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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    How should masti and mazaak be defined?

    "Boys will be boys".

    "Ladke masti hi karenge, aur kya karenge?" (boys will do such fun, what else?)

    "Thoda mazaak karenge hi, woh to ladke hein." (some fun they will do, naturally, they are, after all, boys.)

    These are remarks made when eve-teasing, molestation and rape is reported. These are inappropriate remarks made not necessarily by politicians, but also, as reported in the media, by the school management where such incidents occur.

    Isn't it appalling that cases of eve-teasing, molestation and rape are laughingly dismissed in this manner as being just "fun"? Why is it, as implied in the statements, that it is a "given" behavioural trait or characteristic activity of a boy?

    Enough is enough! Whether it is a passing touch, feeling up, fondling, teasing comments, or physical attack - it is NOT fun or funny; it is neither masti nor mazzak; and it definitely is NOT to be considered as a 'normal' and 'appropriate' for boys/men to do.

    When a little girl comes home crying, reporting a boy fondled her on the school bus, parents should take it seriously. When a student shares a horrid experience with her school counsellor or mentions it to a teacher or directly to the Principal, it should be taken seriously. Don't be dismissive, that it was just a typical 'boy thing to do'. Instead, register a formal complaint and take stern action against the offender(s). The more dismissive we are, the bolder the boys/men become. Don't defend them and their actions, ever.
  • #648725
    It is no way acceptable making such remarks when eve-teasing, molestation and rape is reported. This type of irresponsible remarks will encourage the boys/men to do such acts again and again. When such complaints were made by any student in the school, the school management should take them seriously and they should see that the culprit will be punished. This act of management will infuse confidence in the students about the management and the parents will also never hesitate their wards to get admitted into such schools. Otherwise, the school will lose its reputation and suffer badly. The parents of the boys also should take seriously the behaviour of such male children and see that they will come into line and behave properly. If a serious action is taken on one culprit such actions will never get repeated in the schools. This is the duty of the parents, management and the society to protect girls from the abuse of boys/men.
    drrao
    always confident

  • #648727
    Ladkiyam bi tho Masti aur Mazaak karthe Hain. Claiming equality that girls are not less than the boys, the girls do make fun of the boys. There are lady Dadas(Dadis) and Gundas(Gundis). Making simple Masti and Mazaak should not be taken very seriously. But serious Mastis and Mazaaks should be taken very seriously and handled seriously. Girls do enjoy Masti and Mazaak. There should not be any physical harm by Masti and Mazaak to any sex. Masti and Mazaak should be limited to words, but not action.
    No life without Sun

  • #648729
    In this part of the world we are living with fear as we have to take care of our girl child with great nurture and watching like a eagle and be alert all the time. We cannot believe the auto driver with whom the child can be sent to school, we cannot believe the male teacher at the school, we cannot believe the tuition teacher if he is a male. So there is suspicion lingering in our mind over miss behavior of people against our girl child. So it is the society which should also cooperate and confront any atrocity on any girl child , then only wrong doers will have some fear factor and keep away from crimes.
    K Mohan
    'Idhuvum Kadandhu Pogum "
    Even this challenging situation would ease

  • #648731
    It's a terrible way to defend those boys who are the perpetrators of this heinous crime against girls/women. It is not at all funny or a kind of masti in any way and severe punishment must be meted out to these persons who are involved in these crimes against women and little girls.

    There is a tendency among few classes of people in our society to look down on women and encourage boys for all their actions. To these classes, women are temporary guests in family and they think marrying off the women is the only duty of the parents. This attitude among people must change and I feel all sensible people in the society have a role to play to change this attitude. These people, who feel women are just guests in their family, do not take the molestation cases seriously and hence it is not reported. A way may be devised by counselling the parents of every girl child. If parents are not aware then this ignorance will continue.

    There are lots of awareness programs going on for girl child education and women are progressing in every sector but unfortunately crime against women and cases pf sexual harassment are on the rise. We need to do a lot to change the mindset of the society. On one hand we are talking about the equality of women, we must also create awareness among people to respect women equally and treat them as a fellow human being. Women also have a bigger role to play in her own family, which needs to be understood by everybody.

