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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Are relations about give and take?

    In our society relations be it with relatives or friends in many cases are always governed by the principle of give and take. When people visit their relative's house they give money or gifts to their children. Now when those relatives, in turn, visit your house they will also be obliged to give gifts or money in return. If they don't give then in society it is said that he was so shameless that he didn't give anything. On the other hand, if one side does not give anything then the other side also reciprocates the same. "They gave us this thing of this much value so we should also match and give back. They didn't give anything to us so why should we give?" I feel this is the thinking which is prevailing sometimes in the society.

    In birthday parties if some relative or friend gives a costly gift to your child you become morally bound to give an equally costly gift when the birthday party of your relative's or friend's child comes. If you receive no gift than you also reciprocate the same.

    Sometimes I wonder this give and take in a relation done merely for a show or are there any true feelings of love and attachment associated with it? I am of the opinion that this give and take is perfectly ok if there are done with real feelings but if the feelings are missing then it holds no value. Also, this give and take should be based on factors like financial condition, relationship closeness etc and not merely matching each other gifts blindly making it a necessary custom in the society.

    If there is love and care in the relationship then even a gift of flowers is invaluable but if the relationship is just a false showcase then exchanging even costliest of the gifts hold no value.
  • #632290
    Unfortunately we are living in this world with a habit to oblige some one and get the things done. It may be through cash , kind or even giving time. In return we do get same kind of reciprocal behavior. It is the customary for the relatives and friends visiting others to go with some gifts, or flowers, fruits and sweets if the children are there in the house. Like wise they also bring such things. Normally when some elder is ailing, it is duty bound to take some fruits and other wanted items for the elders, and that would please them. So give and take is the order of the life and we cannot stop it nor force any body to get away with it. One thing is sure those who are well affordable can gift such things to the needy which may turn their life for ever and they may get the fullest satisfaction of the life. We must get to know the want and aspirations of such individual and plan to gift the same to their utter surprise.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #632301
    Yes, I agree with the author that relations about give and take. It has become our nature to take and to give. I remember whenever a guest visited our house we always expected some money at time of leaving the house. When he visited we always wanted some types of gift. We always purchase some toys or chocolates for our kids when we tour any place and our children also eagerly waiting us in expectation of gifts and chocolates.
    Honesty is the best policy.

  • #632305
    I feel relations should be for helping the needy when the requirement comes. When a relative of ours is suffering, if we are really interested in him we should try to help him without expecting in return.if we behave in this manner when we are in need if not that person but through some other means we will get the we can't think relations are always to reciprocate. Someone may not be able to help you because of their own reasons when you require a help. Keeping this in mind when he is in need if we keep away from helping him,it can't be considered as relation. It is like a business.
    Coming to the functions and gifts, these practices were started by us only. When there is a function in our house, we invite people and basing on their level and capability they may give us gifts. But when they call us we need not think about their level. We can give based on our affordability.

    always confident

  • #632316
    I agree with the fact that we live in a society where the tradition of giving and taking is followed by friends, relatives and neighbours too.
    I feel that only on occasions and festivals people should exchange gifts.
    It is not only friends and relatives we exchange gifts but with those from whom we expect some favours.
    This tradition will continue and nothing can be done to stop it.It is a personal choice of an individual.
    This reminds of a very popular tradition where a girl's in-laws expect gifts each time the girl's parents visit them.Here it is only giving, and no taking.Sometimes prestige issue is involved too and in the tradition of this type of exchange.

  • #632350
    Yes, I agree with the author that we will live in a country where people are more greedy for money. They don't give much value to their relationships and ends in the false note. People who are married need to give some care and affection towards their partner and the family. If we give fewer value gifts, our partner should appreciate it more value. We can see people often give more costly items and they expect to get the equal amount of costly items and it affects their relationship Values. This is the reason we can see the huge number of divorce happenings in our country.
    "Earning knowledge is by sharing it with ISC and we will rectify our mistakes."

  • #632397
    The phenomenon of give and take in more pronounced in the poorer segment of society as they feel comfortable in receiving support of others on the occasions when huge expenditure is involved e.g. during the marriage of their daughters etc. The people having daughters to marry make it a point to attend marriages in all families of their social with expectations to get the gesture reciprocated when their turn comes later in future.

    In case of wealthier persons, it is not so. Most of them give without any expectations of receiving the same back in future.

    Let us encourage each other in sharing knowledge.

  • #632414
    Ask yourself 'How do u feel after receiving a gift?' We feel special ! And more special if the gift is from a special person in our life. As Children we are more happy to receive gifts. When we are in our Childhood, Birth day means a day of getting gifts along with getting special attention on that day. As we grow our thought process change and we make new friends. We often behave differently to different people. Also the way we behave with people depends upon what we think about them. Some people really wait for receiving gifts on some special day. Some people don't care about gifts. For some a flower is enough or they are happy or feel good especially when the gift is from a special one. But yes I have often seen people categorizing people in terms of what they get from them or how important they are or even based upon what they received from the person as a gift. According to me there should be exchange of blessings,true feelings along with the gifts you exchange. The gift should not be based on what you had received from someone but based upon how you feel about the person.

  • #632416
    Nobody made it mandatory to give or take gifts at a function, wedding or a birthday party. This thread reminds me of the wedding invitations that say ' No presents please, only your blessings is enough'. This makes sense to me, why give a gift in the first place, create an obligation that may or may not be fulfilled to your expectations.

    In a society where we compare and contrast almost everything, a gift received becomes an obligation on our part to reciprocate and a gift given, makes us indirectly and sub-consciously expect a return gift. Added to this is the common practice of exchange of gifts.

    To me, the concept of expensive gifts has no relevance, instead of giving a sum of money or giving a useful article to people who cannot afford has more value than a gift given to show off one's status.

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