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  • What should I decide about my life?

    Do you have a query about how to convince parents for a love marriage? Want to get suggestions and advice here? Scroll through this page and get answers to resolve your concerns.

    I have been in a relationship for 7 years. My boyfriend is from Odisha and I am from Karnataka. I am BE graduate and he is BSc graduate.. he is Employee and I am still searching..We both are deaf. His family accepted me, and even in my home knows this matter but they are not willing to accept him.
    they have bad perspective on my boyfriend without meeting him, they are strongly rejecting this proposal. they are always saying more negative word to me. Even my boyfriend called my parents there is no good response. should i sacrifice him for my parents or go marry him against my parents?
  • Answers

    6 Answers found.
  • I am sorry to have noted the present situation with which you are facing. Your decision could be either side. But before you draw any conclusion for the final settlement of your marriage, there are certain angles to be considered and considering all these factors, your need to take the ultimate decision. The points are as follows-
    1) Since marriage alliance calls for better understanding of the mutual emotions apart from trust and sharing responsibilities in all the important matters, this needs to be seen. At least, you would be required to remain in the live in relationship for a year at least so that you can understand your partner of his mental make up. If he suits you as judged from your companionship, it will be a favourable situation to proceed for marriage.
    2) Another vital point to be considered is the financial stability of your partner. This is the single most important parameters for your decision. With his consistent and comfortable income, he can take care of your needs apart from better arrangements for his kids in terms of education, medical needs and other expenses. You cannot deny this vital factor.
    3) If your fiancé is a man of positive attitude, he can normalise the strained relationship being seen with your mother. You can request your partner to have a negotiation with your parents separately so that it can be patched up smoothly.
    4) If nothing works and you like the boy with your close scrutiny, you may proceed for the court marriage.
    5) The last point before the finalisation of the marriage is to approach a genetic specialist to ensure that there is no genetical disorders between you two. Get the blood tested for both you to know that both of you are free from health disorders.

  • This is a problem that is often faced by the young people in their lives and due to various forces present in their lives including from the parents side they are in a fix as how to go about that. Let us understand some basic points in this matter before we go ahead to think of the measures to bring a resolution in this important matter at hand.
    First of all we must understand that loving a person and then getting settled with him in the life is a crucial decision which is to be taken after proper thinking and pondering considering all the pros and cons of the situation. So, one has to find out that what appears to be the love is really love or it is the infatuation of young minds which is often created due to the reasons of physical attraction and other bodily needs. Seeing your long time relationship it appears that it could be a case of true love only. Anyway that is the prime consideration because infatuation will die in the same time in which it came into being.
    Generally, if both the families agree for the relationship then it is the ideal condition and the couple can then live very happily along with their parents. Now in your case though the boy's parents are agreeing to it but your parents are not. It also appears that the boy's parents will accept you afterwards and will take care of you as the daughter in law. So, from that aspect there is no problem for you. Let us come to your parents. They are against it and have also told you that they will debar you from all of their properties also and will not have any relation with you. How much do you like your parents? Can yo live without their support in your future? Can you absorb the shock of you being ousted by them like that? These are the questions to which you have to find the answer.
    Another consideration in the matter is how much you are sure that the boy and his family will respect or care you after the marriage. This is an important point because if God forbid the boy disowns you then where you will go. What is your educational qualification? You are already handicapped and have you any career plan for yourself in such a situation. At that time you will be unable to go back to your parents also because of the obvious reasons. There are other extremes also which can come in your lives and one has to be prepared for them and then only the decision taken today will be a correct decision when looking back to it in the future. For example, if the boy leaves his parents due to some differences or property matters then what are your survival plans. What is the qualification of the boy and what are his earning potentials. You are going to spend the rest of your life with him and you must know these things which have an impact on your future life.
    If you really love the boy and he is also in the same boat then do not bother for any hindrance from your parents side because you both can manage your lives independently by doing job and earning money and not depending on anybody including the boy's parents or your parents for your survival.
    I have seen in many cases that parents appear to be so tough on these matters but later when the dust is settled they come down and forgive the children and again start owning them. So if you both have confidence in yourselves and believe in respecting and honouring each other with honesty and faith in your lives then take your own decision and go ahead in the matter.

