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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Who is responsible for bad behaviour of child

    I live in a metro city where expenses are so high that both husband and wife have to work to meet the high cost of living. Now as both the parents are working and when they extend their family they are unable to give up their job or call their parents to live with them as they prefer staying in nuclear format of family. Now when the mother decides to join her job back after her maternity leave she takes her child to the daycare in her company or leave them at any other daycare in nearby locality.

    Now the child who grows up staying away from their parents from a young age of few months becomes irritated and emotionally drained. Parents in order to make up for the same start to give everything possible to the child in order to console him/her without even thinking that whether it is right or wrong. Since each and every demand of child is met by parents throughout the young age on some pretext or other just to satisfy their own guilt of keeping the child away from them due to their jobs makes the child stubborn and more demanding.

    As the child grows up he/she starts to become more and more demanding and spoilt who doesn't listen to the parents at all.
    Now who is responsible for the upbringing of child, is it the parents or is it their job preference or is it their preference of nuclear family or is it the ever increasing cost of living causing both parents to work.

    The whole writeup is actually based on a real life incident of my friend who fails to understand why his daughter is so stubborn and ill mannered. For him it is ok if she behaves this way, she will catch up later in life is what he believes.
    Now, since I have also become a father so I am very concerned about what to do to save my child from being spoilt and give her a safe environment for all round growth and good manners.

    Please share your thoughts or parenting experiences.
  • #637068
    Sir, please do not do the mistake of your friend. Please do call your parents or your in-laws on a regular basis, up to the age of five of your child.

    There is absolutely no evidence to prove that when parents are a little strict with the child and advise him or her on the need to be more balanced, and demand whatever they want, and even reprimand them in this regard, such a child becomes ill mannered or will develop a hatred towards parents and so on.

    Cut to those days. Possibly you would have some emotional support in terms of grand parents, when you were young. It is the grand parents who shape the good behavior of very small children, as they tell them stories, and give them a lot of attention and affection.

    If the children grow up under the influence of the ayya or in the day care centre, and get pampered by guilty parents, the children develop a liking for everything that is luxurious like the AC environment at home, and if they do not find it elsewhere, throw up all temper tantrums and behave so irrationally. Already, even children who are greatly influenced by grandparents are hooked to facebook, and handle smart phones with such skill, even when they are five years old.

    Hence, bring in your parents or your in-laws when you get married. Your friend should also do this, immediately.

  • #637075
    Good thread from the author. Parenting is the most gifted experience for the new mothers and those who understand the value of the child would nurture them with care. What I mean to stress here that the first five year of any child is most critical as they are in the learning process and watch the proceedings and behavior of their parents very closely. If the mother is caring, cajoling, loving and above all take care of every need, the child feels save and secure. And for the kids, mother is the heaven and they feel most comfortable in her lap. And if that is denied, the child gets irritated and missed out in the life. Probably that is the reason being so, many children are stubborn , wont listen to the commands and behave strangely. Moreover in day care center , the maid behaves strangely with the child and the child gets terrified. So all this makes the child behave differently.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #637102
    I am in much more dilemma because my in laws cannot come for time being as my sister in law has given birth to a baby boy and they are tendering to them for next 3 month or so. My parents cannot come to me because of old age, my mother has arthritis and my father will not leave his town. Also they are taking care of my niece and nephew as my brother expired 5 years ago.

    I have left my job to take care of my daughter as my wife has continued her job after her maternity leave, but the expenses are taking a toll on the finances and I am in no position to join a new job, as I have no other person to look after my daughter and I am in no mood to leave her in a creche, as I cannot take the risk of what has happened to my friends' daughter.

    God help me.

  • #637104
    Parents should take care of their children properly from their young age. Parents should teach the children what is right and what is wrong. Even though the child insists on something if it is not good for him/her, parents should tell that it is not good and should resist. Initially, the child may become a little upset. But if the parents can take time and explain to the child why they have not fulfilled her desire and ho it is bad for the child, definitely they will understand and they will become more reasonable. So it is never advisable to leave the children in care take homes. It is advisable if the grandparents can come and stay with us. It will be helpful to them also and for the parents also. If it is not possible to get parents to the house, even I advise one of the parents to spend more time by applying for leave or going in different timings to the job. This will tune the child's life in a better way. Even one parent can go loss of pay leave for some time to take care of the child is very desirable.
    always confident

  • #637110
    I am of the opinion that, each one of us has got a unique problem in our life in some way or the other & because of being a human being we got limitations too for our actions in order to come over the problems. But no matter what, the proper finance support is important & is required for a good life.

    Truly the life is not easy & for many of us the resources are limited but still they carry on with their life. Priorities needs to be defined along with increase the ways of earning. For example, I am aware of the fact that what I earn from my present job is not enough & so I could go for some coaching classes. In today's world this is much required & evergreen business.

    I would want to not to disclose your personal problems or go ahead with unknown identity as the world reacts differently to your problems & this remains the fact. One day the time change & this will also lead the present circumstances to change. So keep up the good work & believe in the God because many others have got with more critical life which is beyond one's imagination.

  • #637111
    Adding, that I don't feel that carry on with the experience in Daycare should be unjustified as few among them have got the experienced teachers who do manage the things well. So could be the good decision.

  • #637133
    Sorry to hear that you have given up your job to take care of your daughter. However, whichever city you are in, you can always find at least a BPO job or you can do some trading with limited investment.

    You may be surprised to know that there are thousands who bulk in bulk, inner garments worn by men and women, from a place called Tirupur, near Coimbatore city. Language is not an issue, as there are agents who speak both Hindi and Tamil. You just need to build a little bit of rapport and, once done, can start with just Rs. ten thousand. You do not need to go there again and again. Once you build confidence, your stocks will come to you, and bank dealings can be arranged.

    You can make a living for some time and still search for a job. It will also surprise you to know that if you buy saris in bulk from Surat, you can sell them at the retail level for some profit, and can pull along. There are thousands of people who do this. Doing the direct marketing from Amway is another thing is what you can do.

    If your mathematics is good, you can even attempt to take some tuition for school children or college students and make money. Look around for something you can do, without working full time. Manage the present and once your child grows a bit older, your life will be back to the happier times.

  • #637669
    In today's scenario, it is often difficult to earn enough with one parent working. We all know the mistakes we make but at times we do not have a choice. Taking care of the child, taking time of work, priortising home vs career vs finances is not a easy task. No one plan would fit all, each one has to be individually tailored down.

    The bad behavior of the child is the sum of the negligence and compromises we parents make to run the family, our careers. The foster environment that the child is exposed to and the people it comes in contact, time spent on Tv and mobiles all contribute. We can only modify it to a certain extent.

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