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(This thread is the Special Prize Winner of the TOW contest for the week 21st Jan'18-27th Jan'18)
  • Category: Miscellaneous

    How should a girl respond to stalking?

    Stalking need to be considered as the beginning of a crime and it is indeed a crime in itself. How do you think a girl (or a boy even) should handle the miscreants. Let us discuss the issue in totality taking into consideration all aspects related to and emanating from this threat which can take dangerous turns if not handled properly.

    Almost every girl will be a subject to stalking atleast once in their life. Some girls will ignore and some girls will respond to it. There are also few people who gets scared and run away. Today I saw two guys stalking a college girl on their bike and the girl started walking fast with fear. Her fear encouraged the boys to stalk her more and have fun. I feel that had the girl been bold and had reacted, they would have left the place.

    How do you think a girl should handle the situation? Should she just ignore and move on or should she call people around and create a scene or should she take the matter in her hand and slap them?
    I feel a girl should herself be bold and handle the situation as every time she can't expect others to help her.
  • #623968
    What I advise the girls that they should not fear and have confidence in them and others who are bound to help her in case of danger or stalking. If any one tease her or making progress on her, she should not run and fight with the person. If that situation is happening in city or town, surely even the on lookers would help the girl. In Hyderabad there is a She Team app on every girls mobile and that will be very easy to operate in case of danger and emergency, the She Team police would immediately arrive and take the guys under control. Such arrangements should be made in all the cities.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #623971
    I appreciate the author to bring such an important and a burning social issue in this forum.

    It is the animal instinct in boys (men) that makes them to stalk or follow the girls (women). The girls have to protect themselves, of course boldly and if required expose these people to society or the authorities.

    It requires courage and boldness to fight with this evil which is so widely spread in our society. It is really unfortunate for this civilized world that in spite of so many advancements and progress we are still very barbaric on this account. Who is to be blamed?

    To some extent parents can watch their children and discourage these things in them and of course the authorities can always be tough with such people. Still things are not much improving and the girls in lonely and secluded places face this ordeal regularly.

    The irony is even the highly sophisticated and well mannered people change their behaviour towards the girls or women in isolated places. Why one has gone morally to such low levels is a question one has to ask himself as no other person can give an answer to it.

    The pertinent issue raised by the author is yet to be solved and all of us and society in general has to take it very seriously and sincerely if we really want an amicable solution to this wretched evil.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #624016
    Stalking is a crime in itself. I agree that one should be bold and speak up loudly or slap the other person who is stalking her. But every girl is not the same, but they need to learn to do so.
    Stalking is a problem that leads to harassments. What I would suggest here is to shout out loud, gather the crowd, beat the person yourself and take the help of the crowd too.
    Stalking is very common especially near girls hostels or PGs. And the way this stalking is happening is drastic. Girls do not get any other option than to ignore people who do it because they do it out of their safety and at that particular moment, the fear or panic that they go through, they do not find any other option than to just run away from these things. It is easy to say bold things but hard to apply in case of every girl.
    But obviously, we need to gather our strength to fight at that point in time.

    Do what inspires you !!

  • #624027
    If you're attractive , having a stalker becomes a huge issue.
    Here's how you identify a stalker and classify if he's harmful or not:
    1. Look how he's looking at you. If he's staring at you glaringly, try to strike a conversation with him. This will lessen his confidence.
    If he's looking sheepish and try to avoid your gaze he's harmless.
    2. Is he hiding while stalking you ? This might be a serious thing. If he isn't just walk towards him and ask what his problem is. But if he's hiding, it means he cannot confront you in person but can take precautions that he wouldn't be noticed by you.
    If he's holding a phone or a camera in hand while walking near ready to call for backup.
    3. Stalkers mostly are harmless. But when you call and shame them through police, they might seek revenge. So don't unnecessarily provoke them.

    A stalker is an admirer who isn't courageous enough to tell you. But some vile people disguise themselves as stalkers and do unspeakable things to people.

    The stronger a light shines the darker are the shadows around it.

  • #624046
    An excellent thread from Ms. Sushma after a long absence. Stalking has become a major issue, which must not be ignored. If ignored, it will increase and may cause bigger problems in future. So, it must be dealt with suitably.

    Now, what is 'suitable'? There is no standard answer. Every lady must deal with this problem according to the circumstances. They may move in groups and protest against the stalkers. In a lonely place, to avoid stalkers, a lady may take refuge in a nearby house, even if it belongs to unknown person. She may call the emergency number of Police and report the incident. If she is physically strong, she may confront the stalker. She may use pepper spray. She must deal with the situation in a manner to discourage the stalker(s). She must not ignore the incident.

    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #624052
    It is a very common incident these days. If the girl is showing her fear the boys are trying to enhance their activity. If I am correct, sometime back there was a discussion on a similar subject here. The girl should take care of herself in the first place. She should take out her cellphone try to call anybody. This itself will create a doubt in the mind of the boy and if may not progress. If still, he is progressing she can try to stop there and see whether that boy goes from there. Still, if the boy is not going she can think of using pepper spray from her handbag. As expresses in the previous response, girls can move in groups as much as possible. Keep her brother or father number in quick dialling mode on her cell phone. If the girl is having some special self-protection skills they will definitely help her a lot in such kind of situations. In emergency cases, the girl can use the help of police nearby.
    always confident

  • #624087
    When a dog bark and if we are scared, and try to run away, the dog(s) will have an upper hand and will chase us boldly, and even bite us. Same is the case here. If someone stalks, be bold and give a warning and face the situation courageously. The girl should shout on top of her voice to draw the attention of the others.
    No life without Sun

  • #624101
    Stalking is an unavoidable social evil these days for girls and women. Men have also been victims in western countries.Obviously, the common point is the obsession to stare or follow an attractive person.