    The most important thing is the punishment for every reported crime. There are strict laws to deal with sexual harassment cases but it takes a lot of time to announce the punishment. All sections of the society must work in a cohesive way to get rid of this crime.

    Sankalan

    "Life is easier when you enjoy what you do"

  • #648733
    Why are we not able to see that these are often the remarks made by the politicians & not in general? Although I have never agreed to these kinds of cultures but saddened to read the opinion of the author that, "The more dismissive we are, the bolder the boys/men become". The author is requested to clarify that she doesn't mean this in general.

  • #648736
    In addition to my above comments (#648733), I would also like the view of the author about how the actions of those girls & women can be justified who goes on taking advantage of being feminine & file wrong complaints & cases against their opposite sex. This is no hidden fact that society is getting more open now & I mean in general & there is no denying of this fact or limited to any sex.

  • #648737
    Sun - "Making simple Masti and Mazaak should not be taken very seriously." - really? Who has the right to take the decision of what is simple and what is not? The offender? His parents? The ones in the know who knew about the act and did nothing because it was 'simple'?

    Your comment "Masti and Mazaak should be limited to words, but not action." is equally appalling. Inappropriate comments in the name of fun thrown directly or in passing is Ok? Seriously?

    Sankalan - everyone talks about counselling the girls. What about the responsibility to have a serious talk with the boys that it is not Ok to behave like that?

    Ved Prakash - Please do not take the topic off-track and talk about wrong complaints about the opposite gender. The topic of this thread is about not condoning certain acts on the ground that it is perfectly Ok as the acts are done by boys and is considered to be 'normal' behaviour for them to do.

    And no, the remarks are not all made by politicians is what I am pointing out, based, as I said, on media reports of a school's official making one such remark, dismissing the feeling up of a girl by a boy in the school canteen.

    By getting bolder, I meant that the offender is likely to repeat the activity and also that, by being dismissive, it can incite another person to do the same, knowing that so-and-so person got off so why not he?

    When people come at you with their worst, you should come at them with your best (advice given to Selena Gomez by her mother, quoted in Time magazine.)

  • #648738
    Vandana,
    I mean the Masti and Mazaak between the boys and girls in schools, especially in class rooms of co-education are generally simple and for fun. But a Masti and Mazaak in the public with stranger girls and boys is always considered to be very serious. Such a public Masti and Mazaak should be reported and action to be taken.

    No life without Sun

  • #648739
    Vandana / #648737, So for a fistful of incidences & the general opinion has been framed with the impression of eve-teasing, molestation and rape by the so called "boys". In the source of this thread, you also included the remarks, "as reported in the media", but the media revolves around their TRP only & this includes as many twists & turns as required in order to keep the interest of the viewers because this simply attached to their revenues & therefore do you feel this as reliable with facts of ground realities?

    For my personal belief this is the result of past & how the individual has grown-up during the course & this got nothing to do with any particular sex or group.

  • #648742
    No normal parents would be calm after hearing their daughter cry, let alone saying "Boys will be boys". Parents aren't being dismissive here. Some elite elders are. Panchayat heads in low tiers and Members of parliament in greater tiers. And we cannot blame this on these mindless politicians either.
    This is the product of a thinking that has run in our veins for years. Abduction was seen as valor until recently in this sinful country. How can we think such a country would magically accept women as equals and tolerate their progress?
    The men of this nation are wrong at so many levels. Their targets now have encompassed not only young women but infants and animals too. How gross! How horrifying! It is shameful to be a man in a country filled with vices like these.

    The stronger a light shines the darker are the shadows around it.

  • #648754
    Whether it is due to male ego or male dominance we never agree to the fact that any offending move from male side is inexcusable.

    It is an unfortunate situation and until unless all of us unite for this cause and help in nabbing the culprits for their apparently fun activities, no development is possible in this front.

    Govt is there for maintaining law and order but unless the public cooperates and supports in these matters, how can we eradicate this menace in society.