    Knowledge is power.

  • It is very hard to decide in such situations.
    Are you employed anywhere? What is your age? Are you having any brothers and sisters? Similarly, is the boy employed? is also important to know.
    As per your statement the boy's family is accepting you. But are you sure about this matter? If they say not after you accept by going against the wishes of your parents, do you think the boy will be with you by going against the wishes of his parents? This is a very important point, you should get a solid and correct reply from your boyfriend. You should have a one to one talk with the boy and you should take his assurance and he should say that he will not reject to even though his family is not going accept you.
    Financial position is also a very important factor you should think about. Even your parents are not going to help you and the parents of the boy are also not helping you, you both should be able to live your life without any financial problems. You think about this.
    After marriage at least for some time, your parents may not come to you and they may not allow you to come to their also. Under such conditions, you are sure that you can manage yourselves in the new environment.
    These are the points you should think about and then decide on.
    Discuss with your boyfriend and tell him that your parents are not ready to give any property to you. Then go with him to their house and discuss the matter with his parents. See their reaction. If the response from them is positive, half of your problem has gone.
    Take the assurance from your boyfriend that he and his family will not ditch you after marriage and also about your financial status. When both of you understand each other and accept each other go ahead with the marriage. Before going for marriage have a round of discussion with your parents and try to convince them. Even though they may not accept but after some period of time, they may accept your marriage. Please keep in mind that both of you should be majors before you go to register for marriage.

    always confident

  • Marriage is not a child game but it is life long relationship. Before going for it, the first and foremost important thing is to be economically independent. Nowadays, most of the marriage is happening love marriages in which 50% parents are found disagree with their children's decisions. But, young boys and girls are making alliances because they are financially independent. But, in your case, you didn't mention your qualification and job-related facts that means both of you are working or not. If both of you are working then go ahead for registered marriage. If not, then you should discuss with your family on this matter. If your parents are denying and you go against their wishes then whether is it sure that boy's family will have happy to you after marriage. Sometimes, boys make marry with a girl and after marriage, their mentality becomes change and start to pester the girl. In such a situation, the girl goes to her parent's house. But your parents already denied giving property to you if you make marry to that boy. So, you should convince your parents for this marriage.

  • I think your parents are fair in their stand. They have spelt their stand clearly. Now it is for you and your boyfriend to take a very clear and stable stand.

    Seven years is a long period and by now you would have know each other well. The bond between you both should be strong and stable. You can and should take a strong decision about your future life. It simply means you should go ahead with your marriage with the help of all those well wishers who will be with you.

    You need not feel guilty or sorry, because you have informed your parents on both sides. It is their right and prerogative to take their stand. They have allowed you to take decision about your life. They have reasoned clearly way they cannot agree to your present choice.

    So leave it at that. Sit and discuss with the boy's parents and tell them that you both are going ahead with decision to marry. Ask their help and support. Once that is ensured tell your parents that you are going ahead with that decision and seek their blessings. Do not see them as enemies. They are still your parents. Convince them that you still have affection and regard to them and will be there to support and help them in case of need. Convince them that you are not greedy about the property and allow them to take any decision they feel correct.

    Get support of other relatives and well wishers from your(parental) side.

    Go ahead. It is time that you took a positive decision. Conduct the marriage as per the boy's side traditions if they are ready to do so, otherwise let it be a civil marriage.

    Best Wishes.

  • Seven years is a long long time to be with someone, if you are in with love someone for so long it will be really difficult to get just separate from each other. Even if you marry someone else you will always be comparing him/her with the person you were in love with. Aside from your parent's opinion which we Indian kids place the highest value also think about your, his and the happiness of the persons you will end up marrying will any one of you will be happy.
    It is easy to say move on with life but it is very difficult to get detached from someone you love. Try to convince your parents about your love and happiness. And will you ever stay happy with someone. They are your parents after all they will understand your happiness, make them see the goodness in the person you love.
    There are a lot of people who are living in very unhappy marriages in India and still continue to live in such a sorry state just because of the pressure of society and their families.
    Convincing your family for marriage is a difficult task in our society but try to put some effort rather than just making four life miserable.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

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