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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Who benefits more in a marriage, the men or women?

    Marriage is a must for all men and women. Very few people skip the marriage and their percentage is negligible. By virtue of marriage, a man gets a wife who is all in one. He gets a lifelong partner, cook, maid, nurse, housekeeper and what not everything. Apart from all these most of the men also get a financial benefit. On the other hand, the women also get a husband who is a life partner, provides security in life and a breadwinner(the scenario changed a lot with women also earning money.) The women have to buy(?) a husband in most of the cases. With the birth of children, the work burden for women and extra income generation for the men increases. Some studies indicate that the men get more health benefits than the women in a marriage.

    I personally feel men get more benefit than women. I am not sure whether thinking in terms of benefits may not be correct in a marriage as both are equally responsible.
  • #610429
    Marriage is not a business partnership to think about profits and benefits. It is a lifelong association with mutual understanding and tolerance to each other's mistakes. They should be complementary to each other. We should feel that all relations like father, mother, brother, sister, so on and so forth are coming by virtue of your birth. But wife and husband relation is one which we have made in this earth, of course, it may be also predetermined by the Almighty. But the fact is not known to us. So both should treat the other as an equivalent and have a mutual understanding. Then the life will be very smooth. When the wife is a little severe if husband keeps calm and vice versa, the life will be very smooth going. So I think thinking of profits and benefits in this contest are not relevant.
    always confident

  • #610432
    I think, this is one of the reasons that marriage becomes sour or broken down as people start analyzing the cost-benefit ratio. Marriage is an institution that should transcend these common gains and false perceptions.
    It is the joy of compassion, oneness, companionship and the chance to learn, raise and run a family. It's no mean task to run a family.

    Gone are the day that women cook and wash, men earn and provide. It's a mixed efforts of both donning many roles that is the time of need. Yes there will be disagreement,arguments but at the end of the day it is a give and take that should go on for the rest of the lives of both involved. If one looks at wife as a cook and maid then it's a shame. Once we change this perception of a woman in the marriage, then I'm sure marriage will have a whole new meaning.

    A recent good movie comes to my mind, Fidaa (Telugu), the girl who's about get married is asked "On what basis are you getting married to him"? She replies, 'it's the trust that he'll look after me.' I think this is what marriage should be about trust that both husband and wife should have on each other and not to consider marriage as an investment venture.

  • #610435
    I wont agree with the author that men get more benefit than women on getting married. In fact marriage is the culmination of two souls and hearts and there cannot be differentiation or one superior than other. Both husband and wife must have give and take policy and both are the winners here. Never men should treat the women as life partner, cook and so on. Instead they must treat her as close confident, important person in decision making process and above all the Home Minister. If such attitude is inculcated and the women given respect, I think nothing can be impossible to achieve and every women would be sublime and worth cooperating with the men. By the way when both are educated and both starts earning there cannot be one bigger than other. Both are equal and they share equal responsibility from day one.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #610448
    Glad to see this post from a man as hardly we get to see men commenting on this topic. I feel both the parties benefit from the relationship. Just because someone is there to cook for him and to clean his clothes doesn't mean that he is benefiting more. He already had a mom who was doing all these for him. In fact we all had our mom who used to do all these for us, but then we did not calculate the benefit ratio between the mother and child as for her she was doing it all out of love for her child.

    From my personal experience what I feel is, I have benefited from my marriage as a woman. I get more freedom when I am with my husband because as a girl I had certain restrictions from my parents as I am always a child for them. But husband treats me as a matured lady so he gives me the freedom to do certain stuffs that I enjoy. But there is one thing, in most of the marriages, it is the woman who has to leave her loved ones and move out to a new house.

    "Do not give up, things might not favour you always"

  • #610459
    Marriage is not a contract , which runs on profits and losses. It is a pure bond between two people, which runs on the name of trust. Without trust , no relationship can work, similar is the case with marriage. Husband and wife both play equal roles to make it a success and live the challenges together. Both have to go hand in hand. If you call your wife a life partner, then better know its meaning, that she is a partner in your life. A partner who will always be there in happy and sad times, who will adapt herself as per your living and still will be there always to support her man. So, please do not disrespect her by calling maid, cook and so on. By calling her with such a name, makes us her image only as a servant and not as a life partner. A person is called your life partner, if they share their life with you, you respect her presence every single moment, though undergoing hard times as well. Because at the end both husband and wife have to sort out matters and make a good living.
    Do what inspires you !!

  • #610536
    "He gets a lifelong partner, cook, maid, nurse, housekeeper and what not everything."

    I appreciate your acknowledging the fact that men stand to gain more from a marriage. I totally agree with you.

    All this talk of 'equal partners' is just empty talk. All those who state that marriage is not a business partnership and that there are no profit and losses, are just deceiving themselves. I believe in marriage being all about love, commitment and trust and all that. I have a wonderful husband and we have a beautiful marriage. But, I do not need him to give me 'freedom' to do what I want to do. If that is needed in a marriage, then it is not one of equals. Freedom is something that I have a right to. No one should give it to me.

