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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Your softer, kinder side - Why are you hiding?

    You may come across a person in your daily interactions who conveys an impression of being perpetually belligerent and gets angry, for no reason at all, at just about anything and everything. Then one day, suddenly, that person's softer, kinder side emerges. It astonishes and delights you, because you just did not know such a side existed. Perhaps a particular situation, such as reaching out to help somebody, has brought out that side. Why, though, is this side hidden at other times? Why is the person constantly having raised hackles and getting provoked or provoking others, be it even family members? Why is it that at other times a pleasant interaction is not to be had?

    Is there a reason why some people deliberately do not show their softer, kinder side?
  • #608798
    Today is the age of Rambo. Today is the age of James Bond 007. It is almost a crime to show the softer side of a person. But the human nature cannot always remain hidden. So suddenly it comes out through our tough persona just like a ray of sunlight coming out through dark clouds.
    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #608806
    It has become people's nature today to show the toughness in them. May be because they think if they speak very softly, it will form a simple image of them, which they do not consider to be fine enough. People today feel that other people would might try to take benefit from them if they talk nicely. These days human beings have lost trust on each other because of which good relations are decreasing drastically. That could be one of the reason of people getting harsh in today's time.
    Do what inspires you !!

  • #608807
    We are in an environment where in we are bombarded by advertisements and even writings which eulogise over-action. Only those who are into 'action'(meaning obvious) are termed as 'Heroes'. Naturally it is an unwritten law that all beautiful girls fall for such heroes only.

    It is such stereotyping that compels all ordinary souls to act as 'Action heroes' and try to show they are 'strong'.

    As far as I can remember,the only film I saw wherein the lead character is portrayed as a soft and kind naive person is ' Anaadi'. Luckily he gets a girl to love him. The next I can quote is "Kodiyettam' in Malayalam- the hero got 'Bharat Award'.

    Other than that all other films show the hero always angry and spitting hot. He crushes tens and twenties of adversaries using his hands and legs and even hitting with his head. He shouts at 'big' people, points fingers at them and threatens to eliminate them and their whole generation. Al this gets admiration from a dozen damsels who dream about dancing with him and living with him.

    Then why not anyone try to mimic such a hero? Even if it means hiding all natural sentiments? Unfortunately many men and women think that life is a cinema of two and hours and live in an imaginary make believe world.

  • #608820
    This is the common psychology of the masses and we have to live with that. Everybody have some humane traits hidden inside. But in today's world, if anybody is soft or kind in behaviour and shows it openly, people take him as easy target and try to take undue advantages. Such people are considered to be foolish and a soft place of ridicule. So, even if he is kind and soft at heart, he pretends to be strict and tough so that people around him should not consider him as a soft target.
    However, when the need arises, like helping someone in real need or feeding a real poor man he can no more hide under veils of strictness and the real human being in him comes out in the open, surprising others who knew him to be strict and rough so far.

    Every day is a new day for learning something new.

  • #608827
    It's reminiscent of someone I know – it's as though I am being spoken of. Ha! Ha!

    I'll 'attack' (smile) this subject from my perspective, as someone whose comments, on the forum, have often been labelled as belligerent.

    If I am that person I have my reasons for 'seeming' to be angry, all the time. I like to confine myself to things I like/want to do. So, I don't interact or get involved in any and everything. Even in my normal interactions, I like to listen rather than speak. A trait you would have, perhaps, noticed when you came over, to my place. But, when I do open up, I do not mince words – I am straightforward – and speak from the heart.

    If something is wrong, I will speak. I will question and give logical explanations to support my view. I will stand up against someone who is wrong and tell him that to his face, even if that someone has praised me in the past, and even if the individual I am supporting is someone with whom I have had a 'battle' or two. But, all this doesn't make me a bad person, because I hold no grudges. It is issues, that I stand up against, not the individuals.

