You must Sign In to post a response.
  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Should immediate condolence calls after death be on need basis only?

    Whenever there is a death of someone among our close relatives or friends, just after one or two days we tend to make a condolence call to them to express our support for the grief-stricken family. I feel this has become more of a custom in our society and sometimes feelings do not play a part in such condolence calls. People take it as a formality and do it, thinking that if they don't then it will show them in a bad note in the society. Rightly so, we should show our support to the impacted families during such sad times.

    But there is another way also to look at it. Sometimes due to the death people in the impacted family, members are in a state of shock and shattered by grief and as such for the first few days they do not feel like talking to anyone and wish to be left alone. During such times so many condolence calls from all corners can be a mental torture for the impacted family as they will need to talk about the death repeatedly. Personally, I also feel very odd to call people during such times and ask them what happened, how it happened and say just some lame words of condolence. It may aggravate their sorrow further. But at times during such losses, a family may need the immediate support of their dear ones as they feel alone in the moment of sorrow and feel like talking to someone to share their grief and to get some courage to bear the loss. During such times it is perfectly fine to make condolence calls right away.

    So I feel that immediate condolence calls after death should be there on the need basis only. Offcource after some days we should call them when they have got over the shock a bit.
  • #641282
    It is to give some strength to the deceased family stating that we are there to help them in case of any requirement, we will make these calls. I don't think they are on need basis. But they are needed. Once they receive such calls the members of that family also get some relaxation and diversion from the grief. In fact people who are very near and friendly to the family should go and personally see them. Others who know them may call them on phone and just express our concern for them. This call need not be within a day or two. But after a week are so can be OK.
    always confident

  • #641300
    I do agree that when the family is going through the sad period of demise of some member of the family, the close relatives do feel the shock and express their condolences. If the death of the person is elder or senior or even ailing, the issue may not be that serious. But when death occurs due to accident, sudden death due to cardiac arrest will certainly move us. Only two days back one of my friend who owns a posh general store in Secunderabad died on duty and that moved me very much because , I had the chance to meet him just two hours before his death and when I received the message of his death, I was really shocked and dumb. Certainly I rushed to the store and found that he collapsed in the store itself while talking to the workers and that was really pathetic as some one who is loved and liked by family members, friends and workers.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #641306
    Whatever be the circumstances in which the death of the particular person happened, it is still fine to call on them immediately. More so, if the particular person was very close to the family, irrespective of age. In fact, if we had that kind of a relationship with them, they would normally expect us to be there. A couple of days leave will not bring down the heavens.

    After offering our heartfelt condolences, it is also essential that we take a very active part in getting all the arrangements in place. This is the most vital step that will be needed, particularly when the son or the daughter has just boarded the flight and will take as many as a full day to reach the particular place of demise.

    However, if we do know that the particular family does not attach too much of importance to even the deeply felt condolences, it is better to stay off and call on them after a day or two, or even on the seventh day. In all probability, the process of getting all the rituals done does take ten days. The very close relatives fly out and come back on day ten. In those circumstances, if required, we can chip in and do out best.

    Hence, much would depend on the kind of relationship we have had with them. If they are a particular kind that will appreciate all our feelings and the work that we can do for them, we can get involved. Otherwise, it is wise to stay away for the first two or three days and just call on them. In many families where the sons or daughters are highly educated, they have now had the maturity to understand the inevitability of death, more so, when the person was old and was ailing for a long time, from say, cancer. Even otherwise, they do understand the priorities and the personal work of others too. So, there is not much of a problem.

  • #641308
    The condolence call means -"Don't worry, Please bear the loss. Take care. We are there for you." Such calls consoles the mind of the grieved. This should not be a routine to condole, but a sincere feeling from the heart.
    No life without Sun

  • #641315
    A condolence massage sent by any body in the event of premature death death simply signifies how deeply one was attached with the departed soul and at the same time, there is a reflection of one's eagerness to be united in this gloomy period. Such gesture would help the distressed family to come out of the shock. In the absence of such message, family - members may go in severe trauma.

  • Sign In to post your comments