's family should take interest and try to mediate and solve the problem. If all the trials are not successful there the only door opened is Divorce legally.

    always confident

  • You can't clap with one hand. What is the matter is not clear? You write that she is not coming to you .Why? You being her husband must know about it.
    When your mother-in-law had died why did you not go to in-laws' home? It means you are wrong and you are blaming your wife instead. Ain't you?
    Why you are taking your friend as mediator? It means your relationship with your wife is on verge of separation.
    If you are serious to keep this relationship intact, I think you should go to your wife and bring her. I don't accept pretext of corona.

  • I do appreciate your constraints especially when the corona phase is still not over and it is not possible for you to make a close door meeting with your wife encouraging her to leave the present way of thinking. May be she is in the state of trauma compelling her not to have any dialogue further from your end. Even her mediators are not assessing the real situations of the pandemic phase otherwise they would not have invited you to come over for the place where your wife is living.
    However, I must say that you should not be disappointed with her strange behaviour rather make every step to win her heart with the positive dialogues indicating how best she has discharged her responsibilities in the past. You can quote some events where she made some sacrifices for you during your illness or otherwise. You can initiate such dialogues with your personal contact in What's Apparatus. If your tone is pleasing and lucid, she would take interest in that. You would be required to know the real issue hovering in her mind and show before her that you are not only her husband but a true friend interested to alleviate all her pains with which she is suffering currently.
    It would take a couple of sessions to normalise the relationship. If she is showing her willingness to meet you, apprise her of the present situation and assure her that you would meet her at the earliest once the situation becomes favourable.
    You examine her temperament closely and if needed, get her some sessions of psychiatric having wide reputation in this field so that her past frustrations can be sorted out amicably.
    Even after your sincere attempts, things are not improving as expected, you can file for the divorce with the consultation of an experienced lawyer.

  • Let me start this by saying that it is easy to theorise on others' headache, but shake all heavens with crying when we have it. What I want to say is that on the face of it your problem may appear as very simple and routine happening to many others. So please do not rush and do anything harsh and irreconcilable.

    It is just second time in three years that this overstay of your wife at her maternal house happens. For all normal married people's view, this will not appear as any serious issue, but as 'Chalta hai" in every family.

    In the present question case, I am not sure what made you feel that there is some rupture and you need some harsh steps. What was the issue and duration of the previous instance? How it was resolved? How is your day-to-day life and relationship?

    Relationships do not break in one day. They will be showing warning signals and there will be enough time to repair or remedy the issues. In your case also, I think there could have been such mild and gradually aggravating signals and issues. If so, did you find the base reasons and causes? Did you take any positive remedying and reconciling steps then and there? How did things deteriorate to such level that communication between you both is broken and you have brought mediators? What is it in your place or with you that makes her uncomfortable?

    Without knowing those things, it is not possible to give a suitable suggestion.
    Taking the issue narrated here as a standalone one, I feel that she has some reason. You know this well.

    Problems between husband and wife will only worsen if third party is brought in between. The best way is to communicate directly. It may be explosive and provocative initially and at times. But both, especially you, have to maintain cool. After all, it is your family life that is at stake.
    Hence I suggest that:

    1. Immediately leave the thought of sending legally worded or formal letter. Instead send a one-to-one frank and private letter to your wife, following the points given next.

    2. First try to talk with her on phone. Forget and leave your prestige and ego. After all you are going to talk to your wife and going to avoid your life going bad. Even if she does not answer, try for a few times. Then send a Whatsapp voice message telling that you want to talk to her and tried, but could not get. Let the language be polite and even apologetic. Nothing to lose. Convey that you really miss her.

    3. She has lost her mother. So she emotionally very much down. Tell her that you understand that and want to be with her to support her in this situation. Tell her that you will try to go over there if not for Covid lockdown.

    4. Sincerely try ways to go to your in-laws house where your wife is now. Convey to her your sincere efforts on this regard and also update her. Even if she is not replying, go on sending Whatsapp message/voice message. But ensure that all your messages and communications are sincere, simple and plain and never harassing or pressurising.

