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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Quite an interesting topic to discuss about the last days of life on earth

    My dear Fellow ISCian,
    This is quite an interesting topic to discuss. There is an old couple staying in my neighbourhood. They have lost their only son, and their DIL is with her parents. At times, they discuss interesting things. One such interesting thing that was discussed today is - Who should leave the earth first? Should the husband or the wife?

    The old gentleman says," I want you to leave the earth first, because I do not wish you to suffer without me. You will have tough days without me. There will be no one to care you"

    The old lady says," No Darling, I want you to leave the earth first, because I do not wish you to suffer without me in your old age. How will you manage to do things. Who will cook for you?"

    The old man says,"I am a pensioner, I will live with my pension until death. I will employ someone to care me."

    The old lady says,"If you die before me, I will get family pension. I will manage rest of my life with that pension. I will also employ someone to care me."

    Members,
    Now let us discuss - Presume the oldman was not a pensioner, and the old lady is not likely to get any family pension. And no one to care them. They will be left alone.

    In such a state, what would be ideal - Who should leave the earth first, the old man or the old lady? And why?
  • #648188
    In such a scenario, the answer would be totally dependent on factors like who is healthier, who is mentally strong, who can manage themselves better without any external help, who would be able to manage the available resources better and so on. One would not be able to answer such questions generally. Each one of us has different backgrounds, capacities, situations, circumstances and so on and to give a general answer would surely create a wrong impression.
    For a couple who has lived together for years sharing everything they have and taking care of each other, it is a difficult question and most of the time you would find the answers (except for the pension part)similar to the ones given by the couple in the thread. The decision is after all not in their hands as they know and such speculations are merely one of their ways to spend time.

    'It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it'. - Aristotle.

  • #648189
    In olden days the wife and husband used to live nearly 100 years or more based on their health grounds and there is no pension or other income as such. Having more children in any family was the rule of the of land and thus understanding between wife and husband was immense and there is no money matter attached at all. But now the parents are looked after for money and there is sense of insecurity among the elders as to how they will live without the better half ? What I feel that wife should die first and that ends the misery of her and the husband would survive with ability to do so till some years.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #648193
    A very practical debate that most of us would face at some point of time. Whatever we plan, the true bond between a couple will make each one feel that the end should come without suffering and ahead of the husband or the wife.
    Reality is that, what has to happen will happen in due course unless, either of them decide to take matters in their own hands.
    Having seen the world and some real life situations, I feel, it is a huge emotional burden for the husband or wife to live the last few years of their lives without their spouse or partner ( however harsh is the argument and daily bickering between them).

  • #648194
    For anyone who is aged is supposed to be week for whatever reasons. The topic in discussion is about whom to stay alive in between the husband & the wife. The condition has been kept with no pension left for any of them which is for the rest of their life. I don't feel that this should be the case even with any of us. The normal individual can't even think of going ahead without any resources of whatever ways. It is simply not justifiable as I don't wish anyone to live longer without money & the resources. In addition, imagining is different but in the realities of life we have no control over our lives but even if we are given the choices then whosoever is stronger should live longer.

  • #648204
    If there are people in the family to take care of the elders then it does not matter much as to who proceeds to heavan first.

    In a different scenario when there is no one to take care then the one who is more healthier and capable should die later than that of his partner as he can better with stand the struggle in life.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #648207
    The point discussed has meaning if the elderly persons are loving each other and also feeling about other's problems if alone. These days we find different types of husbands and wife.
    Most of them belong to that category who love each other.
    In most of the cases one wish that the other goes first, since if the self is going first the other will suffer. This was the answer I got when I discussed this problem once with my wife. But I reacted the other way. As far as the financial support is concerned, both have no much worry, since both are pensioners.
    However, personally I cannot think about a situation without her. And she too is of the same opinion. Then what is the option?

    T.M.Sankaran
    Gold Member ISC

  • #648210
    This type of situations will not have a common answer. The answer will depend on the individual case. If the lady is healthy and if she is having sufficient money to take care of her, then the male going first will be a good option. It is my thinking. One week back the same discussion came between me and my wife. I told her that financially we don't have any problem and the funds we have can take care of us. But I feel for me it is very difficult to manage without her. She will be a guiding factor for me in many matters. I expressed the same view to her. But she differs from that and she says it will be better for her to go first. Like this, the discussion went long. But this a matter we don't have any choice. What has to happen will happen.
    drrao
    always confident

  • #648223
    Every lady on earth will desire this - "Poovodum Pottodum Poga vendum"- A Tamil saying which means the lady should leave the earth with a Kumkum (Thilak) on her forehead and flowers on her plaits. It means, she should die as a Sumangali, not as a widow. Only the Sumangalis are entitled to keep a thilak on her forehead and flowers on her plait. A widow will not be permitted to wear this. Therefore, the gentlemen too will like his spouse to leave this earth first with her Thilak and flowers.

    A man can easily survive without his wife, but it is difficult for a lady to survive without her husband. A man could marry another lady after his wife's death, but a lady cannot marry another man after her husband's death. Even at old age, marriage is possible to a man, but never to a old woman.

    Hence, It is recommended that a wife should leave the earth first, and her husband should see her off.

    No life without Sun

  • #648224
    Sun at #648223, how easily did you conclude that a man can easily survive without his wife. Is it really so? Men are so much dependent on their wives for almost all of their day to day affairs and only one's wife will give you that special attention and care. One may have children or relatives who may be caring and may look after you but you will surely feel hurt when you see that your priority level has changed; it will not be easy for a man to adjust and adapt to such a situation. He may do so because he has no other choice but he will certainly feel the absence of his wife each moment. And things would be worse if one is unwell or is not healthy enough to carry out his personal tasks independently. It is almost the same case with the women too. That is why I said that we cannot generalize this issue and will have to discuss or decide on a case to case basis.
    'It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it'. - Aristotle.

  • #648225
    Saji,
    My single and simple point is that a man can survive with a second marriage and can have a wife replaced, while a woman cannot. This will clear your doubt.

    No life without Sun

  • #648227
    Mr.Sun, why a woman cannot marry after her husband's death? Is there any law against women marrying for the second time? These days such things are happening.
    " Be Good and Do Good "

  • #648229
    Mr. KVRR,
    Generally, an old man can marry, but an old woman will not like to marry. It is the beauty of the society in which we are. While men can get married with the younger ladies, old women cannot look for the young men, but only the man elder to her, which is not possible for all.

    No life without Sun

  • #648230
    Mr.Sun, now there are matrimonial sites for senior citizens. Many a widowed woman of over 60 years got married and living happily. Times have changed.
    " Be Good and Do Good "

  • #648234
    Instead of discussing who should die first the couple should together chalk out survival plans for the one who survives. Discussing death is not going to serve any practical purpose.

    If the couple is financially stable they can think of moving into a retirement home, where they can live together until one of them passes on. The other will have the company of the others in the retirement home.

    If they choose to continue living in their own home, they must be prepared for the problems that the surviving partner will face on the demise of the spouse. Financial independence is one aspect of life. But, life is not about money alone. One needs companionship, at every age, as well as someone to care for the day to day needs. There will be days of sickness and loneliness, how will the partner tide through those difficult days? They need to have a roadmap for that.

    You should advise them against discussing something that is futile. Death is inevitable, they need to plan ahead, so the surviving partner can carry on living, without problems.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak." -Michael Garrett Marino


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