    It is easy for us to say that stand up to it but it is really difficult for a girl or a young woman to boldly shout back. The stalkers do not give up easily and once these people are confronted, they get angry and escalate to physical contact or violence subsequently, so confronting is not as simple as it sounds.

    Do the opposite of what stalkers like and whom they target. Be bold and appear confident instead of being timid and shy. It's better to move in groups as far as possibles, change the routine every few days, change the mode of transport, don't dress up so that people notice you repeatedly (may sound silly, it is often the physical form that attracts such unworthy people's attention). Take images of suspected people and then approach the police. Get the support of the place where you work, place where you live and study because such crimes are being taken seriously and the moment you have people behind you, then it discourages the stalkers.

    There are many apps wherein family members can track you, there are apps that give out a loud alarm sound in an instant when pressed, there are apps that send out signals to friends when in trouble, western countries have pepper spray (mace) that can be sprayed into the eyes when people try to make unwanted physical contact.

  • #624120
    The present day women and girls are really bold and beautiful and courageous like men. You have advised the girls to take avoiding action by moving in groups, and not to dress up with good make up etc. Instead, I would advise all the females to learn martial arts to face the stalkers. Classes for martial arts should be included in the school syllabus like the music and dance classes.

    No life without Sun

  • #624122
    Mr.SuN: my reply is based on the being a cousin to victims of eve teasing to two such instances living in newly formed layout/localities wherein one had to walk for 10-15 minutes to reach the nearest bus stop. If anyone is living is such new layouts, they would understand what I mean, it would be lovely to walk around midday and scary around 7-8pm in the evenings after tuitions.

    We had become bold and taken on the offenders. But for a month life was miserable as one of us had to drop and pick up/ accompany the sister at least 4-6 trips a day. Because every other day, new youths would stand near the coffee shop and specifically target her. The young men who indulged in such shameful behaviour have nothing much to do, have loud noisy bikes and have nothing much to lose. It is impossible for one family member to be a security guard every day for the poor girls.

    I perfectly understand and agree with self-defence that is easily available in most cities and towns.

    However, much we ignore or some may even not like the fact of my view about dressing up or misunderstand me as narrow-minded, the best security a lady/girl from a middle and lower-class family can get is 'Anonymity' if a girl or a lady doesn't catch the attention of these characters, the issue of safety concerns do not arise. This may not be relevant to people who can afford a cab or a chauffeured car to be picked and dropped off daily.

  • #624127
    Stalking is a crime which is increasing day by day.As you told how girl reacted what I feel is that from school days girls should learn how to react to such situation. The sample should be presented in front of them and girls should be asked to react, from this girls who fear can be taught how to react with confidence.
    The family should support girls and when such cases occur they should fight with courage.
    Until girls fear in such situations stalking will increase. So teach your daughters, sisters, to fight with confidence.

  • #624129
    Stalking, a crime faced by most girls at a very young age which leaves long-lasting impressions on a girl's mind which is very difficult to erase for eg- returning from schools, tutors, and playground e.t.c. When a girl is subjected to such a miscreant for the first time it's a fear which stops her from reacting in some manner.
    So we should teach our girls to face such people so that they could react in a manner so that these people don't have the courage to stalk any other girl ever.
    Its a stigma of our society which needs to be erased completely and people involving in it too.

    "It is hardest thing in the world to be good thinker without being a good self examiner"

  • #624187
    In Indian context, stalking cases are related to victimisation of females. Recently, we have heard of stalking cases in Chandigarh and Delhi. Stalking of female workers at work places is also increasing. In general, stalking cases are on rise. There has been 18000 such cases in last three years according to a data given in the Loksabha.

    Being a father of two young daughters, I am very much concerned with the issue. My experience and understanding of the issue suggest that this problem is to be dealt with on three levels. 1. Family Level: We have to make our daughters aware of this issue and assure them that the parents are with them in any such event. This will boost the morale of your daughters. Ask them to be cautious while walking on the road, boarding trains and buses. Avoid continuous use of mobile. Avoid going to no man areas. The parent must note any change in behavior( if any) and try to counsel friendly.Mother and father should know the friends of their daughter/daughters. 2. Friends Level: The close friends must not hide the incidence and inform it to the parents of the victim. 3. Society Level: As a member of society one should not ignore the complaint of any victim. We should try to help the victim to reach safe place or police station as per the situation.

    I am strongly of the opinion that in any case it should be opposed with all courage and must try to nip it in the bud.

  • #625015
    The one who is the victim of a "Stalker" should take stalking calmly and observed carefully.....note all his stuffs, remember the plate number of his vehicle....Chase him back and spook him back by giving the warning by calling the police and he should be taught a lesson so that he won't stalk her back....It's a sin and should not happen

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