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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    What if a guy says he wants to stay at home?

    Normally women are given the option of staying at home, to take care of the family. In some cases she is forced to stay at home and in some cases, it is her decision to stay at home. Whatever be it, we are not getting into the reason behind it. The only point here is no one blames her for choosing to stay at home.

    That is not the case with a man. He is not left with the option of staying at home, at least in Indian culture. If a guy says he doesn't want to work, what will be our attitude towards him? Being born as a boy gives him the responsibility to work and earn for the family.

    When a woman is bored of her work, she can take a break and stay at home. Yes, her husband is earning. But the husband can't take a break and be at home saying my wife is working or rather earning. What do you think?
  • #617787
    I know few house-husbands. They are married into a rich family who are quite often their relatives. So their attitude can be tolerated.

    I think there was a logic behind saying "man is a bread-winner". Because women have to face a lot of adversities at work. Just to equal men, they have to work 5 times more.
    Moreover, childbirth can be a problem. Imagine a woman is the only earner and she's now pregnant. She won't be going to work for atleast a year. Things will get tough for the family. Men have no such obligations and their physique allows them to work for hours without being tired. In animal kingdom, both genders "work".
    Why are humans to be spared then?
    Both genders can work for their loving family together.
    But a man staying home, isn't very appreciable. (Though it is what every man dreams of ).

    Conclusion, let your wife earn only if you earn too. Else you'll be losing respect and love.

    The stronger a light shines the darker are the shadows around it.

  • #617788
    While getting married always one must see and align with the right partner. Invariably some parents wants their daughter to stay with them or in their vicinity and in that process some times the job of the son in law would be difficult to cope up owing to distance and others matters. If the daughter has good job, then the option for the man should be in the house if not getting a right job. Moreover once they have the children, rearing them is the great challenge and if the wife works then the onus to nurture the child falls on the husband and thus many have compromised their job and left it to be at the home and be a baby sitter with attending to home works. But I strongly feel that " Udhyogam Purushalakshanam" thus goes the old Tamil saying which means a man should work for the family and that brings him dignity and respect in the society, otherwise there wont be any mention of him even in family get together.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #617808
    The females got additional responsibilities in their life for which is man away. The ladies only get pregnant. They only has to deliver children. Even though both the partners are responsible equally for the pregnancy, but all the difficulties and problems and hardships will be faced by females only. This is the phenomena by default. No one has done it. So when she is taking the responsibility of extending your family , why the male can't at least see that the family will have food shelter and clothes. So this society has given the responsibility to males. It is to maintain equilibrium in the responsibilities of the genders. Even though a male candidate stay at home and cook food he can not deliver children. So far no scientist is able to make way that males will carry the baby for nine months and then deliver. Keeping this fact in mind I feel it is good that only man has to struggle for the livelihood of the family. But these days ladies are getting overloaded with inside the home and outside the home responsibilities. There is no problem as long as they enjoy it. But nobody should force these things on them.
    always confident

  • #617848
    Thoughtful post. Traditionally, our families have grown with man as the bread winner,woman as the bread maker. This is slowly beginning to change where women are also working to earn for the family. Maybe in the future the roles could become reversed. But I think apart from rich, affordable families, most middle class families would have the need for both to work to have a decent standard of living and to fund children's education and save also. Currently, women work and take time off to complete the family and once things are settled and help is at hand, they start work again. There are also men who work from home or work part time with the spouse having a better job and pay. It would take some time for the society to 'accept a man sitting at home, with his wife working daily'. This would not be easier in the rural areas. I think both should work to have a better life.

  • #617855
    I knew such a family. They were our neighbours during the eighties. The husband used to remain at home and give private tuition. The wife was a nurse in Calcutta Port Trust Hospital. They had a daughter and a son. The husband used to look after their study. Initially people used to feel awkward, but later it became perfectly normal. The family was a happy, middle-class Bengali family.
    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #617925
    During these days ladies prefer working , that what I feel. Most of the girls are educated and wish to work and earn. Economic freedom is preferred by most of the women. Also the majority of families belong to middle income group cannot survive these days without both working. So I feel that if possible every woman will prefer going for work.
    Gold Member ISC

  • #618075
    Why society does not accept a man wanting to stay at home and not going for outside job?
    It just shows that whatever we say there is no equality between man and woman. Why it is to be expected that only man should look after the family? Why not a woman go out for earning and a man cooks food and takes care of children at home?
    Let us not hide the fact that even while talking of equal rights and equal facilities and status, women cannot reconcile to have a husband who is not earning or who is earning less than them. Similarly men also have not shed their ego o to be living on their spouse's earning. I think these will also change now that even same gender marriages are accepted more and more.

