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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Your associations will tell about you.

    A person who is in the association of good people will also learn good habits only. So even if we don't know a person personally, we can understand him if we know what kind of friends he is having. Even if you drink milk under a Tadi tree (Toddy palm) people may think that you are drinking toddy only. So be choosy about your friends. Otherwise you may be mistaken as a bad person.

    In this connection, I remember what I read about a raindrop and its various forms in the association of various items. When a raindrop from the sky falls directly in your hands, it is more than a mineral water to drink. If it falls in wastewater it will also become waste. If the same drop falls on a hot surface, it gets evaporated. It shines like a pearl when it falls on a leaf of the lotus. If it falls on an oyster, it becomes a pearl. The same raindrop is different in different associations.

    So your associates speaks about you. Please be choosy about the same.
  • #610287
    I have always had this doubt since school, my parents and teachers always emphasized on this fact that you should be friends with good people. My mom gave this example also when a spoiled apple is kept among good apple even good ones will get spoilt.

    If good people are friends with only good people then how will bad people become good? This was my question when I was a child but it still remains in my mind. If bad people can spoil good ones, can't the good ones influence the bad ones and bring them to the correct path? Just a thought!

  • #610291
    Imbibing bad habits is very a group of four, three people are smoking the 4th one will get tempted. But in a group of four. Even one smokes he can't stop. That is the problem.
    always confident

  • #610293
    "…So be choosy about your friends. Otherwise, you may be mistaken as a bad person."

    I don't agree. Should we make friends based on how other people would view us? We make friends and move around with people because we want to be with them, and not because of what others might make of us. Do we abandon a friendship or a relationship for the fear that we might get branded as bad people? Is what others think of us more important than our self? Should we not be able to decide for ourselves what we want to do, rather than be pushed into doing something that society expects to morally correct?

    I am sorry, but this is a very self-centred view that teaches us to be selfish so we can keep only our public image untarnished.

    Those who matter, our true friends and our family knows us well, they will not judge us by the company we keep. It is only those who do not matter who form opinions. Do their opinions matter?

    " One rotten apple spoils the whole barrel" - But people aren't apples!

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak." -Michael Garrett Marino

  • #610299
    In our village elders used to ask the names of our friends, so that they can gauge who we are. It is the fact that those who are good and moves in a peer group, surely has the good friendship of lasting character and that would be respected by all. And a good friend is one who knows all about you and still likes you. So making friendship with like minded people is essential as they would stand helpful in the long run. Otherwise some people are just friends on the paper and never bother to mingle and stand by with us. What is the use of such friendship when there is no interaction and exchange of pleasantries.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #610315
    I totally disagree. One's character cannot be judged by one's associations. It is also not necessary to have friendships with like-minded people. In fact, it is better to have varied friends who have some different interests, are of a different intellect, etc It will help one to get a wider perspective of things in general. And who says peer groups form lasting friendships? This may not always be the case!
    When people come at you with their worst, you should come at them with your best (advice given to Selena Gomez by her mother, quoted in Time magazine.)

  • #610355
    Well said. Birds of the sane feather flock together. We can make good friends with only the people who are of our kind and that is why we get along with such people easily. Therefore like the author said it is easy to understand about us from the kind of friends we have. Always try to be around good people and make friends with such people. You will get to learn from them and you will have a value in the society.

    If we have a circle of bad friends, we will be happy with them but the people around will not be happy with us. So it is your turn to choose how you want to lead your life.

    "Do not give up, things might not favour you always"

  • #610359
    I never bother about other people's opinions that are based on superficial understanding. I teach others the same. Early on in life I learned that your friends will understand enough not to demand explanation and your opponents will never believe you anyway. So it is good to go ahead in life ignoring such things.

    #610287 Neethu: You are right in questioning this. I am sure you are aware enough already, that you are no pushover to be swinging about like a wave of the sea with every kind of association you have. You would do well in standing up against wrongdoing and not water down your own convictions. Just the fact you can think like this also opens up to ideas that can come from you to teach others to do the right things without being condescending.

    Of course, if someone is so wimpy they cannot oppose wrongdoing, they can go hide in the crowd/mob, and be heavily protected; they can leave the hard work to the brave ones.

    It is human nature to try to flow with the negative aspects but it doesn't have to be so. Somebody has got to stop and reverse that, and in each situation, that person is 'you'.

    One drop of curd can make a whole pot of milk to become curd.
    One bit of a chemical (potassium permanganate) can purify a whole can of impure water.
    One press on the light switch destroys darkness and puts on the light. Never mind the shadows; they exist because of the light.

    Consider the close disciples of Jesus. One was a foul-mouthed fisherman, one was an exploiting tax-collector, another was manipulative and seeking undue advantage, another well known prostitute, and so on. Yet Jesus worked with them and taught them something that was away from their natural ways of operating.

    When you look at the life of anyone who has done something great, like in inventions/discoveries, sports or disaster relief or engineering or education or whatever field, you'll find that they didn't give heed to whatever opinion that was floating around but worked on fulfilling their goals/plans/convictions.

  • #610421
    The essence of the explanation given in the literature and what I understood from that is, even though you are good and you have good habits remaining in the same way in presence of people who are habituated to behave other way is very difficult. There are many chances for the person to get changes easily because many people in the group are doing like that. The pure water droplet when fallen in a gutter it is also a part of that gutter and it has lost its identity. We may have many friends. If all are similar definitely by seeing them we can assess the mentality of the person. This is what Just I want to place in the language I understand. The views of different people will be always different only. Thats good.
    always confident

  • #610462
    I can partially agree with you Rao Sir, though I have also been listening the same thought throughout my childhood and even today. It is right that our associations define us in many ways. But it is not necessary that , if we have a friend, who has some bad habits and we are spending time with them, we will also adopt the bad ways from them. If a person has control on his thoughts and is mature enough to understand the situation, no bad habits can impact them. They will always remain the way they are. No matter how hard you try to change their mind. It is not good to be choosy, because we are here in this world to interact with everyone, to make friends, and to make others also listen us.
    But yes there is one more side to this, we always believe "we can talk with everyone, but it gives a nice and satisfactory feeling in communication when our hearts and our thinking also meet together." It is not about choice, it is about with whom our views match and at the end our hearts match.

    Do what inspires you !!

  • #610472
    People whom we associate with and people who are our friends are different. In our daily life, we associate with many people at work, during regular travel, in our neighborhood. However these people do not influence us too much and we too don't much heed to their praises or comments or their lifestyle.

    People who are friends have a common bond, idealogies and often look forward to interact and helpout each other. You as an individual do need to change for the sake of others and picking up bad habits or practices just be being with them is similar to heard mentality.

    As we mature and have the basic ability to reason, we need to decide for ourselves whether the practices we are exposed to are good for us or not. All of us are exposed to bad vices (alcohol, drugs and other immoral acts) at some point or other (colleges, social places) but all of us have not fallen prey to these acts. It's only people who cannot think for themselves, have a craving to follow someone or who have wrong notions who often succumb to such practices.

    Just because your friend or associate doesn't meet your moral expectations, we need not shun them, we can be cordial, if possible try and help them out. We live in a world where people have their moral compass set various levels and gone are the days wherein we can say "tell me who your friends are, i will tell you who you are".

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