    5. Never involve third parties. Never get provoked .Take extra care to be cool and patient. Do not report everything to the third party including the 'so-called friend'.

    6. Keep away from the 'problem matter' as far as possible. Make this know to your wife.

    7. Three or four years is too short a time for husband and wife to grow into mature partners. You both are still in the early fragile period. So only sincere intention to forgive and forget and mutually accommodate can solve the problems and keep the relationship going.

    8. Just forget and remove the idea of sending a letter but sincerely ask her to come back at the earliest as you really miss her. Treat and consider her as your young wife and not as an enemy. There will not be any need o a letter for which this question is asked.
    Best Wishes.

    (Note: the question is not clear as to whether it is for you or you are asking for your friend. Hence my suggestion may be suitably taken as addressed to the relevant person)

  • Many people are suffering the conflict in the marital life because of misunderstanding between the couples. Most of the times it is the ego problem which is the reason for all these situations. Sometimes the highhandedness of one of the partners can also lead to such detachment. In your case it seems that your wife is not happy with the atmosphere and ways of your house and does no want to come back in this unfavourable situation. Generally a woman after marriage accepts the house of the husband as her house and dedicates her life to this family. But then we have to give her the same behaviour and respect that she had given to us and other family members. If that is the reason for her not returning then one has to ask for forgiveness in clear and egoless terms and if she does not agree even after that then the chapters gets closed. Her adamancy in not coming back shows that there is something serious in her mind and she sometime back was deeply got hurt in your house and now she does not want to come back fearing same treatment from your side. So, I do not say that you surrender to her completely but the point is that yo have to show your care and seriousness towards this relationship and once she finds that you are serious to continue and would not repeat your earlier mistakes (if there were any) then she would consider coming back. Generally, women are tender hearted and I am sure if you accept your faults and promise her for the good times ahead, she would like to come back to you. Just try and I wish you a success in this effort.

    Thoughts exchanged is knowledge gained.

  • The best possible solution for a marital problem could be face to face conversation and because of lockdown, you are not able to visit her or meet a mediator and are only in contact through phone. You should try to use a platform like a video call or google meet where all the concerning parties could sit and talk face to face and which could also be recorded in case anyone places false acquisitions, and where you could discuss all the problems if this relationship could work out or not. If it is just an issue of difference of opinion which could be resolved with talk it is well and good, but if she does not want to live with you and have some solid reason to not coming back or there is no love left in the marriage there is no point of staying in such a relationship and you should come to the mutual decision about the course of action so that no one has to suffer a forced marriage.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

  • You should hire a legal advisor. They are professional and would suggest you a better way to handle this case.

    You would also need family support and their presence in proceedings.

  • You should talk to your wife quickly with the help of a good counselor because not talking increases the distance in the relationship. Marriage is an important and delicate relationship that first unites two individuals and then two families, as well as serves to carry forward the lineage or family. It is very important to understand the specialty and importance of every aspect of this delicate relationship and this understanding is necessary on both sides, whether it is husband or wife.

    If ever the situation arises due to any debate or dispute, then one should not shy away from taking the initiative. You told that you are trying from the beginning that your wife should come back but you have not been successful in those efforts, your efforts show your seriousness. If there is such a mediator between your family who can get a meeting between you and your wife, then take their help, because if some things are done together and sitting in front, then it gives positive and appropriate results.

    Think comfortably and try to understand what is lacking in your relationship, what is the complaint that has compelled your wife to take such a step. People who understand the importance of relationships understand the importance of each other's small happiness. A girl leaves her family and starts a new life by making another family her own and in such a situation, most of her expectations are from her life partner. You try to know what is their expectation and you also share your expectation with them. The more sharing there is in this relationship, the stronger the relationship becomes.

    Take the help of a good lawyer. But keep in mind that the lawyer came for the purpose of handling your relationship, not to confuse you further. Many times it is found that some lawyer or consultant spoils your relationship by provoking you more to make their money. Choose a lawyer carefully and take the responsibility of saving the relationship yourself and not on other people. If the relationship is yours and you have to maintain it, then it is natural that the responsibility will also be yours.

  • Sign In to post your comments