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  • Category: Marriage

    How to convince parents for marriage with a person whom I like


    Unable to convince your parents to agree with your marriage to a boy from a lower caste? Check out the suggestions that are provided in the responses below to help resolve the issue.

    I am from Karnataka and I know a guy for almost 7 years and we are in relationship with each other for the past 5 years. We are trying to convince my parents for more than 3 years now and my dad has only one thing to say "How can you expect me to accept such a lower caste guy into my family?". Even when he tried coming home, my father did not let him come in. Last week when I tried some more, my parents started threatening me, saying that they would do something for ourselves, or else they would stop taking medicine for BP and diabetes. I really care for them too, and I'm really worried. I had hoped my parents will agree seeing me getting older (I am 30 now) but till now there is constantly a "No" because the guy belongs to a very lower caste. While I belong to a bramhin orthodox family, he belongs to Vakkaliga (gowda).

    I tried approaching my elder sister, but she refused to support me, and, instead, she complained to my parents telling them that if I marry inter-caste I will lose respect in her in-law's place, and told me not to go in for this marriage. She also insisted my parents to come and stay with her and leave me if i marry guy whom i am in relationship with.

    I'm really going through sleepless nights and getting anxiety problems. Any suggestions would be really helpful.
  • Answers

    6 Answers found.
  • It is a real tough issue. Orthodox Brahmin families can't digest intercaste marriage easily. So to convince them you have to do a lot of work or it may take many years also. Are you a working woman? Are your parents dependent on you for their living?
    Another point you have not mentioned is the reaction of your guy's parents. Are they ready to accept you as their daughter in law? What is their financial condition? Are they dependent on your guy for their living?
    You have to think well before you go ahead. You and the boy should sit for some time and discuss various issues. Is that boy ready to marry you if their parents are against the marriage? You should tell him that your parents are not willing for your marriage and you may not get any support from your family after marriage. Is the boy OK with it? Is he ready to come out from their parents and ready to stay separately with you after marriage? He should tell this also clearly. If you mutually understand each other and the boy is ready to marry you even though your parents are not acceptable for the marriage. If both of you raches to a common point, you have to marry the guy against the will of your parents. Time only will solve the problems. After one or two years, your parents will become alright and accept you. But till such time you should be able to stay away from them.
    Be very careful. Understand the whole issue properly and check the genuineness of the boy and his family. Any minor doubt also forget about that boy. Be good with your parents. If you are sure that the boy is very genuine go ahead with the boy. Your parents may take some time to become normal.

    drrao
    always confident

  • Hi, Thank you very much for the response, Yes he works in a MNC with very good salary and his parents has no issues with the marriage, In fact they tried to convince my parents as well as assuring they would look after me .
    They are very supportive to the guy's decision. I'm also working women i do support my family now.

  • In some high caste families the parents, especially in the orthodox families, will never agree for marrying their children to a lower cast match. They are very much afraid of their society that what other people will say if they agree for this type of match and what will happen to their reputation of so-called high brahmin status.
    You have already requested your parents and a lot of time has gone just like that and they are not agreeing with this proposal. Also there is no guarantee that waiting for them will make them to agree for it at a later time.
    Frankly speaking it is your own life and you have to take a decision about it. You are a mature and adult person and you must be able to think your own welfare. The modern society is changing very fast and this type of apprehensions of not marrying in low cast is now limited to a very few isolated pockets in our country. Most of the people are becoming cosmopolitan day by day especially those who are living in metro abd big cities.
    You are telling that the boy and his family has no objection for this match and they will be keeping you happy and in the best possible ways after the marriage. If it is so then you have to take a bold step and tell your parents that you don't have any other option left except marrying with that boy and you might be going for that route even if they were not agreeing. Tell them openly that in case they marry you in the high brahmin family but then that family doesn't give a good behaviour and respect to you and your life becomes a hell after that marriage then what is the use of marrying in a high brahmin family. Ultimately the essence of life is to live happily and in a conducive environment. If that objective is not met then hi brahmin and low-cast family have got no significance. If your parents are not convinced even after telling those logical and rational things then as stated earlier you will have to take the bold decision of leaving your patent's house and joining your boyfriend.
    One thing which is very important in this matter is that you should be very sure that your boyfriend and his family are going to accept you as you are and there are no false promises and deception in the whole matter. The reason is that after taking that decision of narriage if there is something wrong in your in law's house and you try to come back to your parents then your parents will not accept you and then you will be in a big problem. So, when people are taking such drastic actions and decisions then two things are of primary importance. First is the love between the boy and girl whether that is the real love or the infatuation of the young minds and the second thing that is also very important is the financial condition of the boy and girl. In this world when you have to live on your own than your financial condition matters a lot. In this context please also remember that your parents will not be giving you any property from there property due to obvious reasons and you should not feel bad about it. You must have your own resources to survive in this tough and competitive world.
    So, do not waste much time in convincing your parents and take a bold decision. I have also seen that many parents though initially restrain but later after some time accept these things and then your relations would become back to normal with them.

