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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Present women hesitate or fear to an additional work in houses

    In earlier days women did many jobs in running house in spite of with less amenities. But nowadays, first of all they are provided with good amenities like movie,washing machine, air condition,gas stove,cooker, grinder and so but if any additional guest/relative comes they got upset much and expecting the husband to buy food from outside. My mother arranged food for a newly married couple, sudden visitor from village to adirai in 1976 that too in late night by 10 pm. In spite of we were cooking food through wood oven and without movie/grinder, my mother hosted them without a single murmering. But why present housewife's are expecting others including close relatives to tell before coming. Many close relatives became closed relatives to a relative of mine in Chennai
    Feared whether will we loose our hosting culture.
  • #615418
    The modern days women are lazy and they does not want to spend time at the kitchen but they are ready to share food in the restaurant and when it is Sunday or holiday, there would be no work at the kitchen. Even husband obliges for the food outside as he wants to give his wife a rest and break. But when relatives come and she has to prepare food, then the husband gets irritated due to her non cooperation. Normally relatives will also cooperate in preparing food and the wife should not get upset over sudden visits of relatives and friends for lunch or the dinner. Such attitude must be developed.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #615461
    It is not laziness. The awareness in the people is increasing. Many of our guests inform us before hand that they are visiting us and they will be having food with us. So our ladies will make everything before they come. It is not difficult for them to make the food ready. This is because they have all required gadgets in their kitchen. They are all having modular kitchens. By getting it like that, they will finish their work and actively participate inspending time with family members and guests. I feel there is nothing wrong in thinking in that direction. Of course they are also like us and they also have some likings. Instead of that somebody is coming at odd hours, ladies has to make everything ready in their presence. They can't concentrate either on cooking or on spending time with the guests. This makes them frustrated. If the items are not good the guests may think that she is not a good cook. Her image will get spoiled. This is the only thing why these days ladies feel better to get the information in advance.
    always confident

  • #615475
    I think you are partly correct, we are slowly losing our traditional tag of a host who welcomes guests anytime with a smile on our faces and provides them good food. To be frank, many times when guests come unannounced, we offer a cup of coffee and while it's getting ready one of us slips out to the nearby shop to get some snacks or order food for all. We have experienced this as a host and as a guest, to be frank it's good. You have more time to interact with the friends, children and exchange updates rather than the ladies stuck in the kitchen trying to cook homely. If relatives come announced or they are elderly then you can organize yourselves to cook a meal. I don't think it's fair to expect women to produce food at any time for relatives always at home. Often the timing will be wrong, there would be enough small jobs to be done before going to bed so that children and adults can leave on time next day morning.

  • #615507
    The majority of your threads, based on women, are scathing. This is not personal, but it does need to be addressed.

    How appropriate is it to use the forum to pass judgement on present-day women, based on your interactions with your family, friends and neighbours? You don't hesitate to pull down people known to you. Such condemnatory and hyper-critical comments on women amount to bizarre gossip.

    What your mother did should not be used as a yardstick to judge other women. With due respect to the lady, we do not know the circumstances or the compulsions that made her do what she did. I can turn around and question why she wasn't provided with a gas stove and why it was expected of her to labour when modern gadgets were available. In 1976, my mother had all the modern day amenities available at that time. Should I compare their lives and say one lived a life of drudgery? It wouldn't be right, isn't it?

    Our lives are dictated by circumstances. I love entertaining and always do the cooking myself – but that does not give me the right to belittle others who choose to order food, instead of preparing it themselves.

    Stop judging women, based on your experiences and expectations. People have their own lives – don't expect them to live it by your standards. If someone wants prior notice before you call on them, respect their wish. Don't force your views on other people. More important, stop judging them.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak." -Michael Garrett Marino

  • #615508
    Why on earth are comparisions being made between the past and the present scenarios? It is also quite odious to judge the women who do not cook for visitors and prefer ordering a meal from outside. What's wrong with that?! The aim, ultimately, is to provide good quality food to visitors. All of a sudden if the lady of the house is expected to cook something and she is simply not up to it, why criticize her for it?

    And, K Mohan, how can women who don't cook for visitors be categorized as lazy?!! Ridiculous. The next time there are visitors, let the men in the house rustle up a full meal without any help from others, on the spot - they will know, then, what it is like, how much hard work & effort goes into it.

    When people come at you with their worst, you should come at them with your best (advice given to Selena Gomez by her mother, quoted in Time magazine.)

  • #615510
    What the author has said is factually correct. In earlier days, when a guest used to come to the residence of some one, the host lady used to cook. Nowadays, the hosts order meal from nearby restaurants. We can't deny the fact. Nowadays people can afford to purchase food from outside, it was not always possible in earlier days.
    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #615516
    The thread has three features, in my view
    Are we cooking less for our visitors: yes are cooking less, many often manage with food from outside
    will women cook: yes, certainly in my own home, we cook if the visitor/visitors family is either a brother or a sister of either of us. If they are elderly people who have come from our home town we offer them coffee as ask them to rest while we prepare a simple dish at home as these elder get annoyed if offered hotel food.
    should women only cook: no, we cannot impose or should not expect them to cook for every relative that drops by.Things have changed, gone are the days,

  • #615523
    Whether it may or may not have been possible to order a meal from outside in an earlier era is not at the heart of the topic raised by this thread. The title of the thread and the tone of the text are pointing to something else entirely.
    When people come at you with their worst, you should come at them with your best (advice given to Selena Gomez by her mother, quoted in Time magazine.)

