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  • Category: Miscellaneous

    Should we encourage inter-caste marriages?

    We often see too many inter-caste love marriages happening all over the country. Some of these have become very violent, where the bride or the bridegroom have been brutally murdered.

    Even where the wedding goes on smoothly, there have been huge problems, due to different cultures. The girl does it very difficult to adapt to a totally different culture, one that is different one hundred percent from her own. The same boy who behaved so well during the love period, when everything seemed to be milk and honey flowing in all directions, would have gone on to create maximum trouble for everyone concerned. Parents on either side are caught napping, wondering what to do.

    Should we encourage these love marriages at all? There is one school of thought that caste is no more a barrier. However, this thought has its own problems.

    What do members have to say on this vital issue?
  • #649998
    There is nothing to encourage or discourage. Marriage is a personal decision (nowadays). If a person wants to marry outside his/her caste, he/she can do it. There is no legal obstacle in it. But in such case, if the marriage goes wrong, relatives generally don't come out to support or counsel the couple.
    Beware! I question everything and everybody.

  • #650000
    Who is the 'we' in this equation?

    What is happening in the country, in the name of caste and honour, is painful. We should hang our heads in shame, for the kind of society we allow to flourish.

    Your question is disturbing; it is not a question as such, but a kind of statement of what needs to be done. In that, it disgusts me. The question is inane and so inappropriate.

    Can you not think of another viable solution? Is a social ostracization of such alliances the only answer? Why not the education of people? Yes, I ask 'why not', in the same tone that you raise questions on other social causes. Why not the same enthusiasm about developing harmony towards this cause?

    What will you attain from discouraging inter-caste marriages? We should be standing against casteism instead of creating further rifts.

    It is weird that people find their honour is blemished if their children choose to marry someone from another caste or religion. The same people do not consider the shame and the stigma they bring to their family, when they commit a heinous crime, in the name of honour. They not only shame their own families but bring disrepute to the nation. What an ugly picture of society they help paint, for the world to see.

    So, please use the forum sensibly, to spread positive messages.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak." -Michael Garrett Marino

  • #650002
    I have only talked about the real world problems. Particularly, in Tamil Nadu, where such marriages have happened, the post marriage situations have not been that smooth at all. In spite of the best attitudes, we have seen certain adjustment problems. These are problems that cannot be wished away.

    Your Utopian ideas are fine, but society takes a long time to reform. There is no question of positive or negative messages. It is the opinion of the members that we are asking for. Without knowing the cultural undercurrents of Tamil Nadu in particular, I would advise you to refrain from making statements that do not hold water here.

  • #650007
    Caste is not a problem limited to Tamil Nadu and to say so is myopic. People have a habit of bringing out only those arguments which support their own narrative. There are many couples who have adjustment problems even within their own castes. And on the other hand, many inter-caste marriages are as perfect as they can get but they don't get any highlight in society since they don't support the current narrative.

    Inter-caste marriages are not Utopian ideas and we as a society have had a sufficient amount of time to reform. It is crippled ideas like the mentioned in thread description that holds the society back.

    And if the author only wants to discuss the people who know Tamil Nadu's culture he should mention it in his thread description rather than making an excuse to run from sound arguments.

  • #650012
    Mr Ankit since I can get to see what I see in Tamil Nadu, I have mentioned something. If you feel it is out of place, you can have your opinion. Thanks.

  • #650016
    It's an heart's affair and society shouldn't mess with it. If two hearts are intertwined, separating them on name of some invisible, incomprehensible barrier is not justified. To love and to be loved is what every human wants. Love is not even a want, it's a need. So I think inter caste marriages should be supported. They are hardly new in Indian society. We have Indian kings and gods marrying women of lower castes and vice versa. Why can't we look past our preconceived notions and take our ancestors as an inspiration..
    The stronger a light shines the darker are the shadows around it.

  • #650017
    There is nothing wrong in intercaste marriages. The problem comes when people attach too much importance to their caste and can not come out of their inhibitions.

    If people are not blind about their religion, everything is good and adjustable. The problem only comes in intercaste marriages where people are too much concerned for their religious attitudes and can not think of living without their religion.

    Knowledge is power.

  • #650021
    Caste should never be the barrier in marriages. Its of personal opinion one can like the person from other cast also.

    " It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not" ... Andre Gide

  • #650035
    I feel we need not discourage or encourage. It is none of our duty. The marriage is a personal issue which will have a big say on one's life. So the individuals involved in the tie-up should think themselves and decide. The young people are sufficiently wise enough to take the decisions which will be good for them. As long as both the people involved in the marriage should have a better understanding of each other and they should like each other and respect each other. The important issue here is an adjustment. If people can accommodate each other and they can adjust together no other factor need to be thought off. Caste or religion is nothing to do with the marriage.
    always confident

  • #650067
    #650002 –
    Was the response drafted by you?

    If you want opinions of people who spew views similar to yours, then you better find another platform to broadcast your sectarian sentiments. The forum is not a place to spread biases and intolerance. The members here are intelligent, as you would have observed from the responses; none has taken the bait.

    You wrote in a very parochial sense. Perhaps, solely concerning something which you have an emotional connect with. I made a broader observation, which impacts everyone.

