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  • I am being forced to marry someone though I like someone else


    Want to break the engagement with someone as you wish to marry another man but parents are not permitting it? Get some advice on how to deal with this situation, legally or otherwise.

    I am being forced to marry someone. I got engaged 1 year ago to a guy and lately, I am having issues with him, with him telling me that he will abuse me if I dont listen to him, etc My nikkah will be in a few months, and I have told my parents everything. However, they are still forcing me to marry the same person. I like someone else and I have told my parents about him. Also, we both like each other a lot, yet my parents are still forcing me to marry that same guy. I tried to convince them a lot but they are not listening to me, and in fact, they are abusing me and insisting that I will get to marry that guy only.

    Any advice on what should we do?
  • Answers

    5 Answers found.
  • It is your life and you have the every right to exercise your decision especially it is related to the choice of a partner. You can always look out alternatives for such a crucial decision.
    If you are not interested to have any alliance with the boy selected from your parents and of the reason is very much justified. Tell other relatives matching almost to your father's age to convince your father to defer the decision of the marriage so that both the parties you and your parents could lead to a happier life after your marriage. Peace and love is the essence of a successful marriage. This point is not to be ignored at any cost.
    For the choice made by you, it is always better not to take your final consent immediately but defer the same for the time being. You need to know him very closely with meeting him several sessions so that both his positive attributes and other drawbacks is known to you. His temperament, liking, disliking, ability to take decisions and after all, his trustfulness towards you are to be judged. In relation to stability of your upcoming life, judge the strength of your fiancé in that direction also.
    If the boy passes in all such parameters for whom you have the choice, you may go in for the marriage alliance. Hope you all the best.

  • If you have crossed the age of 16 or 18 years depending on the religion to which you belong, then you are empowered to go for marriage yourself with the person you want to marry. That is your fundamental right under the constitution of India. Now you are in a doldrum situation because one side your parents are forcing you to marry a person and other side you have someone in your mind with whom you want to marry. It is obvious that you have to choose one of them. Either you have to make your parents happy or you have to make yourself happy, the choice is in your hands.
    Before taking a decision in this crucial matter you have to consider all the options and alternatives available to you. Can you leave your parents forever? This question comes because if you leave your parents and go with your boyfriend then your parents might disown you and debar you from their property. Another thing is they might disconnect with you and and end all relations with you for future. Can you take that type of shock and absorb it? If the answer is in yes then your option is very clear.
    Let us now see the other side of the coin also. What about this boy with whom you are in love and want to marry at any cost? How much reliable is he? Are you sure that he will not ditch you after the marriage or in a long run? Does he really love you or it is the infatuation of the young mind? Please ponder about all these points, think about them with a cool mind and reach a logical thinking followed by a solution. Remember all that glitters is not gold. You should jump in the fire only when you know that you will not be burnt or hurt with that type of flame.
    Marriage is not a one day affair. It is a lifetime commitment. Mutual faith and mutual respect are the pillars of a successful married life.
    There is one more aspect to this situation. Have you got any information about the boy with whom your parents want you to marry. Is he a good person? Would he keep you happy as per your parents understanding? What is his family status and whether it is matching with your family standard? When everything is good and everything is matching then you can consider that boy also as a good life match.
    So, in summary, my advice is that don't take any decision in haste. Consider all the points as mentioned above and then take a wise decision.

    Knowledge is power.

  • No doubt it would be a very difficult situation for anybody as above mentioned by you. Nowadays, most life partners are selected by themselves. The role of parents is seen very less in children's marriage day by day. But in your case, your parents already selected your life partner then you should decide with a cool mind. Don't take any decision in haste. Marriage is life long relationship. So, before taking any decision you should check both life partners, first to whom did you select and second to whom your parents selected. First, you should check the life partner which is chosen by you. Your choice is perfect or not. Some points over which you need to consider. After marriage, your boyfriend will live happily with you. He truly loves you or just it is physical attraction? If you ally with your own choice then your parents would disconnect from you. They will remove you from the property. Then what will you do? So, you try to convince your parents so that you could save both relationships. If you go against your parents' wishes then problems may create in future. So, you should take help from a senior member who could convince your parents.

  • Marriage is a lifetime event and not just oneday affair. So one should think very seriously and take a decision.
    You are liking a boy. Please think about your liking seriously. Is it a heartfelt liking or a liking developed by seeing the handsomeness of the boy or the richness of the boy? If you feel that the liking you have is a real one, then think further.
    If you have attained the official age-eligible for marriage, you can marry any person you like and laws prevailing in the country will protect your interest. But if you have not attained that age, you have to wait till you attain that age.
    A marriage is a two-way process, Like you, your boyfriend also should wish sincerely to marry you. So you should have a one-to-one talk with the boy. You should tell him that your parents are not willing to this marriage and you may not be able to bring any wealth with you. Then you see what is the reaction of the boy. If he assures you that he wants you and is ready to marry you without the consent of your parents, you can further think about the marriage.
    In your post, you have not mentioned the willingness of the parents of the boy. You should discuss with the boy about the same and see his reaction.
    Leaving your parents and going with the boy alone is very difficult. So think very seriously about whether you can continue without seeing your parents. You should prepare for the worst. They may change their mind and may allow you to come to their house. But it may or may not happen. You should appear for the worst. So you should make up your mind and get ready to face the worst.
    This situation is critical and one has to take his/her own decision without expecting somebody to guide. There are some instances where such cases are successful and some are failures. So it is the decision of the individual based on the situation.

    drrao
    always confident

  • Let me start with two questions to you first. Firstly, when did you meet the guy with whom you are in love now, before your engagement or after that? Secondly, if you were already committed before your engagement, why did you agree to the engagement at all? These questions are important because they deal with a point that might influence your decision.

    Things would have been different if you were not engaged. But now that you are not, you will have to convince your parents as well as his parents as to why you do not want to marry him. Since it has been arranged by the parents on both the sides, I think the best option would be to sit together and discuss the issue.

    I am not very convinced with your assertion that your would be has threatened you saying that he will abuse you if you do not listen to him. Abusing is a serious term and I don't think anyone, in his normal sense, will take the risk of proclaiming possible future abuse in advance. He might have told that he will not like if you do not listen to him or that he will scold you or so. And that might have been a part of your conversation with him. If he has in fact used the term abuse or something equivalent, I would advise you to talk to some close relative who is mature enough to understand the issue and request him to take the initiative to call for a meeting of the parents in the presence of you both and discuss the points and arrive at a decision.

    I won't ask you to take the risk of marrying the guy if you feel that you won't be comfortable with the marriage. It is your life and you can very well take a decision. But it is always better to take your parents into confidence so that neither you would have to regret in the future nor would your parents blame you for your decision.

    Since you have mentioned Nikah, I presume that you are a Muslim and so you will have to be more careful because of the influence and hold that your Imams and other religious heads have on your decisions and the after effects. But you need not worry. You can take legal recourse and can even approach the local police for assistance. Legally there is no restriction on a man and woman getting married once they attain the marriageable age but it is always better to solve the problem amicably so that such decisions do not affect your future.

    Do not be in a hurry. Think well and take a firm decision. Let there be no ifs and buts. All the best!

    'Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all'.
    -Aristotle


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