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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    How to deal with perennially pessimistic people?

    In the world, there are different types of human beings. In the famous novel by Dickens (David Copperfield), we find Mr. and Mrs. Micawber. They are always optimistic, despite various setbacks in their life. On the other hand, there are some people who are perennially pessimistic. They can't see anything positive in the world. If they see anything good, they feel pained. They always try to find fault with others.

    These people create an unhealthy environment around themselves. Everywhere they discourage others, and they find fault with others' performance. But these people do exist in the society. So, we have to deal with these pessimistic people.

    Members, kindly furnish your opinion. How should we deal with perennially pessimistic people?
  • #645871
    Pessimism is like a serious illness and it is difficult to cure it. Those people who have this trait are a continuous source of unhappiness around them.

    They will neither take challenges nor risks in life and will also like others to follow suit.

    It is difficult to change such people and best thing to do with them is to ignore them.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #645874
    A good observation by the author. It's true that few people around us are like this and at times it's irritating to talk to them. But anyhow we need to talk to these people and deal with them on a regular basis. What I feel is these people have a regret throughout their life and they cannot see positive things. It's always better to keep these people engaged with talks related to their present job/work and never allow them to interfere with your daily affairs.

    If you want to talk to them, greet them with a smile and do listen if they want to say something. When you will find things are going out of your control change the topic of discussion and take them back to some old day stories or incidents. This may work at times.


    "Life is easier when you enjoy what you do"

  • #645875
    If you want to change the topic of discussion, pessimistic people feel proud thinking that the others can't answer their question, so they are changing the topic. These people need to be insulted in public.
    "If you are killed in action, you go to Heaven. If you win, you rule this Earth (as beautiful as Heaven). That is why, O son of Kunti, take a firm resolve and fight!"-- Shrimad Bhagwad Gita

  • #646752
    I haven't understood why one valuable point has been deducted from the thread. If the reason is properly explained, the mistake will not be repeated in the future.
    "If you are killed in action, you go to Heaven. If you win, you rule this Earth (as beautiful as Heaven). That is why, O son of Kunti, take a firm resolve and fight!"-- Shrimad Bhagwad Gita

  • #646754
    One point I noticed with these pessimistic people is they differ with the other's opinions. So if we start the discussion in a negative way, those people will talk negative of what we talk which will automatically become positive. As such we have to understand the views of them and start talking in the same lines they may become positive.
    I know a person who always speaks in a negativ3 way to other's point of view. He feels happy in telling no to the proposal made by others. So his friends started opposite to what they want from him and immediately.

    always confident

  • #646755
    So, if I say that India's performance has been dismal in the current Asiad, will the pessimistic Member say that the performance of the country is brilliant?
    "If you are killed in action, you go to Heaven. If you win, you rule this Earth (as beautiful as Heaven). That is why, O son of Kunti, take a firm resolve and fight!"-- Shrimad Bhagwad Gita

  • #646758
    It is always difficult to deal with pessimistic people. There is negativity in everything they talk and Insulting them in front of public may not solve the problem in totality. What will happen is that particular person may stop talking to you but will continue the utterances in the same way. On one hand you may be saved because of the avoidance that will follow after the insult but it is really difficult to change their mind.

    I know of a person staying in my locality having the same pessimistic approach. He will interfere everywhere and will stop people to build a conversation with her/him. Most people try to avoid him and I do not know whether he is aware of peoples opinion about him but he didn't change his attitude a bit. Once due to his utterances I reacted in a rough way, which I am sure insulted him and after that we do not share that usual talkative relation. In many occasions, in public transports or in crowded places he suffered insults in different ways, but I am unable to see the changes as was expected after a public reaction.


    "Life is easier when you enjoy what you do"

  • #646822
    I had experienced such a situation some years ago. It was the adamant positive attitude of myself and my wife(of course God's kindness too) which saw us through and changed the situation.
    My mother-in-law was hospitalised. We were informed that she is serious and doctor has advised to inform relatives about that.

    When we saw her she was just a vegetable, an extremely bloated body. No part of her was moving,except that there was some feeble breath. Someone has even smeared some 'achaar'(pickle) on her tongue to fulfil her 'last wish' as MIL had reportedly asked the woman to give her some pickle a week ago when she was not hospitalised.

    I met the doctor. Though he conceded the situation was grave, he was ready to experiment and trial if someone stood with him . Myself and my wife told him that we are solidly with him and we wanted to save her at any cost and he has all the freedom to experiment and try new medicines.
    But most of the other relatives and friends dissuaded us. They said it was just waste of time and money. Some even 'predicted' that she won't survive after a particular day as that day was having a certain star and evil to her. We sent out every one from there and took control of the context.

    Gradually, MIL started showing signs of responding to the new medicines. Can after can was filled with urine. Slowly her bloated body started shrinking and she started to show movements in limbs, face etc. Within a few days she was declared out of danger,though many issues remained. We stayed for a few more days and left only after she was made to stand and walk on her own with some support.
    She lived for another year after that.

    So there are chronic pessimists around us and it needs extra will and courage to break from that influence.

  • #646840
    One of the best ways of dealing with these people is to see that they are isolated and create situations in which they find themselves in a very hopeless minority. So, if a person is the boss, he or she can create an environment where the pessimistic people become a total minority or the single pessimistic person is left to lick his thumbs, as it were.