  • #618097
    Nowadays, the situation is changing and I have seen many examples where man is not having a regular job and earns only when he wants to.
    One of my brother in law is an interior designer and he takes very few projects or assignments in a year and he stays at home rest of the time whereas his wife/ my sister has a regular job.
    So, now the thinking has changed a lot and became balanced. All the responsibilities including the house holding ones are shared among both the partners and they can choose as per their choice. The only thing of concern is the family must not face any problem including financial, physical or emotional.
    If that goes fine, then does it matters whether a wife is at home or husband?


    Living & Learning- simultaneous processes!

  • #618107
    At least two of the families in the friends circle have this situation now without any choice. After being handed over the pink slips at the corporate offices, two of our friends have ventured into self/free lancing work in the IT sector. Both their spouses work full time regularly and they are managing well.

  • #618263
    I do not know whether it is because I have just passed the legal age of marriage or seeing my female classmates getting married, thoughts about marriage and responsibilities is getting into my pschye. I know Im not going to get married any time soon, but its really interesting topic. If Im going marry someone, she should be able to support me and the most important thing is she should be able to support our family without me (death, divorce or becauseof any other reason) .Before calling me a paccimist, think for yourself. You have seen or know someone who is a widow working hard to support their family. In our society she only started working after her husband's death. She is less educated, she did not have any skill only job she going to is some menial job. What if we gave equal education to our daughters, give amble time for her to get a job. Its time for our society to think about our daughter's education and their skill development. Women are good at managing their family, why not a company?.

    Our society is rapidly changing more and more issues of gender inequality is being talked and debated in public stage. The reason for this is not because women face more gender inequality but those areas are being noticed and reactions are coming from the society. Even now the percentage of women in workforce of our country is pathetic. From a social or ecomonic point of view, half the population is not actively taking part in economy. India is missing a manpower of a huge junk of people. If India wants be a super power, it have to include this pile of unutilized or under utilized womenpower.

    We justify this under representation of women in workforce by their physical needs and their responsibility as a child bearer. And offcource they have to cook, clean, wash, feed etc. They got plenty of things to do. Why that so?. Men from long long ago are relieved from these menial jobs in their homes. Im not saying no men is doing all these daily chores of their households. A wast majority is not helping thier spouses in these works. They act as the masters and their jeene does all the work without complaining. Our sons are not taught to cook, wash cloth or anything. We make them depend no their spouses when they get married. And this cycle continues. Let our generation break this cycle and help them get to the center stage of our society.

    Sorry if I shifted away from the topic. Now we recognize the idea of men staying home is a anomaly. But it may not be seen as a anomaly in the future. The rate of this practice is raising but no where near that of the western world. The reason for this slowness is because the social condition of women in India and the western countries is different. The women of latter enjoy far more ecomonic and social freedom. I have mentioned the state of women in India in above paragraphs. We associate certain duties to a gender. Men are the bread earners, they control the financials of the family. On the other hand women are the one who take care of the children, and other chores of the household. As the society go forward we need to change this notion of gender duties. In future the gender duties will not reverse but men and women will have to share these duties and responsibilities.

    #Good to be Good

  • #619770
    In India there is a saying, 'Udyogam Purusha Lakshnam', in other words, it means, it is the male who has to earn and look after the family.
    In the above case it is written that 'the guy says he doesn't want to work', as such it is a definite case, of not willing to work deliberately. The reasons why he is feeling revulsion towards work in not given. He may be lethargic or he may be 'an introvert' (a person who tends to shrink from social contacts and to become preoccupied with their own thoughts) or he may not be getting a job suitable to his taste etc.
    First we must go to crux of the problem and try to sort out the reason behind the problem and later only; we must try to find a remedy for the problem (if at all there is a problem).
    If the gentleman is given proper counseling by a psychologist, and still that he stands adamant without responding to any of them, ultimately we have to take a philosophical attitude and feel consoled by thinking "what cannot be cured must be endured".
    The statement-"Where science ends, philosophy starts" is considered as the fundamental foundation of all religions by a section of people.

  • #620904
    What i feel is that both men and women needs break. In olden days there was a concept that girls are suppose to work at home and their men's has to go out for work. But now years have passed and even the thinking mentality of our society has been changed so both havd equal rights .

    I am trying to say thst both should go for work and should take rest . Girl nor boy has to stay home without going for work . I guess old concepts have changed to an extend.

  • #622119
    Debatable topic !! Yeah a man staying at home is looked down by the society. But what's the harm if he chooses to don a wife's role with expertise (of course with a guiding wife) and bring a welcome change. The wife if earning well enough to run a a family then no issues and society should also not have.
    If not then tradition stays and rules the role of husband gets no respite from earning.

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