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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Do you surprise them or visit after prior information?

    We have some close friends and relatives. Usually we visit each other's places. Sometimes people live at quite a distance apart and if we visit them without prior information it may so happen that they may not be available there or have some other important assignment.

    Some people believe in surprise visits and want to create a thrill out of it and many times both the parties also enjoy it.

    There are people who do not believe in this and instead always go after prior information or rather say after taking an appointment.

    What is your opinion on this?
  • #610227
    Visiting relative houses with prior intimation is not acceptable to me, surprise visit to relatives (real relatives) will give more pleasure. Only friends and unknown people can be met with appointment.

  • #610229
    Prior information to relatives about our visit to their house is not required but it is a convenience. One day I wanted to go to my brother's house who also stays in Hyderabad but at about 15Km distance from our house. We all started and reached their house. But their house was locked and they have gone out to some other friend's place. We have reached back. A waste trip. We might have phoned up to them before starting, but I have not done it. A phone call might have helped us. So informing them and asking them their availability is for a useful trip but not taking an appointment.
    But sometimes if necessary we can go without information also if it is necessary that we have to go there.

    always confident

  • #610230
    Relatives and true friends are always welcome. I would prefer a quick call before they drop down. This is for many reasons. Our availability, if they are elders, then it's a must that both husband and wife are at home. Long journeys undertaken only to find that the home is locked is also disappointing.

    Many times we have surprise visitors dropping in, we love it but at the same time embarrassed that there's is very little to offer except coffee/tea and a few snacks. This is even more difficult if it's lunch or dinner time. Being a nuclear family, it's difficult to have something at hand always that we can offer as lunch or dinner for relatives who drop in to give an invitation or see our children or visit us during festivals.

    Some relatives from the in-laws side have even taken offense that a decent meal was not offered by the city fellows. If they have to spend the night, its delicate, as some of us have to make arrangements like we shifting to the hall and giving our room or a child's room to the visitors.

    Often relatives dropping by from our native place, except to be taken around to see the important city landmark, again we would love to but taking time off work suddenly and arranging transport is difficult, these are minor issues that relatives sometimes take it seriously.

    Yes, we would welcome friends and relatives but a call would certainly help us to make their visits and stay more meaningful without us ( working nuclear families) being embarrassed.

  • #610235
    Nowadays surprise visit to relatives or friends is not recommended. The reason for that is, your friend or relatives might have per-appointed program and may get disturbed by your visit suddenly. Suppose if they went off you get disappointed as you might have traveled long distance to reach your friends or relatives residence and it becomes very painful to visit once again. Your relatives or friend also get disappointed for their absence during your visit even though there is no mistake on their part. So when good communication facility is there why can't give a hint of your visit to their place? This is good for both of them.

  • #610239
    I prefer to let people know when I visit them. It is important that this is done because everyone leads a busy life. People have plans and I dropping in unannounced might ruin those plans. The plan could be to sleep in, on a Sunday afternoon or have brunch. Dropping in unannounced ruins someone else's day because we 'insist' that we become their priority.

    I expect people to call before they drop in. There was a time when I would happily entertain guests who would drop in unannounced. It was customary, in our circle, for bachelors to drop into senior officers' houses, at odd hours, unannounced and expect to be served a meal. But, then as my husband became more senior, the juniors stop taking such liberties. So, we had an open house only on Christmas and our birthdays, when no prior intimation was required.

    I think it is courteous to call before dropping into someone's house. I always fix a day and time and ensure that I arrive there on time, so the people I am visiting are not kept waiting. My time is valuable and so is theirs. It is important to practice such social courtesies. People lead very hectic lives; we shouldn't impose ourselves on them nor expect them to give up all that they are doing to entertain us. Even relatives need their space.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak." -Michael Garrett Marino

  • #610243
    I feel giving prior information before visiting to a relative is important and my father always do it like that. Whenever he plans , he first asks them and then if they are available, he gives the confirmation of meeting up. Giving prior information is needed, because people are usually occupied with some or the other work on weekends. Because as per the busy lives of today, nobody is able to find time during the working days, so everyone completes their pending household work during weekends. That is why, it is better to inform beforehand for meetings and gatherings.
    It is good to gives surprises as everybody will love it, but everybody has some or the other plan , in case if we go to the person's place and they are not even available at home, then that will cause much more of disappointment. So, to avoid that one should inform beforehand before visiting.

    Do what inspires you !!

  • #610252
    If there are elders present in the house visiting the relatives in surprise manner would do, But when there are no such elders, then going in the garb of surprise would be risk as sometimes the relatives may go out for outing during holidays and vacations. Normally in Dassera holidays, we would visit the relatives house to seek blessings and also exchange pleasantries and they would be present especially during evenings when the dolls were arranged to be seen and appreciation. We call it Golu in Tamil. This nine day festivities is almost observed in every house and therefore visiting someone may not surprise them.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #610276
    In earlier days there was no concept to check before visiting relatives. The surprise part of the visit used to be enjoyed by both hosts and guests. But nowadays the social system has changed a lot. If we pay surprise visits to our relatives and friends nowadays, there is probability of ourselves getting surprised, but that surprise may not be very pleasant. There is real chance that the persons whom we intend to visit are not available at their residence or have some more pressing commitments.
    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #610284
    Times have changed along with priorities and lifestyle. Earlier the preference was to spend a good time with relatives and friends on every occasion but now we can that the mentality of people has changed gradually over time. While people would love to be the perfect host for their guest they would always love to be prepared beforehand. At times the family might want to spend that day just to themselves. So it's better we check on their availability before paying a visit, so that both the parties are not inconvenienced.

  • #610349
    I would prefer to inform them before me going as I do no want to end up disappointed. I will always make sure they are at home and is not busy. I do not want to disturb them but would like to spend some good time with them, hence I need to know about their full availability. Everyone has their own plans, so its better that I get a clear picture about their plans and then peep in.

    Similarly I would also prefer my friends informing me at least and hour before. It gives me sufficient time to arrange everything and keep myself ready to welcome them. When I informed in advance I can apply for my leaves and can spend more time for them. It will give many memories for us ti cherish. On the other hand, if the come home as a surprise visit, things might not turn out as expected. It will be difficult for me to cope up with my daily routines and to find time to keep my friends happy. Applying for last minute leave is also not a feasible idea, so I will have to let them sit at home while I am working or I will have to ask them to go out alone, which is unfair as far as I am concerned.

    We should respect each others time and priorities. Everyone has their family so they need time for their family as well. Hence I do not like to make myself their first priority keeping aside their family.

    "Do not give up, things might not favour you always"

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