    Awareness and active participation of social groups is required if we really want these offenses to be fully removed from our society.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #648817
    #648737 @ Vandana Madam, I have opined in my reply that the parents, who think that girls are just guests in the family and had to be married off need counselling to change their mentality. Of course the boys must be taught by their parents about how to behave with girls and also what classifies as grossly unjustified behaviour with criminal intention. We need to change the mindset of the society as a whole and to do that severe punishment has to be meted out in each case.
    Sankalan

    "Life is easier when you enjoy what you do"

  • #648835
    My response is to Ved Prakash Anand's comments –

    You cite an example and ask how the actions of women can be justified. Really! Is that the only response you could come up with? Why did you choose to draw these parallels? It is obvious that you are blissfully unaware of the stark realities. Do you have the numbers of the false cases registered against men? Are they anywhere close to the numbers of real reported cases of violence against women? Rape, Acid Attacks, Molestation, Murders, Blackmail, Physical Abuse, Incest, Trafficking, Kidnapping – the list of offences is long.

    It is a shame that you question the author on her observations, without understanding the gravity of the situation. You have to be a woman to understand the trauma that women face; if not, at least be sympathetic to the issues. It is not difficult to be humane and to stand in support of the right causes. But, for that, we have to have our hearts in the right place.

    What politicians say gets highlighted, but what they say is also the opinion of the masses. Yes, they say what people like you, want to hear. You sought justifications of what someone else has done in an attempt to quash the real issues being questioned. It is a divisive policy, lessons learnt from politicians, perhaps.

    Your mention of 'media' and its 'TRP' indicates your lack of knowledge of the term 'media'. I am being ruthless here because I feel I have to; especially in the wake of your comments that reek of misogyny, yet make no sense. The term 'media' is not limited to the 'idiot box', there is also the print media, which has to be read. Not everyone watches channels that run after TRPs and promote themselves as the No:1 news channel. Some of us watch channels that report the authentic news. Not everyone is a fan of the 'tamasha' that unfolds on news channels, in the name of journalism.

    "Fistful of incidences" - I think 'incidents' is what you meant – nevertheless, it's interesting that you made such an innuendo; after you made us believe that only politicians make unintelligible remarks. Is it ignorance or plain chauvinism that made you refer to the incidents thus?

    I have yet to come across a woman who has not been subjected to some form of sexual abuse. So, wake up to the reality, the problem is bigger than you can imagine.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak." -Michael Garrett Marino

  • #648836
    Ved Prakash,

    When I referred to the media, I was talking about newspaper reports which cited what the parents of the student was told by the school management. I believe the parents and I believe the newspaper's journalist who got the facts.

    And, no, you cannot dismiss such acts as fistful. Not only are there plenty of such cases, likely many which are brushed under the carpet due to fear of repercussion or shame, does it really matter if it is just one case or a fistful as you call it? Consider the one case where a boy put his hand in the girl's skirt in the canteen. Surely it is an offence and it is wrong to dismiss it as being a tease, say, between school students, and that it is Ok for the boy to have done it since it was 'masti'. The boy should be rusticated.

    When people come at you with their worst, you should come at them with your best (advice given to Selena Gomez by her mother, quoted in Time magazine.)

  • #648903
    In the first place & as I have already communicated that I am not in agreement with any of such incidences of whatsoever intensity & must be dealt with strong actions which is required or as we may feel demanding with respect to the circumstances but what I am objecting is the generalized opinion in context to one sex. There is no denying the fact that violence & injustices against woman are far in numbers then what is being found on government records but creating an atmosphere of generalizing this to all the male population or targeting a particular sex is what should be objectionable.

    I made an objection for the statement in the main thread which read as, "The more dismissive we are, the bolder the boys/men become", but I don't find any objection when we understood that, "By getting bolder, I meant that the offender is likely to repeat the activity and also that, by being dismissive, it can incite another person to do the same, knowing that so-and-so person got off so why not he? (#648737) but again the term being used of "he". Why can't we go ahead with the term "offender" who so it may be. In addition, for using the terms, "fistful of incidences", how often we come across of the below terms,

    "Boys will be boys".

    "Ladke masti hi karenge, aur kya karenge?" (boys will do such fun, what else?)

    "Thoda mazaak karenge hi, woh to ladke hein." (some fun they will do, naturally, they are, after all, boys.)