  • #615530
    In the olden days, food was cooked abundantly so that if some guests drop by even during odd hours, there was no problem to serve food to them. There used to be a lot of wastage of food in those days about which no one bothered. Nowadays food is cooked in limited quantities because of the expenses. No food will be available if one uninvited guest comes. The guests should also be aware of the problem and come only after taking food outside.
    " Be Good and Do Good "

  • #615538
    Gentlemen stop being judgemental. Why are women always judged for wrong reasons?If a lady doesn't cook for the guests she is defined LAZY? How can someone be so crazy to just blindly judge women in general on such basis? If you are looking for a debate on this topic by comparing olden days women vs present day women then I think there are lots of areas where women can generalise and compare olden days men vs present day men.. I strongly feel that topics like this should not be encouraged for discussion as this issue will become sensitive.
    The author of the thread mentioned that his mother prepares food for the guests even if it is late at night. One thing I would like to bring to your notice is earlier days women were not allowed to speak up for themselves in front of their family members(husband or in-laws)many women had to forcibly do many things whether they like it or not. Another member mentioned that with all the present day gadgets available women still don't want to cook so with all the gadgets why not men start cooking for the house for a change,anyways more and more women are earning more than the man of the house these days.People are still prejudiced in our society.

  • #615542
    Mohan, how do you know what happens in other people's lives and kitchens?

    Going out for a meal does not amount to being lazy, it is called a family outing. I don't see how it affects you or anyone, whether a man and his wife eat out or at home. What gives anyone the right to stand in judgement, calling women unsavoury names?

    The wife has every right to be upset (if she wants) when people come over unannounced because the burden falls on her. She too deserves her space and a day of rest. Why must you expect the wife to change and develop attitudes to conform to your wishes? I think that is giving more importance to the friends and relatives, instead of the wife. Respect for the partner is important, in every relationship. Remember, the wife is an individual with a mind of her own. A husband's views cannot be shoved down her throat.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak." -Michael Garrett Marino

  • #615547
    Over the centuries, women have been harassed and suppressed in a lot of ways, but I don't understand the kind of misogyny that would compel a man to take something as trivial as ordering take-out for guests and turn it into some sort of debate designed to belittle and generalize women. It's not so much unwarranted as pathetic.

    First of all, there's no comparison between the past and the present. It's called 'the past' for a reason. Awareness and technology weren't at their highest level at that time. There were no cell phones, T.V. didn't have a gazillion channels, and aside from work, read and gossip on the porch, there was a lot less to do than there is now. Spending time with friends and relatives was a more frequent and welcome occurrence then, than today where everyone stays in touch via WhatsApp and Facebook.

    Adding to that, majority of the women at that time blindly did what they were expected to do, either because they didn't know any better or because they didn't know how to stand up for themselves. Making their men happy was their only goal because that's what the patriarchy demands.

    You want Stepford Wives; patient and soft spoken, educated and intelligent but not more than you, someone who's always dressed to the nines, someone who blindly trusts you and has no significant opinions of her own, someone who will willingly sacrifice her life to make you and your family happy with nothing in return, because that's what she likes to do best, doesn't she? Cook and clean for you and take care of your children, with no regard to her own needs and desires.

    But women are not malleable barbies. We're human, too. It's dangerous to label us as lazy and judge us all based on your wife's desire, or lack thereof, to cook for your relatives.

    Besides, like Vandana said, what's wrong with ordering take-out for guests? What's wrong with wanting to be a good hostess not only in the kitchen but in the living room as well, taking an equal part in the conversation? What's so wrong with preferring to be informed or asked beforehand about a house visit? Guests don't know what kind of a day we've been having. They don't know if it's the right time to visit. They don't know if we've other plans or if, for whatever reason, we've decided to put everything aside for the day and just relax like we sometimes deserve!

    We have cell phones now. Why not use them and ask if it's a good time to visit? Why not respect your wife rather than question her opinions and compare her to your mother? Why not stop complaining and lend a hand in the kitchen if you're so opposed to take-outs? In case you didn't know, men are allowed in the kitchen, too. Men can (and should) help out with household chores just like women today help out with finances.

    Learn to treat us as equal. It can't be that hard.

    You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

  • #615555
    Those days women were not encouraged to study or work. It was considered a taboo. Their only job was to produce children, raring them and cooking for the family. That was their only pass time. Now its a totally different scenario. Women have learnt the art of multitasking. A lot of women beautifully balance work and home front and it this quality of the present days women that we need to appreciate a lot rather than trying to find fault with such silly things that she doesn't cook for the uninvited guests.
    Gentlemen please come out of your comfort zone and try to put yourself into a woman's shoes, you will get to experience a lot of hardships they undergo in this society right from their birth,where lot of people are still gender biased, till they die. Why don't men in our society grow up and stop being opinionated and jump to conclusions with just one or two trivial personal experiences.