    Knowledge is power.

  • It is very strange matter. It is happening almost all parts of our country by seeing the western style. It is good to see no caste system, but we have to see the quality of the person who we are loving on the either side. During love everything would be alright but when the family running starts, the fade will come out. A girl known to me very well fell in love with an person during her office going. She told her love to her parents but her parents convinced her arranged marriage by convincing her with words. Betrothal and marriage went well in a great manner. She has been sent for living with hubby in Bangalore but this girl left away from the house by removing her mangalsutra and a letter noting that she intended to live with her lover. Parents of both sides and the boy who married her felt broken. Later the parents of that girl came to know that lover of their daughter was already married and having two children. By hiding that he loved her. Now the whereabouts of the girls is question mark.

  • In the present situation, you have to be a little bit analytical and you should take your independent decision with respect to the marriage plan. It appears that your parents are adamant and even your cordial relationship with them is not working at this moment. However keep this this thing in mind nothing remains fixed in life, they might change after some time and they might favour you in the time ahead.
    Considering your age ( according to your own assertion, you are thirty at the present moment), any delay made from your part and even your parental side, it will have the negative impact in the way of your motherhood since advancing age creates complications in the way to motherhood. Moreover, to have a child at the delayed stage say at the age of forty or so will exhaust you physically and mentally in bringing up your kids.
    Taking everything thing into considerations, you may take up the following steps -
    1) If you are sure of the stable character of the guy with whom you want to have your marriage alliance taking care of you in all the situations and in terms of reliability, he is beyond the question mark, you can proceed for the permanent relationship.
    2) Ensure that you would not suffer financially if such a relationship finalises. Either of you should be capable enough to discharge the family responsibilities effectively.
    3) Take the consultation of a reputed lawyer and apprise him of your willingness to tie the knot the guy, he will help you in the court marriage proceedings. Once the marriage is registered in the court, arrange a party for the guests including the parents of the guy( If they are interested).
    4) Don't be over sentimental in course of partying with your parents. I assure you everything will settle in your favour with time.

  • Nowadays love marriages is very common especially in metropolitan cities. A large number of intercaste marriages happening where boy and girl accepting each other happily. But even today many families are there who are traditional and don't want to accept low caste guy. As told by you that you belong to orthodox brahmin family and your lover belong to very low caste. But, caste doesn't matter in today's time. Main important thing is, you and your partner are economic independent. Both of you are working? You didn't mention here. If you make alliance with your partner against family's wish then first thing is, you should be capable for your own expenditure because in this condition nobody would support financially. If you are economically strong then go ahead. As far as your relationship with parents they will accept you afterwards. I have seen such kind of marriages where parents are annoyed with kids but afterwards they accept couple. Before taking decision second thing is, you should notice about boy's character. Are he really love you or just physical attraction? If boy's character are suspicious then after marriage you will wash your hand with all relationship. So, be careful and mature. Marriage is done once in life. You should also consult near and dear ones.


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