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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Do you allow your wife to be herself?

    This thread is directed at members who are up to thirty-five years of age. Also assumed that their wives would be 32 years old, at the maximum. Recently, when the mother in law of a very close friend tried to impose some dress code on her daughter-in-law, employed in a middle management position in a leading IT company in Chennai, all hell broke loose. She bluntly refused, saying that it is her birthright to be dressed in whatever way she wants.

    She was just nine months old into marriage. She has an MBA from a very famous ultra-modern college, well known for its high tech fashion, in the Nungambakkam area of Chennai. This is also a very posh locality.

    Somehow or the other, the man was able to prevail on the mother. The girl went on to give a big lecture on how times have changed and the same orthodox methods will work no more.

    The crucial question is: do you allow your wife to be what she is? This simply means accepting her as what she is and not what you want her to be. Luckily, in this case, the husband was a lot more understanding. What might happen if the son also agrees with his mother?
  • #642340
    Although I have crossed 35 and my wife have crossed 32 more than 10 years ago, I am going to submit my response because I find this thread raises a worthy topic for discussion. When the educated bride must be given independence to let her wear what she likes, the independent and educated bride must also analyze and understand the general society where she lives and also the sanctity of any particular occasion. So, she can wear any type of decent dress everywhere, everyday, but in social and religious functions, she must dress appropriately.

    This is my personal opinion.

    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #642344
    Unfortunately in our system when the father and mother in law are living with the daughter in law, there used to be face offs on little matter and when it comes to dress code, the mother in laws strictly wont allow daughter in laws to wear something which is against the tradition and culture. Yes before marriage the girl would have enjoyed the freedom of dressing, but after marriage the phase changes and she has to adopt to the new environment for peaceful living with the family and elders. Otherwise hell break out and that would lead to separations. In this regard I wish the daughter in laws must accede to the request of the mother in law. What I suggest that she may take the dress of her choice in her bag and later change the same either at her friends place or at the office changing room. That would suffice both the needs.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #642347

  • #642350
    Life is always good if you have the adjustment nature. One should know how to adjust to other people. If this adjustment mentality is not there small issues will also become big.
    The dressing is the choice of the individual and nobody should dictate to the individuals about how to dress up. But the individual should also think and should dress up according to the situation. When you are going to a temple going with a traditional dress is good. But when you are going to your workplace you have to dress according to the dress code of the job. If such code is not there one can choose the way they like.
    When the mother in law and daughter in law are living together they should have a good understanding and no one should encroach the freedom of the other. In such a case, they stay together for long. Otherwise, it will be a nightmare for the boy.

    always confident

  • #642353
    Neeraj your suggestion is so good. However, those who cannot pack their mothers in law to a foreign destination, may at least one in India. I mean at a reasonable cost!!

  • #642363
    The world has changed.
    It is better to leave our wives to lead the life the way they wish. Mil and Dil should not interfere in each other's affairs, for peace to prevail in the family. Men can try to advocate, advise or please their wives, but never to command, control or interfere.
    The world has changed.

    No life without Sun

  • #642441
    Having seen many members of above 35 years age posting their comments, I too got courage to post my views even though the author has tried to limit the replies with age factor.
    My personal view is after marriage the husband's self and wife's self merge into a common self-our self. If that is sincerely followed the individual self will not show its head at all. That should be the aim of both partners. After marriage both partners should leave the attitude of taking every occasion as a battle of ego to be won. By that each will try to be able to see things without selfishness or ego and the going will be smooth. It may appear a bit difficult initially, but not at all impossible. Shedding stubbornness both sides a little will make it easy further.

    Here the matter is between two women. In fact the younger one could have properly convinced her MIL, why the dress she prefers is convenient and comfortable or is required at the office. As she is an educated woman with Management education and management job, it would have been easy for her to create a win-win situation.
    Useful points from our education can be practised at home also.

  • #642489
    An excellent thread. I was planning to post something similar like that but anyway it is giving me an opportunity to divert that thinking in form of a response.

    Since time immortal, in human societies, the women were and still are being treated as a person who should abide by the in laws or husband. They can be highly educated or holding big posts but when it comes to family and its pride, they are supposed to follow the same old traditions.

    With time things are changing as more and more people have started to accommodate the new era women who can take their decisions independently and are not bound to serve the family members as and when required.

    This is a good trend and still there are a majority of people especially in the third world who do not allow their wives to go beyond certain boundaries and do not respect them as independent entities.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #642495
    Sita, though a princess, crossed the line drawn by Lakshmana (Lakshman Rekha). She was hijacked or kidnapped, suffered in the palace of Ravana the King of SriLanka, and made Rama and his family to suffer and fight a war.

    One should not forget the trends set by our elders, because of their high education, intelligence, wisdom and knowledge. Family is different from the society. Love, affection and care should rule the family, not the education, intelligence, status or position of an individual, may it be a man or woman.

    No life without Sun

  • #642507
    A family is like a ship. There cannot be two captains. Generally the male member of the family takes over the captainship. Others should take orders from him and assist him. If both husband and wife try to steer the ship, the ship might meet the fate of Titanic.
    No life without Sun

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