  • #615563
    I would say that probably except the post #615461 of DR.N.V. Srinivasa Rao, all other posts have some strong bias based on their own gender. Dr Rao's post has a realistic balance. Hence I have more to concur with the general tone of that post.

    Modern families are mostly small or nuclear families. Everything has to be complied within a deadline or limit. Many of them live like keyed puppets. Earlier a family had many members who used to share the burden and take up some part on their head voluntarily. The ladies of the family could also depend on the help coming from relatives who stayed nearby. There was the convenience of servants, helpers etc easily available. Input materials were also available easily in and around the house itself.

    In earlier times I had seen that when guests arrive there used to be two situations: 1. The guests being close relatives or very close friends -they also used to share the burden and extra works of the house lady.
    2. If the guests were not-so close relatives or deserving formal protocol type attention, the information used to come early and the lady of the house could procure and prepare and arrange things in advance and keep ready. She would be get external help from servants ,helpers etc. Moreover most of the women were not employed or working women. That gave them some extra time and space.

    In modern days in many houses the women are also going for job. Whatever household work, the women have to attend in addition to attending to their jobs. Naturally they are subject to mental and physical fatigue. But as it is within the same close small family, they can manage 'somehow' everyday.
    It will not be that case when guest arrive. Guests need extra attention and service. That will extract a lot on the woman's time and energy . There would be problems of taking leave, procuring the things etc. As there will not be anything that can be sourced from house, everything has to be specially purchased, arranged and then cooked and served. The women face hundreds of issues like, limited water supply, power cut or load shedding, servants timings, school bus timings, children's lunch packets , shortage of LPG ,etc etc.

    In such a situation the lone lady of the house will be virtually slogging alone in kitchen all time without getting time to even interact with the guests. She cannot go with them to show the places. Above all, habituated to cook for just three or four every day, she will be nervous about how will things turn when she has to cook for more number of people. Thus not only that she will not have a good time, but she will be overburdened with lot of physical and mental strains and stretches.

    To solve all this, nowadays ready made parcel food or eatables are available . They can be ordered on phone or online and get home delivered. There can be no limit to variety also. By that, the woman of the house gets sufficient time and can attend and entertain the guests interacting with them,taking them outside to show places around etc. She will not be tired and feel fresh. It will also give her a genuinely deserved break from boring daily chores.

    To be frank, having seen my wife compelled to spend a lot of time in kitchen and other related works(in spite of my possible sharing), I had made some working arrangement to spare her burden.

    1. At least one time of food we used to have outside or get from outside. We will arrange some outing with the guests so that food can be taken outside. Without divulging the reason, we make it appeal and enjoyable for the guests also.
    2. I had impressed upon my wife to use 'induction cooker' on a table in the living room so that she can prepare coffee, tea etc or heating food items simultaneously talking with the guests.
    3. I do not feel shy or hesitant to share a good part of needed tasks so that it gives confidence and support to my wife.
    4. It is those times we take opportunity to try some items or recipe not usually made by us but are also new to the guests.

    We have to be accommodating, understanding and updating. That is family.

  • #615571
    Mr. Venmiteswaran I appreiciate the way your are diverting the thread,however defing women as lazy for her unwillinhgness to cook cannot be excused. At the same time your empathy towads your wife's plight in the kitchen and your willingness to share her burden needs to be appreciated
    To my knowledge most of the forum threads here aim at educating or creating awareness on various fields rather than passing some unwanted comments.Members need to be sensible in posting their comments and not do so as a time pass to earn points

  • #615583

    Most of the human beings suffer from a psychological disorder called 'Humania'.The oppression of women is a symptom of this disorder. It is one thing to take over the position of power in a society, but another to despise women, and inflict so much brutality and degradation on them. The sociologist Stephen Goldberg suggested that men are naturally more competitive than women because of their high level of testosterone. This makes them aggressive and power-hungry, so that they inevitably take over the high status positions in a society, leaving women to the more subordinate roles
    I suggest the members to read the book 'The Fall' written by Prof Steve Taylor, senior lecturer in psychology at Leeds Beckett University.UK

  • #615601
    Over the years, people are doing less physical work. With the availability of more gadgets, more money, people are becoming habituated to lead a comfortable and less strenuous life. This is true for male and female alike and this can't be termed as laziness.

    I feel (from many other threads of the author) that he is dead against outside food and he doesn't want to treat his guests with foods from restaurant. Most probably that is the reason behind this thread.

    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #615662
    The days are changing. The life is not like earlier days. One person going out and other person making arrangement in the houses that concept will not work. Irrespective of gender both the partners have to help each other in all works either in the house or outside and see that their kids will come up. This is the concept now. I am seeing in the cities the pair will leave early morning and come back only after the sunset. Even getting the food prepared for the family is a big problem at that time because the whole day they suffer and got exhausted in their journey to work and back home. In such case, if some guests are coming either he nor she can venture to get the things ready in the house Then the best option is only to order home delivery of food from a good restaurant. I feel this is the best option. After all, we all will expect some rest after a strain for a full day.
    always confident

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