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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Career or marriage- what should be the priority for educated girls?

    What should be the priority for educated girls- career or marriage? If they are to be married soon after completing their education, why should they be given so much of education? Shouldn't they be allowed to make a career for themselves? Will marriage be a hindrance to their career? So many related questions come up in our mind. Let us discuss the topic with all its ifs and buts in this thread.

    Hi all, it has been a long time, but then life is unpredictable.

    I have been working with a firm for the last 6 months after my post graduation and every month I keep on hearing news of my classmates getting married (especially girls). All of them are in their early 20's young, energetic and capable of giving something back to the economy, society or country. But their parents or in many cases they themselves are eager to be married off or get married.

    I simply fail to see the point in this. If you want your daughter to be married off at such a young age, then what was the point in educating her so much? Now many people will argue that young women can work after marriage, and that is true in a small percentage of cases. Most of the cases what generally happens is that the husband will be working in some other state or country, the newlyweds celebrate their honeymoon and the husband goes back to work while the wife stays behind.

    And in the cases where the women accompany the husband to find work, they will never be able to dedicate enough time and effort to the work that they are doing for them to build a career out of it. The simple reason is that she will always have the domestic chores to take care of and after giving birth to a child, everything becomes much more complicated.

    I strongly feel that everyone should have a fair chance in their life to build a career. Marriage is necessary but I feel that parents and young women should be matured enough to know what should be prioritized first.
  • #630557
    When a student graduates from a school, college and university they tend to go and find work and after securing a proper job, they tend to marry. This is the main thing which I have seen in most of the people. The pressure from parents is too high in India and they force them to marry a person whom he/she does not like. The main thing which parents do is to get her daughter married and they think that their daughter is happily married. The real character tends to know only when they visit their home. Then we can find that most of them are leading a life which they don't like and they tend to adjust in their life for various reasons.
    "Earning knowledge is by sharing it with ISC and we will rectify our mistakes."

  • #630563
    The circumstances vary from family to family, from person to person. Even then a girl should marry after she completes her education and stands on her own feet before getting married. 18 years is the minimum legal age for women in India, but I feel that the Government must increase it further and implement it everywhere in the country with all strictness.
    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #630565
    For the parents who have the girl child, they are duty bound to arrange for a early marriage to the child as soon as she finished the education and also got a decent job to lead her life. Actually when the girl attains the maturity the people behind the parents to commit for the marriage of the girl. Such is the demand for the girl in the market. But it all depends on the girl. If she decides and want to help the parents financially for some years with her good earnings it is up to her. But getting married and then supporting financially to the parents is the best options left to the girl. Because the parent feel that they have done their responsibility and wants to have happy life with their grand children in near future. One thing is sure it all depends on the understanding and adjustment of her in laws in future. But girls getting married early is important for all.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #630582
    "If they are to be married soon after completing their education, why should they be given so much of education?"
    There are more than 16 purpose of education. Merely earning money for livelihood is not the main moto of education. Marriage come under freedom of personal privacy. It the prerogative of the girl and her family matter. Why we are worried about that? we are not imposing our thinking on others.
    Marriage with in 20-25 years of age is good in my opinion. It has many advantages and late marriages have many disadvantages. If some girl choose to marry after 30-35, so many risk and disadvantages are associated with it.
    Late marriage leads to breast cancer, difficulty in having children, cervical cancer, uterus problem, difficulty in finding suitable match because people do not prefer old girls. Average age for Menopause is 44 years in India. It may occur even at 38. Think how many years of sexual life will have girls who go for late marriage. What for people earn money? for happiness, enjoyment. So let the girls and their parents decide what they want. Do not impose your thoughts on others.

    The greatest wealth in this world is mental peace and good health.

  • #630583
    A very good post by the author. In my opinion, the marriage should be the priority of the educated girl. I know that many of the members will not agree with my point. After all, the family is the need of every person. We, man, make the career for the benefits of our family. If a man can provide all the facilities and take care of his family, I do not think that a woman needs to go to earn. The status of woman is very high in our culture or in our society. It is the woman who makes a good family. The mother teaches good manner to their children. A woman works in the family from 4 A.M. to 10 PM and due to the woman, there is a prosperity in the family. Education of woman never goes waste. You can observe an educated woman can handle all the problems of the family very easily. Education is not only about making a career.
    Honesty is the best policy.