    Well, if there are other situations where dealing with such people is inevitable, there is ever possibility that you can create some optimism in such people, by ensuring that he or she is involved in something concerning their lives. Years ago, when we had a guy with this kind of attitude in office, we took a conscious decision to make him take on small responsibilities like reminding a group of ladies (the wives of employees) who needed to assemble at a particular point for the bus to come such a place, get the water and food organized and ensure that all sit down comfortably in the bus, which was set to take off to a sort of hill station for a picnic.

    To our surprise, he did the job so well. We had already decided that we would praise him for every single small work that he would do. That did the trick. He then saw that he also had some good qualities. He started to come out of his shell. In that trip, he ensured that every lady was so comfortable and became friends with each of them. We also ensured that they we ask "ask only Govindan" and hence all the ladies asked him for every small thing. It so happened that this guy had minute idea of the place we were all going to.

    Hence, creating small situations like this can also help. Oftentimes, these guys have some good qualities too. Their pessimistic thinking might have happened only because of a series of bad experiences. Like having a bad boss every time in their careers. Even in different jobs. These things happen too. It will be great if we can do something about such situations. More so, when the world has changed and one single company careers are becoming history.

    Yes, we can change them to some extent. If such efforts do not yield results, simply forget it and move on to do far better things that we always have on our table.

  • #646843
    Once the same question when I had raised with my father, he replied to me as we also are carried with the intellects & therefore the best possible way to decide our ways in such situations & with such personalities is to take decisions accordingly. This is not possible to keep on ignoring because this could be your superior too. In whatever scenario, you are required to use your intelligence & go ahead with the profit making decisions.

  • #646899
    A pessimist, according to the Cambridge dictionary, is a person who thinks that bad things are more likely to happen or who emphasizes the bad part of a situation. That being the case, I doubt whether the author is a bit confused about what he wants to convey when the thread and his further responses are taken into consideration. This opinion of mine may too be, as per the definition and view of the author, construed as pessimism. But it is not so.

    Pessimism has got nothing to do with having or expressing a different opinion. It is the characteristic of entertaining a feeling that only the worst will happen. So, contrary to the assumption at #646755, a pessimist will not say that a dismal performance is brilliant. Even if he says that a brilliant performance is dismal, that won't amount to pessimism. It would be a pessimistic approach when even before the event is concluded, he maintains that our participants will lose out. Similarly, even when someone is being good to you, if you entertain a feeling that he can never be good to you, that would squarely fall within the ambit of pessimism. The reference to change of topic at #645875 is also confusing. Where does this change of topic come into the field of pessimism?

    The author wanted to say something else but the responses probably took a different direction. To conclude, I would say that being too optimistic is equally dangerous or negative as being a pessimist. Pessimism is no doubt a negative trait and one should try to come out of the shell and face life with optimism.

    "It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows."- Epictetus

  • #646929
    Pessimistic attitude is a state of mind; it's a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.

    Because it's a state of mind, we first of all need to understand what brings that state of mind. Is it a matter of choice? Can one decide whether to be a pessimist or optimist in a given situation? If one can decide, than why is not everybody optimistic?

    I believe it mustn't be a healthy situation to be pessimist or gloomy all the time. It must be a torture to remain melancholy the entire day and face even criticism sometimes.

    Am I responsible for my own state of mind? Or is it the result of my surroundings, my conditioning, environment, my upbringing, my relationship with people I live with, my education, my experiences?

    Who is truly responsible for the mental state we are in? It's a serious question.

    "If you want to make real progress, you must give up all ideas of personal attainment".

  • #647103
    This thread could have been locked if the author confirms that he has been convinced with the responses.
    "It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows."- Epictetus

  • #647104
    The author has asked a supplementary question at #646752. He has not yet received the answer.

    So, the author requests to keep the thread open till the answer is received, or till the stipulated ten days, whichever is earlier.

    "If you are killed in action, you go to Heaven. If you win, you rule this Earth (as beautiful as Heaven). That is why, O son of Kunti, take a firm resolve and fight!"-- Shrimad Bhagwad Gita

  • #647106
    Author's question was - How should we deal with perennially pessimistic people?

    My submission is – we should deal with them the way we would deal with someone who is sick; someone who needs attention & care; someone who must have suffered a lot all these days, someone who is finding it difficult to see things in an optimistic manner; someone who is missing all the beautiful things in life.

    We must see that their pessimistic attitude was not their choice. We must treat them the way an adult would handle a spoiled child. A child gets spoiled because he never had that intelligence to distinguish right & wrong. A spoiled child or a pessimist is a victim. They need love & understanding.

    "If you want to make real progress, you must give up all ideas of personal attainment".

  • #647115
    After all & at the end of the day business matters. In any of the organization different types of personalities exist which in some way responsible for the growth of that organization. For an instance when a manager is found to be rude with his subordinates which should not be the case but still the management is not taking the decisions of his termination because the manager is bound to be with the actions which is most required in order to carry out with his profile. The same is the case when we make a comparison with our social life too. You can't ignore with your neighbors for long or with your colleague in the office or with your surrounding because in one way or the other we all are destined to face such faces again.

    But the fact of the matter is that as some other let us down sometimes so this could also be the case that we too let some other down sometimes. In addition & in many of the occasions we could also be the irritating personality or a thing for others which we are not able to understood so far. But in the scenario that the author is still not seem satisfied or convinced with the views than It would be a good option to go ahead with the spiritual life & staying alone but don't we feel that being unable to deal with such individuals or personalities brings us to a place or a position wherein we are proved as more inefficient in comparison to others?

  • #647308
    #647104, please refer Zero tolerance policy.

    This thread is being locked now as the purpose appears to have been served.

    "It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows."- Epictetus

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