"He gets a lifelong partner, cook, maid, nurse, housekeeper and what not everything."
I appreciate your acknowledging the fact that men stand to gain more from a marriage. I totally agree with you.
All this talk of 'equal partners' is just empty talk. All those who state that marriage is not a business partnership and that there are no profit and losses, are just deceiving themselves. I believe in marriage being all about love, commitment and trust and all that. I have a wonderful husband and we have a beautiful marriage. But, I do not need him to give me 'freedom' to do what I want to do. If that is needed in a marriage, then it is not one of equals. Freedom is something that I have a right to. No one should give it to me.
I agree with you because there is this whole gender thing that is so much part of a marriage. Women have to deal with so much because of the gendered assumption that men are the breadwinners and the problem solvers and women look after the home. The roles that you mentioned are forced on a woman and are expected of her. Notwithstanding the fact that if the man is bringing in the bread, the woman is perhaps bringing in enough to ensure that there are some yummy toppings on that bread. And yet, she is saddled with the house management duties. There is no parity, and since the woman is doing more than the man, then he definitely stands to gain.
Will the average man keep track of the food and household items that need to be stocked? Will he do the laundry or tidy up after everyone. Will he do all the chores that are expected of a woman? Will he serve tea to her friends, while the wife lounges on the couch with them? I don't think so.
Marriage is a beautiful union, but if both partners are not sharing equal responsibilities in raising their children or in the upkeep of their home and daily needs, then someone is definitely getting the short end of the stick. And it's all because we are programmed to fit into roles. We see nothing wrong, in the woman being the cook and the maid, but take offence at the thought of her being called that. How can it be a union of equals, when we slot duties based on gender?
Men stand to gain from a marriage because they continue the same lifestyle that they were used to, as someone pointed out he had a mother to do all his chores and now he has his wife. The woman too had her mother, but now she, mother's the man! It's easy to see who gained and who lost.
We blindly follow in the footsteps of others and create an imbalance, but since it has been going on for years, we fool ourselves into believing that there is nothing wrong in it. Look at the things that a woman does, and it will be clear who stands to gain.
Our society uses emotions to reinforce the false notion that women must always be the caregivers and homemakers. We alienate the man from his responsibilities, of being an equal partner in a home, in a relationship, as a husband and as a parent. But, in the end, the man gains the most – his needs are looked for – right from the food on the table to clean laundry. And if someone thinks this is love, then I'd say this is an ugly manipulation of love. I'd love to see the average male openly shower the same kind of love on his spouse.
"A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak." -Michael Garrett Marino