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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    What's in it for me? - Reciprocal favour vs genuine help

    There are people who will extend a service expecting something in return. This return could be money or a similar service when the need arises or some other type of service which has equal or greater value than that which is rendered. It's like, "I will help you. But then you must also help me when I ask you to."

    It may not necessarily be the case that you outright ask for something reciprocal, but an expectation that it will be so, sort of expecting a mutual understanding of the recipient.

    Have you ever had this kind of experience, where you were expected to return what is considered as a favour and was not regarded as a mere helping hand? On the other side of the coin, have you expected a reciprocal help? Is it right to expect it at all?
  • #615270
    Throughout my career I was extra cautious not to take any kind of help for me personally, from anyone even remotely connected ,whom I got connected only due to my job. This was for fear of the 'reciprocal expectations'' from me using my position in the job. I admit that it was was creating extra burden for me ,but I am satisfied that I could manage it well and those who came in touch with me knew my stand very well.

    In my personal life I had one occasion when there was an explicit mention of the reciprocal expectations. It was from a relative from my wife;s family who wanted some financial help from us quoting what they did to my wife's parents long ago. The amount asked was beyond our means at that time and we could help them in part. But they were not satisfied and started calling us thankless. We have lost the money and their contact since then.

    I generally do not take obligatory help of others as far as possible and in case I need at all, I take it as a business type dealing or take it in such a way that there won't be any residual in that and they will not expect anything from me as quid-pro-quo. While many people have offered to help me in getting something done fast or at a lesser cost, I have only taken the direct approach route. Many of my relatives go to the local corp orator,party officials etc for even small routine matters. I never do that unless it warrants that only they can do it.Of course I end up getting things a bit delayed or after a few reminders. But I am ready for that. Thank God, till now I never had to approach anyone for any undue favour.

    The problem is that we may be taking a small help, but the reciprocal service may entail even illegal or roundabout ways or matters, which will embarrass us or erode our credibility. So I steer clear of such things. When I help someone, I do not expect anything in return, but will be happy to see their progress and prosperity only. If it is a financial help, I will write off the amount from my mind then and there.

  • #615287
    No. I have never. so far, expect anything in return for the helps I have extended to many of my known people. I helped many in getting a job in some organisations where I have some weight for my words. In this regarding I assure I never expected anything in return for any favour either in cash or kind from the beneficiaries, I feel I will continue to do that within my limited capacity. I never approach anybody for a favour for me. By God's grace, my both sons obtained jobs on their own by getting selected on their own performs. I have enough to carry on my life without any problem. Generally, I avoid going to anybody for any kind of help. I have no political connections. I have no known personality in power. So I have my own peaceful life without any problems so far.
    For some poor people, I have given loans for their use. I receive it back in instalments. No interest is charged anytime from them. A driver stopped coming to me after taking Rs.5000/- from me. Now I have written off that amount as already it is more than 5 years he took that material.

    always confident

  • #615315
    When we get some help from the other without even asking for it, it is our duty that we must reciprocate whether in cash or kind and reply them with some kind of return favor , so that the reciprocal benefit is felt by both.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #615354
    I agree this is the very basic human intent to follow give and take relationships. Whatever help you ask the other person, that other person will get same thought in mind, that this person can help me in need, because I have been able to do to him. And we follow the same thing. The material help works on this only. In fact, I have seen many people who laugh when you ask them for some help. Helping is a kind act one should always go for. My father is always very helpful to anyone whosoever he meets, and he extends help without any revert intention. I have always learned this quality from him.
    Do what inspires you !!

  • #615383
    We cannot put a price on kindness. But, neither can we ignore the fact that we must reciprocate another's generosity, in any which way we can. What does it say about us, if we take favours without giving anything in return? Would that not make us rapacious?

    I think it is a courtesy to extend any help that we can to someone who supported us, in our time of need, when they could have refused to help us.

    It is all very well to question this behaviour in others, but it also puts a question mark on us – are we ungracious and unthankful?

    Why be cynical of another – why not look at their need as just that, a need, instead of being suspicious of them? Do we have to be critical and judgemental of someone who helped us? They didn't judge us when we reached out to them for help, then why should we begin doubting their motive?

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak." -Michael Garrett Marino

  • #615429
    Many people (hiring, selling, marketing, even politics) keep a small mental list of favors done over a period of few years and then start extracting or calling in the favors and use it in favor of their growth. In the health sector, people approach with samples and conferences and say, we'll arrange it or contribute. After some time the same team comes and coaxes you to push their products.Similar examples would be seen in many service sectors. Reciprocal expectations are surprisingly common among friends, neighbors and family members.
    I have had occasions wherein I have felt disappointed when people whom I've helped, conveniently ignored when I wanted a favor. My approach to this is, extend help to the extent you are comfortable with and do it with a small prayer that someone somewhere would certainly help our parents or us when in times of need. Always be wary of people who are too generous, it may have a hidden agenda and you would be obliged to help out even if it goes against your principles.

  • #615438
    Every action has a driving force. That driving force is- ulterior motive. Or expectation.
    Can you point out a single person who would help you selflessly? Not in my life though.
    Everyone around seems to have something to gain from me.
    Helping, isn't a primal behaviour to be honest, because it renders natural selection ineffective.
    I'm talking about helping strangers, not family. Even animals help their kin.
    But, do they help another animal out of their family? They won't.
    So it's only natural to help and expect.
    Humans complicate the simple stuff in life because we search for a meaning.
    Humans help because of three reasons:
    1. Fame.
    2. Mutual needs/need for love too.
    3. Atonement for past sins.

    I don't see why a person would help otherwise.
    We act because we expect. That's the ultimate truth.
    A truth advocated by Krishna in Gita.
    A truth advocated by Buddha.
    A truth advocated by Christ.
    Wise people understood that you cannot act without expecting. Hence you cannot help without expecting a return.

    The stronger a light shines the darker are the shadows around it.

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