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  • Category: Marriage

    Problem in Hindu Girl marrying Sikh boy due to family issues


    Are you keen to marry a boy from the Sikh community but are facing parental objections? Get advice on how to tackle this situation.

    I am a girl belonging to the Hindu community. I like a Sikh guy. We happen to know each other for 8-9 years. My family is not ready for our marriage for a few reasons, including-
    1. Boy wears a turban and he will not get mixed in the family
    2. Boy's family traditions will be different
    3. Boy's family eats non-veg whereas we are pure veg
    4. Boy's mother is no more and there are only men in the family (his father and elder brother). His brother is non-earning and is dependent on him for whole life even if he gets married.
    5. Boy's social and financial status is a bit lower than us, and he is the only earning member in the family.

    The only positive I have is that I know the boy and we have a good understanding. He is earning well. How do I convince my parents? According to them all the burden would be on me and there is no one to support from his family in case of any need. Please guide what to do.
  • Answers

    5 Answers found.
  • Mere understanding cannot lost long to lead a married life. Of course, success in married life is based on good understanding between husband and wife. Not only in your case, any marriage with different language, culture, religion definitely leads to a chaos in the life. Initially it may be seems to be alright but in due course it slowly get creeped with misunderstanding and thereby it ends with different end. Many love marriages are similar and even the arranged marriages also results in problem but this is only because of misunderstanding. My friend's daughter in law refuse to abide by the instructions given by her mother in law and she went separately with her husband by leaving the aged parent in laws in destitute level. But when they live in an apartment she abides by the rules and instructions given by the apartment association officials. For her it is okey but not acceptable for the instructions given by the mother in law. Similarly please think over how you will accept the practices in your in law house as everything would be different from your present practice.

  • Everything will be alright provided the boy is with your side providing you support in the crucial situations if such situations crop up. At the first glance, it looks somewhat difficult in the sense there is no senior lady in the family like the mother of the boy or even some lady cooperating you indifferent assignments apart from friendly talks in the hours of leisure.
    Even there are the cultural issues with which you cannot adjust immediately and it would take of its own. May be you are having sufficient patience to deal with the difficult situations with your analytical approach. In that way, you can turn the table in your favour.
    However, I am a little bit investigative to know how closely you know the nature of your would be father in law. If you are comfortable with him, it will help you to get insight of their cultural traditions. Such talks will lead you to have the better understanding of their religion and culture helping you to understand their family tradition. Your closeness will provide you comfort even after your marriage with your in-laws.
    I hope you would take a wise step to be a little closer with the relatives of the boy so as to maintain your smooth relationship in your married life.

  • Marriage is a decision of lifetime and one has to consider a lot of factors before going for that. You are in love with a Sikh boy and there is nothing wrong in it. Your family is against it due to obvious reasons and now you are at a cross road as what decision you have to take at this juncture.
    Let us go through the situation from a rational and logical way so that a viable solution can be reached. First thing is that it is clear that you will not be able to convince your family about this as the reasons of their in not accepting the boy are so apparent. So you have to consider other options. First is how bold are you to go with that boy without the consent of your parents. That question you have to ask yourself and get an answer. Now suppose that you go with the boy leaving your family then whether the boy's family is going to accept you as you are or later there will be some problems and then you would be in problem as the doors back in your parents house would be closed for you. You have to get it confirmed from the boy and his family because many girls do such errors when they are young and fall in a trap from where they cannot come out. Once you are sure that the boy and his family will take your full care then you can thing of taking this extreme step but the risk associated would be solely yours. Remember, in such cases your parents would debar you from their properties and might disconnect with you in future.
    Other thing that is equally important is that you have to evaluate this relationship whether it is real love or infatuation of the young minds. If it is infatuation then the boy might desert you once the infatuation is over. Take utmost care in this matter and avoid that type of thing in your life. Such things would simply ruin your life. Boy would not be harmed in any way.
    Another alternative is that just forget about the boy and sacrifice your love for the happiness of your parents. Wait for them to search a good boy in your relations and obey them and have a less disturbed life.
    My only worry is that you say that your love is true love and you want to marry only with that boy but if the love from the boy's side is not true and is only a lust of the young age then you heavily lose in this proposition and become loser at both the ends. Take care of that point as that is the most important one.

    Knowledge is power.

  • Marriage is not a one day game. It is life long relationship. So you should think before going for that. As mentioned above you have fallen in love
    from sikh boy and want to marry. It has been common in our society to make alliance between different religion. In your case, the main point over which you have to focus is mutual understanding. If it is there then no problem otherwise your life would be hell. Oftentimes,it is seen that girls do marriage against parents wish and after marriage she has to repent. So, you notice your boy friend that whether he is true lover or not. It is just a physical attraction. If it is so then your all way would be closed for you. No one would come forward in future for helping you. So, If possible you try to forget your boyfriend and take blessing from your parents. As per my view, parents relationship is genuine relationship. We should not lose at any cost.

  • There are a few things which you should think of before making a decision.
    1. Today he is earning and you are also in good health. But afterwards, your family may become big and requirements will also increase. you may not get any support from your family as you are marrying this boy against their wishes. Even then you have to take care of the brother of the boy. You should not think he has become an additional burden to you.
    2. Marriage is going to take you to new surroundings. The persons are new and you have to get adjusted to the environment there. You have to understand the mentalities of the people there and they also should be cooperative with you. Did you ask the boy about what is the opinion of his father and brother? If you are going there against their wishes, are they going to support you?
    3. Your food habits are different. So you have to think of getting adjusted to the new place and in addition to that, you have to change your food habits also.
    4. Are you working anywhere? If you are working anywhere you can support your husband financially also. Otherwise, you will be dependent on him for all financial matters as you will not get any support from your parents' side.
    I think very deep thinking is required. You are now young and you may be very positive about all the issues positively. But as time passes, responsibilities will increase and in any such condition, you should not regret that you have taken the wrong decision.
    You have to have a one to one discussion with the boy and both of you should thrash out any doubts you both are having and then decide.
    As per the post, I feel your financial position is better than the boy's family. So you should get prepared for a lower standard of life after marriage. The attraction towards the boy or the girl will not be permanent but the bonding and the relationship should be lost long. Think about all these issues and make a decision. In your case, I feel convincing your parents is very important rather than going against their will as they have a genuine concern for you and you may require their support at any time even after marriage. If I were you, I will not go for the marriage without convincing the parents.

    drrao
    always confident


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