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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Why do we hesitate to say sorry to people close to us?

    Often, at work or at public places, if we bump into someone accidentally, we say sorry. If the supervisor, boss or teacher is unhappy with our work, we say sorry. When we make errors, we apologize.

    Many of us have minor arguments at home too or even have an exchange of harsh words with children, spouse or parents. We do regret or feel bad, but we never openly acknowledge and say sorry. After sometime or the next day morning, we cautiously restart talking and then in a day or two we are back to normal

    I have seen this more with grown-ups and elders at few homes. What makes us hesitate to say a quick word or make an apology ? Is it that we take them for granted ?
  • #612988
    Saying sorry is formal. We need not be very formal with family members. Between wife and husband, between son and parent, between daughter and parent many arguments may come and sometimes it may be very hot discussion and may lead to arguments. But that is for that moment. Nobody will keep this in mind. Again they will switch over to the next issue. But in the office or outside if we are not saying sorry, the boss or colleague will always keep the issue in mind and try to take a revenge when a chance comes. Even after telling sorry also some people will keep the incident in mind and wait for a chance. This is the difference between God-given relations and worldly made relations.
    But these days many people even in families they behave very formally and say sorry. My father used to say to me if you are telling sorry to your son it is not good for the son. So there should not be any sorry saying in the family. This is my philosophy. Of course, many people may not accept.

    always confident

  • #613073
    We normally say sorry as an instinctive polite gesture giving an impression of some formal apology to the people we are not that close but for family members, we try to feel the apology rather than merely stating it. As a member, we can feel that a person is feeling the guilt for whatever mistake he did and he is sorry for it and for us most of the times that presence of feeling suffices to take us back to the normal environment of warmth again. We try to do something special in our actions to apologize for, by giving a gift or doing some other work for the member to express our apology which goes beyond the words to utter. But anyhow if someone feels that he or she should say sorry then there is no harm in it but sincerity should be genuinely intact in it.

  • #613085
    Maybe it's because you've opened up to the people close to you so much that you would think they will understand your behavior. You don't think that anything you say might hurt them after a while. So sorry has no work anymore.
    Sorry comes into picture among the closest of friends or family, when you think you truly did or said something really awful.

    The stronger a light shines the darker are the shadows around it.

  • #613103
    What I feel that when you are close to some one or the relatives for that matter, the formalities wont matter and that is farce. Saying sorry to unknown persons, friends and even close acquaintances may be possible. If you have done something unintentionally and hurt the other person , saying a sorry would be a polite excuse. If you keep quite the other person would brand you as arrogant. When the hurt person is a elder or more aged than you, immediately saying sorry is the must. If the hurt person is of same age, I think the formalities may not be required as no one expects that.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #613116

    Is it due to hesitation that we don't say sorry to our near and dear ones? It may be one of the reasons but is certainly not the only reason. Aditya has come out with one reason which is basically a feeling of understanding each other. Another reason could be that we take each other for granted as the author has suggested. Yet another reason may be that we feel that our guilt feeling will be understood by the other person and that he would be able to make out that we are feeling apologetic. I think we don't consider it a requirement to express a regret or say sorry to someone who is close to us because we know that neither of the parties would be interested in smoldering a grudge against each other; normally it ends faster than it had started.

    All said and done, I do feel that saying a sorry or apologizing for a mistake can surely ease out the tension faster and will work out in the better interests of the affected parties, distant or close.

    'It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it'. - Aristotle.

  • #613129
    Excellent replies, really thanks to each one of you, I think you have found one reason each need to be formal with family/loved ones.
    2. within family, we genuinely feel that we are sorry rather than merely saying it.
    3.peole would understand you better, hence sorry is less meaningful
    4.many at home may not except a sorry from us
    Whatever it is, it doesn't hurt to say as it quickly gets things back into normal mode.

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