    I agree with you because there is this whole gender thing that is so much part of a marriage. Women have to deal with so much because of the gendered assumption that men are the breadwinners and the problem solvers and women look after the home. The roles that you mentioned are forced on a woman and are expected of her. Notwithstanding the fact that if the man is bringing in the bread, the woman is perhaps bringing in enough to ensure that there are some yummy toppings on that bread. And yet, she is saddled with the house management duties. There is no parity, and since the woman is doing more than the man, then he definitely stands to gain.

    Will the average man keep track of the food and household items that need to be stocked? Will he do the laundry or tidy up after everyone. Will he do all the chores that are expected of a woman? Will he serve tea to her friends, while the wife lounges on the couch with them? I don't think so.

    Marriage is a beautiful union, but if both partners are not sharing equal responsibilities in raising their children or in the upkeep of their home and daily needs, then someone is definitely getting the short end of the stick. And it's all because we are programmed to fit into roles. We see nothing wrong, in the woman being the cook and the maid, but take offence at the thought of her being called that. How can it be a union of equals, when we slot duties based on gender?

    Men stand to gain from a marriage because they continue the same lifestyle that they were used to, as someone pointed out he had a mother to do all his chores and now he has his wife. The woman too had her mother, but now she, mother's the man! It's easy to see who gained and who lost.

    We blindly follow in the footsteps of others and create an imbalance, but since it has been going on for years, we fool ourselves into believing that there is nothing wrong in it. Look at the things that a woman does, and it will be clear who stands to gain.

    Our society uses emotions to reinforce the false notion that women must always be the caregivers and homemakers. We alienate the man from his responsibilities, of being an equal partner in a home, in a relationship, as a husband and as a parent. But, in the end, the man gains the most – his needs are looked for – right from the food on the table to clean laundry. And if someone thinks this is love, then I'd say this is an ugly manipulation of love. I'd love to see the average male openly shower the same kind of love on his spouse.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak." -Michael Garrett Marino

  • #610540
    Frankly speaking, I do not like the topic and content of this thread. Some people say that marriage helps us to find a partner, who would stand by us during our journey of life. Marriage would help us to find our soulmate. On the other hand, some people firmly believe in the theory of George Bernard Shaw:"Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with his window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open", i.e., marriage is a custom which is merely for the sake of convenience to both partners.

    I feel in the beginning marriage is to satisfy the physical needs of both the partners. So, marriage is for the sake of convenience. If the marriage continues for 25 years and more, only then the partners become soulmates. But this happens during the twilight years of their life.

    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #610545
    Hard facts about married life are difficult to digest and may not be liked. I am writing in general only. Just imagine a situation where the man falls sick for a brief period. He can apply for leave from the office and stay at home. His wife will be there to look after him day and night with utmost devotion. The schedule in the house goes on as usual. When the woman falls sick for a very brief period, everything goes out of order in the house. The women cannot afford to take rest and they manage somehow in spite of their sickness. The husband and the children cannot look after her with as much devotion as she shows towards them in such a situation. Women are made to believe that they hold a special status in the family and advantage is taken of them.

    Marriage is not like what is shown in the cinema. The characters act in their role but in a marriage, the persons have to live their role. I personally feel that men gain more than women in a married life. It is not about the economics of it or an investment venture but who contributes more to the successful married life. Let us not bother about others. let us analyse from our own lives and come to a conclusion.

    " Be Good and Do Good "

  • #610551
    Considering marriage as a celestial one and honoured the couple as God and Goddess (Lord Shiva and Parvathi). But when the marriage started considering as business, the problem of misunderstanding started and family courts bundled with cases. Since the profit and loss account maintained in the marriage the mutual understanding and give-up policies have got vanished. It was told in those days that husband and wife are two bullocks to a cart and without coordination of both bullocks the cart (family)will not move a bit of distance.

  • #610563
    Indians have different views about marriage. Most of the people seeing it as a business proposal and trying to take as many benefits as possible. I think marriage is not a business proposal or contract to get benefits. It should be a healthy relationship between man and woman. They have to live mutually for each other and ensure prosperity in both of their families. I hope the attitude towards marriage is changing in modern India. Both men and women no longer sees marriage as a business contract. They are looking for a lifetime relationship with caring and love.
    Whatever happens life should move on...
    Thanks Karthik

  • #610576
    Ramachandran has mentioned that marriage is a sacred bond and I agree with him. In my religion, it is one of the seven sacraments and marriage is holy and for keeps.

    But, the point under discussion is who benefits more. When we bring in the aspects of love and holy bond KVRR and my view look cold and calculating. But the fact is, even though a man and a woman are like two wheels on a cart, the burden on the woman, is greater. Especially now when a lot of women are sharing the financial burden of running a home. The life of men has not changed, over decades. But women have only been growing. The man has not changed much, but see where women are today.

    How can we continue to emotionally burden her with what is her rightful duty, when we expect her to take on added responsibilities. A woman gets no rest day. Is that even fair in an alliance of equals? When men begin to share the responsibilities of running a home only then can they claim that they are equal in all respects?

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak." -Michael Garrett Marino

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