  • #630591
    These days we all say equality for all genders which is really good and must follow concept. So in this thread, we have to discuss the necessity of marriage to both males and females. In my opinion for both the genders marriage as well as a job are required. Once they complete their education they should look for a profession and get settled in their lives. Then only they should think of their marriage. After marriage who will continue in the job and who will look after the domestic front or both of them will share both the responsibilities will be a matter to be decided by both of them and then go forward. Then they can lead a happy life.
    Generally, in our tradition ladies after marriage will prefer to take care of the home front but I have seen some families where the lady will be working and the gent will be taking care of the house.

    always confident

  • #630615
    Traditionally in Indian society, the parents want to marry the girls as soon as they complete their education whether it is post graduation or engineering or medical degree.

    With girls joining jobs and insisting for their freedom this trend is slowed down and they are getting married after 3-4 years in the job.

    Even after the modernization in the society parents feel it as their responsibility to marry their daughters in time so that the married couple can plan their jobs, children etc in time and are not unnecessarily delayed in these things in their life.

    In this context, the responsibility of a woman is more than the male member as she is the carrier of the reproductive cycle and remain in the house to look after the baby at least in the starting period of childbirth.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #630616
    In the developed countries like USA, barring few exceptions, all women work. They get married also and rear children also. Same is the case in metro cities like Mumbai and Delhi in India also where percentage of working women is much higher compared to comparatively smaller cities.

    Working women find themselves financially independent and under no pressure of playing subservient to their husband and inlaws. In USA and other developed countries, women put their newborn babies in day care facilities for continuing working at their workplace.

    As pointed out by fellow authors in their responses above, it depends up to a large extent on the family background also. In many conservative families, working of women is frowned upon in the society. In case the girls don't work hard in studies since very begining , it becomes difficult for them to find a respectable job when they grow up and in such cases there remains no option for them but to settle for an early marriage for continuing as a housewife for lifetime.

    Let us encourage each other in sharing knowledge.

  • #630617
    Hi all,
    Thank you all for those wonderful responses. Here is my take on those responses.

    Mr. N K Sharma in post-#630582 referred to as "imposing the thinking on others". Now, with all due respect, this is not a line of thought at all. This is a reality that happens all across the world. In developed countries as pointed out by Mr. Kailash Kumar, the men and women work side by side. Even after childbirth, this happens. That is the only way a country can go forward. That is the only way in which a country can truly develop. We have got the highest number of youngsters in the world and that resource is going unutilized because of such early marriages.

    "Marriage comes under freedom of personal privacy" I totally agree with this statement. Although I am not aware of the 16 uses of education, for a developing nation like India, where everyone is looking to build their livelihood, education (at least 85percent of people) perceive it as a gateway to finding jobs and ultimately earn money. Although I respect your view that educations main motto is not earning money, I feel that is the first preference of any parent or child who is educating or getting educated.
    The statistics that you have provided regarding marriageable age are also excellent. But then again I was referring to more of late 20's as marriageable rather than early 20's. So I fail to see why you have mentioned early 30's and the average age of menopause.

    Mr. Hakinuddin #630583 good response, although "If a man can provide for the family a woman doesn't need to earn." Now you see, a woman who is independent in choosing when she needs to get married will be having her own perception as to what should happen after marriage. Decisions such as should she continue work or just take care of household chores should be taken together by the husband and wife. The reason is that marriage changes everything. Thus saying that statement blindly is not right. Even men can take care of children, even men can teach their children good manners.


    Lets all try to create a better tomorrow for India.

  • #630667
    I congratulate the author for bringing such a wonderful topic for discussion. I have seen a number of girls who are very capable but are forced to get married. Girls are forced to get married and same parents support their boy child to settle down first and then to thinking about getting married. But all parents are not same. Few support their girl child in fulfilling dreams first. It depends on the family to family.
    More than half of women population of the country who are forced for getting married broked their dreams for the sake of happiness of family. On the other hand, their are families who give more importance to dreams and choices of childrens.