    I like to address the issue and kill it. I don't carry a bad impression of the person that I had the discussion with. The thing is if you are that person and you're saying that I am easily provoked etc. then you're judging me based on your morals. Where as I, acted based on mine. I will stand against what I see is wrong – be it someone addressing another rudely or someone not owning up to their errors, in crucial matters. When I know I am right, I do not back down, even if I stand alone. I speak, even when I don't stand to gain.

    My softer side is there and it emerges in my personal exchanges. But, I'll restrict my response to my interactions in ISC, where I delve into areas, not personal to me. The Forum is a platform where I can place my views. I can sugar coat my responses, but that wouldn't be the real me. Even those who sugar coat their responses tend to drop their guard when they are affected, by a decision. They speak their mind, maybe not as vociferously as I do, but they let it be known that they've been wronged.

    And discussing an issue or raising questions or saying something is wrong, is not being hostile. It's just stating facts and asking for clarifications. It doesn't have to get personal. I mean I don't have to be labelled an 'angry' person because my pertinent questions are direct and perturb others.

    I think people need to broaden their outlook too. Instead of labelling people and putting them into categories that describe them as 'good' or 'bad', the focus should be on the concerns raised by the individual. Once that is done, you begin to see the 'goodness' in the person and their actions. I don't have to act sanctimonious, to make an impression on people, for that would be a pretence. I don't judge people, not consciously and hence expect others not to judge me.

    People generally see anyone who stands in support of them as being 'nice', but if that same 'nice' person were to question them while supporting another, the 'nice' person becomes 'not so nice'. So, with whom does the problem lie? It is the way we look at things and how we are affected by them that make us see people as 'friendly' or 'hostile'. Remember, one nation's enemy is a hero to his own countrymen. It's all about perspective.

    Of course, this is just me, giving my view on the issue. It is not personal, so don't take it as my reactions towards you.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak." -Michael Garrett Marino

  • #608839
    Every person should have two sides of the coin. He has to act tough where he should be tough. He should be soft where he should be soft. Always if we are soft and kind with the people, these days they take that as our weakness and try to take advantage of us. So we should be very practical and act as the situation demands.
    But these people want to show that they are very great and always try to show off their heroism. That is why they try to hide their second side of the coin and always acts tough.
    People try to take advantage of you if you show your softness and kindness always. So I feel we should be judgemental in that aspect.
    But everyone should have the qualities of kindness and softness and try to help others as per their need.

    always confident

  • #608893
    Is there a reason why some people deliberately do not show their softer, kinder side?
    Yes, and the reason may be due to a previous bad experience in life which forces them to make a shield around themselves thus hiding their true nature.They will not show their real soft side unless they face a very emotional situation similar to their previous experience.
    For example, if a woman has been a victim of domestic violence she may appear tough and angry towards men in general.But, if faced with another victim of domestic violence, she may seem to show a softer side and consideration for her.

    "If things go wrong, don’t go with them"

  • #608904
    There is always a soft soil beneath a hard rock. Some people apparently look very hard and tough as they have to take work from their subordinates and want to always remain on the top of list of good performers.

    They are tough because they very well know that any relaxation from their side will be a costly affair as the lazy and incompetent people will immediately take advantage. I feel they are forced to behave like that. One day when calm prevails and there is no pressure from any side they show us their true behaviour - kind and considerate.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #608909
    I think many of us or people with whom we interact or work have a common stern face and a soft smiling face that only a few will be aware of. Many managers, team leaders, army sergeants will have to have a tough or hard exterior otherwise the job will not get done by the rest and this ultimately reflects on the performance or efficiency.

    For instance, when coming across a new face, a docile looking chocolate faced guy, he probably will be taken for granted and harrassed more than a guy who looks stern, strict or menacing. See the frilled lizard or a snake, for instance, they all puff themselves to look bigger and meaner in the face of a threat.

    although not entirely true, it's a commonly saying that 4-year-old laughs 300 times/day in comparison to a 40-year-old who laughs around 20-30 times. The message is as we grow up, based on experience at home, our bad experiences, based on our environment we often live behind a veil so that the previous unpleasant experiences cannot be repeated and people don't take us for a ride and harm us in many ways.

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