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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Post retirement, would you accept financial help from married daughters?

    Yesterday, I was a passive listener along with a group of elderly men who were discussing about one member of the group, it was almost like a heated discussion.

    After a couple of minutes, I realized that it was about money being sent regularly by a daughter to the retired father's account. Some of his friends were arguing about embarrassment, loss of face in front of the son-in-law, should never take for daughters, ask your son rather than take it from daughter, didn't your wife scold you? etc.

    I was surprised about the small group of retired men who still had the concept that elderly parents should not depend on their daughters to lend a helping hand (financially). Whether it is son or daughter, what difference does it make?, it is out of love that they send some money not out of compulsion.
  • #623996
    Your contention is the right one. There is nothing to discuss at all. Whether it is son or daughter, what difference does it make. Helping one's father is actually the duty of children, especially when the father is in need.
    Of course there are certain societies which differentiate between son and daughter. The dowry system also plays a role in this attitude. Even among well educated societies this differentiation between girl and boy exist in certain places.
    Hence the discussions you heard must be between this two groups present there.


  • #624002
    If , as parents we had done our role to the best possible extent sincerely and affectionately to help and nourish our children, we need not feel shy or hesitant to get help from them when we really need that.
    We need not differentiate between son and daughter in this.
    The traditional dependence on son arises from the fact that in the early times the daughter is married off to her husband's family, and she stays with them, whereas the daughter-in-law comes and stays with this family.(Boys had to take care of their parents and each girls have to take care parents-in-law , supporting the husbands . It was because only males were earning independently then. Now that women also earn independently, they can also help their parents.

  • #624005
    There was a time when such things prevailed in the society very rigidly and parents even did not accept the eatables from the married daughter's house.

    Now society is very mlouch advanced and these things have become a matter of past and practically there is no difference between the son and daughter and parents are accepting the financial help from the married daughter if so warranted.

    Still, there may be some old people who have the old notion still in their minds and they will be condemning such help.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #624007
    In olden days in the society the parents in law of a female is not allowing their daughters in law to be free with their parents. Those days these ladies don't have financial freedom. Now the things are changed. There is no difference between daughters and sons. All are getting equally educated. All are equally earning. Dowry system was gone. Now the parents are also treating the sons and daughters equally. So there is nothing wrong if the old parents are receiving money from daughters also. These days the people are of the opinion that the parents are receiving more affection and love more from daughters than sons,
    So there in no problem if the daughter is sending money to the parents Her husband can take of his parents also. These days no one need to differentiate between son and daughter. Their property can also be given equally. The children can also share the responsibilities equally.

    always confident

  • #624011
    Right, for children parents are the same always, either it is before marriage or after marriage.
    Being a daughter I will always be ready to help my parents anytime in need, even after my marriage. Well, I know that our fathers consider it not right to lend money from a daughter once they are married, thinking about what their husband and family will think. But it just does not matter, as long as love and support are there.
    It always happens out of love and never out of any compulsion.
    We can never forget the pain our parents took for us during our education and nourishment, the love and support they provide. When it is our turn to help them back and do something for them, we should happily do it, out of love or out of responsibility.

    Do what inspires you !!

  • #624025
    For elders self respect is esteem importance. And they wont compromise in that come what may be. If the retired person was eligible to get his pension, then it would be the contended life. But the trouble comes to those who were retired as private employee and they wont get anything extra benefit after retirement. In that case they are depended on the son to part with some money for expenses. That is the reason being so some elders have again resumed work as part time in some company to meet out their personal expenses. But again not all are successful. It all depends on the elders to accept the daughter or son money as their expense or live on their own toiling till the death. But what I suggest that while in service part of income must be saved for exigencies in future and that should be used for post retirement expenses to live happily without depending on others.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #624041
    Definitely there is nothing wrong is getting financial help from daughters even if they are married. Every daughter will have a responsibility of her parents and it is her duty to take care of them. There are many people who have no sons and have only daughter. So what should they do when they are in need? Even if there is a son, when ever possible, a daughter should also lend a helping hand.

  • #624091
    There is nothing wrong if the retired parents are helped by their daughters. Financially weak parents might expect help from their daughters. But financially sound parents may not require any help from their daughters. However, the parents should never deny the offer from their daughters but accept it wholeheartedly. They can return it as a gift to the same daughter whenever they get an opportunity. Supposing a girl sends Rs. 5000/- per month regularly to her parents. The parents can accumulate it for a year, and at the end of the year, they can present a golden chain costing Rs. 60,000/-. The daughter would be pleased and would feel proud.
    No life without Sun

  • #624100
    Good thoughtful and practical replies, a daughter is like a son, both are our children, so we can accept it.
    Women now are earning, hence can contribute to parents need.If parents don't need it, instead of refusing can give it as a gift to daughter or the grandchildren.

  • #624116
    One of my friend daughter is in big post and while agreeing for the marriage proposal itself she told her in laws and husband that part of her salary would be given to her parents and there should not be objection from them. That was quietly agreed and she continues to help her parents. This way the parents who were worrying not having a male child in their family to look after them at the fag end of life got the solace and continued help from their daughter and she not only helps them with money but also sends the necessities to them during festivities and other important occasions and the parents daily needs are attended by the servants.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

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