    Reforms do not happen because of people who do not wish for them to happen. I am sure there is similar propaganda being spread through other media, in an attempt to prevent reforms – with people pumping narrow-minded ideologies that raise barriers between castes and religions into other people's brains – creating discrimination and disharmony.

    None of us has any business commenting on whom someone chooses to marry. Moreover, what happens between couples is not an issue that we, as a group, need to discuss. People have private lives, let's not interfere in their lives, in the name of finding solutions.

    And if it was opinions that you sought, as you mention in your response, then have the heart to acknowledge what others have to say. You are so confused, you contradict yourself by bringing in cultural undercurrents and advice to refrain from making statements. Know what you want.

    Here is a bit of advice that should come in handy when you raise another forum thread, asking for opinions. Not everyone is going to agree with your thoughts. If you have valid points, that strengthen your argument, put them across. Your argument becomes flawed when you throw regionalism into it. North Indian, South Indian, Tamilian …let's just keep in mind, that we are Indian, at least when on a public forum. Keep your regional loyalty and prejudices to yourself, please.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak." -Michael Garrett Marino

  • #650092
    #650067 How do you know that I have not respected the views of others? And when I talk about culture, it is the culture that I know of. It cannot be something that I do not know.

    It is great that you have talked about regional loyalty and prejudices. I do not need to add anything here. You have given me a certificate. Thank you so much.

    I think it is pointless trying to even discuss something that is so sensitive. Immediately you crucify the person with "regional loyalty". Fantastic. Keep it up. I will never ever respond even if you do so. I do not need any certificate from you, anyway.

  • #650110
    #650092 –
    How did I know you exhibited stark disrespect for other's opinion? It was fairly easy you see, you aided me with a response that came straight from the heart - "Without knowing the cultural undercurrents of Tamil Nadu in particular, I would advise you to refrain from making statements that do not hold water here." Had you respected my opinion you would have 'respectfully' continued the discussion.

    As a matter of fact, it was you who based your response on ill-founded assumptions. I should be asking you how you came to draw a conclusion about my knowledge on matters concerning the state.

    Well, it is difficult to go wrong when someone wears their heart on their sleeve, displaying their regional biases and loyalties.

    Sensitive topics need to be handled sensitively. Inter-caste marriages are not the problem, people's mindsets are. Find solutions to treat these bigoted minds – that would be a healthy discussion. Don't fan fires that will make an already prejudiced society more fanatical.

    "A love affair with knowledge will never end in heartbreak." -Michael Garrett Marino

  • #650131
    AB Sivakumar,

    Topics raised for discussion can often turn heated, may offend you and hurt even. Vociferous opinions, however, does not mean that one should put a full stop to one's views on the topic (as indicated by "I will never ever respond even if you do so". ) You can put a full stop if you do really have nothing more to add or do not wish to respond at all, rather than for the reason that some other members were very vocal about their views.

    May I suggest: It would be good to bring some more clarity to exactly what your views are. From the title and text of the thread it comes across that you are not supportive of inter-caste marriages, that, in fact, you wish to discourage it. Then you bring up the issue of some experiences which you have had locally in your own State. Hence, it is not surprising that some of the respondents would see your views as contrary to what you were trying to convey, that you are raising regional-based views only. If you wanted to talk about the reasons why inter-caste marriages are not supported and about why the caste factor continues to play a dominant role (from what I understood from #650002), then you should have phrased the title and the words of the threads' text more towards the stand for it rather than looking as though you do not encourage it (which is what 'should we encourage...etc etc implies). Quite often, it is the words we put down that create a major slip!

    When you make a commitment, you create hope. When you keep a commitment you create trust! ~ John C. Maxwell

  • #650132
    Yes Madam. Shall be careful next time. As such , it is quite difficult to take a big stand. I got what you are trying to say. Let me leave it here and not comment at all. I would rather keep quiet and work on something else.

  • #650134
    Regarding the aspect of "society takes a long time to reform." - yes, that is true. I think it is going to be tough to simply peel away layers and layers of inbuilt, ingrained views about the entire concept of caste and discard them forever. Why do some people emphasize on putting a person's caste as a basis for sharing water from a well, for a job, for a marriage? This enigma is likely something which will remain an unfathomable conundrum.
    When you make a commitment, you create hope. When you keep a commitment you create trust! ~ John C. Maxwell

  • #650261
    AB Sivakumar-ji
    My opinion is that we should not encourage inter-cast love marriages. Cast is a very dangerous barrier at many occasions. It is ingrained in our social fabric.
    Why and how the cast system developed in our society? Who introduced it? What was the purpose? Why this system not developed in other civilizations? How and why the so many civilizations collapsed? What was the environmental impact? Try to find answers to all of my above questions.
    Study the history of human civilizations in a scientific way, and then decide whether to encourage or discourage inter-cast love marriages.
    Science of history says same cast marriages are beautiful and are to be encouraged!!

  • #650346
    Inter caste or inter religion marriages are good in normal course of life. But the chances of misunderstanding are more. Many family problems are arising in following/ expecting practices by each other. The major victim/culprit here is mother in law. A friend of mine who is a pure vegetarian fell in love with a christian girl, got married without thinking about the eating. After marriage she forced him to eat non- vegetarian food and then the partition in mind starts.
    Marriage between two even loved for more period is getting stand before court for divorce/separation.

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