  • #630675
    A very valid post has been posted by the author. Yes, job after education should always be the first priority for girls and has always been. Times have improved a lot, and girls are getting married after being properly settled in their jobs. The most important thing is they are capable and able enough to take their own life decisions. However, this is the thought of the parents that are coming out from the ages, that marriage should be done on time and so they keep pressurizing their child since the beginning, the moment they step into the job after graduation.
    But yes, there are still some parents who do not give time to their girls to build their career and they marry at a very early age. All this will also improve in the coming time, as awareness about education and be independent is increasing among the Indian parents.
    I can say, our country is progressing at this point.

    Do what inspires you !!

  • #630694
    I am not against working women but I would like to answer against the point mentioned by author " If you want your daughter to be married off at such a young age, then what was the point in educating her so much?".
    Parents do educate their daughters, but it is not always for earning. It is to give them the power to fight against unfavorable circumstances. Parents want their daughters to become confident and educated enough to face every situation, it can be emotional, financial, or any other.
    Marriage at right age is always good (biologically) and it should not hinder the career of anyone- a boy or a girl but it should be a personal choice to work or not.
    I am educated but I am not working does not mean that my education has got wasted. It means that I have the caliber to support my self and my family whenever the situations will demand that.
    Imagine a girl who has completed only 12th and then got married. She didn't pursue her higher studies because she was not willing to earn. What will happen if her husband loses his job for one or another reason or if she will get divorced for any reason or any other such situation when she has to take a lead of her life. Will she be able to save her life?
    I have seen such examples in my life, one of my aunts is a gold medalist in mathematics but she never thought of a job after marriage. Her husband was an engineer in some manufacturing firm. He died in a road accident and her in-laws did not accept her after that. She is now having a government teaching job and has secured her life.


    Living & Learning- simultaneous processes!

  • #630703
    Sidharth V Menon at #630617 I agree with you that a man can teach good manners to his children, it is easy to say but practically it is not possible. There are many men on ISC, how many of us have time to teach our children good manners? To teach good manners does mean to teach one or two things, it means regularly watching the behaviour of children and teach him all the good manner with patience which is not possible for a man. Have you seen in Kindergarten, Montessori or primary section all most women works? Why there is no vacancy for men? Because for children's take care women is better than men. As far as career is concern she can make her career by the different method. There are many scopes of freelancer and she can use her free space for making her career through the means of internet.
    Honesty is the best policy.

  • #630751
    Hi all, good to see many more responses!

    Padmini in response # 630694 said: "Parents do educate their daughters, but it is not always for earning. It is to give them the power to fight against unfavorable circumstances. Parents want their daughters to become confident and educated enough to face every situation; it can be emotional, financial, or any other."

    Agreed to the point that woman will be able to get a stand for themselves in unfavorable circumstances, but then again think like this, a woman who has grown up under the care of her parents, uncles and aunts without going outside and having only textbook knowledge of how everything works, will she ever be able to act confidently in an unfavorable situation? Will she have the courage then? You confidently said that you have the financial stability and the capability of taking care of yourself. Thus gaining an education is never enough. The only reason you are able to so confidently say that I am capable is that you have that work experience with you. But girls and women without this will never be able to act suddenly in an unfavorable situation.

    Mr. Hakinuddin in response #630703 said: I agree with you that a man can teach good manners to his children, it is easy to say but practically it is not possible.

    Seriously? What is it that you are trying to imply? A father of a child holds equal responsibility as that of the mother for the upbringing of the child. If a man cannot practically take care of the child as well as the mother does then what is the basis of his existence? Making money and building a livelihood is fine, but taking care of one's own child is more important than anything else. My dad for that matter was there to take care of me all the time. Both my parents played a vital role in my life and my upbringing.


    Lets all try to create a better tomorrow for India.

  • #630761
    Sidharth V Meno at # 630751, what do you mean by taking care? There are many aspects of that take care. Father also take care their children nut by the different way that of the mother. Earning money and to privde, all the basic necessity of life for children are the main aim of the father. It is father's duty to provide. Also, the father provides social security to children. The duties of father and mother differ and cannot be equal. In our family, the division of labour is found and every member has to play his role accordingly. There are many other duties which are fulfilled by father. I remember a quote in Hindi which stated that a child calls his mother( Oh, ma) in the small problem but in the big problem he always calls his father ( Are Bapre) . To earning the livelihood is not an easy and simple task it is the most important tasks of life and in our religion, it is called as Ibadat.
    Honesty is the best policy.

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