    Do we feel that the above are the much used terms being used routinely by the specific section of society, more specifically by man? No, this can't be the case or in other words this never possible. These only being uttered by the rustic, uneducated, unsocial or uncivilized layers of the society who have lost their importance but still want to continue to be into limelight by using fake identities & with some cheap practices & this could be anyone. This should be understood & not to be put into some predetermined & generalized format or else our efforts would only result into some partial improvements which might not continue for longer time periods.

  • #648907
    My response is to Juana's comments –

    I am not justifying the injustices of any kind or to anyone & the same have been misunderstood completely. I had few objections & I have tried to clarify the same in my submission "#648903" & therefore I don't feel the need for any further clarifications on your comments.

    In addition, I wasn't expecting few of the things which I have covered within the inverted commas.

    (#648835)

    [What politicians say gets highlighted, but what they say is also the opinion of the masses…..

    "Yes, they say what people like you, want to hear".

    "You sought justifications of what someone else has done in an attempt to quash the real issues being questioned".

    "It is a divisive policy, lessons learnt from politicians, perhaps."]

    I don't know about how much you know about me but I never make any personal comments but often we can't help others with their perceptions.

  • #648910
    If we don't teach our daughters to protect themselves physically or by any other means, this discussion has no meaning. Parents must teach the daughters to be physically able to handle their attacker(s). If it is not possible, they must use devices like pepper spray or various security app available on mobile phones.

    Forum discussion on this issue won't take us anywhere.

    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #648927
    The topic that has been brought up for discussion is more intricate than what we generally conceive. Hence, I am taking the liberty to put up my views in a larger context to make myself clear. I, and a majority will, agree with the author that any misbehavior to a female must not be dismissed as masti or mazaak, but at the same time, I hope the author will agree with me when I say that there may also be cases, like while being engaged in a friendly fight in a classroom or pushing each other while quarreling etc, that is just for masti or mazaak.

    Misbehavior, molestation or rape will never be categorized as suggested by the author by any normal person. We do find some reactions or comments of that sort but then those are made by a minority only and must not be accorded more importance than they deserve. If statistics of such remarks or reactions are taken, it can be noticed that they are made by people who entertain a clichéd mentality. I don't think anyone should take such utterances in its face value. All of us are aware of the seriousness of these kinds of unfortunate happenings and will never be influenced by such remarks. Politicians or school/ office management or even the parents of such misguided boys may try to justify a crime for their convenience but then the truth will always prevail.

    Today, we can see boys and girls mingling freely and they interact without bothering too much about the gender differences. It is good in one way because the feeling of being equal can develop through such relations. It is when some of them cross the borderline that the problem begins. A casual touch by a male friend may not be taken seriously by a member of the opposite sex and she may not object as a matter of understanding each other. It is only when she starts feeling bad about the touch that she will raise an objection. So, just as important is for a male to understand the limits within which he should remain, it is equally important for a female to react and object at the first instance she feels that the touch is indecent and is done with a malafide intention.

    So, it is important for both the male and the female to understand the limits and to remain within them. It is actually a kind of mutual respect for each other. Atrocities against women, I believe, have a psychological reason and we need to be aware of the same. I was watching the video (shot about two days before the incident and uploaded) of the miscreants who recently kidnapped and gang-raped a girl in Haryana and was convinced about my view on the subject. The way these criminals were performing in front of the camera clearly showed their psychic imbalance. It is in this context I say that the society should take note of such abnormal behavior or reactions, either in words or in actions, with the required seriousness and should be able to contain such people before something terrible happens. Parents, teachers, neighbors, relatives and all those who are acquainted with such people who comprise the society should feel responsible and should take necessary actions including medication to correct such persons. And most importantly, one should stop being a mute spectator. It may not be easy but we need to rise to the occasion and react to prevent any such incident; a small move from your side may be sufficient to deter a crime.

    Dismissing an atrocity or even an unwarranted or unacceptable advance to a woman is not acceptable and should be viewed seriously but at the same time, we should not be judgmental about the so-called general attitude of the males too. Only a fair game can bring in positive results as a whole.

    Sorry for the long response. Please note that my response is basically related to masti and mazaak and not to the more serious offences like rape, torture or sexual harassment.

    'He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.'- Elbert Hubbard.


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